Walking through broken glass--barefoot! And the broken glass is on fire, and you're being chased by a robotic gorilla, and the gorilla has a giant di
I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but...
I don't fucking care.
So there are these two girls that two of my good friends used to date. We'll call them Heather and Alyssa. And they have this friend they met at this bar where they have an event every Monday. We'll call it "iPod Monday." We'll call this friend of theirs "Steve," actually, I'll call him "Closet Steve" because I'm pretty sure he's gay and he just doesn't know it yet.
I'm not exaggerating at all about his gayness. This dude is as queer as the day is long. Stefanie's friend Scotty, the gay guy who used to dance at the garden, is straighter than Closet Steve.
And that's cool. If Steve wants to do guys--whatever--that's cool. Just own up to it, that's all I ask. My only gripe is that this guy is trying to play straight. Not only playing straight, but I heard it from a reliable source that he is actually having sexual relations with a straight woman.
That's like Tim (who is a closet vegetarian) eating a juicy, seven ounce New York strip steak. He's wasting the juicy goodness of the steak on his posturing, when it could be genuinely enjoyed by someone like Amish.
I don't know how he's getting laid. I mean, besides being gay, this dude is like the Prime Minister of Dorkland. I have it on good authority that his courtship with this girl consisted of A) Meeting her at iPod Monday, B) Taking her to a bookstore and, C) Having sex with her in his SPIDERMAN bed. Apparently the courtship was preceded by him selling his soul to Satan, cause I guaran-damn-tee you no self-respecting woman in her right mind would have sex in a Spiderman bed.
And note, I said WOMAN, not adolescent.
It just makes me sad to see jagoffs like Steve getting laid and straight-cool fellas like Amish have to resort to the "Movies America/Scented Body Lotion" special.
I don't fucking care.
So there are these two girls that two of my good friends used to date. We'll call them Heather and Alyssa. And they have this friend they met at this bar where they have an event every Monday. We'll call it "iPod Monday." We'll call this friend of theirs "Steve," actually, I'll call him "Closet Steve" because I'm pretty sure he's gay and he just doesn't know it yet.
I'm not exaggerating at all about his gayness. This dude is as queer as the day is long. Stefanie's friend Scotty, the gay guy who used to dance at the garden, is straighter than Closet Steve.
And that's cool. If Steve wants to do guys--whatever--that's cool. Just own up to it, that's all I ask. My only gripe is that this guy is trying to play straight. Not only playing straight, but I heard it from a reliable source that he is actually having sexual relations with a straight woman.
That's like Tim (who is a closet vegetarian) eating a juicy, seven ounce New York strip steak. He's wasting the juicy goodness of the steak on his posturing, when it could be genuinely enjoyed by someone like Amish.
I don't know how he's getting laid. I mean, besides being gay, this dude is like the Prime Minister of Dorkland. I have it on good authority that his courtship with this girl consisted of A) Meeting her at iPod Monday, B) Taking her to a bookstore and, C) Having sex with her in his SPIDERMAN bed. Apparently the courtship was preceded by him selling his soul to Satan, cause I guaran-damn-tee you no self-respecting woman in her right mind would have sex in a Spiderman bed.
And note, I said WOMAN, not adolescent.
It just makes me sad to see jagoffs like Steve getting laid and straight-cool fellas like Amish have to resort to the "Movies America/Scented Body Lotion" special.
0 Replies:
Post a Comment
<< Home