Good ole fashion Wrasslin'
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
We need spies
The flying burrito has a help wanted sign in its window. I could infiltrate their stronghold and steal the secret to their voodoo burrito magic.
But the employment scene just isn't me.
I had the pleasure of a beef quesadilla last week and it was pretty damn good. Maybe just good enough to take a job in food service for a couple months. Not good enough for me to take a food service job in Ames, though. Fuck Ames.
Speaking of Ames. Does anyone recognize this place?
Look closer . . .
Closer . . .
Not my doing--I swear.
But the employment scene just isn't me.
I had the pleasure of a beef quesadilla last week and it was pretty damn good. Maybe just good enough to take a job in food service for a couple months. Not good enough for me to take a food service job in Ames, though. Fuck Ames.
Speaking of Ames. Does anyone recognize this place?
Look closer . . .
Closer . . .
Not my doing--I swear.
Disgusting Food Blog
Discovery channel during the day is so bad. A haunting, urban legends, etc. The worst part is that they taunt you the entire time with the prospect of good late-night television: images of people being eaten by sharks, of new Mythbusters episodes, etc. fill the commercials.
Sarah wishes me to express that she made this cake:
She did not make this burrito, though:
I did.
But: it wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped. Here's how the Flying Burrito Reenactment Experiment went down:
1) Slow-cooked some beef
2) chopped up a tomatillo
3) chopped up some peppers and onions; sauteed.
4) Slapped it all into a tortilla
5) sourest of creams
6) mozz cheese
7) green pepper salsa
Of course this was missing rice, but I forgot to get some. The main problem, though, was that the meat wasn't as juicy/sloppy/greasy as the original flying burrito's. Overall, I'd give it a B
Sarah wishes me to express that she made this cake:
She did not make this burrito, though:
I did.
But: it wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped. Here's how the Flying Burrito Reenactment Experiment went down:
1) Slow-cooked some beef
2) chopped up a tomatillo
3) chopped up some peppers and onions; sauteed.
4) Slapped it all into a tortilla
5) sourest of creams
6) mozz cheese
7) green pepper salsa
Of course this was missing rice, but I forgot to get some. The main problem, though, was that the meat wasn't as juicy/sloppy/greasy as the original flying burrito's. Overall, I'd give it a B
Labels: I'd give it a B., Overall
Monday, July 28, 2008
Insensetive Crusader
Oh, Nick.
I went to an awesome concert on your birthday.
And I just want you to know that while the lead singer of Offspring was hollering into the microphone about lame-ass white dudes...
I didn't think about you. Not once.
Happy birthday now, btw.
You're old. Hah.
And Andy, when the Murpheys were raising their little plastic cups full of booze and half-hollering "Kiss me, I'm shitfaced"...
...
I didn't think about you, either.
I went to an awesome concert on your birthday.
And I just want you to know that while the lead singer of Offspring was hollering into the microphone about lame-ass white dudes...
I didn't think about you. Not once.
Happy birthday now, btw.
You're old. Hah.
And Andy, when the Murpheys were raising their little plastic cups full of booze and half-hollering "Kiss me, I'm shitfaced"...
...
I didn't think about you, either.
Full of exclamation points
Guess what?
Today I got fired!
After I taught my morning class, I stopped off at the post office and there was mail! For me! From the university's parent company. They had deemed me UNEMPLOYABLE.
If you're like me, you may be wondering, what did Tim do? I will tell you: he supplied dishonest employment history information.
How did the credit check agency determine this? By calling the marketing company where I worked for 7 days and finding out that the receptionist had never heard of me!
But that's not all! They also called Voc Rehab and were told they'd have to contact another department to verify my employment there.
Too much work! I must have been a terrorist!
Then when I called the parent company, I had to leave a voicemail! Then when I emailed people at my school, I heard nothing back!
Then the parent company called me while I ate pancakes full of walnuts and syrup (it's totally worth it to spring for the expensive dark kind) and told me oops! It was all a mistake!
NOBODY KNOWS WHY IT HAPPENED!
Obviously I'm a little upset.
Today I got fired!
After I taught my morning class, I stopped off at the post office and there was mail! For me! From the university's parent company. They had deemed me UNEMPLOYABLE.
If you're like me, you may be wondering, what did Tim do? I will tell you: he supplied dishonest employment history information.
How did the credit check agency determine this? By calling the marketing company where I worked for 7 days and finding out that the receptionist had never heard of me!
But that's not all! They also called Voc Rehab and were told they'd have to contact another department to verify my employment there.
Too much work! I must have been a terrorist!
Then when I called the parent company, I had to leave a voicemail! Then when I emailed people at my school, I heard nothing back!
Then the parent company called me while I ate pancakes full of walnuts and syrup (it's totally worth it to spring for the expensive dark kind) and told me oops! It was all a mistake!
NOBODY KNOWS WHY IT HAPPENED!
Obviously I'm a little upset.
Justin Gillaspie is a wonderful person with many talents
I selfishly forgot Nick's birthday was the other day. I also know it's about Tim's birthday.
Hence, happy birthday to both of you, I guess.
I think I've given Amish enough of a complex. I have stopped responding to his threats to "fornicate" myself, so someone else needs to grow up. So... I'm boycotting any sort of Amish joke until he can have a response besides "FUCK YOU DAVE!!!1!!ONE!" It is only because he wants the forbidden fruit.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
And I've probably mentioned this before, but
Garfield minus Garfield is bloody hilarious.
Even the guy who made the Garfield comics says so.
Even the guy who made the Garfield comics says so.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Damn it.
Oh man, last night I mentioned this show, which definitely takes some spongebob inspiration but which also has its own unique identity. It's on around the time Sarah and I sit around eating haphazard dinners, and it's full of vaguely creepy humor.
You should check it out!
Right now we're watching this show, which is ridiculous in the wrong way.
I've been trying to find a youtube clip to vomit onto this blog, but can't find it, can't find it. The episode we're watching now centers on a haunted piano. The last time I saw this show, it centered on a man who couldn't stop playing an organ.
One of the features of this show is that they intercut dramatizations with interviews with the actual people who were haunted. This is maybe the most awkward function—you can't help but notice the contrast between the professional actors and the methed-out-looking real life people.
This post is going nowhere.
It's also not going toward the re-creation of a flying burrito—it has been put off till tomorrow.
You should check it out!
Right now we're watching this show, which is ridiculous in the wrong way.
I've been trying to find a youtube clip to vomit onto this blog, but can't find it, can't find it. The episode we're watching now centers on a haunted piano. The last time I saw this show, it centered on a man who couldn't stop playing an organ.
One of the features of this show is that they intercut dramatizations with interviews with the actual people who were haunted. This is maybe the most awkward function—you can't help but notice the contrast between the professional actors and the methed-out-looking real life people.
This post is going nowhere.
It's also not going toward the re-creation of a flying burrito—it has been put off till tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I thought of asking someone in Ames to mail me one, but the package would be soggy.
You know how in movies, celebratory characters are always screwing around with champagne bottles and sending corks rocketing into other characters' crotches? I am a man who's had maybe three bottles of champagne in his life, and in that time I'd never experienced such kickass propulsion. In my experience prior to today, opening a bottle of champagne was akin to holding a firecracker in a catcher's mitt.
Tonight after work, while speaking to Kevin via cell phone magic, I casually undid the top of a bottle and the cork bounced off the ceiling so hard I'm now wondering, as I type this, if I should go look for damage.
Amazing!
. . .
I went into the grocery store after work to buy green peppers, onions, and tomatillos, and the champagne was something of an afterthought, an ingredient necessary for a drink special from the Lift called the 2005 (I think)—roughly, vodka, champagne, and cranberry juice (the taste isn't the same, but I probably wonked the proportions, and don't have the proper glass).
Why the green peppers and onions and tomatillos?
Tomorrow I intend to blog about the RECREATION OF THE FLYING BURRITO.
I'll give you this preview:
STEP ONE: Go to Target, feel foolish about buying a slow cooker.
STEP TWO: Get home, play GTA, realize you bought a salsa warmer.
STEP THREE: Return the motherfucker. Come out of the store and see a lizard standing on your driver's seat headrest. Attempt to remove the lizard, but scare it into the mess of paper below your seat.
The next night, after leaving work at 9:30 pm and sitting in your car, stretch, reaching your arms behind your head, and feel a presence on your wrist. Bring your hand forward to see the small lizardio standing at attention on your watch. Open the door, try to extricate your arm from the seatbelt, and send the lizard scurrying onto your knuckles. Step out to carry him to the grass and watch him leap into a puddle.
I hope his new life treats him well.
. . .
Some of you know I was temporarily a copywriter. This sounded very cool during the interviewing process, which took place in a 4th-floor office full of glass walls, dyed-haired women, dudes with facial hair, people walking around sucking on popsicles, and free coffee, but once I actually took the job it turned out to be a 2nd-floor cubicle gig that was almost entirely cut-and-paste for the job board wing of an internet company.
Seven days in, somebody with a .edu email address emailed me to say that one of their adjunct instructors had quit with a full load of classes. I went in that night and the next day slept in.
This job is better than 40 hours in a cubicle, but is sketchy in ways that would be hard to explain.
When Sarah and I moved here I meant to blog much more about the experience, but as I wrote last time I touched this subject, things here aren't really different enough to warrant much writing. As somebody on another blog pointed out, Orlando isn't really part of the south, or of any geographical region; it's its own non-region.
There are some great people here—Sarah has some great friends—but nobody's any of you people, and I've found no coffee shops, one bar, one non-chain restaurant, and no good bookstores.
Hence this burrito re-creation.
Tonight after work, while speaking to Kevin via cell phone magic, I casually undid the top of a bottle and the cork bounced off the ceiling so hard I'm now wondering, as I type this, if I should go look for damage.
Amazing!
. . .
I went into the grocery store after work to buy green peppers, onions, and tomatillos, and the champagne was something of an afterthought, an ingredient necessary for a drink special from the Lift called the 2005 (I think)—roughly, vodka, champagne, and cranberry juice (the taste isn't the same, but I probably wonked the proportions, and don't have the proper glass).
Why the green peppers and onions and tomatillos?
Tomorrow I intend to blog about the RECREATION OF THE FLYING BURRITO.
I'll give you this preview:
STEP ONE: Go to Target, feel foolish about buying a slow cooker.
STEP TWO: Get home, play GTA, realize you bought a salsa warmer.
STEP THREE: Return the motherfucker. Come out of the store and see a lizard standing on your driver's seat headrest. Attempt to remove the lizard, but scare it into the mess of paper below your seat.
The next night, after leaving work at 9:30 pm and sitting in your car, stretch, reaching your arms behind your head, and feel a presence on your wrist. Bring your hand forward to see the small lizardio standing at attention on your watch. Open the door, try to extricate your arm from the seatbelt, and send the lizard scurrying onto your knuckles. Step out to carry him to the grass and watch him leap into a puddle.
I hope his new life treats him well.
. . .
Some of you know I was temporarily a copywriter. This sounded very cool during the interviewing process, which took place in a 4th-floor office full of glass walls, dyed-haired women, dudes with facial hair, people walking around sucking on popsicles, and free coffee, but once I actually took the job it turned out to be a 2nd-floor cubicle gig that was almost entirely cut-and-paste for the job board wing of an internet company.
Seven days in, somebody with a .edu email address emailed me to say that one of their adjunct instructors had quit with a full load of classes. I went in that night and the next day slept in.
This job is better than 40 hours in a cubicle, but is sketchy in ways that would be hard to explain.
When Sarah and I moved here I meant to blog much more about the experience, but as I wrote last time I touched this subject, things here aren't really different enough to warrant much writing. As somebody on another blog pointed out, Orlando isn't really part of the south, or of any geographical region; it's its own non-region.
There are some great people here—Sarah has some great friends—but nobody's any of you people, and I've found no coffee shops, one bar, one non-chain restaurant, and no good bookstores.
Hence this burrito re-creation.
Why have I not been watching this show?
The Boondocks is brilliant, the animation is great, the characters are all funny, and the story behind each episode is amazing. I just got the first season on netflix and I must take back everything bad I've ever said based on the 2 minutes I had previously watched. If you're not watching right now, you are wrong. DEAD WRONG!!!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
BARF!
The only real accomplishment I achieved over this week was beating River City Ransom. SPOILER: all the gangs become honor students, and Cyndi gets home in time to do more shopping.
I remember this game being super difficult when I was a wee lad. Now, it was a nice waste of $5 on the virtual console.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Introducing: Ralph Wiley
I will be playing Ralph in the Stage West production of Reefer Madness.
If you haven't seen the movie, Ralph is a crazy stoner college dropout. The embodiment of reefer madness. He is a sex-crazed munchie-having reefer-toking maniac.
It'll be a tough part for me, but I think I can pull it off.
Come one, come all.
If you haven't seen the movie, Ralph is a crazy stoner college dropout. The embodiment of reefer madness. He is a sex-crazed munchie-having reefer-toking maniac.It'll be a tough part for me, but I think I can pull it off.
Come one, come all.
Sept. 26-28, Oct. 1-5 and 8-12, 2008
(Wed-Sat. at 7:30. Sun. at 3)Thursday, July 17, 2008
Completely Original and Not Based on Anything that was Ever Real. Ever.
So I have the establishing shot done...sorta.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Botched Blowjob Day!
Guess who's even older?! Go to Hell and die. Or at the very least, answer your damn phone once in a while.
Another reason for me to hate old people
Racism floating around public swimmin' hole.
Exactly how is this racist? The pool was closed. Probably due to AIDS. Also, a kid dives despite the sign clearly diagramming diving is not allowed (note: it's grannie's kid)
Exactly how is this racist? The pool was closed. Probably due to AIDS. Also, a kid dives despite the sign clearly diagramming diving is not allowed (note: it's grannie's kid)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Reefer Madness
I auditioned to be in this musical. If I get a part, I plan to do a lot of method acting. And if I don't, well, much of the same.
Cause I like to smoke reefer.
Oh, you didn't know? YO ASS BETTA CALL SOMEBODAAAAAY!!!!
I really did audition too. I had to sing and dance and basically make a fool of myself. Ryan should have been there, he's got to be used to that sort of thing by now.
By the way: IRISH BOOT OF JUSTICE!!!
upside ya head
Cause I like to smoke reefer.
Oh, you didn't know? YO ASS BETTA CALL SOMEBODAAAAAY!!!!
I really did audition too. I had to sing and dance and basically make a fool of myself. Ryan should have been there, he's got to be used to that sort of thing by now.
By the way: IRISH BOOT OF JUSTICE!!!
upside ya head
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
First part for Rominger
Second part: if you're at all interested in GTA, I can recommend this video compilation of stunts:
Guillermo
Okay, the albino elf dude was hot, if not a little over-gifted in the zygoma and mandibular regions. (cheekbones and jaw you noobs. L2 anatomy kthx)
But yeah. That was hot.
All the rest of the little monsters, though, they can kiss my ass.
Mr. del Toro seems to have a limited palette of monstrosities and we've already seen the full spectrum in Pan's Labyrinth.
No, seriously. It's like he went to the Pan's Labyrinth prop auction, bought up all his old shit, then reassembled them in a slightly different fashion.
Slightly.
The rest of the movie.
Rocked my socks.
My socks, they're rocked.
Oh yeah.
btw
DaveO,
I think on the 26th, if you're around, my brother and his girlfriend and their friend and I are going to the Offspring/Dropkick Murphey's concert at Fiddler's Green.
Tickets are about $30.
But yeah. That was hot.
All the rest of the little monsters, though, they can kiss my ass.
Mr. del Toro seems to have a limited palette of monstrosities and we've already seen the full spectrum in Pan's Labyrinth.
No, seriously. It's like he went to the Pan's Labyrinth prop auction, bought up all his old shit, then reassembled them in a slightly different fashion.
Slightly.
The rest of the movie.
Rocked my socks.
My socks, they're rocked.
Oh yeah.
btw
DaveO,
I think on the 26th, if you're around, my brother and his girlfriend and their friend and I are going to the Offspring/Dropkick Murphey's concert at Fiddler's Green.
Tickets are about $30.
I need to eat at a food court
Tonight consisted of the following:
-Getting a free Slurpie at Seven-11
-Waiting in line for an Iphone and having our heart broken by the Jewish form of the Mac boy from the commercials
-Playing b-ball outside of the school (sans couple of guys up to no good, Auntie and Uncle, etc)
-A 45 minute phone call
Next week, seeing as how I won't be going to Iowa, I will be doing the following:
-Waking up whenever I want to
-Seeing the Stanley Hotel
-Making storyboards
-Playing the Wii. Alone.
-Sending off artwork to a bathroom memorial. By the way, $10 will suffice for packaging and sending
-Not hot chicks
-Somehow telling Amish to fuck off, even if it's his emotionless and ancient voice message (background noise, man giggling, BEEEEP)
Bil, I need your damn Wiicode. All 1,000 digits (Nintendo really needs to fix this)
Thursday, July 10, 2008
del Toro
So.
I'm going to go see Hellboy II if it kills me.
Then, I'm going to become Mr. Perlman's very own
stalker.
Because how many people in this widewideworld
can say they have their very own
restraining order
signed
by Ronnie Perlman.
I'm going to go see Hellboy II if it kills me.
Then, I'm going to become Mr. Perlman's very own
stalker.
Because how many people in this widewideworld
can say they have their very own
restraining order
signed
by Ronnie Perlman.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Monday, July 07, 2008
Zombies and Pizza Hut
So I'm working on making a zombie script that I'm hoping could be a fun project for us to do. I understand that we are scattered about the country now and that could create complications if I were ever to actually attempt to film this abomination. So if you don't want to have a character written for you let me know now. Saying you want to be a part of it doesn't mean that I expect a 100% commitment for you, I'm just looking for the people who are 100% sure they don't want to be involved.
P.S. don't eat the pizza hut chocolate dippers.
P.S. don't eat the pizza hut chocolate dippers.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
FAILURE
The Iowa trip has been called off. Instead, I am going to try my damnedest to go to the Stanley Hotel to see a g-g-ghost.
It's called Google, people. Look up yer own damn link.
It's called Google, people. Look up yer own damn link.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Serious Time
Allison and I am still planning to come back to Iowa in less than two weeks. I need to pose serious questions
1) Who is going to be around?
2) Who is going to be around and NOT be hooked to the Xbox?
3) Who is going to be around and NOT be drinking away their problems?
Tentatively, we arrive Sunday the 13th and leave Wednesday the 16th. I understand this falls upon Gilassbead's birthday. However, I do not wish to see Amish puke in his back yard, again, and stay up until 9am playing Halo 3, again. If I wanted to see hairy subhumans puking and playing with themselves, I can go down to Cheesman Park and watch hobos do it and spare me the 10 hour drive.
William, you are not chopped liver and I am fully aware you will be around with your female, sans Austria.
Ch-ch-ch-changes!
I am about three pages and a cowriter revision away from having a true first draft script.
Where are you at, Kevin?
Where are you at, Kevin?
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
I didn't!
Did you know that in Canada, Rockstar contains alcohol (sometimes)?
I already had enough trouble getting that stuff into work. The one time I brought a can into my old job in Des Moines, the other researcher spent a good few minutes glancing over at the can, before asking if it was beer. My explanation didn't help much, as she wasn't familiar with energy drinks. Also, of course, the name is ridiculous.
Today I got a job in this donkey show of a state, primarily due to Andy sending me a link. Next time you see him, give him a bratwurst for me.
I already had enough trouble getting that stuff into work. The one time I brought a can into my old job in Des Moines, the other researcher spent a good few minutes glancing over at the can, before asking if it was beer. My explanation didn't help much, as she wasn't familiar with energy drinks. Also, of course, the name is ridiculous.
Today I got a job in this donkey show of a state, primarily due to Andy sending me a link. Next time you see him, give him a bratwurst for me.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
