Today I Was Accosted by a Hobo -:- AND -:- Mom Swap!

I pulled out of sleep, looked out the window at the capitol building, and smacked at the Stop Request line. The bus driver stopped at the closest crosswalk, which is not what I intended, and I stumbled outside while fumbling with a pair of gloves, my phone, my laptop bag, a trenchcoat, a satchel, and a typewriter case full of Xbox and internet equipment. This guy about ten feet down was walking in tight circles, like a shark, swearing into the air. He was dressed in decent state worker sort of clothes, so I just thought he was on a cell headset, but when he said "Motherfucker! Hey! I'm talkin to you motherfucker!" enough times I had to turn around. And he asked me for change. And when I didn't have any—I really didn't—he called me a motherfucker again and told me I better stay the fuck away from him if I was gonna pull that kinda shit.

And then I clocked him with the typewriter case.

Not really, but . . . you can imagine. I'd collect his broken teeth and jam them into my own mouth while he writhed on the ground. "Look!" I'd say, and dance around, bloody teeth falling from my lips. "I have a surplus of teeth now! You loony bastard!"

. . .

When I saw the movie review headline, "New Potter is Not a Rotter" ten seconds ago, I suddenly had a fantasy of crushing a reporter's trachea with a closed fist punch.

. . .

Kevin, I'm thinking of spending my free time today pounding out the opening chapter of our hard-hitting text documentary, Mom Swap. I'm thinking we open with a personal story, told in the 3rd person, journalistic style, about one boy's experience falling into the social quagmire that is the Mom Swap. Then in the next few chapters we pull out for a wider view of the phenomenon.

It's too bad no actual moms would cooperate with this idea, because this would be a kickass video documentary.

A filmvideo documentary.

A filmvideo movie documentary.