Written by electronic zeppelin dispatch

In response to Dave's post: But you always talk about hating your family in real life! What about how you slipped lead chips into Julie's baby food, or rat poison into Gabby's milk supply? Or the time Ralph woke up and you were getting ready to castrate him with a cigar cutter? Or when your mom came home and you were microwaving Vader? Or when you microvaved HER. Or when you lured your entire family into the basement for a sample of a rare cask of Amontillado and then tried to brick them in for live burial?

You're a sick man, and I'll not be another silent strand in your web of lies.

In response to Kevin's blanket invitation to his home: As Sarah just arrived last night and already we've seen two movies, including the one you're watching tonight, I don't know if we'll make it. Also, she hates driving at night. Also, I have to do laundry. But I do want to see my Kevin. Are you going to hunt giant apes with us tomorrow night, if we still do that?

If anyone I live with is interested in going, you may see us. But I'm not bringing a pie over.

That will never happen again.

Fucker.

Pie fucker.

This morning andy gave me the gift of steak. In a tupperware tub.

I'm considering eating it at lunch. Everybody else will be swilling coffee and chewing donuts, and I'll be in the corner, hunched over a little pit, ripping a steak apart with my teeth and hands. If anybody asks, I found a mouse and cooked it in the microwave.

We'll be doing something for Sarah's graduation party Saturday night, so if you're in the DM area, you should come. (Not like that, you pervert.) Amish will be here to absorb all fate's misfortune, so feel safe.