Cricketus Maximus

Aldus was sure that, given the success of their previous experiments, he and his wife could easily tinker with the DNA of more complicated animals. After the amazing Tigerbeetle ripped apart 23 people, maimed seven others and laid eggs in two, they decided to try an animal with more defensive capabilites, rather than offensive.

An animal with a sharp intellect, rather than sharp teeth. An animal that could take a beating, rather than administer one. Of course, at that time, they still believed humans were the most intelligent creatures on earth (the Dolphin Death Ray, unleashed three years later, would prove otherwise) so they spliced the DNA of a human with that of a creature who possessed a rock-solid exoskeleton: The noble cricket.

Unfortunately, due to Aldus' primitive understanding of cricket DNA, he accidentally used the strand that gave the cricket its chirping song rather than the strand that gave it a hard shell. So, after the child's long incubation period, they were stunned to find not a brilliant tank of a toddler, but instead a geeky kid who could make cricket noises.

....................

Dave, yeah, women. The bitches!

This song might cheer you up. I wish Amish could hear it too. I think he would appreciate it's deep meaning.

EDIT:

You'll never believe the headline I ran across after writing this post.