Uncle Ben is a silly bitch...
I just burnt the shit out of my tongue on one of his godforsaken rice bowls.
And speaking of godforsaken...Illinois.
But honestly, why the fuck would anything require six minutes in a fucking microwave set on high? I pulled this rice bowl out of a freezer at Walgreens, I didn't dig it out of the center of an iceberg. And then they want me to let the thing sit and cool for three minutes???
Why did I get it so fucking hot if I'm only going to let it cool back down?!?
For this reason do I hate cooking. The instructions are always confusing and/or stupid and I always end up cooking something three or four times before I actually get it right. That's not a good success rate. I have to fail four times before I have any hope to succeed. Chefs must have a lot of friggin patience.
It's a good thing landing a plane isn't like cooking, or there would be far fewer pilots.
Greg (a writer I've mentioned here before) got fired yesterday. No one is sure why, but there is a lot of speculation. I personally think it had something to do with his habit of making conversation in the bathroom. That's just creepy.
I picture Greg stepping up to a urinal next to the manager of our department. He glances over and says, "Hello Tom." Tom glances back. "Hi."
Greg continues, "So Tom, I was working on the remitance manual last week and..."
Tom cuts Greg off, "Do you realize that I'm currently in the middle of urinating?"
Greg seems confused, "Yes, and I wanted you to know that I was really excited...well I don't know about really excited but I was hopeful that..."
"You're fired Greg. Get the fuck out of this restroom and clean up your desk, cause you are FUCKING FIRED."
Greg leaves the restroom in a flurry of fly zipping and cursing.
Tom breathes a sigh of relief, "Fucking nutcase tries to talk to me while I'm taking a piss..."
The good news is, if they don't find a replacement by this time next month, I can apply for his old job. I'm not sure I want it, or if they'd even hire me, but it might be worth a shot.
-----------------------------
I swear I've daydreamed this exact same senario: Man 'gang-raped' by three women, at gunpoint.
Sounds like the description of a movie Amish would rent, doesn't it?
And speaking of godforsaken...Illinois.
But honestly, why the fuck would anything require six minutes in a fucking microwave set on high? I pulled this rice bowl out of a freezer at Walgreens, I didn't dig it out of the center of an iceberg. And then they want me to let the thing sit and cool for three minutes???
Why did I get it so fucking hot if I'm only going to let it cool back down?!?
For this reason do I hate cooking. The instructions are always confusing and/or stupid and I always end up cooking something three or four times before I actually get it right. That's not a good success rate. I have to fail four times before I have any hope to succeed. Chefs must have a lot of friggin patience.
It's a good thing landing a plane isn't like cooking, or there would be far fewer pilots.
Greg (a writer I've mentioned here before) got fired yesterday. No one is sure why, but there is a lot of speculation. I personally think it had something to do with his habit of making conversation in the bathroom. That's just creepy.
I picture Greg stepping up to a urinal next to the manager of our department. He glances over and says, "Hello Tom." Tom glances back. "Hi."
Greg continues, "So Tom, I was working on the remitance manual last week and..."
Tom cuts Greg off, "Do you realize that I'm currently in the middle of urinating?"
Greg seems confused, "Yes, and I wanted you to know that I was really excited...well I don't know about really excited but I was hopeful that..."
"You're fired Greg. Get the fuck out of this restroom and clean up your desk, cause you are FUCKING FIRED."
Greg leaves the restroom in a flurry of fly zipping and cursing.
Tom breathes a sigh of relief, "Fucking nutcase tries to talk to me while I'm taking a piss..."
The good news is, if they don't find a replacement by this time next month, I can apply for his old job. I'm not sure I want it, or if they'd even hire me, but it might be worth a shot.
-----------------------------
I swear I've daydreamed this exact same senario: Man 'gang-raped' by three women, at gunpoint.
Sounds like the description of a movie Amish would rent, doesn't it?
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