pint.......ping........ping........ping.........ping.........

I meant to write so so much but now, man, my fingers don't want to move--and there's so much more to write today--so let me just distill my post into the following easily swallowed capsules, each chock full of the nutrients needed to keep your bones and muscles strong here in space:

1) Dirty dancing is probably the most loathsome film ever created, even more so than the Nazis' Triumph of the Will. The main character's name is Baby, for God's sake. Don't even ask why I know that. It's something I try not to think about. If I could sit at the kitchen table with a garbage sack knotted around my neck and use an ice cream scoop and a modified blade and motor from a blender to saw through my skull and fish around until I took out the memory of being forced, probably with Dave, to watch that movie at Meagan's sister's house, I would.

2) Um

3) ...

4) Shit.

5) This is the main thing: we really badly need a lawnmower. Our front lawn is a prairie. Settlers have moved in, and last week I caught Amish humping a buffalo out by the mailbox. I'm guessing nobody here in Des Moines just has a spare sitting around, but if you do...comment? Also, any pointers on where to find a cheap one? Do pawn shops sell these sorts of things?

End transmission.