It's all the President's fault, I swear!
This is based on a true story. The names have not been changed to protect anyone. Fuck them.
Friday I had to take a pt test, which consisted of a lovely little run, some pushups and situps. I don't work directly on base, but only 10 min away, and I got done at 12:10, and my test wasn't until 1:30. Plenty of time to get to base, get changed, grab a bottle of high-quality h2o, etc.
So, I get in my car, and head towards base, in noon traffic, things get backed up, and noone on the East Coast knows how to drive, so I planned on being delayed.
I pull up to base, and pull out my Navy id, which is different than my work id.
Gate Guard: Hello, how are you?
Me: Just fine, thank you.
Gate Guard: (not even looking at me or my id) Okay, you have a good day now.
Me: Um, yeah, you too. (drives on to base)
When I get on to base, I notice the main roads are cut off, and there are Army guys with 4-wheelers and M-16s all around the place.
Maybe this is Armageddon, and no one told us at the other building...? I thought to myself, wondering why the hell I couldn't drive from Ft. Meade to NSA where my pt test was.
Driving around base, and realizing that there was no way in hell I could get from one point to the other, I called the Navy barracks to see if there was something going on.
Me: Hello, this is Petty Officer Goraczkowski, I was wondering if you could tell me what's going on at Ft. Meade, every road is shut down.
Guy: Petty Officer who? Goran...Gorazj...Gork...
Me: Whatever, it's not important who I am. What's going on?
Guy: We have visitors.
Me: Yeah? Who the hell is it?
Guy: I can't tell you that ma'am.
Me: That's dumb, I probably have a much higher clearance than you do, since you're answering the phone, and you can't tell me?
Guy: That's right. Have a good day!
Me: Grrr....bye.
Driving around to the interstate took another 50 minutes, when I see the gate traffic from the NSA gate go back 2 miles.
What the hell is going on? I have 20 minutes now to get through the gate, on base, park, change, check in, etc. Yay for being late!
After going through the main gate, I talked to another security guard, who was just about as helpful as an eggplant.
Guard: Good afternoon, ma'am. (looks at badge) How are you?
Me: Running late as hell, may I ask what's going on on Ft. Meade?
Guard: You have a good day ma'am.
Alright, fuck these people.
I drive like hell to the gym, where I see a guy I know get off his motorcycle, so i ask him "Do you know what the hell is going on here? It's starting to look like an M. Night Shyamalan movie.
Guy: Yeah, the President is here.
So, I run and change, and am exactly on the dot - 1:30.
Gigantic pt test guy: Where have you been?
Me: The President of the United States made me late by delaying traffic for miles and closing down the base. Take it up with him.
I did well on my pt test.
Friday I had to take a pt test, which consisted of a lovely little run, some pushups and situps. I don't work directly on base, but only 10 min away, and I got done at 12:10, and my test wasn't until 1:30. Plenty of time to get to base, get changed, grab a bottle of high-quality h2o, etc.
So, I get in my car, and head towards base, in noon traffic, things get backed up, and noone on the East Coast knows how to drive, so I planned on being delayed.
I pull up to base, and pull out my Navy id, which is different than my work id.
Gate Guard: Hello, how are you?
Me: Just fine, thank you.
Gate Guard: (not even looking at me or my id) Okay, you have a good day now.
Me: Um, yeah, you too. (drives on to base)
When I get on to base, I notice the main roads are cut off, and there are Army guys with 4-wheelers and M-16s all around the place.
Maybe this is Armageddon, and no one told us at the other building...? I thought to myself, wondering why the hell I couldn't drive from Ft. Meade to NSA where my pt test was.
Driving around base, and realizing that there was no way in hell I could get from one point to the other, I called the Navy barracks to see if there was something going on.
Me: Hello, this is Petty Officer Goraczkowski, I was wondering if you could tell me what's going on at Ft. Meade, every road is shut down.
Guy: Petty Officer who? Goran...Gorazj...Gork...
Me: Whatever, it's not important who I am. What's going on?
Guy: We have visitors.
Me: Yeah? Who the hell is it?
Guy: I can't tell you that ma'am.
Me: That's dumb, I probably have a much higher clearance than you do, since you're answering the phone, and you can't tell me?
Guy: That's right. Have a good day!
Me: Grrr....bye.
Driving around to the interstate took another 50 minutes, when I see the gate traffic from the NSA gate go back 2 miles.
What the hell is going on? I have 20 minutes now to get through the gate, on base, park, change, check in, etc. Yay for being late!
After going through the main gate, I talked to another security guard, who was just about as helpful as an eggplant.
Guard: Good afternoon, ma'am. (looks at badge) How are you?
Me: Running late as hell, may I ask what's going on on Ft. Meade?
Guard: You have a good day ma'am.
Alright, fuck these people.
I drive like hell to the gym, where I see a guy I know get off his motorcycle, so i ask him "Do you know what the hell is going on here? It's starting to look like an M. Night Shyamalan movie.
Guy: Yeah, the President is here.
So, I run and change, and am exactly on the dot - 1:30.
Gigantic pt test guy: Where have you been?
Me: The President of the United States made me late by delaying traffic for miles and closing down the base. Take it up with him.
I did well on my pt test.
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