An interview
Greetings, Blog. If you have been wondering what I’ve been up to lately, fear not; I’ve taken the liberty of interviewing myself.
Dear Tim: What have you been up to lately?
Being goddamn brilliant. Aside from that, learning how to be a teacher. Yes, it’s true. Like Goathed, I will soon be teaching freshman who do not want to write reports, how to write reports. Why? Because my fellowship has dried up and now I’m a godforsaken real boy.
Well, that’s awful. How long has it been since you had to have a real job?
It’s been a glorious seventeen months. After IVRS killed my entire unit, I lived off government cheese and rolled around Des Moines all day with Kevin. Also, I nursed a Rockstar addiction and worked on a novel I would later scrap, only to start another one and scrap it as well. Ah, how I’ve wasted my time.
Is it true you no longer have hair?
Yes, I’m afraid. In case you haven’t heard, I had been considering cutting my own hair for quite a while. I’d done trims a few times, using a hand mirror and a pair of scissors. This time I went for broke with a razor and the scissors. I spent two hours in the bathroom and periodically opened the door just enough to talk to Cricket. What I got wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t too bad. I let Dave’s friend Allison attempt a fix, and it was better in parts and worse in others. After that I told Wes to fix it all (see: Jamestown, other apocalypse-oriented decisions) with clippers and man, he only did exactly what I asked, but I wish I could go back in time because now I’m damn near bald and impatient as hell for this shit to grow back. Why does it take so long? Why?
So you have internet access again. Any comments on these police reports?
Yes.
. . ?
At the start of this post, I’d planned to offer ideas for each of these reports; however, I’ve since determined that this could better be done in person. These reports aren’t that great but they can be blown up by Andy and Dave. I just reviewed, right there in that white space (or black space, I guess) between sentenced, and some are horrible. But I don’t know…maybe we can get more. Maybe.
At least it’s a one-night engagement.
So are you awake enough to edit this?
Eff no, I’ve got to get up at eight in the damn morning.
Dear Tim: What have you been up to lately?
Being goddamn brilliant. Aside from that, learning how to be a teacher. Yes, it’s true. Like Goathed, I will soon be teaching freshman who do not want to write reports, how to write reports. Why? Because my fellowship has dried up and now I’m a godforsaken real boy.
Well, that’s awful. How long has it been since you had to have a real job?
It’s been a glorious seventeen months. After IVRS killed my entire unit, I lived off government cheese and rolled around Des Moines all day with Kevin. Also, I nursed a Rockstar addiction and worked on a novel I would later scrap, only to start another one and scrap it as well. Ah, how I’ve wasted my time.
Is it true you no longer have hair?
Yes, I’m afraid. In case you haven’t heard, I had been considering cutting my own hair for quite a while. I’d done trims a few times, using a hand mirror and a pair of scissors. This time I went for broke with a razor and the scissors. I spent two hours in the bathroom and periodically opened the door just enough to talk to Cricket. What I got wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t too bad. I let Dave’s friend Allison attempt a fix, and it was better in parts and worse in others. After that I told Wes to fix it all (see: Jamestown, other apocalypse-oriented decisions) with clippers and man, he only did exactly what I asked, but I wish I could go back in time because now I’m damn near bald and impatient as hell for this shit to grow back. Why does it take so long? Why?
So you have internet access again. Any comments on these police reports?
Yes.
. . ?
At the start of this post, I’d planned to offer ideas for each of these reports; however, I’ve since determined that this could better be done in person. These reports aren’t that great but they can be blown up by Andy and Dave. I just reviewed, right there in that white space (or black space, I guess) between sentenced, and some are horrible. But I don’t know…maybe we can get more. Maybe.
At least it’s a one-night engagement.
So are you awake enough to edit this?
Eff no, I’ve got to get up at eight in the damn morning.
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