A Convoluted and Overwrought Proposal for this Weekend's Activities
My zombie senses must have dulled, because somehow I missed the shuffling, moaning approach of
LAND!!! OF THE DEAD!!!
Which unfortunately has chosen to attack our farmhouses on the most bizaarly busy weekend this month: Wells is here, Goathead is moving, Cricket was killed in that parachuting debacle. All I want to do is mortar myself into a little room with my computer and write horror and SF. But as a service to you, World, I come out and cast the rays from my sun-like countenance upon you. This is why I am sometimes called the Sun King. Also, the walls of my apartment are covered in mirrors and gold leaf.
Here is the schedule as I understand it:
Friday: Goathead moves to a new Goatpaddock, which is actually the Goatpaddock/Ryankaraokebarhomebase. This involves several large items of furniture such as the television. The godforsaken Mayan idol of a television. It’s bigger than my car. We could probably all raft on it down the Des Moines River. If we could haul it to the top of one of the downtown skyscrapers and toss it off, the impact would probably throw the Earth off orbit and plunge us all into an iceage from which there is no return!
Saturday: …nothing? In a tentative itinerary sent me by Goathead yesterday, tomorrow lookis like this: 2-5 pm something, possibly fighting zombies at the theater. 5 pm to 2 am is budgeted for wrestling tournaments in the new apartment.
However, this itinerary ignores the basic human need to eat pizza and watch Dawn of the dead before seeing the new movie. So my proposal is that 1) Wes somehow get up here Saturday afternoonish. If this involves fellating a trucker, or truckers, then so be it. Probably Amish could also be forced into coming. 2) Others get here. 3) Watch a zombie movie. 4) Watch the zombie movie at an early evening show—7ish. 5) After-ward, back to Goathead’s. This leaves plenty of time for wrrestling, pit fights, three man brawls, and the dreaded lawnmower rumble.
Mostly I’m concerned about Wes’s ability to fellate said truckers to get himself here, and Andy’s…well, I’m not sure. But he seemed set on that matinee. There are hot women at evening shows, Andy. And having their lives threatened by zombies will make them eschew frivolous things like clothing. ESCHEW THEM. I’m not even sure what that means.
Also Dave is about, but his presence is as unpredictable as that of sasquatch.
Oh, also at issue is where, if anywhere, we could screen a pre-zombie movie zombie movie. My roommate and I are in an awkward situation and she hates the undead. Unfairly.
If this idea is universally despised, I’ll mebbe go to Albia tonight to catch the movie. And I’ll take your precious Bil with me! Fuckers. You’ve all been warned.
LAND!!! OF THE DEAD!!!
Which unfortunately has chosen to attack our farmhouses on the most bizaarly busy weekend this month: Wells is here, Goathead is moving, Cricket was killed in that parachuting debacle. All I want to do is mortar myself into a little room with my computer and write horror and SF. But as a service to you, World, I come out and cast the rays from my sun-like countenance upon you. This is why I am sometimes called the Sun King. Also, the walls of my apartment are covered in mirrors and gold leaf.
Here is the schedule as I understand it:
Friday: Goathead moves to a new Goatpaddock, which is actually the Goatpaddock/Ryankaraokebarhomebase. This involves several large items of furniture such as the television. The godforsaken Mayan idol of a television. It’s bigger than my car. We could probably all raft on it down the Des Moines River. If we could haul it to the top of one of the downtown skyscrapers and toss it off, the impact would probably throw the Earth off orbit and plunge us all into an iceage from which there is no return!
Saturday: …nothing? In a tentative itinerary sent me by Goathead yesterday, tomorrow lookis like this: 2-5 pm something, possibly fighting zombies at the theater. 5 pm to 2 am is budgeted for wrestling tournaments in the new apartment.
However, this itinerary ignores the basic human need to eat pizza and watch Dawn of the dead before seeing the new movie. So my proposal is that 1) Wes somehow get up here Saturday afternoonish. If this involves fellating a trucker, or truckers, then so be it. Probably Amish could also be forced into coming. 2) Others get here. 3) Watch a zombie movie. 4) Watch the zombie movie at an early evening show—7ish. 5) After-ward, back to Goathead’s. This leaves plenty of time for wrrestling, pit fights, three man brawls, and the dreaded lawnmower rumble.
Mostly I’m concerned about Wes’s ability to fellate said truckers to get himself here, and Andy’s…well, I’m not sure. But he seemed set on that matinee. There are hot women at evening shows, Andy. And having their lives threatened by zombies will make them eschew frivolous things like clothing. ESCHEW THEM. I’m not even sure what that means.
Also Dave is about, but his presence is as unpredictable as that of sasquatch.
Oh, also at issue is where, if anywhere, we could screen a pre-zombie movie zombie movie. My roommate and I are in an awkward situation and she hates the undead. Unfairly.
If this idea is universally despised, I’ll mebbe go to Albia tonight to catch the movie. And I’ll take your precious Bil with me! Fuckers. You’ve all been warned.
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