Brilliant

The person here who handled student email issues has left and I have
inherited the challenge. Thankfully it's very entertaining. I've had a
small but desperate string of people these past few weeks who can't
get into their email. They forgot their password or it just stopped
working. Then the system wouldn't recognize their security question
answers. Something was wrong!

Well I got access to those security question answers and that's how I
fix the problem. I print out the answers and the student says, oh, I
spelled my mother's name wrong. I spelled Crala instead of Carla.
Stuff like that. Good times.

Here's a story I wrote. I have a new blog now (I am cheating on this
one) and one thing I do is write a short story every day. This is
today's:

RESTLESS LEGS

"Fuck you," his legs said. "We're restless and we're not going to hang
around here anymore."

"But you're my legs," he said.

"Not anymore," one of the legs said. The other was busy with a chainsaw.

BRILLIANT!

chicago

So perhaps I've fallen behind on communication on social events due to lots of crap I've been doing tbis summer. So this Chicago trip has been very difficult to plan out. I thought I had talked to everybody but have been so busy it could have very well slipped my mind. This weekend does not work for me and the following weekend does not work for Billy. The weekend after that is in limbo as Billy does not know for sure what he is doing. So for now I am tenatively planning on leaving Iowa Friday August 13th and returning the 15th. This will probably be my last opportunity to go this summer. Hopefully it works out and I appologgize for how difficult it has been to make a simple trip happen.

Some Sort of Time Travelling Apparatus

Two Explanations for this:

I slipped in the bathroom trying to hang up a picture and when I regained consciousness, I drew this design. ~OR~ I got bored while AIM chatting and came up with this design.

Either way, it involves time travel.


Is the blog super slow for anyone else? It seems to be lagging and trying to load something called Martinshouse/blahblah or a Novowels.hibbity thing.

For All of Us Nerds

Eff the WBC.

This is the best fucking video on youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzfWg-dz0Lw

I'm Going to Buy and Sport a Fedora

And none of you fucks can stop me. I doubt I will follow through on this promise.

I am onto another painting.

And by fedora, I mean an ostrich. Or a hat. Possibly a sled.

Movie Industry Woes

OPINION TIME!

Nick was right: Hollywood will eventually get their money.

3D is a gimmick to get the easily entertained (read: 14-24 demographic) into theaters and increase profits. Avatar, although advancing many things in my field, wasn't a very original story, nor was it new technology. I feel like advertising it relied on James Cameron's past successes (Terminator, Titanic, etc) It is a lame fact that most cinemas how have to accommodate more theater space for 3d movies, meaning a theater that usually plays 8 movies will only be playing 5 movies so the 3D "blockbusters" can be played in multiples. I am reminded of Kevin wanting to see an intelligent movie only to find out it wasn't in Des Moines but Wacky Romantic Actor Dump Comedy was in multiples. When I went and saw Expelled (not getting into it) it was in the tiniest viewing room at the Denver Pavillions, a viewing room I never knew was at the complex nor one I would ever see again. I'm sure the Pavillions made their money out of expensive popcorn or whatever movie they were playing duplicates of.

Redbox vs Netflix. I use Netflix, sure. But I don't use it to rent "new movies" to begin with. Netflix has turned into the obscure movie library. My most recent movie watched on Netflix was Black Dynamite, and even that was sub-leased from Starz On Demand. $9 a month to watch 7-8 documentaries or obscure cult films is fair in my opinion. Would these films be in Redbox? HIGHLY DOUBTFUL unless the indy owner filled it with awesome, and that's not going to happen in a "convenient location" in our reaches of Iowa.

So why not use Redbox to watch new movies? Because I don't want to. I hate piracy of movies. With Redbox, you can EASILY google how to pirate their movies anonymously. With Netflix, there is more of a "Big Brother" aspect, and some of you may hate this idea but it's there for a reason called LAW. Browse through my previous blog posts to see my problems with piracy, as well. But don't you want to see Wacky Romantic Actor Dump Comedy? Not particularly. If I wanted to see it, I would have seen it in theaters. If it was recommended to me by several varying sources (read: the blog & facebook) then I will rent it or watch it eventually, but not for a dollar. I fell like I'm cheating someone when I pay a ridiculously cheaper price for something, especially when it's located conveniently where I shovel cheap greasy food down my gullet for comparable prices. I also have compulsive buying friends who will make me watch it as they fall asleep or -some sort of reference to The Mask 2- so I don't have to pay for a movie I don't want to see but they will enjoy owning.

Either way, Hollywood will get their damned money. Yes Nick, you were right.

Does this mean you should listen to my opinion as refutable truth? Fuck no. Do your own damn thing, but be ready for me to bitch about it if it goes against mine or wait for someone else (Amish) to be butthurt about your opinions.

I'm Crazie for tap water

You know that old saying "there's something in the water". "The Crazies" is that movie. In Iowa. Probably the only movie to come out of Iowa before the greedy fucktards ruined it for everybody. Rent it from redbox, it's worth the dollar.

Too Many Dicks On The Dance Floor

Andy, I'm going to finish the picture tomorrow. I just need to put one more fox on there and screw with some levels.

Please come get me Saturday? We can print the pictures and then go harass Amish.


What is the plan, anyway? Is it Mickeys and Cab, like every weekend?

Pine St

Well, hello. I thought I'd write to you today about my morning
routine—not the screaming phone slapping or the snorting of the line
of coke off the cat's back or even the crawling through the tangled
limbs of your (very satisfied) mothers and sisters, but about the
walking to my car. Due to the strange and tiny nature of Sarah's and
my apartment building, this three-story brown box huddling defiantly
in a neighborhood of high rises and clothes stores and pizza shops, we
only have one parking space, which Sarah's Jesuscar occupies. I have
to trot a few blocks off to whichever curb I've parked against, hoping
all the time that nobody has backed some SUV into my side mirrors.

This is around 10:30 am, and I can gauge how late I'm going to be to
work by where the neighborhood regulars are when I see them. There are
three people who I see nearly every morning: middle-aged woman on a
bicycle, pedaling leisurely east, hair wild and grocery store uniform
frumpy; young woman in a wrap dress walking next to old woman in sweat
pants; and, finally, angry smoking nurse. If I see these people while
I'm still moving toward my car, I will be late for work. If the
bicycle woman streaks past while I'm pulling away from the curb, I
should be on time.

Anyway, I'm curious about these people. If I was an artist I would
draw a comic about them, maybe. But I'm not. I can barely draw
hamburger teenagers. It's too bad, really, because my head is cracking
with bizarre narratives that are unsuited to text but might make good
comics. But then, maybe they're unsuited to existence at all.

What would YOU make these people do? I think I'd give the young woman cancer.

ZAP.

Cancered.

Cancered in the ankles.

Dog Bacon is a complete part of this nutritious breakfast

Today there was this article on CNN about how scientists had solved the riddle of, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" I got all excited cause I'm an egg all the way, but this article was saying chicken and I was like, "WTF?" Dinosaurs laid eggs, this is simple! They even mention dinosaur eggs in the article. But these scientists are chicken lovers and they say the chicken has some egg making protein or some shit that makes eggs and this means they came first, but come on!!! Dinosaurs.

If you are pro egg, you should go to CNN.com RIGHT NOW and vote egg on their homepage survey.

Another article with a survey is this one about . . . arguing?!? I think that was the author's true intent. He wanted to show you a really goofy argument. Why else would his article on CNN's homepage include this precious anecdotal nugget:

I knew a vegan who had to keep upping her dosage of Prozac, until one day a Dr suggested she add red meat to her diet. Withing the year, the addition of about a pound of beef to her diet allowed her to substantially reduce her daily requirement of Prozac. She seems much more stable and balanced. I'm convinced that no red meat = brain chemical imbalaces. Not as much as the typical American diet.. but certainly – we've evolved to required what is in meat to be healthy. As quick look at our teeth pretty much shows that we're ominvores. The true vegetarians that I've met never seem to be healthy or mentally well balanced.

Just my opinion.

I'm just complaining because I was bored today and this is all I had for entertainment. Anyone got any good work safe internet fun? The argument . . . well, I don't really care for pork chops and ribs but . . . sausage and bacon? I don't think I could give it up forever. On the other hand, pigs don't sweat. And they basically live in shit.

I can see both sides of the pulp fiction pork argument.

And dog, well . . . I've never tried dog, but I bet you couldn't make bacon out of one.

The thing I really love about amerika, and the amerikan internet in particular, is that we are free to have these arguments. If we were starving and living in a shantytown, the argument would only occur in whispers as a scraggly flee-bitten mutt wandered in.

Would you?

This weekend I'm moving. Anyone that assist me will be compensated in booze.

Racism Ruins Everything

Twaddle

If I am not running after work, I am going to draw one panel comic strips. That is my current goal, and possibly learn to cook something besides premade food.

marathon of the sands

I know I'm already in one athletic challenge with Wes (involving the Tour de France), but this one looks even better:

http://www.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/photos/2009/04/021495.html

LET'S GET ON IT.

Wish you weren't there.

Those evening shenanigans conflicted with previous plans and so I missed it. I had the planks and everything but alas after six I had other things to be doing. But still went out to the Res for fireworks on the 4th and dropped a line in the water while waiting for the pretty lights. I've not done any real fishing in a long long time. Maybe ten years, since last I went fishing with my Grandpa. I actually enjoyed myself for the short time before it started to rain on us. I don't know why though. Never was a fan of it while growing up. Now there's just something zen about it that I'm starting to under stand. I'm going to buy some more tackle today. Then the rain came, which didn't suck so bad because it wasn't cold outside, like last year, just wet. Just more proof that God is not a fan of America and disapproves of what we've been doing and that Iowa has done nothing to stop it. And they still set of the fire works and one giant ground fire ball that I'm sure was not part of the show. If the Judge boys were out there drunk canoeing this year, I missed it. But I was in their home town hanging with some frogs on the 3rd. Where were you? And so I leave you with a outdoor amateur beaver shot taken by me.

Tim Won the Blog Challenge

Only because I was trying to figure out how to get to Des Moines, and once I got there I had no real internet access.

But a win is a win.

Allison was in town this weekend; be sure to give Eric a hard time about him skipping town when he was the one that begged her to come to town. I also saw the Senior Citizens, which was nice too but I need to learn to call ahead next time so we don't watch them play WoW.

This week has nothing really planned. I don't have work tomorrow. As of today, people will be celebrating their country by blowing up small portions of it. So far, several large blasts have shaken my apartment. Is it a war zone? No, it's 'Murikka.

There is also a carnival happening just down the road from me and across the duck pond. As well, the carnies have descended upon my nice mostly white neighborhood.

10 to midnight

Suck it, blog

Tomorrow 6-9pm

I will have foods at my house

I forgot to plan how to exactly get to Des Moines this weekend.

I am a big stupid dummy.

x + 2

As some of you know, I now teach the horses not only how to write
sentences but also how to find x. (In fact, yesterday I was asked if I
was interested in teaching the college-credit algebra class. I came
back to my desk and took down our desk copy of the textbook and saw
specters like

a line has a slope of 14/2; what is the slope of a line perpendicular to it?

and

f(z) = 2z + 3 - 12/z

and I said, no.)

I can't decide how I feel about teaching math. In one sense it is far
easier and more rewarding than teaching English. The rules are
unchanging, always followed, not (very noticeably) subject to
stylistic choices, and are perceived as arcane knowledge so coveted
and mysterious that some of the students here treat me as a bearded
wizard. The flip, though, is that many of these people have worked
themselves into such a desperate frenzy over how to multiply fractions
that they will never get it right, even with five examples on the
board in thick black ink that they can reference. And then too they'll
miss two or three classes (of a total four) and expect to be
masterful. Or they'll miss the foundational classes and then come
confused to the advanced section with no understanding of how to even
begin.

What brought this on is that this student from last week--you may have
heard me complain about her already (she was so bizarre in class that
someone else switched sections)-- just came in to ask me for the
practice book for the next session, because she can't come (she has
come so far a total of one times, to a session in which she slept and
walked around and patted her belly). There is no practice book. I gave
her the homework instead and she said, wooo, I hope you teach how to
do this. I will, of course, in the next sessions, when she's not
there.

My class isn't mandatory for the students here, but it frustrates me
still because there's a small but noticeable population here of people
who have taken this run of courses but only in the sense that they
came once, or maybe twice, and now consider themselves to have
finished it out and to have learned almost nothing and who are bitter
about it or worse maybe consider themselves beyond ever learning the
material.

Number One

I almost never remember my dreams unless I'm jarred from them, and then they're bizarre landscapes in narratives of the weird. Last night, for example, I dreamt I was in on a heist for rare books in the nation's capital that resulted in a parachuting and then a subterranean fire that burned half of my face to melty pizza cheese and left me fighting a Tyrant-esque composite of soft tissue and ash.

But anyway I bring it up because I'm left wondering how many ultrafucked dreams live in my (and our) head(s) that we never even notice because we sleep right through them. What the hell is wrong with us? If I could I'd probably dream nothing but space opera but instead I get like, surgical operations performed while small dogs bite at my ankles or truck driving while unable to look out the windshield.

It's Friday here at Horse Academy, which means my new co-worker is here teaching a review class I used to have to teach and nobody else has made it in. It's okay, because at least a fifth of the time I'm the one 45 minutes late, lodged in traffic or in my own hazy sleepiness. What are mornings like where you work? Do you find the expectations for your punctuality to be accommodating or stranglehold tight?

Eff

Today while I taught a student from my Saturday class got my attention by knocking on the window till I looked.

I was offered an algebra class but I can barely do algebra myself.

I'm writing this in from my phone so I gots to go. But consider this a post

Things I Could Have Tweeted

Steven King was committing crimes as a member of KISS. Until those damn snooping kids and their stupid dog showed up.

Whenever I hear any sort of news or even mere mentioning of Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin, I want to jab a pen through my ear canal and pierce my brain and continue to do so until the hurting stops...or I am dead.

Air conditioners are a giant funnel for money during the summer. During the winter, I would have $40 energy bills. Today I got the Whopper: 77 big'uns. God damn.

I've mostly caught up in Borderlands. I have yet to start Playthrough 2: Electric Boogalo.

Insert coin(s) to continue

First off I hope Texas made it out alive, but now that every one will be sporting the slicked down look of the next few years, I guess Alli, you are out of a job.

The pirate truck truck still comes every now and again, and with the fact that I'm usually wearing a bandanna on my head while loading, makes it even more piratey. And there is often loot in there from other factories as well. Add pirate +1 to your class. And mouse traps

Saw Toy Story Tres. Not bad, brings the story to a close, if you are a fan of the Pixar films. If not then go see The Last Air Bender and tell me, without giving away any plot, if it is worth seeing. I need both from those who were fans of the cartoon and those who were not.

And were the heck is Survival of the Dead at? I really don't want to have to wait til it's on DVD.
I think I see a zombie horde on the horizon.