FOX-NEWS iS MORE BALANCEd, FAiR, AND HONEST THAN ANY OTHER NEWs STATiON
Disregard the part about shitting bricks and "fortune".
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Disregard the part about shitting bricks and "fortune".
Saturday, August 30, 2008
No attic appartment baby, I haven't been with any other blogs. *lie*
The original title of this post was going to be "Hank Lives." Why? Because he does. I saw him today. I drove past a kid, probably entering his early teens, pushing an old woman in a wheelchair. The kid had a cape, and batman mask, much like the kind you see Hank Venture wear in various episodes of the Venture Brothers.
I kept expecting a block away to see a nerdy kid in a sweater vest freaking out.
Friday, August 29, 2008
McCain picks
Holy crap he picked Palin. I wouldn't have expected that but now he's raised the stakes. So now the undecideds have to decide between black president or woman vice-president. I'd heard a little about her before and she sounds pretty good for a Republican. The presidential race just got interesting again.
DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS
I hate when people describe things as being gay.
I think its the most ignorant way to describe something, other than "That was fucking gay." We have words to describe things. We have lots of words. So many, in fact, that we make books filled with words and other words that mean the same called "Thesauruses." No, it's not a dinosaur. However, if you are ignorant enough to label something as gay, you probably didn't connect dinosaurs to thesauruses.
Seriously. If you tell me "that was gay," I expect Disneyworld-epic gay. Flamingos, rainbows, and purple triangles better be secreting from every opening of such thing.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Weston Wilson is my alter ego
Dave, get off your ass and start a riot.
It can't be all that hard. Just run around with a bloody doll screaming "Free abortions!"
Also: The Speech.
I haven't been able to find a video. Even if I could, Youtube won't let me post to the blog. I think they're still pissed about that video I made.
GO B.O.!
"It's time for them to own their failure."
It can't be all that hard. Just run around with a bloody doll screaming "Free abortions!"
Also: The Speech.
I haven't been able to find a video. Even if I could, Youtube won't let me post to the blog. I think they're still pissed about that video I made.
GO B.O.!
"It's time for them to own their failure."
"On to the bird porn!"
I thought Dave Barry retired?
Regardless, he is apparently at the DNC... Doing what journalists do. I've now seen the Anti-Bird Porn crusaders mentioned on 2 or 3 political blogs that I frequent (plus Wells had the picture below) and nobody is quite sure what to make of them yet. I hope they get a lot more attention; unfathomable Kaufman-esque behavior is my favorite type of humor.
I always seem to be at work during the interesting speeches, so I popped on over to the DNC site, which surprised me by being really, really well designed. I got all caught up on the speeches, most of which I actually enjoyed listening to. Love him or hate him, Bill Clinton knows how to give a talk behind a podium.
Plus, seriously, someone needs to remind me why we didn't elect this guy 4 years ago.
Regardless, he is apparently at the DNC... Doing what journalists do. I've now seen the Anti-Bird Porn crusaders mentioned on 2 or 3 political blogs that I frequent (plus Wells had the picture below) and nobody is quite sure what to make of them yet. I hope they get a lot more attention; unfathomable Kaufman-esque behavior is my favorite type of humor.
I always seem to be at work during the interesting speeches, so I popped on over to the DNC site, which surprised me by being really, really well designed. I got all caught up on the speeches, most of which I actually enjoyed listening to. Love him or hate him, Bill Clinton knows how to give a talk behind a podium.
Plus, seriously, someone needs to remind me why we didn't elect this guy 4 years ago.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
DNC not today :(
Lawrence Q. Livermore can tell you why.
I can tell you why. I am TIIIIIIIIIIRED. I've walked about 20 miles in the last two days alone.
Both ways, mind you. And then lets not forget walking all over the damn place. Over and over and over again to get a shot at the freaks. Plus, I missed some sorta parade. And I might go see Moby tonight.
This is probably the scene I missed downtown. Actually, throw in some christfags and aborted babies and that's what Denver looks like downtown on any day.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
DNC is directly blamed for more scrolling on the blog today
Today marked the second day of the Democratic National Convention. So I marched my happy ass once again down to the part of town called Downtown and let the pictures fly.
And what better way to celebrate democracy than aborted fetuses? Let the Abortionists attention whores congregate and exploit!
Yes. I self-censored these because no one really wants to see dead babies. Well...minus Spooky Wignall. But he eats them, he doesn't parade them around public.
The cops just unlocked 100cc circuits, so they can use their speed bikes now.
There was a riot by the Christfags earlier this morning, apparently. So to compensate, the anti-christfags were out. Cocks locked.
Someone also managed to irate this black man. He just kept yelling, "You ain't black! You ain't black!" to someone who apparently wasn't black.
And here's the nightly hotness. Stop Bird Porn and Make Out Not War.
Believe me, they got my attention.
Disabled People Who Toke Love Obama. Apparently.
..and not too far away from the previous sign were the squatters.
However, I think I know who I am voting for. Today, officially, Captain Morgan announced his bid for the All Night Party Presidential candidate. I know who I'm throwing my vote away for! Too bad his crew could not take a better picture...
So that was the cap of todays events. I work tomorrow during the day, so all we will get to see is the evening madness. That should be exciting, no? What do you think, dog?
And what better way to celebrate democracy than aborted fetuses? Let the Abortionists attention whores congregate and exploit!
Yes. I self-censored these because no one really wants to see dead babies. Well...minus Spooky Wignall. But he eats them, he doesn't parade them around public.
The cops just unlocked 100cc circuits, so they can use their speed bikes now.
There was a riot by the Christfags earlier this morning, apparently. So to compensate, the anti-christfags were out. Cocks locked.
Someone also managed to irate this black man. He just kept yelling, "You ain't black! You ain't black!" to someone who apparently wasn't black.
And here's the nightly hotness. Stop Bird Porn and Make Out Not War.
Believe me, they got my attention.
Disabled People Who Toke Love Obama. Apparently.
..and not too far away from the previous sign were the squatters.
However, I think I know who I am voting for. Today, officially, Captain Morgan announced his bid for the All Night Party Presidential candidate. I know who I'm throwing my vote away for! Too bad his crew could not take a better picture...
So that was the cap of todays events. I work tomorrow during the day, so all we will get to see is the evening madness. That should be exciting, no? What do you think, dog?
R.I.P
For those of you who follow the Venture Bros. this shirt should brighten your day. I'm tempted to buy it but I can't justify 22 bucks for it. This just further proves that if I enjoy a character on a TV show they are doomed.
DNC: Do Not Care
In case you could not tell, Denver is hosting the Democratic Bukkake this year.
Those who choose to disrupt the democracy will be shipped off in charter buses to Guantanamo on the Platte. I wish I was making this up.
Seeing as how the world is looking upon Denver, the Christfags have come out of their holes to show off their gruesome imagery.
Because surely we need to be reminded at every public event that God hates fags and that we are all going to Hell unless we believe in the Angry Invisible Sky Wizard.
My thoughts exactly, Fat Riot Cop.
These events also bring out the hot, smart girls who want to do something. I'll let them do something. Especially in voicing their First Amendment rights to bear arms. My arms. ZING!!!
...and in Canada, milk comes in bags.
So for the first real official day, we had a bunch of Christian trolls, some idiots with signs, and a really hot day. What wonders will tomorrow bring? Lets find out... together.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Whales! And other big things....
I'm coming home next Friday (September 5th) and will be there for the weekend. My guess is that no one is in the greater DSM area anymore, but for what it's worth, I'll be there from 4:15 Friday afternoon till 4:00 Sunday afternoon, since Nadia is getting married and I'm in the wedding.
The Navy is good, now that Russia feels the need to oppress people openly again, I have a job! Yay!
Just thought I'd say hello, and remind you all I'm still alive, that is all for now.
Whales!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Held at Dick Point
Tim's post made me all sorts of nostalgic. It also filled me with some insane nerd rage. Ghosts n' Goblins, especially. Here's a game that makes no sense. Satan just stole your girlfriend via dick point while you were having freaky deaky Dutch dating in the graveyard. You trudge through a decaying landscape multiple times to be killed after the undead strip you of your armor by merely breathing on you or a turning of a page several screens away.
Today, we have home brewed games that brings back learning to use wonderful and colorful language.
I tell you what, you will never scream "Fucking goddamn apples!" coherently in real life.
Today, we have home brewed games that brings back learning to use wonderful and colorful language.
I tell you what, you will never scream "Fucking goddamn apples!" coherently in real life.
Super Joe, here I come (or why classic NES games make me crazy)
Damn, old video games, why are you so hard? This is what I remember from my youth, video game wise: short periods of blissful progress split up by long slogs through the same territory, the same sewers or space stations or mountain ranges, sometimes for days on end. Maybe you yourself had this experience while playing
Battletoads
Ducktales
Metal Gear
Ninja Gaiden
Back to the Future
etc. etc. etc. until your eyes liquified and bled out of your head.
And sometimes it drove me to madness! Madness! Not cursing madness, but the kind of madness where I insisted that that damned game was cheating. Where I insisted that it wasn't fair. Who did I insist to? My own pathetic self. Yes.
Until lately I thought this craziness was due to whatever hormones and half-formed brain an eight-year-old has, but now that I'm playing Bionic Commando I recall more clearly the flights of demented rage. You nimbly swing over bouncing mines, past robotic sentries, over air lifts, past guards, past dudes with remote-controlled pumpkinhead bombs, you swing on floodlamps and hack computers, only to bounce off a wall in the second half of the level, fall into the water, and realize you can't swim and the entire mission is failed. Yes, it's realistic. That huge robotic arm that sprouts out of you and is connected to a metal fire hydrant on your back probably would weigh you down. But come on: you just used the thing to deflect missiles, to scoop up prizes, to haul your ass up fifty stories at a construction site overseen by the world's most demented hillbilly driving the world's biggest and weirdest bulldozer. Couldn't that damn arm turn into a helicopter rotor blade? Into a flipper? Let's go, Good Guy Scientists.
Battletoads
Ducktales
Metal Gear
Ninja Gaiden
Back to the Future
etc. etc. etc. until your eyes liquified and bled out of your head.
And sometimes it drove me to madness! Madness! Not cursing madness, but the kind of madness where I insisted that that damned game was cheating. Where I insisted that it wasn't fair. Who did I insist to? My own pathetic self. Yes.
Until lately I thought this craziness was due to whatever hormones and half-formed brain an eight-year-old has, but now that I'm playing Bionic Commando I recall more clearly the flights of demented rage. You nimbly swing over bouncing mines, past robotic sentries, over air lifts, past guards, past dudes with remote-controlled pumpkinhead bombs, you swing on floodlamps and hack computers, only to bounce off a wall in the second half of the level, fall into the water, and realize you can't swim and the entire mission is failed. Yes, it's realistic. That huge robotic arm that sprouts out of you and is connected to a metal fire hydrant on your back probably would weigh you down. But come on: you just used the thing to deflect missiles, to scoop up prizes, to haul your ass up fifty stories at a construction site overseen by the world's most demented hillbilly driving the world's biggest and weirdest bulldozer. Couldn't that damn arm turn into a helicopter rotor blade? Into a flipper? Let's go, Good Guy Scientists.
Best interview I've ever heard on the way to work on a Saturday morning at 7:30
The future of Dave's animation company.
Belfort: There's sex going on in the office, we have midgets, we're tossing midgets around. Like midget tossing--
Announcer: When you say "midget tossing," you mean tossing around a small--
Belfort: A dwarf.
Announcer: Small people.
Belfort: A dwarf. Yeah. You're setting up wrestling mats with a bulls-eye, having a midget come in with, you know, shoulder pads and a crash helmet--
Belfort: There's sex going on in the office, we have midgets, we're tossing midgets around. Like midget tossing--
Announcer: When you say "midget tossing," you mean tossing around a small--
Belfort: A dwarf.
Announcer: Small people.
Belfort: A dwarf. Yeah. You're setting up wrestling mats with a bulls-eye, having a midget come in with, you know, shoulder pads and a crash helmet--
is this awesome? Y/N
Because the Democratic National Conventions are just a drunken stupor away from Denver, I have a unique opportunity.
I am officially announcing that I will "blog" the events of the DNC every evening next week. I want to focus more on the WTFs and maintain some unbiased reporting.
However, I fear it is too late to acquire a brown trenchcoat and fedora.
I am officially announcing that I will "blog" the events of the DNC every evening next week. I want to focus more on the WTFs and maintain some unbiased reporting.
However, I fear it is too late to acquire a brown trenchcoat and fedora.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
For-
I remembered seeing an e-mail or website on this onces. After several hourts of arduous searching (i.e. typing "Professor pranks" in Google) I finally found it.
1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."
7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19.Address students as "worm."
20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
22.Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
23.Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
24.Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
25.Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
26.Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
27.Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make strangling motions with your hands.
28.Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
29.Growl constantly and address students as "matey."
30.Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove."
31.Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.
32.Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
33.Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot." Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
34.Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles."
35.Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
36.Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
37.Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
38.Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at the bass while you lecture.
39.Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
40.Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.
41.Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk."
42.Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
43.Pass out dental floss to students floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
44.Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for you class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
45.Ask students to list their favorite show tunes on a sign-up sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in you grade book.
46.Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
47.Warn students that they should being a snack lunch to exams.
48.Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
49.Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field."
50.Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEAR YOU!"
1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."
7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19.Address students as "worm."
20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
22.Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
23.Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
24.Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
25.Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
26.Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
27.Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make strangling motions with your hands.
28.Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
29.Growl constantly and address students as "matey."
30.Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove."
31.Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.
32.Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
33.Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot." Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
34.Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles."
35.Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
36.Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
37.Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
38.Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at the bass while you lecture.
39.Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
40.Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.
41.Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk."
42.Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
43.Pass out dental floss to students floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
44.Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for you class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
45.Ask students to list their favorite show tunes on a sign-up sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in you grade book.
46.Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
47.Warn students that they should being a snack lunch to exams.
48.Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
49.Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field."
50.Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEAR YOU!"
Tropical Storm Power Go!
I'm gonna totally counteract Dave's post of frustration with this post of immense joy. Despite the fact that the tropical storm here decided at the last minute to settle the fuck down, and despite the fact that I woke up and tied on a tie and drove my ass across town, my school is closed for the day.
!
This is especially great because Tuesday is the day I do a four-hour morning class, then grade for my four-hour night class.
So obviously this leaves me a lot of unexpected free time. I'm going to spend it putting together a screenplay follow-up to the Spooky Movie. This one will be called Skintucky, and will be about a hillbilly tattoo artist who realizes that if he inks occult symbols onto the backs of local kids he can then control him from the basement of his tattoo parlor.
I'm just kidding, I'm not going to make that movie. But it does sound pretty sweet, right?
Maybe I'll make it after all!
Dave, that sounds like an anger-making tale. You could probably cite this as yet another reason why the average, honest person is either terrified of or furious at police.
I haven't listened to this yet but it looks interesting.
!
This is especially great because Tuesday is the day I do a four-hour morning class, then grade for my four-hour night class.
So obviously this leaves me a lot of unexpected free time. I'm going to spend it putting together a screenplay follow-up to the Spooky Movie. This one will be called Skintucky, and will be about a hillbilly tattoo artist who realizes that if he inks occult symbols onto the backs of local kids he can then control him from the basement of his tattoo parlor.
I'm just kidding, I'm not going to make that movie. But it does sound pretty sweet, right?
Maybe I'll make it after all!
Dave, that sounds like an anger-making tale. You could probably cite this as yet another reason why the average, honest person is either terrified of or furious at police.
I haven't listened to this yet but it looks interesting.
Illegal!
I was with a group of people (Allison, Dan, and about 4 other people) coming from downtown Denver. It was a nice night, some of us had a couple drinks. We were doing nothing illegal at all. Seven very legal kids walking home from a very legal establishment.
That is, until we walked through the park at 12:30pm.
Apparently there is this unwritten rule about walking through city parks. An unposted law stating that it is illegal. The city doesn't want to people sleeping in the parks. The city doesn't want people to be in the parks.
The city also doesn't want us to walk through the parks, despite all the lights being on, no gates, no signs stating said law, and nothing prohibiting people walking through the parks, especially after 11pm.
We were seriously half way through the park. Right in the middle, even, where there is a bunch of architecture. We see a cop car, and then we see Officer Doofy and his bumbling assistant. Doofy flashes his crime stopping magic light stick at us, announcing "Hey! You!"
"The park is closed. You are in violation blah blah blah."
We don't know this.
"You need to leave. Now." Magically teleport with our mutant powers off the park lots. We can't do that.
Do you want us to cut through the grass?
"STAY ON THE SIDEWALK! ENTERING THE PARK WHEN IT IS CLOSED IS PUNISHABLE BY GOING TO PRISON!" Baaawwww the park is closed! When we go home, we'll take out our aggressions towards you unamerican art students on our defenseless wives who we beat on a nightly basis.
They escorted the criminal scum (us, people who are walking through a park) out of the park. Our friend John looks like Morgan but more piratey. The cops had their hands on their pieces the whole time, fearing perhaps John would pull out his blunderbuss or musket and begin anarchy.
"We're going to let you all off with a warning. Next time, we'll haul you off to jail." For breaking the cardinal sin of entering a park. After hours! Who's to say the next time they see me, I'll be a man? Do these baconmongers have photographic memory? Or do these sorry sacks of shit have Park Antiterrorism Duty every night? They must expect deviants like us to pass through the park on our way to commit heinous and unspeakable evils and/or crimes.
I am so fucking livid about this. They treated us all like we were terrorists. Maybe all of us clean clothed kids were going to camp there! Maybe we were going to squat and sell drugs! The horror! People are entering a public area that is well lit and are doing nothing illegal at all! We must be up to malicious acts of modern day miscreants! Maybe, God help us all, we were going to distribute pamphlets and brochures! Maybe we were using the sidewalks for what they were made for (walking). Or perhaps maybe they could be patrolling the actual drug grottos that are emerging around our city for the real fucking criminals. Art kids are going to spray paint our beautiful city and they are going to begin in the park! Shoot to kill!
Fuck the Denver Police. All they do is beat up black people. They probably resell the drugs they confiscate. Hell, everyone who is a Denver native sells and smokes the shit. These are not stereotypes.
All I am saying is that there is better things to do than keeping law abiding kids out of parks at night. Who else will keep these well lit areas under control? Anarchy will rule when people are allowed to walk the streets at night.
This picture should really say Park's Closed. Fucking pig dogs...
Monday, August 18, 2008
Save the date bitches
So after some discussion Shannon and I have finally set a date(still somewhat tentative, but we'll say 90%)It would a appear that the wedding will take place on Halloween 2009. With this in mind do we make the reception costume optional or do we stick traditional, blargh. We can't quite decide.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
she's not doing right
So, I found a kitten in the parking lot at work Friday.
Two days and two hundred dollars in veterinary bills later, and I now find a much happier kitten in my bed at home:
('she's not doing right' is what the receptionist put down as the reason for my visit when I came in, explained that I'd found a stray kitten that was half starved, eyes were messed up, and was coughing and sneezing. Succinct, I guess!)
Two days and two hundred dollars in veterinary bills later, and I now find a much happier kitten in my bed at home:
('she's not doing right' is what the receptionist put down as the reason for my visit when I came in, explained that I'd found a stray kitten that was half starved, eyes were messed up, and was coughing and sneezing. Succinct, I guess!)
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Tim and John
There is no easter bunny.
Oh wait. No.
So how do you avoid the inevitable "I emailed it to you, you must have lost it?"
Answers:
First day of class's assignment should include emailing the teacher. As well, print off the email that they sent to verify they emailed you. Several of our teachers used this and used it against students who claimed the teacher cannot get their emails, nor did they try to email the teacher to get a failure notice.
Put a clause in the syllabus that states "If I don't receive your project via email then you never sent it. Failure of computers and/or emails is not an acceptable answer for the absence of an assignment." Again, this is canon when it comes to digital tech at AiC (mah skuul). This puts the blame on students.
If a student claims they emailed you, have them show you their email they sent. The guilty party will usually say "I delete my sent email." Again, a teacher pulled this on a kid during a class. And everyone KNEW he was bullshitting. The kid called the teacher's bluff and showed teacher his email account and guess what? There were myspace confirmations and other unimportant emails still in the account from the day they sent it but no email to the teacher. This is the proverbial cookie jar.
A 2x4 flat up against the infidel student. No explanation needed.
~~~~
The bigfoot thing, as other claims of tangible proof of the damn thing, was a hoax to get people to pay for tours and to plug a worthless internet podcast. Dissapointment...
Oh wait. No.
So how do you avoid the inevitable "I emailed it to you, you must have lost it?"
Answers:
First day of class's assignment should include emailing the teacher. As well, print off the email that they sent to verify they emailed you. Several of our teachers used this and used it against students who claimed the teacher cannot get their emails, nor did they try to email the teacher to get a failure notice.
Put a clause in the syllabus that states "If I don't receive your project via email then you never sent it. Failure of computers and/or emails is not an acceptable answer for the absence of an assignment." Again, this is canon when it comes to digital tech at AiC (mah skuul). This puts the blame on students.
If a student claims they emailed you, have them show you their email they sent. The guilty party will usually say "I delete my sent email." Again, a teacher pulled this on a kid during a class. And everyone KNEW he was bullshitting. The kid called the teacher's bluff and showed teacher his email account and guess what? There were myspace confirmations and other unimportant emails still in the account from the day they sent it but no email to the teacher. This is the proverbial cookie jar.
A 2x4 flat up against the infidel student. No explanation needed.
~~~~
The bigfoot thing, as other claims of tangible proof of the damn thing, was a hoax to get people to pay for tours and to plug a worthless internet podcast. Dissapointment...
Angry rambling--feel free to skim
Today was definitely my worst teaching experience EVER! TO DATE! SO FAR IN HISTORY!
Today's class is called Report Writing. It's midterm day in report writing, so I asked them to choose either:
1) An article they've found so far for their end-term research reports or
2) A significant event that is for some reason memorable
and to write about it in such a way that showed some planning, some consideration of what the important aspects were, some thought about how to organize the short essay, and some consideration of clarity.
The problem came when this angry sack of marshmallows asked what the point was. To report on an article or an event in an informative, clear way. But how is this a midterm? It's a writing class, so I can't give you a bubble sheet of multiple choice questions. But what's the point? Sometimes you'll have to write reports where you are the only source. Where you have to convey your own experience to a coworker or a boss or an employee or to a fellow academic. I don't get it. What don't you get? The point.
THIS WENT ON FOR LITERALLY 25 MINUTES. It was nine o'clock by the time we got started. The only thing that stopped her asking questions was a large man telling her to be quiet.
Later, during a break I spent photocopying pages for people who still haven't bought textbooks, I got jumped by the assistant dean, who told me three people had been in to complain about how they weren't writing reports, but were instead writing "Composition I" projects. Also, I am apparently "too disorganized." What does this mean? I guess it means that when I'm talking about a subject and somebody walks in and asks for homework they turned in late three weeks ago, I don't have it on hand in a special utility belt.
Later it turned out that the three students who complained were right--they haven't been writing reports. When I handed back papers, I didn't have any for them. All of their explanations: I emailed it to you. So I checked my email. Me: I don't think I got it--did I repsond? Sack of Marshmallows: No. You never did. Me: Maybe you sent it to the wrong address. Sack of Marshmallows: No, I sent it. You must have lost it.
It fell out of my computer as I carried it to the coffee shop!
Today's class is called Report Writing. It's midterm day in report writing, so I asked them to choose either:
1) An article they've found so far for their end-term research reports or
2) A significant event that is for some reason memorable
and to write about it in such a way that showed some planning, some consideration of what the important aspects were, some thought about how to organize the short essay, and some consideration of clarity.
The problem came when this angry sack of marshmallows asked what the point was. To report on an article or an event in an informative, clear way. But how is this a midterm? It's a writing class, so I can't give you a bubble sheet of multiple choice questions. But what's the point? Sometimes you'll have to write reports where you are the only source. Where you have to convey your own experience to a coworker or a boss or an employee or to a fellow academic. I don't get it. What don't you get? The point.
THIS WENT ON FOR LITERALLY 25 MINUTES. It was nine o'clock by the time we got started. The only thing that stopped her asking questions was a large man telling her to be quiet.
Later, during a break I spent photocopying pages for people who still haven't bought textbooks, I got jumped by the assistant dean, who told me three people had been in to complain about how they weren't writing reports, but were instead writing "Composition I" projects. Also, I am apparently "too disorganized." What does this mean? I guess it means that when I'm talking about a subject and somebody walks in and asks for homework they turned in late three weeks ago, I don't have it on hand in a special utility belt.
Later it turned out that the three students who complained were right--they haven't been writing reports. When I handed back papers, I didn't have any for them. All of their explanations: I emailed it to you. So I checked my email. Me: I don't think I got it--did I repsond? Sack of Marshmallows: No. You never did. Me: Maybe you sent it to the wrong address. Sack of Marshmallows: No, I sent it. You must have lost it.
It fell out of my computer as I carried it to the coffee shop!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Crawling with the famished dead.
I meant to elaborate on the plagiarism statement in the chatbox, but as many of you know, that damned thing rarely works. Jesus H, it makes me say. Dick damn, it makes me say, and lots more aside from that, to the point that Sarah now refuses to speak the language I've so abused and chatters solely in a cross between Esperanto and Pig Latin that her brother developed in the seventh grade.
Speaking of, I've been considering sending out a slew of resumes under false names. The least ridiculous claim on these resumes would be that I am bilingual, Engl/Pgltn.
Also I stupidly began playing a mud-like thing here, which thankfully limits your turns each day so that you can only waste about twenty minutes. It's no Nirvana, thank god.
Let's see: that plagiarism girl. Yes. The strange thing is, I'd thought she was one of my few brilliants. The stranger thing is, she cited on her references page the article she copied and pasted more than 80% of her paper from. So she's either incredibly underinformed about academia (which seems unlikely, considering this class is at the top of the composition progression) or just incredibly sloppy/overconfident. Still haven't decided what to do about it exactly. I've only gotten so far as turning the copy/paste material blue on the electronic copy, which was easy enough, as she hadn't bothered changing it from gray in the first place.
Check out this house a few doors down. It looks plain enough in daylight but at night the spotlights burn and I'll be damned if it's not crawling inside with the famished dead.
Speaking of, I've been considering sending out a slew of resumes under false names. The least ridiculous claim on these resumes would be that I am bilingual, Engl/Pgltn.
Also I stupidly began playing a mud-like thing here, which thankfully limits your turns each day so that you can only waste about twenty minutes. It's no Nirvana, thank god.
Let's see: that plagiarism girl. Yes. The strange thing is, I'd thought she was one of my few brilliants. The stranger thing is, she cited on her references page the article she copied and pasted more than 80% of her paper from. So she's either incredibly underinformed about academia (which seems unlikely, considering this class is at the top of the composition progression) or just incredibly sloppy/overconfident. Still haven't decided what to do about it exactly. I've only gotten so far as turning the copy/paste material blue on the electronic copy, which was easy enough, as she hadn't bothered changing it from gray in the first place.
Check out this house a few doors down. It looks plain enough in daylight but at night the spotlights burn and I'll be damned if it's not crawling inside with the famished dead.
LoDo
Dave,
I'm picking up mah buddy Adam the Pirate from DIA sometime on the 26th. He's flying in from somewhere between Alaska and the Bahamas. Not sure where, though.
Anywho, his flight gets in at about 2:00-ish in the afternoon.
Will you still be in the Greater Denver Metro area at that point in time?
I mentioned to him that I might be pausing to haunt your haunts before we head back into the mountains like the savage primitives we are.
I'm picking up mah buddy Adam the Pirate from DIA sometime on the 26th. He's flying in from somewhere between Alaska and the Bahamas. Not sure where, though.
Anywho, his flight gets in at about 2:00-ish in the afternoon.
Will you still be in the Greater Denver Metro area at that point in time?
I mentioned to him that I might be pausing to haunt your haunts before we head back into the mountains like the savage primitives we are.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I accidentally a coca-cola bottle.
Pineapple Express is a cool guy. eh smokes a lot of pot and doesn't afraid of everything.
Seriously, it is a good movie. You should go see it. Kevin. Nick. Kevin and Nick. Nick and Kevin. Kevinick. Nickevin. Amish would disagree because it is lacking of boobies.
Seriously, it is a good movie. You should go see it. Kevin. Nick. Kevin and Nick. Nick and Kevin. Kevinick. Nickevin. Amish would disagree because it is lacking of boobies.
Truck vs Bear
I win.
Too bad I didn't get pictures.
Ah, well. They'll probably be in the paper tomorrow...
Too bad I didn't get pictures.
Ah, well. They'll probably be in the paper tomorrow...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Man I'd like to place my hands upon you're fucking sex ass and SQUEEZE
So tomorrow I'm going to Billy Joe's Pitcher Show for amateur stand up night. I've pretty much got figured out what I want to do. However if you can think of any awesome stories from out past that would make for good material I would be open to changing my act as some segments I'm not really confident about.
This post was originally about a Hitler Cat
But...shit. They say that they found Bigfoot in Georgia. A dead Bigfoot. They are going to have a news conference on Friday.Could this really be happening?
Now all they have to do is prove Mothman and Goatman .
Hitler Cat will have to wait, I guess.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Wauson cooks eggs
Were you wondering about basic APA format? Here's an excerpt from my lesson plan, for tomorrow:
The Basics of Citing Sources in Your Text
The author's surname and publication date are basic elements, although page numbers are necessary when referring to a specific portion of the source document.
One discussion of proper egg-cooking technique (Wauson, 1998) indicates…
If the author's name is incorporated into the text, only include the publication date:
As Wauson (1998) finds, eggs can only properly be cooked…
The Basics of Citing Sources in Your Text
The author's surname and publication date are basic elements, although page numbers are necessary when referring to a specific portion of the source document.
One discussion of proper egg-cooking technique (Wauson, 1998) indicates…
If the author's name is incorporated into the text, only include the publication date:
As Wauson (1998) finds, eggs can only properly be cooked…
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Amish Go!!!
If you need help we should all come to your house and build this sucka A-Team style... I get to be Murdock!
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
What do you do with a drunken hobo?
So I got this in the mail earlier this week. I'm pretty damn sure it's my diploma from AiC. I haven't opened it yet. I think I can still return it and get my money back. I haven't opened it or used it since I got it, so I'm pretty sure it's still under warranty.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Yip yip yip
I don't need to say who this is targeted towards, but he lives on a farm. Especially at 2:25. I see this happening every time people try to call him.
You know who you are.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Saturday, August 02, 2008
In leau of fat people
I was at work at six this morning doing some sorta business with the Salvation Army. This annoying girl shows up three hours into it oblivious to the announcements that have been made all week. And guess who she kept bothering? Why, me of course. This happens when I was having a problem with the register, which such nagging and retarded questions as "Whats going on?" or "What are all these people doing?!" Finally, she asks me "Where am I supposed to go?!" to which I bark "SOMEWHERE OUT OF OUR WAY." I make a hand gesture comparable to directing a plane into a hanger. She huffs and sends me this dirty look and inside my head I imagine grabbing a pen, stabbing her in the neck and screaming hateful things while I disembowel her with said pen and tear out her vital organs, traumatizing all the needy children and letting this bitch know nobody likes her stupid gold bricking face or her stupid jerk off attitude.
*ahem*
So I am going to a party tonight. Hopefully, things will work out...later tonight.
Yes, Amish. Hahah. Funny.
