Monday, January 03, 2005
Fear and Loathing in the Soda industry
Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper

I'm not joking.

When I scanned the vending machine this morning, looking for something tasty to drink, I could hardly believe my eyes. In fact, I had to look twice.

The temptation was almost overwhelming.

The fear was stronger.

I got an orange juice. But if I eventually give in to the temptation, I'll let you know how it goes.

UPDATE:

Okay, I gave in. I decided to make CVDP (as it will henceforth be called) the lunchtime companion to my chicken and rice soup. I highly recommend the soup, especially the Progresso brand. The soda...isn't something I would drink regularly.

It has a very interesting taste. If you've ever had Dr. Slice, that's what I would compare it to. In fact, it's almost EXACTLY like Dr. Slice.

When I took a closer look at the labeling, I noticed that the plastic sheet enwrapping the middle of the bottle had a badge verifying that, yes, this is indeed a "Soda Fountain Classic." So, I think it might just be a marketing ploy. They took Dr. Slice (a product that probably wasn't selling enough) and re-marketed it as CVDP. Clever.

BUT NOT CLEVER ENOUGH!!!

I see through your chicanery, Dr. Pepper/Seven-Up, Inc. Now I'm letting the world see your dipsy-doodle!

CVDP is rebottled Dr. Slice! It's Dr. Slice all gussied up to look vintage! Don't buy this product thinking that you'll be whisked away to a land of poodle skirts and soda jerks. The only jerks here are the marketing people at Dr. Pepper/Seven-Up, Inc.

How dare they take advantage of the already near-retarded American populous. It's like selling a blind kid a bird with no head. Seriously.

I'm just glad that companies like Wells Fargo Financial are above such practices....

Yeah...I'm gonna go light myself on fire now.

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