Words of Wisdom from People at the Church Dave and I Attended in High School

“See what that says about God’s word? It’s a two-edged sword. That means she cuts both a-comin and a-goin.” – Hatfield, Sunday School teacher (Fatfield to Dave)

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“Come here. You want a dollop of this macaroni. Here, just have a dollop. Come on...” –old church lady, chasing me with a ceramic bowl of macaroni

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Harris: “And we stopped just short of those tracks. I heard the train whistle at the last second and hit my brakes and that train was five feet in front of my car. And do you know what I needed right then?”

Dave: “A new pair of pants?”

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And, of course:

Fatfield: “Intendo! You’ve got these little kids and instead of wantin to go play outside they jist wanta sit inside a-playin that Intendo! You know what? You take the ‘o’ off the end, and what do you get? Huh, what do you get?”

Everyone: “...”

Fatfield: “Come on. David, what do you get?”

Dave: “...”

Fatfield: “You take that ‘o’ off and you get “intend!” Intend! You see?”

Everyone: “...”

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“SHWWRARRRRRK!” –Fatfield hocking his hourly loogie into a handkerchief, in between reading Bible verses.