Team Discovery Channel
This post is being written on assignment, in Goathead's apartment. Some people know this place as Andy's house; others know it as the Andy pad. Those in the know refer to it simply as the Goat Paddock. And by "those in the know," I mean "me."
Ryan is playing music on his psp. Goathead is playing Halo. John is listening to an ipod and intellectually masturbating to a graphic design book, which is apparently porn for artists. And Ryan just turned to us very solemnly and told us we were all to dance to the next song. Then, when no one rose, he slowly did, and performed a mournful twist. Really it wasn't terribly mournful. And the song was Gay Bar. So it's not all that strange to imagine that we might dance to it. If we were far, far more acquainted with a bottle of Morgan, or something.
As some of you know, there has been a zeppelin moored outside Ankeny for the past few days. Did I write about this already? Anyway, the zeppelin is emblazoned with 'Sanyo.' A few days after I noticed it, and a few days after Alyssa and I broke up, we met for lunch. It was a hot day so we sat on this little grass/tree island in the state parking lot, and I ate a quizno's veggie sammich. Let me tell you here what a quizno's veggie sandwich is. A quizno's veggie sammich is salty, greasy, sloppy shit. Delicious shit. Here's the way it seems to be made:
1) Take your bread.
2) Toss some wet mushrooms onto this bread, as well as a handful of red onions. Don't bother spreading them out. As in other fast foods, clumps are fine.
3) Add an absurd amount of cheese. If necessary, roll a back-up wheel of munster out of the back room and toss that on the sandwich. Don't forget to strap on your weightbelt.
4) Don’t forget the tomatoes.
5) Cook this mire of vegetables, then upend a bucket of viniagrette onto it. Add lettuce and more tomatoes, but don't actually put them in the sandwich. Instead, put them on the outside of the sandwich. Also slather on a few ladles of guacamole. Make sure not to integrate the ingredients, so that the customer is forced to take a bite of pure guac and lettuce, then another bite of wet mushrooms and onions.
Despite this procedure, the sammich can be good. In moderation.
Severe moderation.
Where was I? Um. … So Alyssa and I were sitting on this grassy island, me trying to eat the bog of a sandwich, guacamole running down my knuckles and vinaigrette dripping onto my shoes. Alyssa was eating something far easier, a veggie burger from BK. There were ants everywhere. Everywhere At one point an ant disappeared into our shared fries.
And overhead the zeppelin soared.
For reference: you will probably find it difficult to live with your girlfriend after you break up, especially if you are still attracted to her.
My apartment is like a little microwave. I probably don't have to cook food anymore, I could just take it out of the fridge and wait for the atmosphere to boil the water out. I've been stubbornly resisting the siren song of air conditioning, but today, after changing for the fourth time, I came up with the following equation:
--Let X indicate the cost of four loads of laundry in one day, including time to wash them and emotional anguish at having to do laundry every other day.
--Let Y indicate the cost of air conditioning for the afternoon.
--If X is more than Y, then run the damn air conditioner.
Cricket is going crazy on the air drums over here.
I was an apprentice vegetarian for a while. I suppose I still am. This is how this came about:
Alyssa's and my first date: we are at Fazoli's. I have been brooding over this girl for months, have been actively torturing myself about her for weeks, and now, amazingly, after a drunkenly brave midnight meeting in the computer lab, I am on a date with her. We are at Fazoli's, which has amazing breadsticks. Amazing. Never mind that they will grease our hands and faces; they are too delicious for this to be a concern.
I order chicken and sundried tomatoes over alfredo; she orders cheese ravioli. Would she like a bite of this chicken? It's incredible. But no, she's a veg.
Which is cool. She doesn't mind that I'm eating an animal. But I decide then to not eat meat around her.
Anyway, I sort of got involved in that more in-depth because there are really a lot of fantastic veggie options. Peppers, onions, shrooms, guac, mushrooms, carrots. And if you're in the metro option you can get
1) Sicilian veggie, at Noodle Zoo. This is the best veggie option in town. Buttery vegetables on toasted bread.
2) Eggplant parmesan, at Spaghetti Works. This is breaded parmesan with red sauce and noodles. Holy, holiest of shits, this is good.
3) Veggie special at Raul's Mexican, which is less good because it's about 40% guac and sour cream.
But if you work for the state and only have a 30-minute lunch break, you can only make it to Burger King or Quizno's. Or you can get cheese stix at Arby's. Unless you're a dirty fallen apprentice vegetarian.
The best meat dish I've had in the past fourteen months is easily—easily, easily—the steak and guiness pie at the Royal Mile. This is a potpie with steak and other delicious elements. This is also mashed potatoes and peas. Peas shouldn't be this good. It makes no sense.
This dish costs $10.95.
Since Ryan and Heather broke up I never see Heather. I miss Heather. Heather is fun. Alyssa still goes out with her, but as Alyssa and I are not currently connected, I am not there.
Today I was asked to remove my feet from the desk during break, as I appeared to be "a little too cozy."
Ryan is playing music on his psp. Goathead is playing Halo. John is listening to an ipod and intellectually masturbating to a graphic design book, which is apparently porn for artists. And Ryan just turned to us very solemnly and told us we were all to dance to the next song. Then, when no one rose, he slowly did, and performed a mournful twist. Really it wasn't terribly mournful. And the song was Gay Bar. So it's not all that strange to imagine that we might dance to it. If we were far, far more acquainted with a bottle of Morgan, or something.
As some of you know, there has been a zeppelin moored outside Ankeny for the past few days. Did I write about this already? Anyway, the zeppelin is emblazoned with 'Sanyo.' A few days after I noticed it, and a few days after Alyssa and I broke up, we met for lunch. It was a hot day so we sat on this little grass/tree island in the state parking lot, and I ate a quizno's veggie sammich. Let me tell you here what a quizno's veggie sandwich is. A quizno's veggie sammich is salty, greasy, sloppy shit. Delicious shit. Here's the way it seems to be made:
1) Take your bread.
2) Toss some wet mushrooms onto this bread, as well as a handful of red onions. Don't bother spreading them out. As in other fast foods, clumps are fine.
3) Add an absurd amount of cheese. If necessary, roll a back-up wheel of munster out of the back room and toss that on the sandwich. Don't forget to strap on your weightbelt.
4) Don’t forget the tomatoes.
5) Cook this mire of vegetables, then upend a bucket of viniagrette onto it. Add lettuce and more tomatoes, but don't actually put them in the sandwich. Instead, put them on the outside of the sandwich. Also slather on a few ladles of guacamole. Make sure not to integrate the ingredients, so that the customer is forced to take a bite of pure guac and lettuce, then another bite of wet mushrooms and onions.
Despite this procedure, the sammich can be good. In moderation.
Severe moderation.
Where was I? Um. … So Alyssa and I were sitting on this grassy island, me trying to eat the bog of a sandwich, guacamole running down my knuckles and vinaigrette dripping onto my shoes. Alyssa was eating something far easier, a veggie burger from BK. There were ants everywhere. Everywhere At one point an ant disappeared into our shared fries.
And overhead the zeppelin soared.
For reference: you will probably find it difficult to live with your girlfriend after you break up, especially if you are still attracted to her.
My apartment is like a little microwave. I probably don't have to cook food anymore, I could just take it out of the fridge and wait for the atmosphere to boil the water out. I've been stubbornly resisting the siren song of air conditioning, but today, after changing for the fourth time, I came up with the following equation:
--Let X indicate the cost of four loads of laundry in one day, including time to wash them and emotional anguish at having to do laundry every other day.
--Let Y indicate the cost of air conditioning for the afternoon.
--If X is more than Y, then run the damn air conditioner.
Cricket is going crazy on the air drums over here.
I was an apprentice vegetarian for a while. I suppose I still am. This is how this came about:
Alyssa's and my first date: we are at Fazoli's. I have been brooding over this girl for months, have been actively torturing myself about her for weeks, and now, amazingly, after a drunkenly brave midnight meeting in the computer lab, I am on a date with her. We are at Fazoli's, which has amazing breadsticks. Amazing. Never mind that they will grease our hands and faces; they are too delicious for this to be a concern.
I order chicken and sundried tomatoes over alfredo; she orders cheese ravioli. Would she like a bite of this chicken? It's incredible. But no, she's a veg.
Which is cool. She doesn't mind that I'm eating an animal. But I decide then to not eat meat around her.
Anyway, I sort of got involved in that more in-depth because there are really a lot of fantastic veggie options. Peppers, onions, shrooms, guac, mushrooms, carrots. And if you're in the metro option you can get
1) Sicilian veggie, at Noodle Zoo. This is the best veggie option in town. Buttery vegetables on toasted bread.
2) Eggplant parmesan, at Spaghetti Works. This is breaded parmesan with red sauce and noodles. Holy, holiest of shits, this is good.
3) Veggie special at Raul's Mexican, which is less good because it's about 40% guac and sour cream.
But if you work for the state and only have a 30-minute lunch break, you can only make it to Burger King or Quizno's. Or you can get cheese stix at Arby's. Unless you're a dirty fallen apprentice vegetarian.
The best meat dish I've had in the past fourteen months is easily—easily, easily—the steak and guiness pie at the Royal Mile. This is a potpie with steak and other delicious elements. This is also mashed potatoes and peas. Peas shouldn't be this good. It makes no sense.
This dish costs $10.95.
Since Ryan and Heather broke up I never see Heather. I miss Heather. Heather is fun. Alyssa still goes out with her, but as Alyssa and I are not currently connected, I am not there.
Today I was asked to remove my feet from the desk during break, as I appeared to be "a little too cozy."
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