I'm sorry to inform you, but your mom is dead. It's physically impossible to have that many penises in a human body at one time.

So, I gets on the train tomorrow.

I know that some of you....*cough* tim *cough* will not see me because of poor communication and other obligations. So forget you, I'm goin to start my own holiday and you can miss out on the fireworks and the giant floats and the candy corn and the balloons and the Henry Kissinger Lookalike contests and the blasphemous indian rituals and the virgin sacrifices and the group orgies and the pool party and the petting zoo and the grab ass games and the Civil War reinactments and the confetti and the bear hunting and the moose sodomizing and the fishing trip and the carnival and the funny helmets with the lights on the top so everyone can see how much damn fun we're having and the endless booze.

And Ill call this holiday: Welcometaking. The anti Thanksgiving.