Slinnnnnnnnnnng
I know several people who are nostalgic for their childhood. To those people, I say: no. Never mind that no question was inovlved; I still say an emphatic no. Maybe you enjoyed your lollies, and your carousel rides, and the paddleboat excursions through Central Park, but my youth sucked:
1) I had one friend, and even if she did have an Atari that wasn't quite cuttin it. Although Pac-Man truly was his best on that machine.
2) My meals were entirely governed by my parents, meaning they ranged from pork chops to pot roast to hy vee chicken and back again. Lasagna was a treat, and gourmet food was two Hardees burgers and fries spread out on a plate with a puddle of chilled ketchup. Or castsup, if you will. But I won't.
3) Reading material . . . well, okay. I had the Young Indiana Jones chronicles and Ripley's and Strange: But True! and as much Goosebumps as I could stomach. This was the one good part about being a kid: books cost $2.99.
4) Do you remember how hard it was to get laid as a kid? Man, I didn't get one single piece of ass in elementary school. Any era where you don't get laid for years on end is not one to be fondly remembered, my friend. Put down the yearbook.
5) Video games were more unattainable than organ transplants. I had to scrounge in the laundry machine for days to gather up a horde capable of renting me Jurassic Park for the weekend; buying video games for myself was complete fantasy. I had to sell the fuck out of my toys, all at exorbient prices, to yard sell up enough cash for a SNES.
1) I had one friend, and even if she did have an Atari that wasn't quite cuttin it. Although Pac-Man truly was his best on that machine.
2) My meals were entirely governed by my parents, meaning they ranged from pork chops to pot roast to hy vee chicken and back again. Lasagna was a treat, and gourmet food was two Hardees burgers and fries spread out on a plate with a puddle of chilled ketchup. Or castsup, if you will. But I won't.
3) Reading material . . . well, okay. I had the Young Indiana Jones chronicles and Ripley's and Strange: But True! and as much Goosebumps as I could stomach. This was the one good part about being a kid: books cost $2.99.
4) Do you remember how hard it was to get laid as a kid? Man, I didn't get one single piece of ass in elementary school. Any era where you don't get laid for years on end is not one to be fondly remembered, my friend. Put down the yearbook.
5) Video games were more unattainable than organ transplants. I had to scrounge in the laundry machine for days to gather up a horde capable of renting me Jurassic Park for the weekend; buying video games for myself was complete fantasy. I had to sell the fuck out of my toys, all at exorbient prices, to yard sell up enough cash for a SNES.
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