Advice for Dave in his trying time

This started as a comment on Dave's post and ran a little long.

Dave, I think its time you face reality. I know it's hard, but we're here to help you through it--this reality acknowledgement stage in your life.

You see Dave, you've been deluded; or deceived rather. The Mormans aren't really the ones to blame for all your problems. Oh sure, they've had their hampster-molesting hands in your affairs on occasion. But they aren't the ones who should bear the bulk of the blame.

It's the Pandas Dave.

I know how you must feel right now. Shock. Surprise. A sharp pain in your stomach like some Russian sambo wrestler just speared you while wearing one of those pointy German helmets. And I'm sure you are in denial. "No, no, not the Pandas. They wouldn't do this to me."

I understand why you might not want to blame them. After all, they are awefully cute and cuddly looking. Its a mask Dave. They are still bears, and bears are evil by nature.

You may be asking, "What do I do now? To whom do I turn?" Well, you still have all your friends here. We're behind you. We know you can overcome the evil wizards that run your "institution".

As for the Pandas. Well, from what we know about the Pandas, they won't stop here. If you leave them unchecked they may continue to wreak havoc on your life. They'll use gurrilla tactics. They'll piss in your morning cereal when you aren't looking. They'll water down all the beer in your fridge. They'll rewire your computer so that everything you draw turns into bamboo.

I think the path is clear, concerning the Pandas. Only one course of action will assure they can no longer terrorize you.

Kill them all.