Sarah: You love posting conversations ALTERNATE TITLE: The weather does weird things to his schlong. ALTERNATE TITLE: OMG LOL to the MAX

Sarah:  i want to play the violin
 Sent at 4:03 PM on Tuesday
 me:  maybe you should!
http://cgi.ebay.com/Student-Violin-by-Crescent-NEW-SAME-Day-FEEE-Shipping_W0QQitemZ250302542024QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item3a4731b0c8&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A12|66%3A2|39%3A1|72%3A1205|240%3A1309|301%3A1|293%3A1|294%3A50
 Sarah:  i bet that is a scam
it's too cheap
 Sent at 4:05 PM on Tuesday
 me:  they've got 99% opsitive feedback
it's probably just very junky
and used
man
can you imagine

 me:  it would be the best party prop EVER
except for a wheelchair
 Sarah:
we'd have no place for a wheelchair
 me:  i know
if we had a bigger place it would actually be pretty nice
you could use it as a regular chair
and wheel it around as needed
like
well guess i'll sit close to the tv and play some l4d2
guess i'll wheel ol' spokes over here
and tuck a bottle of whiskey into the saddlebag
woudn't that be an insulting name to call someone?
"Have a seat, Saddlebags."
 Sarah:  we can call amish that
 me:  i agree
and pretend like there's a very specific reason we call him that
so that he wonders why

i'm gonna buy that violin when ig et some money

 Sarah:  i have heard they are hard to play

 me:  it would be fucking great

 Sarah:  but i would try- a lot harder than guitar

 me:  i'd be like, pour me a margarita! And I'll play this violiln

 me:  and we could talk it up like it's a $3000 instrument

 me:  and then i'd just toss it to a drunk
and it would break
and i would scream like a demon
throw a chair through the window
light the couch on fire
go otuside and slash tires
 Sarah:  say you won it from the devil
 me:  and then be like
"just kidding"
HELL YES
 Sarah:  in a fiddling contest
 me:  that suggestion
 Sarah:  we can spray paint it gold
 me:  gets the gold star for the day
 Sarah:
 me:  FUCKING PERFECT
Just all casual like
I'd be like
 Sarah:  then kevin can sing the song
 me:  "Yeah, that's my violin"
and they'd be like, you play violin?
and I'd be like well, no. But Sarah won it from the devil in a fiddling contest

would a spray-painted violin still sound right?
i mean
not that a 3-dollar violin woudl be that great anyway
 Sarah:  probably wouldn't sound good
ask the internet!
i'm sure there is an answer
 me:  heh
i should just call a music shop
and be like, i have my grandfather's violin here, i'm thinking of
painting it gold
 Sarah:  to trick the devil
 me:  hell yes
 Sarah:  into thinking it's his violin
 me:  the fool!
and then i'd cackle
OR
better
"I'm planning on dressing up like the devil
and messing with my nephew"
ZOMG!
That would be LOL
to the MAX
 Sarah:  ha
 me:  we should actually do it
and film it
it'd be very trigger happy tv
i'd go to a middle school band room
and approach children
and whip the golden violin out from under my billowing crimson cape
do you mind if i post this to attic apartment?

. . .

In other news, Dave started chatting me up while I was in the break room. When I got back he was gone. It's too bad cause I had a great idea: he should start dropping the word "schlong" frequently and inappropriately, so that he becomes known as "that guy who came back from Denver and now says schlong all the time,"

How was Denver? Great but the cold weather did weird things to my schlong.

Want a soda? Does Amish's grandma crave schlong? (IE: of course!)

Will that be all, sir? Give me an extra order of fries. For my schlong.

I heard something about you and a traumatic swing set accident? It took my schlong.

. . .

I've proofread the to: line of this email about six times making sure it's not actually going to my boss.