Customer Service -OR- People Who are Too Dumb to Dine Out
I just got back from Quizno’s. Had to walk. This is because I no longer have a rental. The car rental place, operated by the auto body shop, could only secure enough insurance dollars to get me a car for three days. This was supposed to be enough time.
And those three days were terrible anyway. In line at the rental car portion of the body shop, I was told that if I didn’t buy insurance, any damages to the car would be my responsibility. So did I want to pay the $13 a day with cash or debit card? I wanted to do neither. I told the bastard behind the counter that I would try to resist the urge to ramp the vehicle off of curbs, moving trucks, old ladies. He said okay, but if it hails I’d better get the car in a garage. The car had 263 miles.
It hailed that night. Alyssa and I were traveling across Des Moines, were on the interstate 20 miles from home, and the golfballs started smashing into the roof, into the windshield. They changed from golfballs to hamster skulls. Thwock thwock, son of a bitch. It lasted five minutes and finally stopped, and when I get out of the car there was no damage. Praise Allah.
The rental car people won’t give you a car unless they authorize your credit card for payment in case of accidents. They had to use my debit card, and there was this $100 authorization which would just begin to pay for any accidents. And my balance was somewhere in the 80s. As in less than a hundred dollars. This was pre-pay day, and I’d just thrown a bunch of money at the credit card sharks.
So I made sure to have the fucking godforsaken car back on time. The next day Alyssa would pick me up and drive me to pick up my car. But I got this voicemail from the body shop telling me that good thing I had that car back on time. And sorry, but whoop, they’d forgot to order one of the parts, so my car wouldn’t be done till Tuesday.
This was last Thursday.
So I’ve been riding with Alyssa. Tomorrow I have no idea how I will get home, because Alyssa works till nine. I’m thinking of offering dinner to Gote if he collects me (I think we get off around the same time..? in the same area) and transfers me to ankeny, or to anyone. But I’m still scouting for any Ankenites in my office.
Whoa! The purpose of this post was to do bitching of a completely different variety:
Walked to Quizno’s. Right. That’s where this started. Soon as I walked in I noticed the two skuzzy hip hoppin girls at the end of the line. They were ordering in a manner like:
“Two double steak and cheeses. Regular. No, both regular. Wait. What do you want? Regular? Regular. No, small. Make that a small. No, one regular and one small. Actually, I’ll eat the rest of yours. Make them both regular.”
And then they turned and took the order of the woman who was too large to stand in line by herself. She sat in the back, sat around the table, flowing around it. They finally got their order in. A few minutes later at the register controversy erupted because the clerk thought they only had two sandwiches, not realizing that the large woman’s was also on their ticket.
ONE OF THE HIP HOPPING WOMEN: (pointing) That’s my sandwich.
CLERK: I just gave you the two sandwiches. (She’s this short asian girl who never ever stops smiling. She was born to run a cash register. Actually, that’s terrible. She’s too good for this)
OOTHHW: (upset) That’s my sandwich. This is my damn sandwich.
CLERK: Wait, you had three sandwiches?
OOTHHW: I just told you, that’s my SANDWICH.
CLERK: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t ring it in.
OOTHHW: Well, give me the sandwich.
CLERK: I’ll need to ring it in. I’m sorry.
OOTHHW: You’re telling me it costs $21.46 for two sandwiches?
CLERK: Yeah. I only rang in the two.
OOTHHW: And it costs $21.46? $21.46 for two sandwiches?
CLERK: Well, that’s two double steak and cheeses. Those are $6.99 a piece.
OOTHHW: So how does it cost $21.46 for two sandwiches?!
CUSTOMERS START BACKING AWAY. AUTHOR ROCKS BACK AND FORTH, FINDING THE MENU QUITE INTERESTING AT THE MOMENT.
OOTHHW: For two sandwiches!
CLERK: (not smiling for the first time ever, reading from receipt): $21.46 for the two sandwiches, with a large lemonade, a frappuccino, the bag of chips, the two cookies, and the bowl of soup.
OOTHHW: …Oh. Well, just a second.
GOES TO THE LARGE WOMAN AND RETURNS WITH A $100 BILL. PAYS AND RECEIVES ABSURD AMOUNT OF CHANGE. IS KICKED IN THE HEAD BY THE AUTHOR, CRASHES THROUGH PLATE GLASS WINDOW.
And those three days were terrible anyway. In line at the rental car portion of the body shop, I was told that if I didn’t buy insurance, any damages to the car would be my responsibility. So did I want to pay the $13 a day with cash or debit card? I wanted to do neither. I told the bastard behind the counter that I would try to resist the urge to ramp the vehicle off of curbs, moving trucks, old ladies. He said okay, but if it hails I’d better get the car in a garage. The car had 263 miles.
It hailed that night. Alyssa and I were traveling across Des Moines, were on the interstate 20 miles from home, and the golfballs started smashing into the roof, into the windshield. They changed from golfballs to hamster skulls. Thwock thwock, son of a bitch. It lasted five minutes and finally stopped, and when I get out of the car there was no damage. Praise Allah.
The rental car people won’t give you a car unless they authorize your credit card for payment in case of accidents. They had to use my debit card, and there was this $100 authorization which would just begin to pay for any accidents. And my balance was somewhere in the 80s. As in less than a hundred dollars. This was pre-pay day, and I’d just thrown a bunch of money at the credit card sharks.
So I made sure to have the fucking godforsaken car back on time. The next day Alyssa would pick me up and drive me to pick up my car. But I got this voicemail from the body shop telling me that good thing I had that car back on time. And sorry, but whoop, they’d forgot to order one of the parts, so my car wouldn’t be done till Tuesday.
This was last Thursday.
So I’ve been riding with Alyssa. Tomorrow I have no idea how I will get home, because Alyssa works till nine. I’m thinking of offering dinner to Gote if he collects me (I think we get off around the same time..? in the same area) and transfers me to ankeny, or to anyone. But I’m still scouting for any Ankenites in my office.
Whoa! The purpose of this post was to do bitching of a completely different variety:
Walked to Quizno’s. Right. That’s where this started. Soon as I walked in I noticed the two skuzzy hip hoppin girls at the end of the line. They were ordering in a manner like:
“Two double steak and cheeses. Regular. No, both regular. Wait. What do you want? Regular? Regular. No, small. Make that a small. No, one regular and one small. Actually, I’ll eat the rest of yours. Make them both regular.”
And then they turned and took the order of the woman who was too large to stand in line by herself. She sat in the back, sat around the table, flowing around it. They finally got their order in. A few minutes later at the register controversy erupted because the clerk thought they only had two sandwiches, not realizing that the large woman’s was also on their ticket.
ONE OF THE HIP HOPPING WOMEN: (pointing) That’s my sandwich.
CLERK: I just gave you the two sandwiches. (She’s this short asian girl who never ever stops smiling. She was born to run a cash register. Actually, that’s terrible. She’s too good for this)
OOTHHW: (upset) That’s my sandwich. This is my damn sandwich.
CLERK: Wait, you had three sandwiches?
OOTHHW: I just told you, that’s my SANDWICH.
CLERK: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t ring it in.
OOTHHW: Well, give me the sandwich.
CLERK: I’ll need to ring it in. I’m sorry.
OOTHHW: You’re telling me it costs $21.46 for two sandwiches?
CLERK: Yeah. I only rang in the two.
OOTHHW: And it costs $21.46? $21.46 for two sandwiches?
CLERK: Well, that’s two double steak and cheeses. Those are $6.99 a piece.
OOTHHW: So how does it cost $21.46 for two sandwiches?!
CUSTOMERS START BACKING AWAY. AUTHOR ROCKS BACK AND FORTH, FINDING THE MENU QUITE INTERESTING AT THE MOMENT.
OOTHHW: For two sandwiches!
CLERK: (not smiling for the first time ever, reading from receipt): $21.46 for the two sandwiches, with a large lemonade, a frappuccino, the bag of chips, the two cookies, and the bowl of soup.
OOTHHW: …Oh. Well, just a second.
GOES TO THE LARGE WOMAN AND RETURNS WITH A $100 BILL. PAYS AND RECEIVES ABSURD AMOUNT OF CHANGE. IS KICKED IN THE HEAD BY THE AUTHOR, CRASHES THROUGH PLATE GLASS WINDOW.
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