Whose house? Goat's house!
This was an odd 4th of July weekend in Melrose. I guess it was bound to happen eventually, but it sort of snuck up on me. There I was, drinking beer and watching fireworks in Melrose. Doesn't sound very out of the ordinary, does it? Well it wasn't until about ten o'clock. That was when all the adults went home to pass out and all of the eighteen year old kids started pulling into town by the carload.
Aside from a few of the more hardcore drunks from my graduating class, I was the oldest person in the crowd. A 23 year old college grad drowning in a sea of drunk, underage girls. It was nearly enough to drive me to madness.
One of the wierdest moments was when I bumped into a girl I remember from one of my mom's Catechism classes. At the time she was in her late middle school years and I was in my senior year of high school. I barely recognized her, but once I did it gave me quite a shock. The little Catechism girl was just a shadow on the face of this woman. She had grown into a very bubbly brunette with a sweet smile (although the beer might have contributed to the bubbliness). The type of girl I could see myself dating but...wait one child-molesting minute! This is the Catechism girl you RETARD! She's only 18! Get your hands out of the damn cradle.
Very strange.
I ended up spending most of the night just gawking at all of these kids wondering where my underage drinking days had gone. The few conversations I had either began or ended with a request for booze. I had become one of those sad old losers we used to see at our parties back in the day.
No....fuck that! That may have been what it felt like, but that wasn't what was going on. I didn't just show up at some underage drunkfest, the underage drunkfest came to me! These little bitches came into my town, to MY party. Melrose is my house and bitches betta recognize!
And what do we call 18-year-old girls in Goat's house? FAIR GAME!
Appropriate Family Guy quote:
Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!
LINKDUMP:
That's one way to pick up chicks. That is such an Amish joke. Why the fuck can't that backwoods bastard get himself some internet? There are so many cool things I want to share with him.
Some real life vampirism. And what do we call real life vampires? Sick sons a bitches.
HA HA! Everyone laugh at France!
Aside from a few of the more hardcore drunks from my graduating class, I was the oldest person in the crowd. A 23 year old college grad drowning in a sea of drunk, underage girls. It was nearly enough to drive me to madness.
One of the wierdest moments was when I bumped into a girl I remember from one of my mom's Catechism classes. At the time she was in her late middle school years and I was in my senior year of high school. I barely recognized her, but once I did it gave me quite a shock. The little Catechism girl was just a shadow on the face of this woman. She had grown into a very bubbly brunette with a sweet smile (although the beer might have contributed to the bubbliness). The type of girl I could see myself dating but...wait one child-molesting minute! This is the Catechism girl you RETARD! She's only 18! Get your hands out of the damn cradle.
Very strange.
I ended up spending most of the night just gawking at all of these kids wondering where my underage drinking days had gone. The few conversations I had either began or ended with a request for booze. I had become one of those sad old losers we used to see at our parties back in the day.
No....fuck that! That may have been what it felt like, but that wasn't what was going on. I didn't just show up at some underage drunkfest, the underage drunkfest came to me! These little bitches came into my town, to MY party. Melrose is my house and bitches betta recognize!
And what do we call 18-year-old girls in Goat's house? FAIR GAME!
Appropriate Family Guy quote:
Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!
LINKDUMP:
That's one way to pick up chicks. That is such an Amish joke. Why the fuck can't that backwoods bastard get himself some internet? There are so many cool things I want to share with him.
Some real life vampirism. And what do we call real life vampires? Sick sons a bitches.
HA HA! Everyone laugh at France!
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