Don't worry, I'm not dead
Following Goathead's example, I'm posting a letter I wrote to Target yesterday:
Dearest Whoever it is Who Handles Complaints:
First off, don't feel obligated to write back with a we-appreciate-your-business letter; I used to work in food service and hated, hated irate complainers and don't want to be one. But I need to vent about today's (20 April) Target experience, and I'm giving my girlfriend the night off.
I stopped in for a headset for my Xbox. I noticed you guys were selling the green premium headsets for $29.99, which was amazing because usually they're 50 bucks. $29.99! It was amazing. I took it to the counter but (as you probably know) the price was actually $50. Being a government employee, I couldn't afford it, so I offered to go return it and grab something else. While returning it I made sure all the headsets were marked as $29.99, thought about asking one of the electronics people about it, but then got frustrated and left.
I returned a half hour later, after hitting the new mall, and decided to try a standard cell phone headset, because supposedly they work with the Xbox. Well, I picked up a nice $12.99 model and took it to the register. After waiting in line I found out, whoops, it's really $17. I knew the store couldn't have messed up twice, so I apologized and returned the model. The price tag still said $12.99.
So I was frustrated. I asked for the manager and when she came I explained the situation. "So I was wondering," I said, going for sarcasm, "if I can have someone follow me around with a pricing gun so I don't have to keep doing this. You know, walking back and forth from aisles to the register."
"We don't really have the personnel for that," she said. I don't think she caught the sarcasm, which is unfortunate because then I felt like a pathetic jackass. "But if that problem happens, the checkout person is supposed to have me come check out the price."
Well, I returned to electronics. I scooped up both the items I'd tried to purchase plus a new one, a $9.99 headset. This short-haired guy rang everything up for me. All the prices were wrong. I went back to the headsets and he came over and rearranged things. Then I scooped up the $9.99 one, which was really $12.99, and took it to the front of the store. I was too frustrated to be chatty or to be pleasant, which was embarrassing because the check-out girl was sort of cute this time. I bought the headset and returned home, where I tested it on my cell phone, and … guess what… it didn't work.
So to southside Target I went, and got a refund. The punchline to this joke is that I then ambled over to the southside Target electronics section and saw that the $50 Xbox headsets were marked as $29.99 here too! This morbidly tall guy gangled over with a pricing gun and asked if he could help me. He checked the price and seemed confused. I left the store, secure in the fact that at least all the Target scores screwed up together. It's almost mystical—as if some guiding force ensures that no one will be able to know what they're paying until they're already in line.
Farewell, fearless You Who Handles Complaints.
Tim Dicks
...
Here are some things I recommend to you:
1) Salvaging a wheelchair. Has to be manual to be useful. This recommendation isn't endorsed if you live in a one-bedroom, however.
2) Beck's dark beer. This is actually Wes's recommendation--or, to be accurate, someone's recommendation to Wes that just happened to get passed to me like a case of gonorrhea. But what matters is that the beer is bitter and delicious and blacker than a faberge egg that's just squeezed its way out of a very uncomfortable place in Denver.
3) Vegetarian food from Mexican restaurants. Holy shit, you'd never know there were so many vegetables in the world. Every quesadilla or fajita I order is like a tortilla stuffed with melted crayons: red peppers, yellow peppers, green peppers, mushrooms, red onions, broccoli. Hot diggity damn.
4) Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, which is a book narrated by an autistic teenager. Short and well done.
Dearest Whoever it is Who Handles Complaints:
First off, don't feel obligated to write back with a we-appreciate-your-business letter; I used to work in food service and hated, hated irate complainers and don't want to be one. But I need to vent about today's (20 April) Target experience, and I'm giving my girlfriend the night off.
I stopped in for a headset for my Xbox. I noticed you guys were selling the green premium headsets for $29.99, which was amazing because usually they're 50 bucks. $29.99! It was amazing. I took it to the counter but (as you probably know) the price was actually $50. Being a government employee, I couldn't afford it, so I offered to go return it and grab something else. While returning it I made sure all the headsets were marked as $29.99, thought about asking one of the electronics people about it, but then got frustrated and left.
I returned a half hour later, after hitting the new mall, and decided to try a standard cell phone headset, because supposedly they work with the Xbox. Well, I picked up a nice $12.99 model and took it to the register. After waiting in line I found out, whoops, it's really $17. I knew the store couldn't have messed up twice, so I apologized and returned the model. The price tag still said $12.99.
So I was frustrated. I asked for the manager and when she came I explained the situation. "So I was wondering," I said, going for sarcasm, "if I can have someone follow me around with a pricing gun so I don't have to keep doing this. You know, walking back and forth from aisles to the register."
"We don't really have the personnel for that," she said. I don't think she caught the sarcasm, which is unfortunate because then I felt like a pathetic jackass. "But if that problem happens, the checkout person is supposed to have me come check out the price."
Well, I returned to electronics. I scooped up both the items I'd tried to purchase plus a new one, a $9.99 headset. This short-haired guy rang everything up for me. All the prices were wrong. I went back to the headsets and he came over and rearranged things. Then I scooped up the $9.99 one, which was really $12.99, and took it to the front of the store. I was too frustrated to be chatty or to be pleasant, which was embarrassing because the check-out girl was sort of cute this time. I bought the headset and returned home, where I tested it on my cell phone, and … guess what… it didn't work.
So to southside Target I went, and got a refund. The punchline to this joke is that I then ambled over to the southside Target electronics section and saw that the $50 Xbox headsets were marked as $29.99 here too! This morbidly tall guy gangled over with a pricing gun and asked if he could help me. He checked the price and seemed confused. I left the store, secure in the fact that at least all the Target scores screwed up together. It's almost mystical—as if some guiding force ensures that no one will be able to know what they're paying until they're already in line.
Farewell, fearless You Who Handles Complaints.
Tim Dicks
...
Here are some things I recommend to you:
1) Salvaging a wheelchair. Has to be manual to be useful. This recommendation isn't endorsed if you live in a one-bedroom, however.
2) Beck's dark beer. This is actually Wes's recommendation--or, to be accurate, someone's recommendation to Wes that just happened to get passed to me like a case of gonorrhea. But what matters is that the beer is bitter and delicious and blacker than a faberge egg that's just squeezed its way out of a very uncomfortable place in Denver.
3) Vegetarian food from Mexican restaurants. Holy shit, you'd never know there were so many vegetables in the world. Every quesadilla or fajita I order is like a tortilla stuffed with melted crayons: red peppers, yellow peppers, green peppers, mushrooms, red onions, broccoli. Hot diggity damn.
4) Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, which is a book narrated by an autistic teenager. Short and well done.
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