Grapefruit is a source of true and lasting happiness.

Tim is a liar. He told me he was moving to an apartment in Ankeny, near the place where I currently live. I was so excited by all the possibilities that this proximity of dwelling offered. Imagine how crestfallen I was when I read that he had betrayed the beauty of Ankeny for a smelly apartment on the stinky south side. TRAITOR!

Luckily for Tim, I have a grapefruit today, so the potency of my wrath weakened quickly after I ate some of it. Grapefruit is happy fruit. It makes me feel bright and sunny in my bowels. I can't stress enough how awesome it is, especially on days like this. Days that would otherwise make you feel gross and stinky in your bowels.

This week is jeans week here at Wells Fargo. This is a magical time where all the boys and girls employed with Wells Fargo have the option of wearing jeans EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK! Oh, I can barely manage to contain my glee. (or maybe that's an impulse to strangle ... ?) The catch is: You have to pay $15 for a special "jeans-week sticker". This sticker is like a ... well its kind of like ... a fucking joke, yeah, that's what its like! They came by and asked me if I wanted to purchase a $15 piece-of-shit sticker so that I could have the privilege of wearing jeans all week. I said, "No, thanks." What I wanted to say was "No, thanks, but I'd prefer to wear slacks for four days and have the privlege of buying a bottle of cheap whiskey with the $15 I'd save. Bitch."