Novus Caninum: Being Part Two of the Biography of the Man Known Only as Cricket

Cricket's mother and father knew what they had to do: that had to create new dogs! They would use Aldus Vorwald's knowledge of biology and Victoria Manfred's proficiency with edged weapons to create the most spectacular creatures the world had ever seen! Three-pronged Daggerweilers and Fanged Poodles and NeedleWeiners who could shoot quills out of their fat, goofy bodies in all directions, as is done by the porcupine-o! The world would be a-spin!

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Dave, condolences. Feel free to lay it on us, brotha. Just pick up that card with the smiley face.

Yesterday at a retirement party downstairs:

WOMAN (older). You know who you remind me of?

ME. Who?

WOMAN. Harry Potter!

ME. Oooooh…kay. My glasses aren't quite thick enough.

WOMAN. But see!? You wear glasses!