Are you sure you'll feel up to doing the follies, Tim? I mean, after your recent castration and all?
I'm not sure if we should simply castrate Tim, or if we should subject him to numerous other tortures before the climactic castration. Ryan seems intent on shooting him, many many times, with a bb gun, and personally, I don't see anything wrong with that. Let the punishment fit the crime, I always say.
I considered taking some sturdy fishing string and hanging Tim from a tree with it, by his balls. I think that would make for a good bb gun target. But I'm worried about the structural integrity of Tim's sack. I mean, flesh might tear under the stress of that kind of weight. It's too bad Tim doesn't have balls of steel. Balls of wood would probably work too. But balls of thin flesh? I have my doubts.
______
This morning, when I woke up, I spat in the sink and the spit was dark. This alarmed me because me first thought was, HOLY SHIT I'M SPITTING UP BLOOD! I was still groggy from my less-than-adequate slumber and still a little drunk from last night's drinking, so I wasn't entirely sure if it was blood or left-over long island ice tea. I couldn't imagine the iced tea clinging to the inside of my mouth for that long, but I really didn't want it to be blood. So I concluded that it must be iced tea.
I'm still not totally sure though. And this makes me...uneasy.
______
Back to Tim's castration.
I think the best way to torture Tim is to make him drink nothing but milk and water for the next six months. No booze or soda, just milk and water. But I don't see a good way to restrain him for that amount of time without keeping him from work and I really don't make enough money to be supporting captives. Captives have to get expensive. I can totally understand why prisoners in medieval times were only fed scraps of rancid meat and moldy bread. Who has the money to feed them good food? Not me, that's for sure.
I considered taking some sturdy fishing string and hanging Tim from a tree with it, by his balls. I think that would make for a good bb gun target. But I'm worried about the structural integrity of Tim's sack. I mean, flesh might tear under the stress of that kind of weight. It's too bad Tim doesn't have balls of steel. Balls of wood would probably work too. But balls of thin flesh? I have my doubts.
______
This morning, when I woke up, I spat in the sink and the spit was dark. This alarmed me because me first thought was, HOLY SHIT I'M SPITTING UP BLOOD! I was still groggy from my less-than-adequate slumber and still a little drunk from last night's drinking, so I wasn't entirely sure if it was blood or left-over long island ice tea. I couldn't imagine the iced tea clinging to the inside of my mouth for that long, but I really didn't want it to be blood. So I concluded that it must be iced tea.
I'm still not totally sure though. And this makes me...uneasy.
______
Back to Tim's castration.
I think the best way to torture Tim is to make him drink nothing but milk and water for the next six months. No booze or soda, just milk and water. But I don't see a good way to restrain him for that amount of time without keeping him from work and I really don't make enough money to be supporting captives. Captives have to get expensive. I can totally understand why prisoners in medieval times were only fed scraps of rancid meat and moldy bread. Who has the money to feed them good food? Not me, that's for sure.
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