Sexual Fantasies about Your Mother

Wouldn't it be sweet if we could start capturing squirrels around Des Moines and tying little red capes around their necks? We could do three, four a week, and by time summer rolls around there'd be a horde of squirrels scampering around downtown, leaping from tree to tree, crimson capes billowing behind.

Wouldn't it also be sweet if I were so powerful that whenever I left ANYWHERE I could just light a match, toss it casually over my shoulder, and set the place on fire? And nobody would say ANYTHING?!