Who is swearing? Bear is swearing? Oh, how can this be?

Last night--greatest Halo comeback I've ever witnessed. Tim and I were playing our first game of Team Slayer and it turned out to be the swords version of slayer, which I hate. Apparently the other two guys on our team felt the same way I did about it because they both quit out within the first five seconds of gameplay.

So it's two against four. Tim and I are outnumbered. As one might guess, we started losing our asses. We were something like fourteen down at one point. Then one of the guys on their team quits.

Two against three. The other team still seems confident that they have the advantage. But they overlooked one vital piece of information: They were playing the two baddest motherfuckers in the world.

It was close, but we pulled off a win within the last two minutes of the game. It involved a lot of swearing and then a lot of cheering. When it was over I really wished that I had a microphone so that I could taunt the other team with, "You guys look pretty funny with my sword stuck in your asses!"

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Yesterday I was in a meeting with some of the translators and we started talking about different translation jobs they'd had. One of the new guys used to translate at a hospital here in Des Moines. He said that he was instructed to translate everything the patient said, and even the noises they made, so that the doctor or nurse could get the best idea possible as to what they're saying.

He was very faithful to the patients; repeating every nuance of their speech. Then one day one of the nurses went to the translator's boss with a request.

"Could you please tell the translator to stop swearing?"

"He has a problem with swearing?"

"Yes, he swears all the time."

"When is he swearing? I've never heard him."

"He swears when he's translating for the patients."

"Well, is he swearing, or is the patient swearing?"