Sponsorship options for our teenager

So today I borrowed Sarah’s car and drove downtown over lunch. I got kind of lost because I was looking for playground equipment or school buses but the teenager adoption agency is its own little mess, entirely separate from the child-children orphanages. The building looked like any office building, so that I expected drab desks and paperwork inside, but upstairs a nice lady quickly greeted me outside the elevator and toured me through two floors of teenagers. The teenagers were on their lunch period, idling in hallways and clustering outside bathrooms. They all looked great! Teenagers!

Sarah and I both have full-time jobs, so the approval process was pretty quick. I had to let a middle-aged man roll my fingers through ink and then ask if I understood like 12 pages of legal material. The last step is paying the adoption fee which is, okay, a little daunting. To help chip down the cost, I’m selling sponsorships.

For $10: Our teenager will wear a logo, your name, or anything else on a t-shirt one day a month until the age of 18.

For $25: Our teenager will wear a logo, your name, or anything else on a t-shirt one day a week until the age of 18.

For $50: Our teenager will wear a logo, your name, or anything else on a t-shirt three days a week until the age of 18.

For $100: Our teenager will occasionally blog about any projects you are working on or endorse.

For $500: Our teenager will enthusiastically champion your projects or projects you endorse among his or her peer group.

For $1000: Our teenager will spend a considerable amount of his or her free time championing your projects or projects you endorse.

For $1750: Our teenager will spend a considerable amount of his or her free time championing your projects or projects you endorse and will be rechristened with a first name of your choosing.

Let me know soon if any of these sound good! We’re hoping to get a teenager in the apartment by this weekend.