Slimfast Experience
Yesterday I almost bought Frapuccino at Wal-Mart, but Alyssa pointed out the unholy extended family of vitamins in another breakfasty drink: (que heavy music)SLIMFAST. Well, I thought, how bad can a chocolatey "milkshake" drink be?
I popped the top and sniffed the drink on my way to work. If you'd like to experience this sensation, here's what you can do: Hop online and spend a few minutes creating a convincing profile for yourself, then go into an Iowa chat room and convince a few teenage boys that you're a horny little dirty girl and you want to do things to them that they can't imagine. You're going to want to spend some time here, because this part is key to the whole mess. Anyway, once they agree to meet you in the woods behind a local cemetary (any cemetary, it doesn't matter), you're good.
When they get there, you're either going to have to have a good wig or impressive skills with a net. A tranq gun might work as well. Ideally you can use the wig to lure them into one of the cemetary's mausoleums. Make sure to sit nearest the door. Try not to think about the rotting matter just inches from you. Once the teenagers start getting excited, get out of that place and slam the door.
You'll want to have a book of the occult on hand. Ready? Ok, now use that book to call up the Walking Dead. Go away. Come back the next day with a shotgun, fight your way back to the mausoleum, open it up, blast the fiends, and clean up the chewed brains and organs that are left of the teenagers. Put them in a cardboard box. Leave it out in the sun in the back dashboard of your car for three weeks. Then open it. This will simulate the smell of chocolate slimfast.
To simulate the taste, repeat the experiment but only leave the box in the sun for about a day.
I popped the top and sniffed the drink on my way to work. If you'd like to experience this sensation, here's what you can do: Hop online and spend a few minutes creating a convincing profile for yourself, then go into an Iowa chat room and convince a few teenage boys that you're a horny little dirty girl and you want to do things to them that they can't imagine. You're going to want to spend some time here, because this part is key to the whole mess. Anyway, once they agree to meet you in the woods behind a local cemetary (any cemetary, it doesn't matter), you're good.
When they get there, you're either going to have to have a good wig or impressive skills with a net. A tranq gun might work as well. Ideally you can use the wig to lure them into one of the cemetary's mausoleums. Make sure to sit nearest the door. Try not to think about the rotting matter just inches from you. Once the teenagers start getting excited, get out of that place and slam the door.
You'll want to have a book of the occult on hand. Ready? Ok, now use that book to call up the Walking Dead. Go away. Come back the next day with a shotgun, fight your way back to the mausoleum, open it up, blast the fiends, and clean up the chewed brains and organs that are left of the teenagers. Put them in a cardboard box. Leave it out in the sun in the back dashboard of your car for three weeks. Then open it. This will simulate the smell of chocolate slimfast.
To simulate the taste, repeat the experiment but only leave the box in the sun for about a day.
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