It's colonex or the garden hose, your choice.
I work with a woman (we’ll call her Karen, because that’s her name) from New Zealand and I’m going to hazard a guess and say this woman is the stupidest person who works here. At first I thought it was just a communication problem. She speaks with a thick accent and I can’t understand half of the shit that she says and she also wears a hearing aid and can’t understand half of the shit that I say, so our conversations usually don’t get very far. For the last few months, in fact, I usually just stare at her blankly until she stops talking.
It isn’t our inability to understand one another, though, it’s that she’s fucking stupid.
I learned this when I wrote, in plain English (which is a language commonly used in our department), that she had neglected to include an entire fucking section of manual pages in a job she gave me, and would she kindly find out where the hell they were spirited off to before the writer finds out that we’ve lost them and has us both impaled.
She brought me a photocopy of the section that I already had.
So, with full intention to use Nazi interrogation methods to divulge the location of the lost section, I stomped down to her cube. She wasn’t there, but I saw the section I was looking for sitting on her desk, so I took it, cursing her the entire time.
Ten minutes later, she comes down babbling her kangaroo jargon. Finally, after I decoded what she was saying with my koala ring, I realized that she was accusing me of stealing the section and blaming her for losing it.
I would like to see this woman torn apart by a herd of rabid Tasmanian devils.
And if she isn’t losing entire sections of work, she’s fucking them up so badly that I end up just giving them back to her with the words “entire section needs redone” written in angry red letters on the front.
What’s really sad is that she is almost neck in neck with three other people to get the “stupidest person in the department” award. I swear one of the writers has to be related to Nick. He can talk for twenty minutes without actually saying anything. It’s AMAZING! This guy would be a great politician. I’ve never heard him actually make a point. Whenever I ask him a question he somehow manages to circle around and cause me to answer my own question. I’m not sure if he’s brilliant and eccentric or just plain fucked in the head.
But, enough complaints about the people I work with.
Sorry about your grandma, Ryan. My condolences to you and your family.
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday
Josh isn’t coming. I don’t care who told you he was or how sure they seemed that their info was accurate, I don’t believe it. I’ve been told too many times that he was coming up here and been disappointed. I’ll believe it when I see it.
And I just have one thing to say about this weekend: Steak and Guiness Pie. I want it, I need it, and I will have it!!! Nothing will stop me! Let China send its undead hordes into battle against me; I will not be stopped!
And we need to get some of that colon cleaning stuff for Amish. I’ve never known someone in worse need of a colon cleaning. Just don’t get too close to him for a few days. You’ll be lucky to survive the fallout.
It isn’t our inability to understand one another, though, it’s that she’s fucking stupid.
I learned this when I wrote, in plain English (which is a language commonly used in our department), that she had neglected to include an entire fucking section of manual pages in a job she gave me, and would she kindly find out where the hell they were spirited off to before the writer finds out that we’ve lost them and has us both impaled.
She brought me a photocopy of the section that I already had.
So, with full intention to use Nazi interrogation methods to divulge the location of the lost section, I stomped down to her cube. She wasn’t there, but I saw the section I was looking for sitting on her desk, so I took it, cursing her the entire time.
Ten minutes later, she comes down babbling her kangaroo jargon. Finally, after I decoded what she was saying with my koala ring, I realized that she was accusing me of stealing the section and blaming her for losing it.
I would like to see this woman torn apart by a herd of rabid Tasmanian devils.
And if she isn’t losing entire sections of work, she’s fucking them up so badly that I end up just giving them back to her with the words “entire section needs redone” written in angry red letters on the front.
What’s really sad is that she is almost neck in neck with three other people to get the “stupidest person in the department” award. I swear one of the writers has to be related to Nick. He can talk for twenty minutes without actually saying anything. It’s AMAZING! This guy would be a great politician. I’ve never heard him actually make a point. Whenever I ask him a question he somehow manages to circle around and cause me to answer my own question. I’m not sure if he’s brilliant and eccentric or just plain fucked in the head.
But, enough complaints about the people I work with.
Sorry about your grandma, Ryan. My condolences to you and your family.
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday
Josh isn’t coming. I don’t care who told you he was or how sure they seemed that their info was accurate, I don’t believe it. I’ve been told too many times that he was coming up here and been disappointed. I’ll believe it when I see it.
And I just have one thing to say about this weekend: Steak and Guiness Pie. I want it, I need it, and I will have it!!! Nothing will stop me! Let China send its undead hordes into battle against me; I will not be stopped!
And we need to get some of that colon cleaning stuff for Amish. I’ve never known someone in worse need of a colon cleaning. Just don’t get too close to him for a few days. You’ll be lucky to survive the fallout.
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