Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Copy Editor: The closest an English major can come to being God
I applied for a Copy Editor position in Aberdeen South Dakota. Its quite a long drive from Des Moines Iowa, but I was thinking about how far Dave lives from Des Moines, and I still see him about as often as I see everyone in Albia. So I went for it. I've been really agressive with this one.

First I mailed them a pimped out resume and a cover letter that I had poured over the night before. Oh, there were also ten pages of writing samples enclosed in that letter. I stuffed those pages into a manilla envelope and slapped a few stamps on it. The envelope and its contents are probably somewhere in South Dakota by now.

I also scoured the internet trying to find some contact information for this publication, other than it's physical address. I came up with an e-mail address, so I decided to hit them with another payload.

You would know, now that I've got some job prospects in another state, Johnny Buttsex decides to call me and offer to move into an apartment with me. So now I have to decide if I want to sign a lease with him, essentially chaining me to the Des Moines area for an entire year.

The upshot is: Johnny Buttsex will surely approve of us getting Xbox Live.
:)ONLINE HALO BABY:)
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Nervous Taxi Driver
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the
still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Sunday, June 27, 2004
24 hrs of Jimmy Jack's Grabass!
Andy and I had a blast last nite at House o' Bricks. They had a badass band called Screaming Monkey Boner who took old game music and put lyrics to it. It was quite badass. The only problem is that I think Andy & I were abducted by aliens cuz we cant remember a damn thing that happened last nite. I sorta remember little flashes of grey humanoids dragging me thru a hallway and some sort of bright, blinding light. As for andy, he complained of his ass hurting. I had no part in that im sure.

So today we forced ryan to pay for us to go to a Nerdery Comic Convention. Im glad i didnt have to pay to go in there cuz it blew ass. Nothing of interest but we all 3 won door prizes and such. So it was almost like Ryan bought 3 random pieces of crap for five bucks a pop. There was this excellent indy comic called Arsenic Illusion or something. Its about this voodoo guy who has an army of zombie fetuses. The boogy man was in it too. It was very much like JTHM and FLCL threw up in a bag and then manifested life that bred into a comic book.

So anywho, girls. Stupid. Mostly all the time. Anyone around tonite? Nope. If so Ill be at the Agertment.

Boogey Man: I killed your dad! Oooooooo!
Boy: Which one?
Boogey Man: ...oh shut up.
Friday, June 25, 2004
"Billigerent badness"
The title of this post is an excerpt from a conversation I just had with a girl I work with. These were the last words spoken in that conversation.

It started with another employee explaining about how the girl he was with last night had fake boobs and had won an amature contest at the lumberyard. The girl I was talking to then told us about how her friend (another employee here) had won....and then broke off because she had a call.

So we sat here for six minutes and twelve seconds imagining this other girl dancing at the lumberyard. She easily leaped from a seven to a twelve on a scale of one to ten.

When our informant finally finished with her call she clarified that it was a kissing contest. Apparently her friend kissed a stripper really really well. So the stripper took some of this girls clothes off and let her, and all her friends, party in the V.I.P room.

We were rivited. This was obviously the beggining of a kickass, porn and booze-ridden tale. So we sat, anxiously waiting. And waiting...and waiting...

Finally I asked, "So, what happend in the V.I.P room?"

She smiled and said
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Grabass the Old Fashioned Way!!!
Yes....Tonite? A lot less of Crystal Meth Chronicles. A lot more of booze. LOTS and LOTS more booze. Kevin wont be around to bitch or have Diahrea of the mouth. So ...Yay!
But in the Latin alphabet, Jehovah starts with an I...
Today I received an official-looking letter from the government's personnel department. Naturally, I assumed that some shadowy governmental organization was propositioning me for high-paying, martini-swilling work, but upon opening I discovered it was a sort of background check on Lucas, who had listed me as a reference. So in the section asking for my personal opinion of him, I wrote that he was voted Most Likely to Swallow the Handful of Honeybees. Well, maybe I didn't, but that's only because there was no section asking for my personal opinion. It was all pretty boring, really. I just confirmed that he probably wasn't a Russian spy.

We Albians are all addicted to Crystal Chronicles now. By addicted, I mean 15 of the last 30 hours have gone to it. And it's pretty good, although last night at five am relations started to break down just a weee bit. That party was composed of Kevin, Garrett, Dave, and me, so you can imagine how that would go. But we slew the monsters instead of each other, and when it was all over Dave come up with a new video game:

Jimmy Jack's Grabass, with 42 Insane Levels of Grabass Fun. Now complete with all original 42 characters, including Jimmy Jack himself.

You know you want to play it.

I've been rolling between here and the Cedar Falls area interviewing with increasingly more powerful and somber executives at the Waverly Newspapers, and am now waiting for their damned response. But their oracles or fortune tellers or whatever the hell agents they use for decision-making are slow or dead, and I still have no idea whether or not I'll spend the next few weeks dashing around small town Iowa in search of news stories, or dashing from Garrett's broken armchair to the refrigerator in search of vodka.

For the Follies regulars: are there any plans this year? Dave's pretty worked up for it, but I have no idea if I'll even be available yet. Not sure about you Des Moinesians.

Uh...that's it.
But in the Latin alphabet, Jehovah starts with an I...
Today I received an official-looking letter from the government's personnel department. Naturally, I assumed that some shadowy governmental organization was propositioning me for high-paying, martini-swilling work, but upon opening I discovered it was a sort of background check on Lucas, who had listed me as a reference. So in the section asking for my personal opinion of him, I wrote that he was voted Most Likely to Swallow the Handful of Honeybees. Well, maybe I didn't, but that's only because there was no section asking for my personal opinion. It was all pretty boring, really. I just confirmed that he probably wasn't a Russian spy. probably . . .

We Albians are all addicted to Crystal Chronicles now. By addicted, I mean 15 of the last 30 hours have gone to it. And it's pretty good, although last night at five am relations started to break down just a weee bit. That party was composed of Kevin, Garrett, Dave, and me, so you can imagine how that would go. But we slew the monsters instead of each other, and when it was all over Dave come up with a new video game:

Jimmy Jack's Grabass, with 42 Insane Levels of Grabass Fun. Now complete with all original 42 characters, including Jimmy Jack himself.

You know you want to play it.

I've been rolling between here and the Cedar Falls area interviewing with increasingly more powerful and somber executives at the Waverly Newspapers, and am now waiting for their damned response. But their oracles or fortune tellers or whatever the hell agents they use for decision-making are slow or dead, and I still have no idea whether or not I'll spend the next few weeks dashing around small town Iowa in search of news stories, or dashing from Garrett's broken armchair to the refrigerator in search of vodka.

For the Follies regulars: are there any plans this year? Dave's pretty worked up for it, but I have no idea if I'll even be available yet. Not sure about you Des Moinesians.

Uh...that's it.
Argh
Insomnia is a horrible, horrible thing.
Anyways, since its 6:45 am, I'm not sure what to do with myself. No one in my house is awake, and nothing is available to do. Because most people are asleep.
The tuna burgers sound most interesting Andy, but very odd. Where the hell did you find a recipie for those??? I bet those would be fantastic with fresh tuna, but in Iowa, thats impossible to find, as the tuna demand is not large.
Wes, are you still alive? And how is Oregon? I hope everything is okay.
Well, next weekend is the 4th of July, and though its still early, does anyone have plans? I believe I asked for the night off. So, if anyone would be interested in getting together for a 4th of July thing that doesn't involve in Gert destroying public property, just post or comment I guess. It would be nice to have a get-to-gether, but if not, thats all good too I suppose. The last time I saw most of you, I was delivering your pizza and had about 3 seconds to talk. Alas.
Yeah, I don't know. I may go back to bed, its damn early. And this is a poor excuse for a post. I got nothin.
To all a good day. :)
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
The ancient and arcane art of tuna burger cookery
Tuna burgers rox my sox! They are quick and simple.

First: Open a can of tuna. I prefer tuna in water, but tuna in oil is okay too.

Then: Drain all the water, or oil, out of the tuna and dump the tuna in a bowl.

Now: Get an egg, bust that fucker open and pour its runny insides all over the tuna. Make sure to not get any shell in the tuna, which can be tough if you break eggs like I do.

Okay: Grab a few saltine crackers, like three or four should be good, and crumble them up really good. Just grind those bastards into saltine cracker dust. Sprinkle all the dust over your tuna and egg.

Sir Mix-a-lot: Now stir like you've never stirred before! Get down with that fork. If it helps, put on a rap record and just get down to the funky sounds. Mix it up like a famous rapper, BABY!

Finally: You should have a sort of tuna paste. It's not as disgusting as it may sound, I promise. Get a frying pan or skillet and heat that baby up. Scoop out two even dollops of tuna paste and form them into a patty shape. Make sure you scooped the dollops onto the frying pan and not all over the oven or the counter or whatever.

Now: Watch them tuna burgers fry! About five minutes per side on medium heat should do it. Just don't burn them. Make sure they're golden brown on both sides.

Spatula: Using a spatula (or your hand if you're as manly as I am) remove the tuna burgers from the skillet. Place them on bread or a plate. Serve them up with ketchup, tartar sauce, steak sauce, a side of baby...whatever! They're good no matter how you slice them.

Cleanup: Now, light fire to the kitchen, create a believable alibi, call the fire dept and collect insurance.

Voila! Tuna burgers and insurance fraud for lunch!
Monday, June 21, 2004
...
No, I haven't joined a cult.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Big Dummies who want Body Massages
...wow. I come to town, and the postings stop. Coincidence? I think not.

Halo, 4 Swords, and soon Crystal Chronicles will take up my time. Im goin to UNI to do stuff tomarra hopefully, so I wont be around until like...wednesday nite.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
They want this to happen so the survivors are easier to control.
Fucking hell to everything. We had a fire alarm that interrupted our game of Halo. Then I see the perps. Then we all get yelled at for stupid shit. Then I saw Lynn puke in the hall..then the idiots down the hall ask if i saw anything. Its all fucking stupid.

So yes. I want to have a "good ol reservoir time" to celebrate the 5 yr. passing of the old situation. Ony there are whiney bitch problems:

1) Permit to use the reservoir. It could be done at Rafbun (sic) or Ranchero de Amish. No biggie.
2) Michelle. I was hopin that it could be like the "core" collective. You follow? like the guys...not so much gert cuz he wasnt in our group at the time either and not so much other girls. I dont know..Im a whiney bitch about like remembering the original thing. And not too many other guests. Im just afraid that she'll like destroy the male atmosphere and all our women bashing and shit that usually happens when men build fire and drink booze. Biggie.
3) Meteors. They destroyed tims car and now they want to destroy us. Huge Fucking Biggie.

I dont know. Im a whiney bitch is what I'm kind of saying. So when I get back lets hammer out a plan? that would be a good idea. Im out

11:53mountain time Yeah. Im off to turn in stuff..then Im done. Ill be leaving within 2 hours or so. Ill be safe driving back. And if I die...sorry? Yall be waitin for me!
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
If you could see the things I hear
This space was wasted on a usless post.
I apologize.

Unbelivers' blood tastes best . . .
So many posts while I've been gone! As if many monkeys with many whips have been at your backs, scourging you, screaming commands in monkish to the effect that if you don't type more and faster you will have the very flesh torn from your shoulders!

Bwa!

I like Ryan's take on my car accident although there was no hooch involved. But the rest of his story is acceptable, and so I'm making it the official version. Except that . . . um . . . as I spied the SUV below me I noticed that there were kidnapped female pirates in the back, being taken to some mansion in the Caribbean to be ransomed off to the highest bidder, so I spurred the probe over the edge of the overpass, landed on the front of the SUV, flipping it forward and upward, and when it landed I dispatched the driver with the sword-in-a-cane Goathead gave me several years ago. The female pirates were . . . well, they were grateful. Very grateful. So grateful they even showered affection upon my girlfriend, the passenger.

Dave returns tomorrow, then. Exxxxccellent. Any ideas, Senor Wells, on when you'll be here? But then again, you're probably already on the road. As to me visiting the mistress: I told her I would spend Monday through Wednesday of the upcoming week with her, but it's (possibly) negotiable. Due to her job it's the only time open, so I'm hoping that Thursday through Sunday are kickass enough to earn me a few days' leave from the Wells madness.

Am going to Des Moines today with Mr. Pants to apply to be a librarian. Yes, laugh. But know that it pays between 12 and 15 dollars an hour! So of course I won't get hired. Currently I have aps out to three newspapers, a publishing house, Cargill's security team, and a bank. Freelance fucking assassin is not too far down the line.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
girls is where I steal my act
Been pretty busy up here. Trying to squeeze a fair-sized apartment's worth of stuff into a tiny room is proving to be quite the task. I never realized I had quite so much.... Shit. Some pretty stupid shit, at that.

2 weeks in, I have to say that work is... Interesting. I've never really had to work with someone for whom English is a secondary language before, and it's making communication a bit of a hassle to be honest. Makes me wish I picked up some Spanish in HS, but noooo, I had to be a rebel and learn Russian. I might have to pick up some "learn Spanish" tapes or someshit.

Anyways, everything is going pretty well and after this weekend I should be pretty much settled. Turns out that between the drive and a slightly longer workday (I didn't have to clock out for lunch before) I have about an hour and half less time a day than I used to, which is making things a bit tight. I'm getting it budgeted though.

I'm planning on wrapping up all my Chariton-required stuff on Friday or Saturday and then I should be pretty much settled, in which case I'll be able to start working on all those things I had to put on hold during the move, like game stuff, comic stuff, and the blog stuff. I'll be around this weekend sometime though, for sure.

In political news, the Republican party is now tapping the undead market: Bush/Zombie Reagan 2004! I dunno about you, but I saw it coming.
Animal Sex? Theres no TIME, man!
Yeah...No ones posted in a while so I decided to make one.

Whats the plans for when I return? Is...there any plans? I heard talk of a Des Moines shindig but I havent heard anything about it since it was mentioned. As well, Tim should NOT go to see his crack baby next weekend cuz Sarah is coming back for a booze blowout. Also, Ryan decided to take vacation time like a 1000 days after he said he could do something when I came back. So when you see him, BELITTLE HIM! Otherwize, any ideas on what to do? I dont want an entire vacation time spent playin Halo, but a few nites of it wouldnt hurt :)

A girl gave me a supervillain idea: Fordor, Driver of the Family Sedan!
Sunday, June 13, 2004
To contradict my javascript: IM COMING BACK THURSDAY!
I got a birthday present today...about a week+ late. I had Tom order me a bunny, but when the box got here it was a snake. But I made due. I had a pound of hair, some pipe cleaners, and a stapler. So I have a bunny that I designed. It was my chance to play god. So now Nathan Scott Phillip (thats his name now) and I are goin to kiss like the french. They dehinge their jaw to show love, you know.

Yeah. In truth I got a haircut. Its sorta like DBZ's Trunks hair..before it got morbidly stupid and long. Everyone says i look younger and its better looking then the Hippy John Lennon length it was.

RYAN: If you can un-unfun yourself we shall do something very fun when I return. :D I RETURN THURSDAY!!! THURRRRSSSSSDDDDAAAAAAAAYYYYY! SO Friday? Yes? Good. Fun yourself.
Friday, June 11, 2004
Just chillin at the Holiday Inn
I fear Mau has joined a cult and is no longer allowed to go near electronic devices. She wears all white and follows this hippy who hates Mormons and has mutliple wives and does house construction. ...Or mebbe not.

Tim car. Damn. Since Im a detective, I have concluded that tim's car wasnt trashed...it was MURDERED! Someone was jealous of Tim's probe. And it was a woman. Cuz it smelled like perfume. Hence it means only one thing---Meteors did it! I swear! Reverse female vampires who are jealous of Tim's libido sent meteors saute'ed in 10w40 blood to fuck up the traffic lights and cause Tim to lose his breaks and careen into the path of a giant gas guzzling penis compensating Mormon designed/built SUV. Everything I say and do is right. So for my services, thatll be $20.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Mysterious Impact
Tim is being elusive about the destruction of the probe. I want all the metal smashing details. I want to know exactly what he was thinking at the moment of impact. Did he fear an untimely death at the hands of the SUV that, undoubtedly, loomed large over the hood of his tiny white shitmobile. Did he wet his pants, or soil himself in any other fashion, when he heard the sounds of metal colliding with metal? Did the glass from his windshield shatter on impact? Did fragments break off and rip into the flesh of his face and head? Was there blood left staining the blue cloth seats, or the twisted blue dashboard? Is he in pain? Even now, his face may be marred by fragments of metal and glass. There could be shrapnel left in his skin for months, even years! This could be a life-changing event in little Timmy's life. He may never be the same. He may never drive again! His fear of accidents may become so severe that he could never get behind the wheel again, for the rest of his living days. Tim could be purchasing a bicycle next week, and that would be his only form of transportation other than his little footsies. He'll have to wobble home from the bar, tightly gripping the handlebars, trying to keep it on the sidewalk. Of course, if he has to vomit all he'll need to do is stop pedaling and lean over.

Yeah, its gonna be a rough life for Tim from here on out. Maybe we could just find a lifestyle that avoided automobiles all together? We could join an Amish colony. They might not take too well to our drinking habits, though. Maybe we could just become pirates. We'd have no need for a car. We could just cruise international waters on speedboats and jetskis, attacking wayward cruiseliners. Yeah! Like those big carnival cruise bastards! The ones that Kathy Lee Gifford is always pimping out. They would just be putting along, eating lobster and talking about their stocks and mutual funds; not realizing they just entered international waters. Then, WAMMO! Pirates, off the starboard bow! Captain 'skurvy dogg' Dicks swings in wearing nothing but pajama pants and an eyepatch. He has a dagger between his teeth and he looks pissed as all hell!

"We've come fer yer booty landlubbers!" he'd yell. Then he'd grab the ass of a nearby, hot, twenty-something female. Pearl necklaces, diamond earrings, wallets and watches would all fall at Skurvy Dogg's feet. His faithful crew of asswhippin' pirates would swing onboard behind him and bag up the booty. Then they'd all peruse the ship for some other booty they could bag.

Damn, Tim wrecking his car may be the best thing that ever happend to us.
Here:
The Probe is no more. I have impaled her upon the nose of an SUV the size of the British Empire.

Last night I dreamt that we were all in high school again, and to celebrate the end of school the town held its annual last-student-standing event. All the high school people had to kill each other until there was only one left, and that last would get some great prize. The whole mess was very detailed, involving car theft, shotgun blasts, general running around town. Specifically I remember Andy walking around in a giant piece of armor shaped like a grenade, throwing grenades at people. And Nick tried some complex electric eel trap that failed.

Tonight, by Amish's declaration, is the Albia Pirate Party. Booya.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004
...
MARS BUNNIES!!!
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
I want peace in the middle east! ...and a blowjob
This blog has been dead as a muthafucka. Much like my job lately. We haven't had anyone to call, so they've been letting us go early and while I am here I just mess around on the internet. Yeah, its a tough job, but some lazy bastard has to do it. And thankfully, that lazy bastard is me! I'll probably be getting off some time between six and seven tonight if anyone wants to come visit me.

The company I work for is evil though. When they let us go early we just don't get paid for the time we aren't here. So full-time people are just getting fucked. I'm probably not going to be able to afford the expensive whiskey at the bar this weekend. Its a damn tradgedy. Also, I sent someone an email today and I got it sent back to me because it had 'innapropriate word(s)'. I think I said 'fucking' or something like that. It was lame. I had to type the email over again, and I hate doing shit like that. I just sat there trying to remember exactly what I typed the first time.

Man, I love Halo. I really just fucking love that game. I would have sex with it, if it had a proper interface. I think I might even read the Halo books. Shit, I should get one of those Master Chief dolls and sleep with it every night! I would dream of aliens and asswhipping.
Stupidity is inescapable
I love this. Some fucking jerk off decided to set off the fire alarm at 3am. This wouldnt normally bother me, but I went to bed at 2am. So since then, Im not able to go back to sleep. Why? Cuz some fucking nic-fitting ass clown had to smoke in the hallway and set off our super fucking sensitive alarms. They are more touchy then the fucking old woman downstairs that flipped shit when a card fell off a table.

Im meeting with James and Vin today at lunch and dinner to discuss FOES again. James hasnt been around too much cuz of class so hopefully we can get something discussed/done.

SIDE NOTE: I realized that 5 years ago from this date, I was officially in the Army. Wow. Fucking five years ago....eh. 0h well.

BIL! GO HERE!
Everyone else! GO HEYA! (not dial up folks...itll take a 1000 hours)
Monday, June 07, 2004
To be an intern...
Well interning out here is pretty cool. I have this whole non-disclosure agreement (NDA) thing going on though so I never know how much I can say. And thus my relative silence, not that I'm neccesarily that talkative to begin with. Anyway, one thing I was working on was just released to the public, so I can talk about it. But none of you care, so I won't. But I will leave a link to pics of it so you can at least look at it, here.

Yes, and as I type this it occurs to me that I never asked Bil permission to use part of the portrait he did of me as my pic on GarageGames. For that I apologize, it sort of didn't occur to me until just now that it could be a problem. Bil, let me know and I can remove it. Other than that I have been assured that working on cool stuff is what is to occur, always soon though, and not so much now. I'm still sorta finding my place though so its somewhat understandable.

Yesterday I finished reading The Zombie Survival Guide as recommended to me by Bil. It was quite amusing. Then I read through my spankin new copy of the final Transmetropolitan, which was even more amusing. No offense to the zombies, but Transmet is one of my favorite reads. It cuts to the bone.

Right, well I was trying to do some web based work to make money from my college job, but judging from the length of this post I'm sure you can all figure out about how well thats working. I think perhaps I will instead endeavor to work on the redesign of the geemus website so it will actually look good. Which reminds me, I may have to redo or at least touch up the logo yet again. Opinions would be handy, the logo is up on http://www.geemus.com. The edges are a little rough, I'll fix that. The color and lighting probably need adjusted too. Basically what I'm trying to say is I know its far from perfection so feel free to form and express honest opinions. I'd expect as much of you regardless.
Life looks so easy from my easy-chair
So yes, work has indeed been an interesting place the last few days. Last evening, one of the kids at work made a pizza to share with the rest of his fellow employees, and there was no one in the dining room at that point. So, he takes plates, silverware, napkins and the pizza out to the booth nearest the door, and goes back to make an order.
Meanwhile, it starts raining, and everyone who was at Rathbun comes a-running to the Hut for damned pizza. They bitch that its cold in there, while they are wet, in swimming suits, etc, drinking cold glasses of H20 and soda. What the hell do they expect?
Well, large table (10 people)walks through the door, with this guy who is just plowed over drunk. He starts bitching about how hungry he is etc, and starts eyeing our pizza at the booth across from him.
Noticing that no one is eating off the pizza, he just goes over, grabs the whole pizza and the plates and silverware, and starts eating the pizza. So the kid steps out of the kitchen and is pissed. Goes over and asks the guy how his is, and the drunk replies 'Tastes like <strong>shit'.
So, not knowing what to do, the kid just storms back into the kitchen and asks me what to do. So, I go out and say "Well, sir, if our pizza tastes like shit, lemme just get it out of your way" and promptly remove the pizza, while he just looks dumbfounded at me.
Then tonight, the drunks were at it again. This guy orders a pizza for delivery. Standard wait time for a delivery is approximately 45 minutes. This I tell for people to allow 25-30 minutes for the pizza to cook, and an additional 20-15 minutes for the driver to find the house, take additional deliveries, etc. So, this guy calls in, for a delivery, and we take his order, fine and dandy. He waits maybe 30 minutes, and then he keeps calling in asking where his pizza is. Finally, after calling 5 times in a row, in 8 minutes, he talks to me, and was like
"Okay,babe, whats going on, where's my food? You gonna have to work it off..."
Which I promptly told him that it would be there shortly, and hung up the phone.
And this gents, is why I just love my job.
Blah.
Props to you on making it this far if you did, it was fairly long, and mostly pointless. However, I figured someone would find the man eating our pizza pretty funny. heh heh...yeah...
*sigh*
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Pandora's Box
Ugh. I introduced Tom to MSI. Cool, yes, but he has a habit of putting the same 3 songs on constant repeat. Its like Andy playin XMas songs...over and over... Just fear the worst like theres possibly enough MSI to get sick of them.

Hey. ANohter evil thing. I swear girls just USE me when they can. I let the anime girl use my car. Simple. Yes. BUT NO. She borrows it then tells me i OWE her money for the gas. OWES HER FOR LOANING MY CAR TO HER. Fuck no. Not goin to fly. She wont see that money.


And...thats about it. Finals start this week.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Can't find no rhyme in all my reason
Last night I went to see a guy from work play his guitar and sing at Keysters. It was really good, he's a hell of a musician. He sang some pretty good tunes as well. One of them was very Amish-esque. The lyrics were something like "I want a hot stupid nymphomaniac that just inherited her own liquor store". I dunno, it was a good song.

I'm totally jonesing for a Halo fix. You Albia people and your playing Halo at Gert's together...you suck. I desire much killing! You need to come up here. Krispy called me earlier this week and I think we're going to do something tonight. So come up!

IF YOU'RE A WOMAN AND YOU DON'T GOT A MAN, THROW UP YA HANDS!
About as gay as a pile of naked guys fucking each other.
Ugh. Most emasculated day of my 23 years of existence. I had to take Lynn (anime girl) shopping for a dress cuz I needed to avoid the mormons. Ok. This was fine at noon. Nope, the closest mall has NOTHING she likes. So I was held at womenpoint to drive to Littleton (about 45 mins away) to look at the bigger mall's selections. Fucking hell. NOTHING THERE WAS GOOD EITHER. So we go to little malls. NOTHING. I wasted all this fucking time on NOTHING then she blames me for not having a taste of fashion or helping her find anything to wear. FUCKING SHIT COCKS AFIRE. So on the way back IM IN RUSH HOUR! Anyone ever DRIVEN in rush hour?! Rolling around in broken glass and salt is more fun. STop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Wait. Wait. Go. Stop. Wait. Wait. Go-STOP!!! ....wait....go. STOP! wait. Cut off by some jerk in SUV. Bird. Go. Stop. wait. I swear Ill never drive to a mall ever again.

If anyone wants to send me a shotgun Ill be most pleased.

EDIT So yes. I saw the new Harry Potter movie tonite. It was actually pretty decent. It had a lot of twists and wierd stuff going on but it really wasnt too bad of a movie.

Which brings me to a good point. WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE BRING KIDS TO A GOD DAMN MOVIE?! Kids dont sit thru a 2 hour movie. Hell, kids cant sit still thru a 30 minute live action cartoon! Its just stupid.

Anywho, thats all I really want to post right now. In closing... how does one get a D in garage? I cant even say "garadge" let alone fathom how it could be put into motion. Just stupidity i suppose (thats called satire, Ryan).
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Sorry Im late. My silly walk has become quite a bit more sillier and elongated my walks.
Yay. Old Man Wells is EVEN older! Fuggin 23. Im closer to the day when I can grow a beard, shave my head, and demand girls w/ blue hair to show me their panties for my assistance. Neh heheheheheh!

So yes. This whole Kum & Go thing. I friggin TOLD YOU ALL about loitering. Remember how Id shoo you out after you were there for like 10 minutes? Yeah. That is why. If I had a nickel for everytime I told you so, Id have like...5 nickels at least. It figures this would happen. Like, was the loitering during the Josh, Amish, or Gert shifts? Ugh. Amish and Gert time it makes sence. I gloat mostly because I remember issuing the warning that loitering got me in trouble and customers were anal loving fat bitches (some would call them penguins for mind fuckingly unsenseable reasons) who didnt want people standing in their way of Ben& Jerry's and other fatty treats. But I suppose I cant stop everything. It pisses me off about as much as goo backs with rap music. Its like they have gone to McMurphyism trials and put you on the stand "Tim Dicks are you a member of the Loitering Party?!" I told you guys that loitering was bad, but I suppose that it was Kevin who destroyed it all. Egh. Enough gloating.

For my Birthday, I dont expect gothy prostitutes. Ive heard that promise many times but Ive seen that promise broken just as much. Im going to dinner tonite with a bunch of people. The place is called Two Fisted Marios. It reminds me of two things: porno flick and Rommy beating Tim. Hopefully its neither.

Hmm...what else...Oh. Yeah. 2 weeks left! Woot! Then Ill return like a chef in the night.
'Tis I, the Incan God of Wiffle Ball!
Greetings, Bloggians.

This afternoon I will once again be venturing into the wilderness of Des Moines. I turned down the $7 an hour bookstore job because, although it would involve books and . . . books, $7 is the lowest wage I've seen offered anywherein Des Moines, and so I'd like to at least try for something a little better. Plus, I can't imagine having any trouble finding a $7 job in that town. Today I'm going to stop by Aldi's, since they have a help wanted up and pay 9 and change for clerks, 15 and change for ass managers. Not that I want to work in a grocery store, but for nine 9 bucks I could do it for a while. I had been considering an $8 janitorial job but it went away right before I seriously enquired. If anyone hears of other decent employment in the area, let me know.

Checked out a one-bedroom in Injunola but it didn't have a shower. So I let that go. Dreamt last night that I was living in Bil's old apartment, except it wasn't the actual old apartment so much as some goofy dream-creation. There was at least a Taco John's nearby.

Wells: hope you're having a good burthday. The trio of goth prostitutes should show up around seven.

I heard that a bunch of us were ejected from Kum & Go last weekend. Then I heard that said ejection prompted Mary to watch recent surveillance tapes, and then I heard there was a meeting and thenI heard that Kevin and I were named as Loiterers of the Highest Order, with Keven having additional status as some sort of Loitering Grand Dragon. Also, he's banned from the store after eleven. Somehow I escaped the exile.

I . . . suppose that's it.
Nothing really...
I don't have anything really to say, except to wish Mr. Wells a happy birthday.
Happy Birthday Dave!
:)
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Big 'N', little 'y', HUGE FUCKING 'Q'!!!
The 'Q' is talking to me, the 'Q' is talking to me.

I've taken NyQuil cough syrup the past two nights for a sleep-stealing cough that I've had for about a week now. I'm afraid that I might have an infection, so I scheduled an appointment for tomorrow morning.

The reason I believe it has to be an infection is because: If NyQuil can't take care of it, it has to be serious.

That shit is wicked! I've only taken it a couple of times before, but each time I take it I'm wiped out for a good twenty-four hours. Yesterday when I woke up, (or when I sluggishly drug myself from out my bed, rather) it felt like I had been hit by a bus sometime in the middle of the night. I was dizzy and not entirely sure what day it was. I was suddenly afraid that Denis Leary was right and I had slept through a few weeks! It wasn't quite that bad, but I had slept for about ten hours, which is about three or four hours longer than normal. It was a hellava lot longer than Sunday night, when I only got about four hours sleep due to the incessant cough. The cough really hasn't subsided much, but man do I feel well rested after two consecutive nights of hardcore sleeping! I had no idea that so much enjoyment could be gotten out of unconsciousness.
I feel good, I feel light... weight.
Finally managed to get ahold of my landlord, so notice has finally been given. He was pretty cool about it even though it all came about fairly last-minute for him. He even offered to refund any excess rent in the unlikely event that he manages to shop out my apartment before the end of the month. I say "unlikely" because the place above mine has been empty for something like 5 months, and the most I've seen him do about it is write up a sign made on a dry-erase board in the window of the office that he's never in.

Speaking of moving... My dad is coming down with one of my uncles and a truck on Friday morning to move all of the things that I'm not taking with me to Des Moines either back to my Grandmother's basement (some furniture she gave me) or to his house (stuff I won't need in DM, like the microwave). I'm planning on junking some stuff, like the old mattress, entertainment center, and computer desk but I don't know how much they're going to want to be driving around or anything. I'm sure it'll all be taken care of by late afternoon though. As per the things I'm bringing to DM, that's mostly my electronics, paper-stuff (books, comics, manga) and clothing. All of which can fit into my car, albeit not in one trip. So if someone wants to come over to my place on Friday late-afternoon or evening and haul some shit, that'd be cool... But it's certainly not required or even asked for. A truck would simplify things greatly, however.

The blog has been pretty slow lately, but I'm not complaining too much. I keep meaning to do some constructive criticism on some of the posts, but put it off a bit for a couple of reasons: One, some of you (not going to name any names here) don't seem to take criticism too well. As an artist (particularly, a shitty anime-style artist) I've had to put up with some brutal scathing critiques of my art for years, and I've learned to always take criticism as constructive, something to learn and grow from. Sometimes I forget that some people not used to that kind of thing take criticism as an attack, and simply fight or throw a fit instead of learning and growing from it. Second of all, I've been pretty happy with the direction the posts have gone overall. There's been some low spots (I hope Dave's latest few posts are just 'spots' and not a trend, at least. Heh) but overall I feel that everyone's posts have been slowly been becoming better and more readable, from the formatting, paragraph breaks and better spelling to the stupid/unnecessary shit being culled out bit by bit. I've peeked at a few of the 'most recently updated' blogs off the old main blogger page, and I have to say that we're in kind of an odd place for blogs. Usually the "serious" blogs, like political blogs and whatnot have a very nice, simple design and excellent readability. The "personal" blogs are usually cluttered clusterfucks of code (or just one of the shittier templates badly edited) and range from "difficult to read" to "unreadable pile of shit." Annoying slang, rambling run-on sentences, funky spellings, and stupid internet lingo abounds; not to mention the horrible spelling in general, bad grammar, and unreadable ugly formatting. Strangely, our blog is about the only one I've seen in the middle of it all. Not excellent, but at least we capitalize the first word in our sentences and (usually) format the post well. Not surprising, really since a fair amount of our posters on here are English majors.... Or in my case, just a pedantic-elitist-linguaphile-grammar-and-spelling-Nazi.

Hm, speaking of the blog. I've been messing with the blog template a bit more again (well, I was before the whole moving thing consumed all my time), as I feel that the current one is a bit too "floaty," but I've been having trouble with my newest template. There's something in it that is causing all the text to slowly drift leftwards in each post, and it's cumulutive. By about the 20th post down, an inch of the text is off the screen, turning the lower half of the blog basically unreadable. I haven't been able to track down what's causing it, which is quite annoying. So I'm sticking with the current design for now. I know most of you don't know or care what the fuck I'm talking about, but I just wanted to rant. Heh.

Oh, one last thing for Karl: Apparently they have decided to go ahead and shuffle all the jobs in my old department around so a night custodial job will be opening up in a week or two. The hours are 11pm-7am at the warehouse Sunday through Thursday, and it's mainly cleaning a bunch of offices, a huge-ass breakroom, and (ugh) all of the warehouse bathrooms. Most of the time, everyone has gone home by 2am or 4am at the latest though, so about half your time will be spent alone (except for some security guards) and unsupervised. There's certainly worse jobs, although that whole "warehouse bathrooms" thing kind of sucks. As soon as I get more info, I'll let you know. I'll definately toss a mention of you my supervisor's way during my exit-interview or on my last day, though.
Sunshine doesn't belong there...
Was going to post big rant about Human Resource directors and recent long meetings I sat through at work that was supposed to have been about addressing employee dissatisfaction. Instead here, this sort of feels like what Target would do about it, though they wouldn't be well meaning like Hugh. Going to bed, to tired to properly rant. Bil, contact me if you need assistance moving, I'm basically going to be around in some state of consciousness all week. Anyhow, hasta.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Break glass, stab in ears, silence music.
Its time for a Dave rant! Doopedoo! God fucking damn people. We have 2 latinos, a wigger (a white "gansta") and a Camboo gangsta in my Life Drawing class. Our teacher brought in a stereo so we could have some music. But no. This lil posse of dumb fucks. They play that fucking WuTang 2004 bullshit. Rap music is fucking retarded. Its enforcing the stereo type that black people only say fuck, coochies, shit, and their only purpose in life is to pop coochies, fuck shit up, and shoot people they have problems with. Not true but back to the point. Its a 4 hr class. They played the CD all the way thru, and started it again. Clayton (imagine what the biggest asshole on the Mud really looks like) asked nicely when they started the first time if they would not play it. He asked again when they started it a 2nd time. Then he says to turn it off cuz no one wants to hear it cept the Buttercream Gang. Remember that mexican kid i bitched about a while ago? Yeah. Hes one of them. He says AND IM NOT FUCKING PARAPHRASING "Hey Fool. Dont like our shit? Just come and turn it off, fool!" So Clayton, unlike other online asshole nerds, goes and unplugs the stereo. So all them cap gun busting fuckers of cows in retrospect (dick milks) start acting like 9th graders and try to bring him down the Camboo way "Stupid whitey goin to go and play video games. Prolly listens to NSync too. He prolly wants that fool Justin Timberlake too. Fucking Ninja." Ugh. So I try to intervene and tell them to stop cuz its bothering me. The mexis and camboo listen, but not the fucking wigger. He starts saying "Hey. Honkey! Turn around! Just Turn around!" Ugh. I was asking nicely. And YET, they kept going on and on. Ugh. I hate people who enforece stereotypes. Not all latinos listen to gansta music, wear big ass clothes, grow shitty mustaches, or say fool like gert says dude. Dumbass syphilis rotten apples like these cock holsters ruin the barrel. And White people who act like ganstas....STAB! It doesnt work! They just keep breading. I swear. Im not racist, I just hate stereotypes. And those who fullfil them. I dont think mexicans steal our jobs either. They can have the jobs involving apple picking or kill flooring at excel or landscaping or wal mart mopping. And you ALL know that you thought it. Ugh. At least I tried to keep calm but the more i think the more i want to ...well....yeah


So theres a post. Continue with your lives citizens.