This cat ate too many pizza.

Too many pizza!

That is the exact phrase I searched to find this cat, the number two result.

(NOTE:The cat who ate too many pizza didn't work out for us, so we had to find another less disgusting cat to fill in. The only other equally large cat I could find morphed his body into a page saying "image stolen from a bunch of hypersensitive losers." Sort of.)

. . .

Earlier this week an inquiry was made regarding Boggy Creeks. I tell you people, none of us have any damn idea what we're doing this weekend. But creeks are boggy and meant to be watched. Let us keep this possibility open.

. . .

Does anyone ever wonder what the hell is going on with sex? What's with you, sex? Jesus. Come on.

I'm writing a sex addiction report, and every time I glance at my screen: sex! I'm going to sites like www.sexhelp.com and www.sexaddict.com and www.beautifulblackbooty.org. Well, not the last one. But if this shit doesn't make the IT people take notice, nothing will. Supposedly they comb our records for odd websites worth reporting to management. And if we fuck around, we're dumped into the Yeti chamber. And there is no sex in the Yeti chamber. Not the good kind, anyway.

. . .

You people are never getting another choose your own adventure story again.