Nissan Versa
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
God damn, I swear, every time I regret this Follies decision, I look at the police blotter and get excited all over again. As promised a thousand years ago, here's my pics. I took out the ones I didn't like. I left Dave's yesses regardless of whether I liked them or not. We can make more cuts later. Oh, and change up the order.
Caller reported while crossing railroad tracks, crossing arms started coming down and smashed into the boat he was pulling. No train coming. DUMB No, this one can be good! Just imagine the physical action; Dave driving, Andy in the boat behind...
Caller requested officer to help retrieve item mistakenly dropped in library book return. Dave dumping a baby?
Caller reported dog at large chasing a person. Officer unable to locate. DUMB
Caller reported that his sister was involved with an accident overnight in which she didn¹t think there was enough damage to report but found there was. She also took down a weight limit sign. WEAK
Citizen called to report a fire behind a local business. An officer stated all was in order. It was a controlled burn. NOT FUNNY This one is bad, but I'd love to say 'controlled burn' into a mic.
Caller reported two males hitting each other at the reservoir. Officer responded. No one saw anything or knew anything. YES.
Woman advised her husband was breathing fast and shallow. (Please do this one and make it as amorous as possible) ...wtf Well, like Dave, I'm thinking WTF as well, but what Daddy Paxton wants, I suppose Daddy Pax can get. Although...I don't know how.
Officer responded to a suspicious person following a woman. It was found to be a subject applying for jobs at local businesses. ..doable
Officer responded to high school in reference to a fight in progress. All was in order. Kids were just playing. YES
Caller reported juveniles throwing water balloons and she had almost been hit. Officer took away the balloons. ...not sure if want
Suspicious fire/juvenile trouble involving clothing and a dryer. YES
Anonymous female subject reported that some girls were lying in the road sunbathing. Officer unable to locate. MAYBE frantic horny goathead driving swiftly around the stage?
Person called to report seeing a shadow go by her window. Officer was unable to locate.
Subject called reporting that up until today, he and his neighbor across the hall had been close friends, but they had a disagreement and the neighbor called him everything but a white man. The neighbor has some property like his car keys, P.O. box keys and he’d like to have them back, but if goes and knocks on the door, there will be a fight. Officer responded and assisted and all was fine. YES Eh...I don't know about this one
Deputy responded to a call from Locktronics that an alarm had sounded at a rural residence. Officer responded and found a person planting trees with permission.
An officer advised he was flagged down by a citizen who reported that there were goats in the roadway. Officers assisted in rounding them up and putting them back where they belong. YES
A person reported that there was a big sick bird in her yard and she would like someone to remove it. Animal control responded and advised it was a hawk that had frozen to death. He removed the bird. YES
An individual called and stated that someone had cut off her horse’s tail. YES Fucking awesome. Bigass axe swing or something.
A person called and reported she thought some girls were outside her home and she wanted an officer to come down and check it out. An officer arrived and reported that the noise she heard was a bunny rabbit caught in some sheeting.
An individual called in reference to his brother hitting a cow near the Avery pyramids. 30s style boxing?
An individual called to report that her couch, chair and bed were vibrating. A deputy responded. YES YES YES This as the closer?
A person called in and advised that there was a female that was screaming over by the library. Everything was okay, the female was talking very loudly. YES
A person reported that her son had hit a cow on his way to work on the road between Blakesburg and Moravia.
An anonymous female reported that a vehicle was sitting in front of a local school. An officer went to the school and reported that everything was okay, they were square dancing. YES YES This as the closer? Or second-to-last?
Citizen advised that a man was sitting at the intersection and had been there for 30 minutes and now appears to be disoriented. Officer spoke to man who said that he was waiting on a UPS delivery. YES
Citizen reported a person passed out in the lawn of a church under a sign (lets throw in "..again" and we have a YES)
Woman called to complain that her neighbors were outside in the garden hammering and wanted officer to drive by and talk to them. Officer arrived and there was nobody outside.
Citizen reported a male subject walking south down Main Street wearing a black t-shirt and white underwear only. Subject took off running down 6th Ave. East. Officer responded but was unable to locate subject. YES
Citizen called to report a car being driven erratically down Highway 137, crossing over the lane and back to the shoulder. Officer pulled car over and everything was 10-2. Driver was not paying attention to the road doing other stuff in the vehicle.
Anonymous female called in reference to a cow that was blocking the road and has traffic backed up. Owner came up and retrieved the cow.
Caller reported while crossing railroad tracks, crossing arms started coming down and smashed into the boat he was pulling. No train coming. DUMB No, this one can be good! Just imagine the physical action; Dave driving, Andy in the boat behind...
Caller requested officer to help retrieve item mistakenly dropped in library book return. Dave dumping a baby?
Caller reported dog at large chasing a person. Officer unable to locate. DUMB
Caller reported that his sister was involved with an accident overnight in which she didn¹t think there was enough damage to report but found there was. She also took down a weight limit sign. WEAK
Citizen called to report a fire behind a local business. An officer stated all was in order. It was a controlled burn. NOT FUNNY This one is bad, but I'd love to say 'controlled burn' into a mic.
Caller reported two males hitting each other at the reservoir. Officer responded. No one saw anything or knew anything. YES.
Woman advised her husband was breathing fast and shallow. (Please do this one and make it as amorous as possible) ...wtf Well, like Dave, I'm thinking WTF as well, but what Daddy Paxton wants, I suppose Daddy Pax can get. Although...I don't know how.
Officer responded to a suspicious person following a woman. It was found to be a subject applying for jobs at local businesses. ..doable
Officer responded to high school in reference to a fight in progress. All was in order. Kids were just playing. YES
Caller reported juveniles throwing water balloons and she had almost been hit. Officer took away the balloons. ...not sure if want
Suspicious fire/juvenile trouble involving clothing and a dryer. YES
Anonymous female subject reported that some girls were lying in the road sunbathing. Officer unable to locate. MAYBE frantic horny goathead driving swiftly around the stage?
Person called to report seeing a shadow go by her window. Officer was unable to locate.
Subject called reporting that up until today, he and his neighbor across the hall had been close friends, but they had a disagreement and the neighbor called him everything but a white man. The neighbor has some property like his car keys, P.O. box keys and he’d like to have them back, but if goes and knocks on the door, there will be a fight. Officer responded and assisted and all was fine. YES Eh...I don't know about this one
Deputy responded to a call from Locktronics that an alarm had sounded at a rural residence. Officer responded and found a person planting trees with permission.
An officer advised he was flagged down by a citizen who reported that there were goats in the roadway. Officers assisted in rounding them up and putting them back where they belong. YES
A person reported that there was a big sick bird in her yard and she would like someone to remove it. Animal control responded and advised it was a hawk that had frozen to death. He removed the bird. YES
An individual called and stated that someone had cut off her horse’s tail. YES Fucking awesome. Bigass axe swing or something.
A person called and reported she thought some girls were outside her home and she wanted an officer to come down and check it out. An officer arrived and reported that the noise she heard was a bunny rabbit caught in some sheeting.
An individual called in reference to his brother hitting a cow near the Avery pyramids. 30s style boxing?
An individual called to report that her couch, chair and bed were vibrating. A deputy responded. YES YES YES This as the closer?
A person called in and advised that there was a female that was screaming over by the library. Everything was okay, the female was talking very loudly. YES
A person reported that her son had hit a cow on his way to work on the road between Blakesburg and Moravia.
An anonymous female reported that a vehicle was sitting in front of a local school. An officer went to the school and reported that everything was okay, they were square dancing. YES YES This as the closer? Or second-to-last?
Citizen advised that a man was sitting at the intersection and had been there for 30 minutes and now appears to be disoriented. Officer spoke to man who said that he was waiting on a UPS delivery. YES
Citizen reported a person passed out in the lawn of a church under a sign (lets throw in "..again" and we have a YES)
Woman called to complain that her neighbors were outside in the garden hammering and wanted officer to drive by and talk to them. Officer arrived and there was nobody outside.
Citizen reported a male subject walking south down Main Street wearing a black t-shirt and white underwear only. Subject took off running down 6th Ave. East. Officer responded but was unable to locate subject. YES
Citizen called to report a car being driven erratically down Highway 137, crossing over the lane and back to the shoulder. Officer pulled car over and everything was 10-2. Driver was not paying attention to the road doing other stuff in the vehicle.
Anonymous female called in reference to a cow that was blocking the road and has traffic backed up. Owner came up and retrieved the cow.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Drummer Needed
Since Ryan has decided to rub his very small naughty bits with his Metro DJ buddy and his questionably syphilis-riddled bit, who is going to do the bongos for us???
I suggest Amish. He's been dying to be in the Blotter since last time. Plus, any brain dead- er, musically inept person can play the drums. Plus, this is the perfect opportunity to put him in a dress.
ALSO: When are you all available on Friday? Allison and I will be arriving in the afternoon (2ish) and we need to know when you (Andy, Tim, etc) will be around.
I suggest Amish. He's been dying to be in the Blotter since last time. Plus, any brain dead- er, musically inept person can play the drums. Plus, this is the perfect opportunity to put him in a dress.
ALSO: When are you all available on Friday? Allison and I will be arriving in the afternoon (2ish) and we need to know when you (Andy, Tim, etc) will be around.
Monday, August 20, 2007
The English department here has quite the racket going with their copy machine. They give you like...ten free copies per student, per semester and at least three or four of those copies are going to be required for the syllabus. After you exceed your allotment you pay seven cents a copy which, considering the meager stipend they pay us, is a unpleasant dick in the ass.
Do dicks in the ass come in any other flavor? I seriously doubt it.
Fuck you, I would NOT know.
No my mom didn't set the fucking precedent! Shit bitches, you fucking disgust me
Dave (and other follies-involved fools): Ryan will have no part in the follies. When I asked him if he could get the night off he screamed, "DJ Prime the Karaoke King takes the night of for NOBODY! Especially not for the likes of David Wells, the spineless vagina!"
Okay, I made up the spineless vagina part.
But he totally said the Karaoke King shit!
He doesn't read the blog anyway. There's no way he could ever deny it.
Do dicks in the ass come in any other flavor? I seriously doubt it.
Fuck you, I would NOT know.
No my mom didn't set the fucking precedent! Shit bitches, you fucking disgust me
Dave (and other follies-involved fools): Ryan will have no part in the follies. When I asked him if he could get the night off he screamed, "DJ Prime the Karaoke King takes the night of for NOBODY! Especially not for the likes of David Wells, the spineless vagina!"
Okay, I made up the spineless vagina part.
But he totally said the Karaoke King shit!
He doesn't read the blog anyway. There's no way he could ever deny it.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
More Blotters
Person called to report seeing a shadow go by her window. Officer was unable to locate.
Subject called reporting that up until today, he and his neighbor across the hall had been close friends, but they had a disagreement and the neighbor called him everything but a white man. The neighbor has some property like his car keys, P.O. box keys and he’d like to have them back, but if goes and knocks on the door, there will be a fight. Officer responded and assisted and all was fine. YES
Caller reported a person in a grey Jeep thingy unloading a road detour sign at a rural location.
Deputy responded to a call from Locktronics that an alarm had sounded at a rural residence. Officer responded and found a person planting trees with permission.
An officer advised he was flagged down by a citizen who reported that there were goats in the roadway. Officers assisted in rounding them up and putting them back where they belong. YES
A person reported that there was a big sick bird in her yard and she would like someone to remove it. Animal control responded and advised it was a hawk that had frozen to death. He removed the bird. YES
An individual called and stated that someone had cut off her horse’s tail. YES
A person called and reported she thought some girls were outside her home and she wanted an officer to come down and check it out. An officer arrived and reported that the noise she heard was a bunny rabbit caught in some sheeting.
An individual called in reference to his brother hitting a cow near the Avery pyramids.
A person called from a local business and requested that someone go down to a local residence in reference to their dog running loose and chasing a delivery employee.
An individual called to report that her couch, chair and bed were vibrating. A deputy responded. YES YES YES
A person called in and advised that there was a female that was screaming over by the library. Everything was okay, the female was talking very loudly. YES
A person reported that her son had hit a cow on his way to work on the road between Blakesburg and Moravia.
An anonymous female reported that a vehicle was sitting in front of a local school. An officer went to the school and reported that everything was okay, they were square dancing. YES YES
Citizen called in reference to a smell that they were smelling from outside of their apartment. They thought it was marijuana.
Citizen advised that a man was sitting at the intersection and had been there for 30 minutes and now appears to be disoriented. Officer spoke to man who said that he was waiting on a UPS delivery. YES
Woman told officers some neighbors that live below her go out in the yard and hit golf balls frequently, which is okay but they are hitting the balls into her yard. She has picked up several balls out of her yard and fears for her one-year-old who plays outside in the yard. ...maybe
Citizen reported a person passed out in the lawn of a church under a sign (lets throw in "..again" and we have a YES)
Woman called to complain that her neighbors were outside in the garden hammering and wanted officer to drive by and talk to them. Officer arrived and there was nobody outside.
Citizen reported a male subject walking south down Main Street wearing a black t-shirt and white underwear only. Subject took off running down 6th Ave. East. Officer responded but was unable to locate subject. YES
Citizen called to report a car being driven erratically down Highway 137, crossing over the lane and back to the shoulder. Officer pulled car over and everything was 10-2. Driver was not paying attention to the road doing other stuff in the vehicle.
Anonymous female called in reference to a cow that was blocking the road and has traffic backed up. Owner came up and retrieved the cow.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I don't wanna brag, I don't wanna boast
But all across the country, I like toast.
DRAWN TO LIFE PROFILE CONTEST, BEETCHEZ!
That's right: I am on IGN before any of you peasants. Roll around in your swill some more. I am on the internet.
DRAWN TO LIFE PROFILE CONTEST, BEETCHEZ!
That's right: I am on IGN before any of you peasants. Roll around in your swill some more. I am on the internet.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
An interview
Greetings, Blog. If you have been wondering what I’ve been up to lately, fear not; I’ve taken the liberty of interviewing myself.
Dear Tim: What have you been up to lately?
Being goddamn brilliant. Aside from that, learning how to be a teacher. Yes, it’s true. Like Goathed, I will soon be teaching freshman who do not want to write reports, how to write reports. Why? Because my fellowship has dried up and now I’m a godforsaken real boy.
Well, that’s awful. How long has it been since you had to have a real job?
It’s been a glorious seventeen months. After IVRS killed my entire unit, I lived off government cheese and rolled around Des Moines all day with Kevin. Also, I nursed a Rockstar addiction and worked on a novel I would later scrap, only to start another one and scrap it as well. Ah, how I’ve wasted my time.
Is it true you no longer have hair?
Yes, I’m afraid. In case you haven’t heard, I had been considering cutting my own hair for quite a while. I’d done trims a few times, using a hand mirror and a pair of scissors. This time I went for broke with a razor and the scissors. I spent two hours in the bathroom and periodically opened the door just enough to talk to Cricket. What I got wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t too bad. I let Dave’s friend Allison attempt a fix, and it was better in parts and worse in others. After that I told Wes to fix it all (see: Jamestown, other apocalypse-oriented decisions) with clippers and man, he only did exactly what I asked, but I wish I could go back in time because now I’m damn near bald and impatient as hell for this shit to grow back. Why does it take so long? Why?
So you have internet access again. Any comments on these police reports?
Yes.
. . ?
At the start of this post, I’d planned to offer ideas for each of these reports; however, I’ve since determined that this could better be done in person. These reports aren’t that great but they can be blown up by Andy and Dave. I just reviewed, right there in that white space (or black space, I guess) between sentenced, and some are horrible. But I don’t know…maybe we can get more. Maybe.
At least it’s a one-night engagement.
So are you awake enough to edit this?
Eff no, I’ve got to get up at eight in the damn morning.
Dear Tim: What have you been up to lately?
Being goddamn brilliant. Aside from that, learning how to be a teacher. Yes, it’s true. Like Goathed, I will soon be teaching freshman who do not want to write reports, how to write reports. Why? Because my fellowship has dried up and now I’m a godforsaken real boy.
Well, that’s awful. How long has it been since you had to have a real job?
It’s been a glorious seventeen months. After IVRS killed my entire unit, I lived off government cheese and rolled around Des Moines all day with Kevin. Also, I nursed a Rockstar addiction and worked on a novel I would later scrap, only to start another one and scrap it as well. Ah, how I’ve wasted my time.
Is it true you no longer have hair?
Yes, I’m afraid. In case you haven’t heard, I had been considering cutting my own hair for quite a while. I’d done trims a few times, using a hand mirror and a pair of scissors. This time I went for broke with a razor and the scissors. I spent two hours in the bathroom and periodically opened the door just enough to talk to Cricket. What I got wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t too bad. I let Dave’s friend Allison attempt a fix, and it was better in parts and worse in others. After that I told Wes to fix it all (see: Jamestown, other apocalypse-oriented decisions) with clippers and man, he only did exactly what I asked, but I wish I could go back in time because now I’m damn near bald and impatient as hell for this shit to grow back. Why does it take so long? Why?
So you have internet access again. Any comments on these police reports?
Yes.
. . ?
At the start of this post, I’d planned to offer ideas for each of these reports; however, I’ve since determined that this could better be done in person. These reports aren’t that great but they can be blown up by Andy and Dave. I just reviewed, right there in that white space (or black space, I guess) between sentenced, and some are horrible. But I don’t know…maybe we can get more. Maybe.
At least it’s a one-night engagement.
So are you awake enough to edit this?
Eff no, I’ve got to get up at eight in the damn morning.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
What I did last night
There was a storm here last night. Pretty good one too. Unfortunately it knocked my power out. Boredom set in pretty quickly and I decided to see if I couldn't get some pictures of the lightning. I spent an hour and got about 4 shots...
I guess at least it was time well spent.
Today, trees are down everywhere, stoplights are out, and the grocery store is closed until their power comes back on. I would have thought they'd be having frozen food sales in that event...
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Remind me to backhand someone...
POLICE BLOTTER 2007
Caller reported vehicle coming to town with two flat tires. DUMB
Caller reported while crossing railroad tracks, crossing arms started coming down and smashed into the boat he was pulling. No train coming. DUMB
Caller requested officer to help retrieve item mistakenly dropped in library book return. DUMB
Caller reported dog at large chasing a person. Officer unable to locate. DUMB
Caller reported his blue Ford derby car was missing from the fairgrounds within the last 45 minutes. Car had #89 on it. DUMB
Caller reported that his sister was involved with an accident overnight in which she didn¹t think there was enough damage to report but found there was. She also took down a weight limit sign. WEAK
Citizen called to report a fire behind a local business. An officer stated all was in order. It was a controlled burn. NOT FUNNY
Caller reported two males hitting each other at the reservoir. Officer responded. No one saw anything or knew anything. YES.
Citizen reported black Ford truck pulling a trailer at a high rate of speed. Officer advised the truck was going 40 miles per hours. DUMB
Woman advised her husband was breathing fast and shallow. (Please do this one and make it as amorous as possible) ...wtf
Officer responded to a suspicious person following a woman. It was found to be a subject applying for jobs at local businesses. ..doable
Officer responded to high school in reference to a fight in progress. All was in order. Kids were just playing. YES
Caller reported a fight in front of a local business. Officer responded and advised it was two cats fighting. DUMB
Caller reported juveniles throwing water balloons and she had almost been hit. Officer took away the balloons. ...not sure if want
Suspicious fire/juvenile trouble involving clothing and a dryer. YES
Anonymous female subject reported that some girls were lying in the road sunbathing. Officer unable to locate. MAYBE
What happened when Judge left the newspaper? The blotter got DUMB. I am going to request more. These...suck. We need more to work with. Unless someone, whose name may or may not rhyme with Tim Dicks, may want to rewrite these (read: TIM). Also: any word about Ryan helping? Or will he be a flamingo and not be around?
I never noticed flaming and flamingo are only different by the "o".
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
In Regards to the Follies
We're just doing the one night, and just the police reports, right? Also: as none of us are probably going to be in albia prior to the performance, does anyone have any idea how to get hold of material? Also, what does Paxton say? However, I am still a go, despite the ever-screaming voice of reason in my head. Also, we can put you (Dave & pals) up for the night in Ames if need be. Hoorah. But to paraphrase an earlier quote on this blog, be prepared to unhinge your jaw.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
These orphans aren't going to eat themselves . . .
I just saw some weird commercial on cartoon network for a video game/cartoon about a guy who eats orphans, beats up constables and fends off prostitutes (or not?). Seriously screwed up. I thought I wanted to see a fat video game hooker attack . . . until I saw it.
I'm in Minneapolis right now, preparing to sleep at a strange motel where, not far away, Tim and Sarah are probably already sleeping. On little cots in separate rooms. So I've heard.
Tim told me about the unconstitutional hour this state stopped serving booze, but I didn't understand the severity of the problem until I got here at eleven pm to find the only place I could buy alcohol above 3.2% per can was TGI Friday's. Alas, if only there were bars in Bloomingdale, or whatever teetotaling suburb this happens to be. I'm going to write a letter to the local government representative du jour and let them know exactly how fucking inconvenient that shit is for me. Cater to my alcoholism, damn you Minnesota! Or I swear I'll start poisoning the moose population!
Bridge neglecting bastards.
I'm in Minneapolis right now, preparing to sleep at a strange motel where, not far away, Tim and Sarah are probably already sleeping. On little cots in separate rooms. So I've heard.
Tim told me about the unconstitutional hour this state stopped serving booze, but I didn't understand the severity of the problem until I got here at eleven pm to find the only place I could buy alcohol above 3.2% per can was TGI Friday's. Alas, if only there were bars in Bloomingdale, or whatever teetotaling suburb this happens to be. I'm going to write a letter to the local government representative du jour and let them know exactly how fucking inconvenient that shit is for me. Cater to my alcoholism, damn you Minnesota! Or I swear I'll start poisoning the moose population!
Bridge neglecting bastards.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Dave!!
What're you up to on the 7th?
I have to drive my ass to Denver Health to do my clinicals so's I can get my EMT certimification.
My shift is from 3pm to 11pm.
I have to drive my ass to Denver Health to do my clinicals so's I can get my EMT certimification.
My shift is from 3pm to 11pm.
im in ur blogs makin mah posts
Tim, Andy:
Follies are go. Yes? I know that Ryan is unable to read, so someone needs to inform him of his part in all this. Get him away from that homo-erotica he calls "Deejaying" for a night. Me/Ali/etc will need a place to crash at night, if that is cool?
Melanie:
Be in Denver on August 24th/25th. You are welcome to come along if you want to help drive. We will be back in Denver on that Monday morning-ish.
Wllm:
You are dead to the follies. Some sorta shennanigans afterwards is eminent.
Amish:
You are in the follies too and I will be DAMNED TO HELL if we cannot get you in a dress and on stage. It's not a matter of you saying no: It is a matter of us saying yes.
Cricket:
No.
Wes:
Sometimes.
Additional Bloggers:
I bought kool-aid from a kid on the street today. And by kool-aid I mean sexual favors. And by kid, I mean it didn't happen.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Greetings, Blog. It is nine o'clock Wednesday night and in case you are wondering, Sarah is not dead, even though she lives but blocks from the scene of this car crash. Like me, she is impervious to all physical harm.
I'm sitting on the steps of the Farm House Museum on the Iowa State campus. I tried to go to the library to use the wireless but it did not function. Here on the concrete steps, with mosquitoes buzzing around and the acid orange glow of the streetlamps, it works. Goathead and I spent the last 48 hours in a hellish daze, moving out of our apartment and into a uhaul, then out of our uhaul and into a parking lot, then, hours later, out of the parking lot and into the new place. Which is god damned lovely.
Here's something I wrote before moving out, in the height of my boredom. It is ramblish and of little consequence unless you are bored.
:
Cricket is gone to Wisconsin now to teach and to live in his townhouse and Goathead lives in Des Moines for the summer and this apartment is a crazy house of silence and open bedrooms and bloated cardboard boxes. The living room is quickly crowding with disassembled furniture and hampers full of clothes I haven’t worn in three years. The internet worked by dumping the contents of its tubes into John’s router, and so now this apartment is void of online communications and by the time you read this I will have slept on the couch and woken up and taken a shower and probably gone to a coffee shop to waste time looking for zombie-themed merchandise and other assorted and unnecessary consumables on ebay and etsy.
There’s an ever-changing cavalcade of strange vehicles outside, presumably in connection with other people in the neighborhood moving. Yesterday, for example, there was a twenty-foot cow trailer parked against the curb. Today it’s a series of vans.
If you heard about the Wes Beary Memorial Lava Lamp, which you probably didn’t, know this: we now have it. I hope to put it next to our record player with its own little plaque. My hope is that people will ask if he’s dead. No, I’ll say. What kind of morbid fuck are you? We just like to remember him. All the time. Even in the bathroom.
I haven’t written here much, which I can assure you is not due to a lack of free time. The only job I seriously tried to get was with a temp agency in Des Moines, and when I finally got around to calling them, they told me they’d filled their summer rosters and had no use for me. After that, I walked back into Café Diem and drank green tea like it was whiskey. That was back in early June, though, when I’d already been falling into bed at dawn and writing all afternoon and cooking elaborate meals for myself all evening and then staying up reading comics and watching DVDs all night, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that a summer unemployed, while financially perilous, would have its benefits. Now, almost two months later, I really haven’t done much to be proud of save ditch yet another project and climb around a fake rock wall and spend a lot of time at Sarah’s apartment in Minneapoolis and plow through my bank account.
Monday night and Tuesday of next week Goathead and I move to a new place. We only looked at two apartments, and when we walked into the second I was so in love that I almost started humping the deer head hanging on the wall. The living room looked so damn nice and had a built-in bookshelf by the windows and the bedrooms looked bigger than mine. Now I’ve driven by again and parked outside and really, it doesn’t look so big from the parking lot. It looks about the same size as the place we live in now. I’m hoping my memories are more accurate than my eyes, but am getting nervous. We’ll have to have dinner up here some week, if any of you Des Moinies are up for the drive, and Goathead and I can show you the new apartment. And, of course, the WBMLL.
This upcoming fall I actually have to work for my money again. I’m teaching freshmen to write papers, like Goathead did last year, and the closer we get to the beginning of school the weirder I feel about it. I’m experiencing a blend of dread and anticipation. It’s the same feeling I’d have before going into a pit to fight three blind gladiators with swords. In all likelihood I’m going to get my head cleaved off from the collar up, but I still want to think I can dropkick everyone in the groin and make it out on top. The second someone fucks with me in class, it’s hard to say whether I’ll try to ignore it or decapitate him with our textbook. After, I’ll mount the head above the white board as a warning to the others.
It’s sort of funny that the lack of internet access has turned me bored enough to write a post for a blog.
I'm sitting on the steps of the Farm House Museum on the Iowa State campus. I tried to go to the library to use the wireless but it did not function. Here on the concrete steps, with mosquitoes buzzing around and the acid orange glow of the streetlamps, it works. Goathead and I spent the last 48 hours in a hellish daze, moving out of our apartment and into a uhaul, then out of our uhaul and into a parking lot, then, hours later, out of the parking lot and into the new place. Which is god damned lovely.
Here's something I wrote before moving out, in the height of my boredom. It is ramblish and of little consequence unless you are bored.
:
Cricket is gone to Wisconsin now to teach and to live in his townhouse and Goathead lives in Des Moines for the summer and this apartment is a crazy house of silence and open bedrooms and bloated cardboard boxes. The living room is quickly crowding with disassembled furniture and hampers full of clothes I haven’t worn in three years. The internet worked by dumping the contents of its tubes into John’s router, and so now this apartment is void of online communications and by the time you read this I will have slept on the couch and woken up and taken a shower and probably gone to a coffee shop to waste time looking for zombie-themed merchandise and other assorted and unnecessary consumables on ebay and etsy.
There’s an ever-changing cavalcade of strange vehicles outside, presumably in connection with other people in the neighborhood moving. Yesterday, for example, there was a twenty-foot cow trailer parked against the curb. Today it’s a series of vans.
If you heard about the Wes Beary Memorial Lava Lamp, which you probably didn’t, know this: we now have it. I hope to put it next to our record player with its own little plaque. My hope is that people will ask if he’s dead. No, I’ll say. What kind of morbid fuck are you? We just like to remember him. All the time. Even in the bathroom.
I haven’t written here much, which I can assure you is not due to a lack of free time. The only job I seriously tried to get was with a temp agency in Des Moines, and when I finally got around to calling them, they told me they’d filled their summer rosters and had no use for me. After that, I walked back into Café Diem and drank green tea like it was whiskey. That was back in early June, though, when I’d already been falling into bed at dawn and writing all afternoon and cooking elaborate meals for myself all evening and then staying up reading comics and watching DVDs all night, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that a summer unemployed, while financially perilous, would have its benefits. Now, almost two months later, I really haven’t done much to be proud of save ditch yet another project and climb around a fake rock wall and spend a lot of time at Sarah’s apartment in Minneapoolis and plow through my bank account.
Monday night and Tuesday of next week Goathead and I move to a new place. We only looked at two apartments, and when we walked into the second I was so in love that I almost started humping the deer head hanging on the wall. The living room looked so damn nice and had a built-in bookshelf by the windows and the bedrooms looked bigger than mine. Now I’ve driven by again and parked outside and really, it doesn’t look so big from the parking lot. It looks about the same size as the place we live in now. I’m hoping my memories are more accurate than my eyes, but am getting nervous. We’ll have to have dinner up here some week, if any of you Des Moinies are up for the drive, and Goathead and I can show you the new apartment. And, of course, the WBMLL.
This upcoming fall I actually have to work for my money again. I’m teaching freshmen to write papers, like Goathead did last year, and the closer we get to the beginning of school the weirder I feel about it. I’m experiencing a blend of dread and anticipation. It’s the same feeling I’d have before going into a pit to fight three blind gladiators with swords. In all likelihood I’m going to get my head cleaved off from the collar up, but I still want to think I can dropkick everyone in the groin and make it out on top. The second someone fucks with me in class, it’s hard to say whether I’ll try to ignore it or decapitate him with our textbook. After, I’ll mount the head above the white board as a warning to the others.
It’s sort of funny that the lack of internet access has turned me bored enough to write a post for a blog.
