These are the voices in my head

Does anyone still listen to Mancow? I usually don't, but I happened to land my radio dial on him this morning.

Just before I got to work he had a guy call in and say that he was hearing voices. He acted like it was no big deal, like everyone has 'demons' who talk to them. Mancow was like...ummm....no they don't. They asked the guy if he had been checked for schizophrenia and of course he had not. He said he used to go to therapy for an anger problem.

So Mancow asks him what these voices are saying to him and all of a sudden the guy starts talking all jittery. "My wife. They tell me about my ex wife. They tell me to...you know...do things."

Mancow asks, "What kinds of things?"

"Hurt her. You know? They tell me to...to do bad things...bad things to her."

"Do they tell you to kill her?"

"Yeah. Well no. Not just to kill her. To chop her up...to kill her and chop her up and...and eat her."

"..."

So Mancow starts taking calls from listeners who want to give this guy advice, chastize him for being a sicko...ect.

And I was SOOO tempted to call in. At this point I was parked in the parking ramp letting the car idle and becoming increasingly later for work, so I resisted the temptation.

But if I would have called in, this is what I would have said:

"Hey man. Let me give you some advice. You see, I was in a situation kind of like yours and there are two things you need to remember: Olive oil and oregano.

You want to cut her into thin fillets and get a pan real hot. Then fry the ex-wife fillets in olive oil and sprinkle a little oregano over her. Don't cook her too long. Five minutes should be enough, or when the juices run clear.

Oh, and does your ex work out at all? If she exercises you might want to use a meat tenderizer."