You know what is a terrible thing?

When you have a bottle of soda that you know is going to burst everywhere, and you have to make the choice of how to open it.Do you gingerly unscrew the cap and let foam dribble out through the cracks, into the sink? Or do you unscrew for all you're worth, twisting that motherfucker like you've got a wrench around it, and hope to beat the foam? Man, it never works. It never works.

Okay, here is the new art project: we all show up on Grand at four am with buckets of bright paint, one color for each of us. Cover ourselves in the paint. Then run at full speed, and take a slip-n-slide dive across the road. Man, there is some art. And some serious injury.

I have gone to dark cola. I'm sorry, Mt. Dew. What hap