The Jesus of suburbia is a lie
Albia makes me want to jump out of a goddamned window.
Right now, I'm in this kooky kind of limbo, where I'm not going to school, I'm not working, and I can't do either one because I'm leaving to do both in about 2 weeks. Which is also a very unsettling thought.
A little over 2 weeks.
18 days.
1080 hours.
64800 minutes.
3888000 seconds.
It's very strange to think how drastically different my life is going to be in that frame of time. Yes, at first, it's going to suck and I know that. But afterwards, I will be able to have copious amounts of doors open to me, and massive amounts of opportunities to me as well.
So, why is everyone telling me how stupid I am? How poor of a choice I am making, do I realize what the hell I'm getting myself into? Why don't I just get a job in Des Moines working as a case manager or social worker or something?
Because I can't, that's why. If I did that, I'd be hanging from a tree somewhere. I discovered that through working with my kids at Upward Bound I cannot do either one of those things. I get too attatched to my kids and I'm just not cut out to do that day after day. I can't do that and maintain a level operable sanity.
I'm just tired of people cutting me down, telling me how I'm screwing up, and how stupid I am, what poor choices I'm making.
I just don't know anymore, maybe this was a bad decision. I don't think it is, but I've been wrong before. I've got enough to deal with, and I don't need all this extra bs dumped on me. I have to pack all of my things in my dad's house, because he's moving 700 miles away. I'm just terrified beyond reason to leave for Chicago for basic, and no one is really making it any better. I'm depressed as hell, and I'm very frustrated, and all I hear is how stupid I am.
What the fuck.
Right now, I'm in this kooky kind of limbo, where I'm not going to school, I'm not working, and I can't do either one because I'm leaving to do both in about 2 weeks. Which is also a very unsettling thought.
A little over 2 weeks.
18 days.
1080 hours.
64800 minutes.
3888000 seconds.
It's very strange to think how drastically different my life is going to be in that frame of time. Yes, at first, it's going to suck and I know that. But afterwards, I will be able to have copious amounts of doors open to me, and massive amounts of opportunities to me as well.
So, why is everyone telling me how stupid I am? How poor of a choice I am making, do I realize what the hell I'm getting myself into? Why don't I just get a job in Des Moines working as a case manager or social worker or something?
Because I can't, that's why. If I did that, I'd be hanging from a tree somewhere. I discovered that through working with my kids at Upward Bound I cannot do either one of those things. I get too attatched to my kids and I'm just not cut out to do that day after day. I can't do that and maintain a level operable sanity.
I'm just tired of people cutting me down, telling me how I'm screwing up, and how stupid I am, what poor choices I'm making.
I just don't know anymore, maybe this was a bad decision. I don't think it is, but I've been wrong before. I've got enough to deal with, and I don't need all this extra bs dumped on me. I have to pack all of my things in my dad's house, because he's moving 700 miles away. I'm just terrified beyond reason to leave for Chicago for basic, and no one is really making it any better. I'm depressed as hell, and I'm very frustrated, and all I hear is how stupid I am.
What the fuck.
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