Boom, you're shot in the face. Andy and John have already heard this . . . sort of.

I wanted to invent a new figure of speech:

"That's like fuckin a horse with a prosthetic leg."

And I'd say it in every circumstance. It would have no real meaning, so let's say I'm at the new central library, returning three books that are a couple months overdue, and some non-cute girl (an NCG-entity, or NCG) approaches me.

"Man," she says. "You are hot as hell." One hand strokes her hair while the other brushes her thigh. She is horny for me. Horny as hell. "Wanna help me locate . . . the romance section?"

Then I scoff and walk away. "That would be like fuckin a horse with a prosthetic leg," I'd say.

Or let's say I order a double mushroom pizza. I'm playing halo, playing halo, shooting everyone in the face, boom, you're shot in the face, and after 45 minutes there's a knock at the door. The pizza man is here, and he has brought me a cheese pizza. He offers to return the pizza and bring a different one. "Nah," I say, "that'd be like fuckin a horse with a prosthetic leg."

The problem, of course, is that you may wonder: do I intend to operate a prosthetic leg for the pleasure of a horse (leg as pleasure device) or do I intend to hunt down a 3-legged horse and "love" it (leg as assistive device, Unrelated to Fucking (UtF)?

I've found no way around this.