My apologies to our Italian-American audience OR! F*#% you wop bastards
Without boring you by relating all the details of my breakup and recent reconciliation with my girlfriend, I’ll try to explain why I think a preemptive strike (in some cases) could be a good thing.
It really has little to do with my relationship with her, and more to do with her last relationship with some psychotic Italian douche bag.
I will assume everyone reading this has watched the Godfather movies, which are accurate portrayals of Italian-Americans and their twisted love of violence. Those fuckers don’t mess around. They don’t get into bar fights and just break your nose like us fun loving Irish chaps. You piss off an Italian and he cuts the head off a fucking horse and puts it in your bed!
They don’t seem to like to fist fight at all. Apparently their well-manicured hands are too fragile for such brutish activities. They’d rather pull a pistol out of their jacket in a crowded marketplace and blast you while you’re examining some juicy oranges.
Dirty bastards.
No respect for the sanctity of the orange market.
So this Corleone-wanna-be is not really happy with me, or my girlfriend, because...well...she isn’t his girlfriend anymore. And like all stupid bastards, he thinks the best solution to this problem is violence. Unfortunately for both of us, he’s smart enough to know that I could knock the living shit out of him in a bar fight. Even more unfortunate (this time only for me): he has a gun.
I found out the other night that he told her over the phone that he would like to kill both of us along with our entire families. (Obviously he hasn’t met my dad, but that’s beside the point.)
Now I’ve got to decide what, if anything I’m going to do about these threats. I’d like to just brush them aside and say he’s probably full of shit. In actuality, he probably is just full of shit. But this isn’t the first time he’s made threats like this, and there’s some evidence that he’s been following her around, driving past her house...that sort of stuff.
What if the dago bastard really is crazy enough to shoot one of us? Or both of us?
I’m thinking, maybe I should make him an offer he can’t refuse...
like "leave us alone or I’ll call the cops." *SMACK*
I don’t know. Obviously we all know that violence doesn’t REALLY solve anything, but I would still like to slap him around some. Maybe he doesn’t know that violence doesn’t solve anything and he’ll just admit defeat. Ya think?
It really has little to do with my relationship with her, and more to do with her last relationship with some psychotic Italian douche bag.
I will assume everyone reading this has watched the Godfather movies, which are accurate portrayals of Italian-Americans and their twisted love of violence. Those fuckers don’t mess around. They don’t get into bar fights and just break your nose like us fun loving Irish chaps. You piss off an Italian and he cuts the head off a fucking horse and puts it in your bed!
They don’t seem to like to fist fight at all. Apparently their well-manicured hands are too fragile for such brutish activities. They’d rather pull a pistol out of their jacket in a crowded marketplace and blast you while you’re examining some juicy oranges.
Dirty bastards.
No respect for the sanctity of the orange market.
So this Corleone-wanna-be is not really happy with me, or my girlfriend, because...well...she isn’t his girlfriend anymore. And like all stupid bastards, he thinks the best solution to this problem is violence. Unfortunately for both of us, he’s smart enough to know that I could knock the living shit out of him in a bar fight. Even more unfortunate (this time only for me): he has a gun.
I found out the other night that he told her over the phone that he would like to kill both of us along with our entire families. (Obviously he hasn’t met my dad, but that’s beside the point.)
Now I’ve got to decide what, if anything I’m going to do about these threats. I’d like to just brush them aside and say he’s probably full of shit. In actuality, he probably is just full of shit. But this isn’t the first time he’s made threats like this, and there’s some evidence that he’s been following her around, driving past her house...that sort of stuff.
What if the dago bastard really is crazy enough to shoot one of us? Or both of us?
I’m thinking, maybe I should make him an offer he can’t refuse...
like "leave us alone or I’ll call the cops." *SMACK*
I don’t know. Obviously we all know that violence doesn’t REALLY solve anything, but I would still like to slap him around some. Maybe he doesn’t know that violence doesn’t solve anything and he’ll just admit defeat. Ya think?
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