A Vicious Roundhouse Slap.
Okay, we really need to film that slapping movie. The next weekend that I don’t go to Cedar Falls and John doesn't go to Cedar Falls and Christine doesn't come to Ames, we should film it. Assuming John is free and can get the camera, and Amish can get here.
This concept was born the day we went to find Indian food, so in case you've forgotten:
It's a series of very brief sketches involving Amish getting slapped.
For example:
AMISH AND A GIRL SIT ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF A TABLE IN A FINE RESTAURANT. BOTH WEAR DECENT CLOTHES AND SMILE POLITELY; IT'S OBVIOUS THIS IS A 2ND OR 3RD DATE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO LIKE EACH OTHER.
HER: So listen, I want to tell you something.
AMISH: What's that?
HER: I . . . SHE LOOKS DOWN, SHY. THEN SMILES WIDE, EMBARRASSED. I really like you.
AMISH: I really like you too.
THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER, GRINNING. THEN, STILL SMILING, SHE REACHES OVER AND VICIOUSLY SLAPS HIM OUT OF HIS CHAIR.
Or this one:
AMISH STANDS IN AN APARTMENT, LISTENING TO ANDY PRATTLE ON. ANDY STANDS IN THE DOORWAY, WEARING A TIE, HOLDING THE BOOK OF MORMON.
ANDY: --and that's the revelation given to Joseph Smith. Do you believe?
AMISH: Well . . . I think I might.
ANDY: (extending hand) Welcome to the true faith, brother!
AMISH REACHES FOR HIS HAND BUT WITH THE OTHER HAND, ANDY DELIVERS A VICIOUS ROUNDHOUSE SLAP.
or this one:
AMISH STANDS IN THE RAIN, ON THE STREET, SALUTING THE AMERICAN FLAG. THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A WRENCHING MOMENT FOR HIM; MAYBE HE JUST GOT BACK FROM THE WAR, MAYBE HIS BROTHER WAS SHOT TO ALL FUCK IN IRAQ. MAYBE IT'S RAINING RIGHT NOW. ALL THAT MATTERS IS THIS: I AM JOGGING. I AM JOGGING FAR DOWN THE STREET, BUT I GET CLOSER, AND AMISH KEEPS SALUTING. WHEN I JOG BY I LUNGE, UNEXPECTEDLY, AND SLAP THE BEJESUS OUT OF HIM.
And of course, there's that one where Amish gets cancer. But that's in the previous post.
This concept was born the day we went to find Indian food, so in case you've forgotten:
It's a series of very brief sketches involving Amish getting slapped.
For example:
AMISH AND A GIRL SIT ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF A TABLE IN A FINE RESTAURANT. BOTH WEAR DECENT CLOTHES AND SMILE POLITELY; IT'S OBVIOUS THIS IS A 2ND OR 3RD DATE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO LIKE EACH OTHER.
HER: So listen, I want to tell you something.
AMISH: What's that?
HER: I . . . SHE LOOKS DOWN, SHY. THEN SMILES WIDE, EMBARRASSED. I really like you.
AMISH: I really like you too.
THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER, GRINNING. THEN, STILL SMILING, SHE REACHES OVER AND VICIOUSLY SLAPS HIM OUT OF HIS CHAIR.
Or this one:
AMISH STANDS IN AN APARTMENT, LISTENING TO ANDY PRATTLE ON. ANDY STANDS IN THE DOORWAY, WEARING A TIE, HOLDING THE BOOK OF MORMON.
ANDY: --and that's the revelation given to Joseph Smith. Do you believe?
AMISH: Well . . . I think I might.
ANDY: (extending hand) Welcome to the true faith, brother!
AMISH REACHES FOR HIS HAND BUT WITH THE OTHER HAND, ANDY DELIVERS A VICIOUS ROUNDHOUSE SLAP.
or this one:
AMISH STANDS IN THE RAIN, ON THE STREET, SALUTING THE AMERICAN FLAG. THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A WRENCHING MOMENT FOR HIM; MAYBE HE JUST GOT BACK FROM THE WAR, MAYBE HIS BROTHER WAS SHOT TO ALL FUCK IN IRAQ. MAYBE IT'S RAINING RIGHT NOW. ALL THAT MATTERS IS THIS: I AM JOGGING. I AM JOGGING FAR DOWN THE STREET, BUT I GET CLOSER, AND AMISH KEEPS SALUTING. WHEN I JOG BY I LUNGE, UNEXPECTEDLY, AND SLAP THE BEJESUS OUT OF HIM.
And of course, there's that one where Amish gets cancer. But that's in the previous post.
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