Fuck. Ear. Now. All of you.

I drove 12 hours to hang out with everyone, but it seems that it takes a fucking emaculate birth and a bitchslap from God Almighty to get anyone to tell me information BEFORE it all happens. Hence, fuck you all. Im going back on Sunday the second. You wont see me till probably July. The only people I have actually been able to depend on as far as plans is Kelly, and she was workin all the time, and The Romingers in all their self righteous fuckin' glory. 0 hrs. w/Wes, c.a. 6 hrs w/ Goat, c.a 3 hrs w/ Ryan, c.a. 12 hrs w/ Tim, 0 hrs. w/ Novo. What a fucking fun ass break.

Understandably, you all have lives. Im not angry at that. I am sorta peeved that Im bored out of my mind and the info wasnt gotten to me until...the nite of. Have a good one. Ill post when I get back to Denver.

Someone please arrest me, I shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets.

Has everyone seen the commercial Hardee's has out featuring an attractive woman cramming her craw full of straws? If not, here's a link. Check it out, this woman puts Tim and his mouthful of cookies to shame!

I think Tim needs to try to raise the bar on her. Go for a whole box of straws, Tim! You need to learn to unhinge your jaw. That would really optimize your straw-cramming ability. Without the unhinging ability, I think the corners of your lips might start to rip against the force of all those straws.

I can't find the link now, but did everyone see where there were few, if any, animals dead in India? It appears that the animals knew the tsunami was coming, somehow. Very wierd.

It also seems somewhat ironic to me. All the animals are running away from danger while the humans are the ones who stare at the wave like a herd of deer in the path of one giant headlight.

Very tragic.

Party at Cricket's Friday night. If anyone has a net, I've got some poorly drawn plans detailing how we can capture Billy Bob and force him to join us in our drunken escapades. I think it'll go off without a hitch, provided we have a net. With a net, Bil will be helpless against us.

...I hope he isn't reading this.

Bleah

Hopefully everyone had a good Christmas, and is looking foreward to whatever they are doing for New Year's Eve. I thought I would run a quick update on what's going on in my world. Finals went well, and I ended up with a couple of A's, a B and a C for my final grades. I came home, but found out that my dad had a heart attack, and he's not doing very well now, so after the first trip to the IA Heart Center, we're making another one on the 12th to actually see what is wrong with him. I'm back in town, slinging and serving pizzas to Albia's finest for about another week. In about 30 min, I have a job interview at the Pipac Centre in Cedar Falls, so hopefully I gain employment there, if not, I'm completely ska-rewed.
In other news, the van died (or the land-barge as Tim called it) and is on its way to becomming scrap, which is fine because I've got my truck for now. However, that may be getting sold.
I guess that's about it for me, I should get on out for this interview business, and I will let you guys know how that pans out. Anyways, I hope that I get to see you guys before we all go back to our regularly scheduled programs. I should be in Albia for about another week.
Adios for now.

An article close to my heart.

Smash!

Unworkable Labtop

Wowzers. Xmas brought Tim, Andy, Scrote, Kevin, and Derrek (Gert's new name) as well as Molly Ammons over to Gote's Dungeon to do what we always do down there. And I got some sorta virus too....where is the good Dr. Deathcamp when I need him to disperce of tri-coloured pills into a jar for me to be cured?

Also: Wllm, you goin to be around for New Years? How bout this thursday? I would like to retrieve that CD i gave to you. The one w/ See-Ess. Tim Bitch needs it for mac, and my buccaneer of software wants me to trade off cds before he gives me another version.

For all of you wonderin: Ill be around till the 6th of January. I head back to Denver on the 7th. Anytime between now and then? Its on. Like Donkey Kong.

....what?

Um...
I was trying to stop in to read Das Blog, but apparently the posting portion is the only place I can get to without getting some kind of error message.
It's irritating.
Anywho...Work sucks, but at least it's worky. I'm getting paid shyte and everything that goes wrong is (supposedly) my fault...
but yeah...as long as they sign the paychecks...
Um...how's everyone else?
Oh, and Merry Christmas and stuff in case I don't make it back here before then.

Whats with these homies dissin' my girl?

Hhokay. So. I am for sure coming home now on Thursday evening. Ill be back in town just in time to ruin it for you all. Yes, goatsie and kells were suppose to keep it a secret, but I spose I already did my surprise return once this year. Fudge it.

Anywho, Im clocking 60 hours this pay period.That should be overtime. OVER TIME by 20 hours. WHOO HOO. Big benjamins my way like ...in a few weeks.

A little of a side note here. Last nite i went lookin thru my room for a pencil and passed over my letter section. Having jack squat to do, I decided to read them all. I think you all could do this (minus Kenny--squids dont have opposable thumbs to even consider writing letters) in one way or another. Letters are as little narratives in the documentary of your lives. It is reminiscent of the Frontier Voyage series on PBS when a pioneer read:

May 12 Tuesday
Amish's grandmother is quite boxom. She is almost certainly upon hand when I need my butter churned, if you understand my subtext, dearest cousin. Oh, how I yearn to be within the sweet smelling air of the sea and return to the chumline, chiefy.
Jezebelle Lee, 1834

I need something constructive to do while I sit on my ass and get paid $7.50 every sixty minutes.

links cuz im damn bored

Behold the instructions to our destinies!

Ripley knows about all...and sees all! Read the comments. Very insightful.

GERMAN GIRL: Tim you ahre reTahhdid!

(puff of smoke, lightinging)
THE TRUE STORY OF CHRISTMAS!!!

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.

I'm not finished. YOU should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train," but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO the ice had made the globe invariable. Santa Ape did not know where the North Pole was. How could he? He was born before science existed. So he arbitrarily placed his workshop RIGHT HERE, long before they unionized, and Christmas was celebrated at each full Moon in front of a great red ape--Who unionized? Wouldn't YOU like to know? Probably your mama.

Santa Claus is an ape? WAS an ape. Now he is a MACHINE. Everyone back then was undeveloped and couldn't make machines with their crinkled hands. But the elves came from the Red Planet. There was much defecation.

...and THAT is where babies come from, from machines.

Damn. That took me entirely too damn long. I get to work like 70 hours now that Im stuck here for Xmas break (well..a week anyway) If anyone wants to pool funding for me to get wired to me and for me to make it home PLEASE do :D :D :D My roommate Karl is driving me bonkers. I cant live with that man. He doesnt wear a shirt.



...fuckers. Novo will get all this.

Brilliant Idea

[flashy, power themesong]

It was a dark and stormy night. The dinosaurs were doing research.

It was the year 2312. In the few years since 2052, dinosaurs had rapidly evolved from what humanity was left after the “Gerber Baby Food Wars.” At first they’d awkwardly searched for a place in the strange, geometrically designed and overly concreted world, but then they discovered what most of them had suspected all through their awkward lives: their massive legs, their sweeping tails, and their jaws capable of crushing forty-eight (or, in some cases, forty-nine) Cadillacs were perfectly developed for one task: doing research.

[write some scene development here, visual stuff, inside a lab]

One of the stegosaurs—the one in the corner with the spikes that he probably sharpened himself, at night—ruined the perfect silence of the room with one destructive tail-slap against the wall.

“What?” asked a pterodactyl. “Trouble with citations of e-mail interviews again?”

“No!” The stegosaur slammed his tail again, and this time the spikes in the end lodged in a head-high bookshelf of dinopedias. “It’s just that I don’t know why we’re here! I don’t know what to do here!”

“I do,” said the pterodactyl. “I always know what to do: some research.”



Also, this.

More for bored people.

Post-apocalyptic funfun literature.

Haza!

Done with finals!
*happy dance*
I just thought I'd thank you guys for helping me with that whole paper business. It was awesome. When is everyone going to be making their own guest appearances in Albia over break?
The Jones soda sounds most repulsive, and I don't imagine why the hell anyone would drink it. (Or who thought it was a good idea in the first place to bottle said product) So, Tim and Andy, you're both brave souls for that one. As for the car stuff, Timmy, I'd be the big spender and go the extra $750 for good tires. Unless Amish could hook you up otherwise, which he may very well be able to.
I'm out, thinking a nap sounds pretty good.
Have a good day.

No wonder he smoked a pound of weed.

I cant take it anymore! *spasms in chair*

(in a very calm voice) I want to hunt down every human and kill them all. Why? With all my talent and all my skills, I cant make one fucking picture of a fucking museum/library to save my fucking life. Ive spent the last 4 days TOILING over this fucking thing and it is WAY shitty. Hopefully, my teacher will see that Im way fucking stressed about a bazillion other things and that I did fucking try. Im pretty sure hes not going to flunk me..but still. I havent really turned anything in color to him since my speak easy. I just...ugh. hate it all. Writer's block is my newest fiend. Its as though my brain is saying "Multiple Perspective Drawings? (thats more than one vanishing point and horizon lines for you non artistic fuck-fucks) Ill draw a picture of a house and a sun and grass and my dog, Pepper. Whoohoo! Im so fucking creative! Dont destroy me w/ alcohol!" Im close to jabbing a pair of scissors through my ear to just avoid any more fucking bullshit this quarter has brung (broughten?)

As well, the higher ups here at the school decided that they need to install fire alarms on the doors here. What does this mean? When anyone uses a fire exit for a regular exit, I hear a fucking high pitch beep that wont stop till I enter a seven digit code. yes.Not a 3 digit. not a 4 digit. FUCKING SEVEN DIGITS. WHY THE FUCK. Im seriously going to lose my mind if this thing keeps going off.

I get to work all next week for a whopping 45 hr pay period. Good? Mayhaps. I dont really fucking know if im going home for christmas at this pace. Its cuz Im miserably broke. Miserably because I have no cash until January 1st because they want me to start being paid NEXT YEAR so they can avoid tax shit. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

And I wonder why a year ago I was super fucking stessed out. I think that if I ever become a billionaire genius, Im going to crash the Moon into the earth JUST FOR SPITE.

btw: if you havent done so yet my new deviantart stuff. The Zozo stuff.

Damn.

Eat some bananas, then.

In case you're tempted to find out what the Jones Soda holiday pack tastes like, let me say this: even being the huge drunk I am, in the past two years I've never come as close to vomiting as I was when I took a swig of Green Bean Casserole Soda . . . unless it was after I downed half a shot of Fruit Cake. This was at Heather's Jones Soda party, so I was peer-pressured into drinking those two, and the cranberry sauce. But there was no way I'd be trying the mashed potatoes, or turkey & gravy. Goathead will have to post reviews of those.

One of the cars I'm considering is an old Honda Accord . . . just like Nick's original car! Yay for almost dying, several times, and being blamed for it.

The other car is a grand am with bad tires. It's $750 less than the Accord. Opinions?

Hit me with a broomstick.

Read this story. When you have a lot of time. Bizarro!

Pink goo leaking..head in..floor now. Tastes salty.

When I lived in the dorms with Tim occasionally this friend of ours Ryan Ikheard(sp?) would come over and try to read Tim's stories. It became quite the show. Tim would repeatedly change his screensaver password in an attempt to keep prying eyes off his work and Ryan would repeatedly find ways to get his prying eyes on Tim's work.

This comic reminded me of that, oh so much.

F-ing F!

New: What the hell?

My fingerless gloves are sexy. It is a fact of life!

Here are some tasty jokes for you:

Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

A. It was dead.

Well, that's only one joke. I'm too cold and tired and pissed off for more. The van's heater is broken, and I have to stop on the way to work to scrape at the fucking windows. Fuck.

You all suck.

I hate my life. I can tell you now that I have bombed my 3dmax class this quarter. I hate this. I think Im going to take a year or so off from doing 3d classes and focus on my real love--porn. I mean...2d animation. Yeah. Im going to take the biggest hiatus from this crap and spend that time learning about it. This will give me a reason to get a new computer.

As well, I hate migranes. And someone else should post besides me.

Damn....this is going to be one hellova game!

Here.

FEEDEESE NAV EE DAD!

Hoop de fucking la tee damn dah. Let me first start off by saying I heart my new job. Yeah. The GF situation? Im a fricking uninitiative dorkass. I did, however, spend a good amount of time w/ said girl, but like DaveO from 5 yrs ago. I think however that Im going to for sure have a lil talky this weekend. This whole situation is comparable to a box of pineapples coming to life and pelting you with petrol-filled balloons from a flying bobsled--not so much an everyday occurence. Ill just make some sorta button thing (she likes buttons...scary?) and try to be all suave' bout it. Fuck you. Im trying!

Lets see. Oh. Went xmas light photographin last nite. Well more or less I drove, other people took pictures. Then I returned to work on a colored picture to find out our computer lab's security was compromised and EVERYTHING was wiped off the computers. EVERYTHING. EVERY FUCKING THING. So Im w/o a project. I have the pencil drawing. I fear for the safety of my Zozo picture. Its like hackers that go to our school or are rivals of it want to fuck every good natured kid out of their projects. Its so stupid to be a hacker who does shit like this. What does it do? Nothing at all. It proves youre an anal cuntwad who has nothing better to do then get attention by destroying people in the most stressful and assrapingly way. Fuck you hackers. Much like Lucas, you prolly have no real reason to live but to give others a horrible time.

As well, I read the old blog posts the other day and realized that I have an anger problem. I dont get angry enough. I need to be more piss and moany in real life. I think that would cut down on the bullshit i have to vaginally vomit to you all here on text. Ok we coulda done w/o that.

Purveyor of Filth!

$2.5 Billion. Holy fucking shit.

I might not be single during Christmas break. More hopefully in 24 hrs.

That and This

Hoooo. I was fucking drunk as hell saturday nite/sunday morning. I was still drunk sunday noon. Lets say that Ive had an interesting weekend then.

I start my job Wednesday at 6am. I basically will usher people to where they need to be and see everyone go to work. Woohoo. I get paid $7.50 an hour and its tax free cuz its work-study. Whoofrickinhooo.

And now for the coup de gras: a woman. This would be that Melissa girl ive mentioned earlier. The problem is that apparently I didnt/havent been picking up signs. Like she apparently glaired at me tonite a lot and when i did look at her she smiled and stuff. Im like...grrr. I wont talk about this anymore. the textbooks are saying go for it cuz itll work, but textbooks lie. As well, I fear Im usin the blog to showcase my boring and sometimes sad life like a journal for an EXTREME emo kid. Fuck.

Oh. Im making Zozo in 3dmax. Ill show you all when I am done. As well, Im drawin a badass ice palace...possibly ninjas on a semi too. All in due time

I am an English channel

OH...Grraahhh....uggghh..


Curse blogger!


I just wrote a huge post about this dream I had last night. It was incredible. And blogger devoured it and sent it into the dark bowels of it's cybercolon!

CURSE YOU BLOGGER!!!

Babies are just tiny people!!!

Good shittin lord. First off, Saturday afternoon was the event of me getting into a minor fender bender, which led to my fucking car BREAKING DOWN 30 minutes later. THEN to top all this shit off, I had a bill of $240 to pay before i could get my ass into my car and go home. Did this happen? No. I had to wait till tuesday to do so. And when I DO pay for it, the fucking repair guy apparently syphoned gas out of my car. I swear I had 1/2 a tank when I broke down and when I got back on the road my "FEED MY FIRES OF HELL" near empty light came on. So I made it back to Denver on fumes and coasting. I hates my life.

However, to much joy, I awoke to a girl pouncing on me to wake me up and to hear her laments on how she broke up w/ her boyfriend. And about 30 mins after that, I had a rushed interview and now Im a fucking desk worker! WHoooohooo! I get to let people into the labs and take their IDs. I start next wednesday. So Ill be paying back everyone.

On my trip home, I came up w/ a great show idea. Has anyone seen that Super Milk Chan show? Dont. Its like an epileptic seisuring japanese kid mated with a pop culture ADD retard and they vomited up their child who they tried to drown about 9 times unsuccessfully. Anywho, the show has random ass characters. So I decided "Hmmm...Thats a good idea for a show's cast." So heres my idea: A robot, a ninja, and a pirate all live together and have zany antics. Itd be badass. Like super badass. 2-ninjas-tied-together-to-make-one-big-ninja badass. Ok. Ill shut up now.

Thanx again ever'one for the 2 days of Thanxgivin I spent w/ya. Tim? You love babies. FUCKING LOVE BABIES!

From McSweeneys.net

Q. An airplane crashes exactly on the border between Arizona and California. The two pilots and seven passengers are not identifiable in any way. How do public officials decide where to bury the survivors?

A. When you reread the question and realize it talks about burying "survivors," the answer is obvious: Only the Mojave Desert is remote enough to prevent anyone from hearing the tormented screams as dirt is shoveled onto their faces.