So fall is back again, and all i gotta say is....... FUCK FALL!
I am not dead. Just in case you guys are wondering.
I went to Subway today and ordered the bar maid behind the spit-proof glass (believe me it is, cause I tried and my spit couldn’t break its way through) to fix me a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub. You know, the one that fuck Jared is always blathering about now.
Yeah, it fucking sucks.
Anyway, I went over to the magical dew dispenser of gloriousness and started the dispensing. I grabbed a straw and pushed the end into the table to remove that devil wrap. I then push the straw to my mouth to free it from its plastic prison, and shoved it deep into my throat until it ripped a chunk of flesh from the back of my throat.
The latter part of this statement was unintentional, and quite painful. I don’t know if I just wasn’t paying attention or I subconsciously wanted to damage my throat. Either way, it happened.
I made this sort of loud ‘Errrrpshhhcc’ sound. Its kind of hard to spell, but if you combined the sound of someone puking with someone choking at the same time, you would get the idea.
I tried to act like nothing happened and nothing was wrong. You know, so nobody in Subway would know what I did, and think I wasn’t as cool as I looked. I took my sub and walked to the exit. I felt the blood oozing down the back of my throat, but I ignored it. Got to my car and headed to work, spitting blood out the window the whole way. It still hurts even now.
And you want to know what the saddest part of this story is ….
This was the ONLY eventful thing that has happened to me all week.
I went to Subway today and ordered the bar maid behind the spit-proof glass (believe me it is, cause I tried and my spit couldn’t break its way through) to fix me a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub. You know, the one that fuck Jared is always blathering about now.
Yeah, it fucking sucks.
Anyway, I went over to the magical dew dispenser of gloriousness and started the dispensing. I grabbed a straw and pushed the end into the table to remove that devil wrap. I then push the straw to my mouth to free it from its plastic prison, and shoved it deep into my throat until it ripped a chunk of flesh from the back of my throat.
The latter part of this statement was unintentional, and quite painful. I don’t know if I just wasn’t paying attention or I subconsciously wanted to damage my throat. Either way, it happened.
I made this sort of loud ‘Errrrpshhhcc’ sound. Its kind of hard to spell, but if you combined the sound of someone puking with someone choking at the same time, you would get the idea.
I tried to act like nothing happened and nothing was wrong. You know, so nobody in Subway would know what I did, and think I wasn’t as cool as I looked. I took my sub and walked to the exit. I felt the blood oozing down the back of my throat, but I ignored it. Got to my car and headed to work, spitting blood out the window the whole way. It still hurts even now.
And you want to know what the saddest part of this story is ….
This was the ONLY eventful thing that has happened to me all week.
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