A resolution

I resolve to stop projecting unrealistic images of women onto women (and not just because the projector's bulb burnt out).

I resolve never again to kayak across the highways of america.

I resolve to give up on trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe. We're just never going to know why lemmings love peanut butter and lemon salmon.

I resolve to stop meddling in the personal lives of beetles. It might seem like fun, but insects are getting their hearts broken...

Finally I resolve to make myself a better person through alternative exercise techniques found on late night infomercials. They wouldn't give these people air time if it didn't work.