This week, I've seen Ninja Assassin twice. Both times, stupid underage crackers have been in the theater asking dumb questions or saying "Dayumn!" Maybe it's just the Ottumwa theater, but I hate with a passion people who have to talk during movies in a theater.
Is it a movie you should see? Ninjas, cutting off limbs, some sort of story, redemption of the father, and a dumb plot device. (SPOILER WARNING yes, it is real Wes & Amish) If you want to see something better than GI Joe or Transexuals 2 then yeah, go see it. If you're expecting Oscar runner, keep walking. If you want to see ninja shit, go see it.
Aaaaand...yeah.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Gobble Gobble Turkey
Anything happening this weekend in Iowa? I heard rumors of Wesley. I assume that I will be driving the drunks around this weekend if anything does happen.
Also, I have been unable to locate or even confirm that Chateau de Santa Claus Wine exists or ever existed. Kellynn assures me it did, but I am wondering if we didn't just hallucinate the stuff, but I have my doubts.
I noticed this week during my job pleading that I have built up 20+ cover letters. This doesn't count the ones that I copypasta'd onto websites... I'm going to end this post because I'm having some major deja vu.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Two Complaints
You may remember that I recently complained about a student who keeps showing up unscheduled wanting math tutoring. My complaint is that the math tutor has talked with him about wanting to help him, but he won't call before coming (and he walks 45 minutes). Well, today he did it again. He handed me the paper I'd given him last time, with our office's number on it. Did you call? No, I just came.
The second complaint is that an upset student just came to my desk and placed her schedule on it. Where's this class. Which one. This one. Pointed at the schedule. I've been all over this school. They don't tell you where to go. Did you try 105? No. Well, here, under room, see. 105. Oh.
Gone!
I realize you probably do not care at all, but I will vent those gripes anyway.
Today my department is managing a sort of soup kitchen-esque holiday buffet for needy students. I'm outside of the loop on this one, but as far as I can figure out, no criteria for involvement was set and no advertising was done. I can tell you that I'm looking at two palettes of potato chips, 24 cans of Pepsi products, and a grocery sack full of pumpkin pies that someone left by the filing cabinet.
Sarah and I have talked about going to see 2001 tonight in a theater, which sounds yes, I know, FUCKING AMAZING, but Sarah is sick and anyway I feel lazy and broke after my library shenanigans (as those of you on Facebook may now, I now owe the Orlando Library System $53.95, most of which is for late fees and $19.95 of which is for the loss of a lameass book that I only checked out because there was a bathysphere on the cover. This is why nobody should read anymore) and have developed an amazing lust for intricate food after Sarah decided she's too good for pizza on Thanksgiving and I started combing through recipes online. Last night I pretested baked apples and they were yes, FUCKING AMAZING. I don't know if photos can be mailed in with remote posts, but I will try:
Never mind, tech difficulties. But here's what you do: preheat the oven to 375. Core the apples. Fill them with dried cherries. Toss brown sugar and cinnamon everywhere. Toss them on your cat. Throw that shit (not the cat) in the oven for 40 minutes. Top with vanilla ice cream if you're hoping to contract diabetes. Eat while watching the new Venture Bros. online.
Sometimes I defibulate the blog
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Actual Conversation
Amish: I'll pick you up in an hour. ~~~~~ 1.5 hours later ~~~~~ Me: So an hour, eh? Amish: Lets take your car, smartass Me: Unicorns only seat one person, dumbass Amish: Touche
Friday, November 20, 2009
A Wad of Pure Condensed Gay
Last night at about 3am between the sounds of feral cats and hazmat trains, I pondered, who reads this blog? Aside from the writers (10-15 people, naturally) and a certain unnamed foreigner, and the Russian speakers, and the Girlfriend Brigade (dating and undating), and maybe the FBI, who actually really reads this blog?
I just picture this weird fan club of anonymous readers who have no clue what the hell is going on half the time except when the pictures posted actually relate to things in reality, and who take sadistic glee in reading the babble and blind hatred that occurs on here. The other half of the time, there is no point of reference to what is occurring (unless they go through the archives and start putting profiles of everybody together. If you have, great job!)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Eat the Rich
You know who is to blame for this terrible job market, Wells? Nope, it isn't the Mormons this time . . .
Last night Sarah and I decided to pick up the new Left 4 Dead. It sort of came on us out of nowhere, like a zombie lunging around from behind the stacked washer/dryer when you slip into your buddy's utility room to pull a frozen pizza out of the freezer. Suddenly it was 17 November. The timing was not so great, as I just upgraded to a new phone (Android is great!) and flew to Milwaukee and Sarah just bought new car repair, but whatever, we're reckless, etc. Also we enjoyed the first game quite a lot.
Also Sarah agreed to buy me tacos and beer if I picked up the game on the way home from work.
So, as you probably already know if you've read reviews online (I wasn't able to, really, as my company's network classifies sites like IGN as Deadly as Porn), this new game is basically the old game refined in several ways: new, more, and more intricate campaigns, new game modes, more special infected zombies, several new items (instead of having one item particular to each slot on your d-pad, you now have classes assigned to each slot on your d-pad, so that you can elect to hold a health pack, or a defibrillator for reviving dead players, or special ammo packs, etc.
We played the Dark Carnival campaign last night and slew the zombies over about 2 hours 10 minutes. I expect versus to be the real draw, though, as you can now play as a greater variety of undead in your quest to kill the living.
--Okay that review is over and it's time for other thoughts—
1) Are you doing anything great for Thanksgiving? We're having a pizza and probably a 60 year-old man.
2) This student came in to get math tutoring Monday. He walked in from about 45 minutes off because his car had been towed. Well, the math tutor was gone. I gave him some take-home stuff and advised him to call before he walks in to make sure one of the math people will be here. WELL TODAY HE SHOWED UP AGAIN UNEXPECTED and I had to send him off with more take-home work.
LAME.
You gotta call, buddy.
Lest I be stuck playing the part of the dick.
3) I have dreams fairly frequently (once every two months or so) wherein things get too ridiculous and the narrative kind of skews off the tracks and I am then visited by an avatar of my unconsciousness. We then engage in a profound conversation, which always turns out to have been purest gibberish.
Disappointment.
4) Recently I went to Milwaukee? Did you know? (You did now, because I mentione dit earlier.) That city isn't so bad. Sort of drives home the lamer aspects of Orlando, w hich makes is like a double insult.
5) Here is a book I am reading: The Kindly Ones. It's about the German side of WWII.
It's great!
6) Should Sarah and I go see 2001 in a theater Tuesday night?
PROS: Tickets are $5
PROS: They serve stuff like hummus and pizzas, and reasonably priced beer.
PROS: The next day is the last day of work before the holiday break.
CONS: It starts at 9:30, and that movie is longass.
Monday, November 16, 2009
For Science... and the Bruces
Friday, November 13, 2009
More like Ge-Pedo.
I went to the Fall Musical here in Albia. It was a Disney ripoff of their own franchise Pinocchio. Instead, it was about the troubles Gepeddo had raising The Wooden One. Oddly, Gepeddo tries to auto-correct into Armageddon.
I'll be brief on this, so I can make my point. The production was typical high school quality. The theater was filled with 12-14 yr olds who couldn't shut up, sit still, and were more interested in poke pinch squeeze instead of the play.
Which brings me to my point: did this happen in all the plays in high school? I thought Cinderella was a live action abortion, but the crowd at least knew to shut up and listen. Maybe -just maybe- Hampton and her porn addiction had a real talent for directing and stage presentation to keep the audience interested. Or maybe you can't hear the dumbasses in audiences from the stage.
I find out Monday if I get to be a Volunteer. Or as I like to call it, the Bottom Bitch.
In 1955, Doctor Emmet Lathrop Brown was standing on a toilet hanging a wall clock when he slipped and beat his head on the bathroom sink. Unconscious, Doc had a vision. And that vision was that of a flux capacitor -- the device that makes time travel possible.
