Remind me to backhand someone...

POLICE BLOTTER 2007

Caller reported vehicle coming to town with two flat tires. DUMB

Caller reported while crossing railroad tracks, crossing arms started coming down and smashed into the boat he was pulling. No train coming. DUMB

Caller requested officer to help retrieve item mistakenly dropped in library book return. DUMB

Caller reported dog at large chasing a person. Officer unable to locate. DUMB

Caller reported his blue Ford derby car was missing from the fairgrounds within the last 45 minutes. Car had #89 on it. DUMB

Caller reported that his sister was involved with an accident overnight in which she didn¹t think there was enough damage to report but found there was. She also took down a weight limit sign. WEAK

Citizen called to report a fire behind a local business. An officer stated all was in order. It was a controlled burn. NOT FUNNY

Caller reported two males hitting each other at the reservoir. Officer responded. No one saw anything or knew anything. YES.

Citizen reported black Ford truck pulling a trailer at a high rate of speed. Officer advised the truck was going 40 miles per hours. DUMB

Woman advised her husband was breathing fast and shallow. (Please do this one and make it as amorous as possible) ...wtf

Officer responded to a suspicious person following a woman. It was found to be a subject applying for jobs at local businesses. ..doable

Officer responded to high school in reference to a fight in progress. All was in order. Kids were just playing. YES

Caller reported a fight in front of a local business. Officer responded and advised it was two cats fighting. DUMB

Caller reported juveniles throwing water balloons and she had almost been hit. Officer took away the balloons. ...not sure if want

Suspicious fire/juvenile trouble involving clothing and a dryer. YES

Anonymous female subject reported that some girls were lying in the road sunbathing. Officer unable to locate. MAYBE

What happened when Judge left the newspaper? The blotter got DUMB. I am going to request more. These...suck. We need more to work with. Unless someone, whose name may or may not rhyme with Tim Dicks, may want to rewrite these (read: TIM). Also: any word about Ryan helping? Or will he be a flamingo and not be around?

I never noticed flaming and flamingo are only different by the "o".