The ancient and arcane art of tuna burger cookery

Tuna burgers rox my sox! They are quick and simple.

First: Open a can of tuna. I prefer tuna in water, but tuna in oil is okay too.

Then: Drain all the water, or oil, out of the tuna and dump the tuna in a bowl.

Now: Get an egg, bust that fucker open and pour its runny insides all over the tuna. Make sure to not get any shell in the tuna, which can be tough if you break eggs like I do.

Okay: Grab a few saltine crackers, like three or four should be good, and crumble them up really good. Just grind those bastards into saltine cracker dust. Sprinkle all the dust over your tuna and egg.

Sir Mix-a-lot: Now stir like you've never stirred before! Get down with that fork. If it helps, put on a rap record and just get down to the funky sounds. Mix it up like a famous rapper, BABY!

Finally: You should have a sort of tuna paste. It's not as disgusting as it may sound, I promise. Get a frying pan or skillet and heat that baby up. Scoop out two even dollops of tuna paste and form them into a patty shape. Make sure you scooped the dollops onto the frying pan and not all over the oven or the counter or whatever.

Now: Watch them tuna burgers fry! About five minutes per side on medium heat should do it. Just don't burn them. Make sure they're golden brown on both sides.

Spatula: Using a spatula (or your hand if you're as manly as I am) remove the tuna burgers from the skillet. Place them on bread or a plate. Serve them up with ketchup, tartar sauce, steak sauce, a side of baby...whatever! They're good no matter how you slice them.

Cleanup: Now, light fire to the kitchen, create a believable alibi, call the fire dept and collect insurance.

Voila! Tuna burgers and insurance fraud for lunch!