I have no concept of decency or shame

JFK: Reloaded. See how well you can kill Kennedy...or how much you can fuck up the whole situation.

Mrs. Conelly seems to be rocking out. . . of the car at a high rate of speed! OOOOOOOOOOH sick burn.

Fuck....I can't stop laughing.

Pretty much this continued for six minutes. And isn't the view from my apartment LOVELY? You can so tell I live in Denver. ...or maybe not.

Hu Hot, 6 pm

Guess what I'm doing.

. . .

If you said, "Eating a carrot," you are correct.

If you said, thinking about dinner tomorrow night, you are also correct.

Last Monday we decided to meet at 6 pm. Since we're not ultimately ending at Wes's this time, can somebody in the Bil/Morgan/Martin squad collect Wesley and meet John and me at Hu Hot? Whoever gets there first, get a damn table! I'll try to remember to call Andy tomorrow at some time and invite him.

Counteracting Cricket's Bad Pun

Tim's dont really look like Bob's, and vice versa.

I only say that because Tim and Wes (formerly Wesbob and shortly before then Bob and briefly Silent Bob and never Assram Callyouinthemorningtobitchaboutthestains) look very different.

Zombies with good taste

I know, bad pun.

Zombies like macs!

Tim, pack your bags:

You're going to review this cat next.

This should be the Cat Review's next cat!

24% milkfat

Sometimes I ask myself: which candy bar do I enjoy more? Milky Way, or 100 Grand? The answer, of course, is Milky Way Dark. It is the greatest of all candy bars. I have no idea if it's even still being sold. Maybe it's already gone on to Heaven, to wait for me alongside a refrigerated vault of Pitch Black, Mountain Dew the Three-Legged Cat, and my old Gamecube.

Here are two flash-based zombie games that, while flawed in different ways, stole far too much of my time today:

The Last Stand

Endless Zombie Rampage

Stating the obvious

Antique Bomb Found Near Albia High School.

Albia. Dumb. Treated this like it was a fuckin' Columbine. School locked down, parents panic, etc.

The best part? Every. Fucking. Vehicle. In. Albia. Swarmed. The. Bomb. Area.

Shit you not.

I'm already there man.

Guitar hero 3 has announced it is coming with a wireless guitar for the 360 and these original tracks also.

Paint It Black - The Rolling Stones

Cherub Rock - Smashing Pumpkins

Sabotage - Beastie Boys

The Metal - Tenacious D

My Name is Jonas - Weezer

Knights of Cydonia - Muse

Rock And Roll All Nite - Kiss

School's Out - Alice Cooper

Slow Ride - Fog Hat

Cult of Personality - Living Colour

Barracuda - Heart

The Running Dead

I haven't read this article, but I'm posting it on the strength of its title.

And after four years, I'm still no farther along in this endeavor. Still, I like every serious drawing I do of these three blokes.

...

Yeah well, that's just, like, your own opinion, man...

Oh, and xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

For Bil: Here's what you missed: Gabriela was really Gabriel, and couldn't handle much oral sex. Also, the other guy liked porn featuring women who looked like his wife.

For people who didn't make it to dinner tonight: tonight they accidentally shut the lights off on us while we finished our meal at Raccoon River. Thankfully there was a candle burning in the center of the table, so instead of being attacked by the Tooth Fairy or Shadow Dwellers, we were just plunged into a romantic campfire simulation. Next week we're going to skip the late-night and go for a Tuesday/6 pm/Hu Hot event.

For people who made it to dinner last week: Following is my entry into the mutton chops contest. I would have kept it for dinner tonight, but felt too goddamn ridiculous.

Edit: Oh, and xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, blog.

Zombies vs. Robots?

Zombies vs. Robots?

Drawn to Life

Drawn to Life is going to be so badass. You draw your hero, like above, and then you draw everything plot devising. Weapons, vehicles, enemies, platorms. This is going to be so badass. THQ is publishing it, so you know they love to create shit.

If you can draw, you should enter the contest, too.

Alcoholic?

Sooooo, my sister comes back from Ireland and England bearing gifts for me. What does she bring me? A guinness directly off the line from Dublin, and flask from Tower of London. Who does she think I am? Four Kings Burncock?

Summer Blockbusters

OK, so there are tons of movies coming out this summer that are more than worth the 22 dollars just to sit in those giant comfy chairs, surround sound audio and enough soda to ensure you don't make it through the movie's climax, here are a few I thought were worth a mention.

That's fucking right, Underdog got his own live action movie. You knew it was going to happen sooner or later. That's not the interesting part though. He's being voiced by my personal favorite, Jason Lee. If you don't know who he is, then slit your wrist now before I find you.

Sure the movie's going to blow like the Vietnamese prostitute in Dave's closet, wet and squishy, but to hear Jason Lee give the trade mark Underdog heroic catch phrase will be worth the rental from blockbuster.

Sure everyone is waiting on the next Harry Potter movie to get their magic/adventure heroine fix, but if this flick lives up to the book then fuck Harry Potter and the Vietnamese whore he rode in on. For those who read it, Neil Gaiman did a great job transversing you to a mythical place with a great adventure that could of gone on forever, but it didn't because he wrote only the one story. Still everyone needs to see this movie. Or at least Tim, Wes, and Andy.

O.K. who ordered the remake? Cause when I find ya, I'm going to beat your skull in with the the wooden leg of Dave's Vietnamese closet whore. Oh wait. Rob Zombie. This is your doing. You're directing it? Well o.k., if it's half as a thrill ride as "House of a 1000 Corpses" and "Devil's Rejects" then I'm in. Oh wait. John Carpenter said it was alright. Well then let me just make a quick stop in Colorado and I'll meet you guys at the premiere, I just got to pick up my date.

Damn.

First off, when I walked into the living room today I noticed a strange envelope lying on the dining room table. It was addressed to me and covered in pink and black pen. When I picked it up, I discovered that was not in fact a single envelope, but six of them.


Where did these envelopes come from, you ask? I haven't opened them yet, I say, but the return addresses say Denver, Colorado!

I plan to investigate this mystery further over at the Review of Cats, sometime tonight or tomorrow.

In other news: Nick, the thing I'm mailing you should be there soon, if I can ever drag myself out of this apartment and to the post office.

In still other news: My computer went into a coma a few weeks ago, during finals week. It lay slumbering on my desk, drooling and occasionally twitching, and I held its hand and stroked its forehead and acted caring, but secretly I just wanted my damn Brit Lit paper out of it. After more than three hours at the help desk in the Apple Store, and then another hour and a half the next morning, they gave me a disk and told me I could get what files I wanted and then they'd reformat the whole enchilada. So I dumped a few projects and my paper onto a CD and that was it. Now my computer is basically the same as it was when I got it--void of a lot of useless files and programs, but also without some useful ones. For example, I no longer have the current version of iphoto, and am using the free version from 2003. What this means is, so far, I haven't figured out how to upload video from my camera to my computer.

All that to say: Four Kings Burncock has left a Very Special Video Message for Dave, that will be up as soon as I figure out how to make it happen.

In even other news: As I opened my window and pulled back the blinds just a few precious moments ago, I saw a short stack of quarters and wondered what was on the back of them. Do you want to guess?

Go ahead.

.
.
.

Guess.

.
.
.

If you guessed "an eagle," then you are wrong.

If you guessed "the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria," then you are correct.

And if, after making that guess, you wondered why the fuck the names of those ships were ever drilled into your brain, then you are thinking along the same lines as me. What possible benefit was there for us to learn those ships' names in elementary school? In what non-Jeopardy situation would that knowledge be useful? I wanted to write more about this but now I'm so frustrated about it that all I want to say is, Damn.

Low Brow, but I can't help it.

Tutli Putli: Cool and Creepy

Interesting stop motion film. Kinda creepy. Mainly because the puppets eyes are real eyes filmed and superimposed on the stop motion action.

Tutli Putli

I want to see this when it's done.

Friday June 8

On Friday June 8th Shannon and I will be opening our apartment to all you peeps for dinner. So if you are going to come on that date RSVP so we know how much food to make. Maybe afterwards we could play Mario party or watch a movie. It'll probably be pasta of some kind, but if you guys want something else let me know and we'll see what we can do.

HOT CHICKS IN PERIL

Nick, it is coincidental that you would request such a piece of art. Just this morning, I was using my time machine (powered by an encaged team of Elusive Time-Traveling Eurasian Lynxes who go round and round and round, weeping tears for their lost families and homelands, tears that only fuel the fires of my ego) to travel back in time to sleep with FAMOUS HOT CHICKS IN PERIL, and after banging Joan of Arc and getting shot down by Anne Frank, decided to swing by the Titanic and yes, a scene very much like the one you just described played out. Only, instead of running for the boats, I was running for my time machine. And also, most of the women and children were scared away from the Machine by the desperate snarls of the Eurasian lynxes.

But now: now I am back. Yes, you have read that correctly: I am back in The Present. And now that I am, there are a few things to take care of:

Thing the First: Has anyone discussed dinner for Monday night? It is the only night that works for Kevin, and Wesley has some sort of obligation with a secret cult of thieving ninjas until 8:30 (?). It’ll be painful, but I can probably hold the beast of my stomach at bay until then. What about people who are not me? Should we pick a different day? Just sit around and play Russian Roulette? Leave the head of Wes’s ninja leader at the door to the dojo?

Thing the Second: Kevin, have you determined the name of your mysterious Italian restaurant?

Thing the Third: Bil, you’ve probably run across this yourself, but if not, and if you ever need some inspiration for your reading list . . . (which, I think, probably merits a post all its own)

Thing the Fourth: John, have you considered putting any sign-language related pictures of our roommate up here?

I’m just sayin, it’s damn ridiculous.

Teacher: This looks bad. No one would want to stay in a bungalow like this.
Me: It's based on my old apartment (shows picture reference)
Teacher: ... This looks badder. (YES. HE SAID BADDER)

BACK WITH A VENGENCE

Well I can post once again on the blog. What does that mean to you fine folks? Not a damn thing. You'll just have to put up with me until William gets tired of it and kicks my ass to the curve like so many dead hookers. On a lighter note, there's going to be a zombie crawl not far from were I live a couple of Saturdays from now. Sucks that I work that day. For those who do not know what a zombie crawl is, a bunch of people get together dressed as zombies and walk around a predetermined area. It's 10 bucks to join and bring your own costume, they do your makeup. If I can sneak away, I'll try to get pictures.

High Ceilings

This goes back something Andy was talking about recently and a couple of things I've noticed as well.

What Andy was talking about were monks who created this system of memory where they created a library for themselves in their minds. Filling it in an organized way with things they needed to remember as a kind of mental training. They could then recall these things at will.

I want to note I haven't been able to really focus lately. Every time I try to start working, I immediately distract myself with anything I can find, or stare at the wall.

I also recall a recent story about how churches, or really any room with a high ceiling can up mental focus. Specifics elude me as does the link to the article, but the idea was that the space was not confining, and the large scale of the room lead to enhanced spatial thinking.

I'm sitting in design. Vend-o-land specifically. Staring up through the atrium roof.

I like high ceilings, and I have to say I'm focusing a bit more. But not quite enough to keep me from writing this though.

Release Date: July 2007

Again, again.

Last Monday was good, except for Tim's excuse of having already eaten and so no-showing. (HAD YOU ALREADY DRANK BEER WITH YOUR FRIENDS AS WELL? HMMM?) (note: if you had already drank beer with friends, plz disregard the prior parenthetical ranting) It was nice to see Andy and Kevin again, and to meet Kevin's quiet little fiancee. (I guess he makes up for the quietness, though, har)

So are we thinking of making this a weekly or bimonthly thing, or what? If weekly, let's decide on where to go this Monday evening, whether it's Court Ave again or it's somewhere else. We (well, Kevin) actually flipped a coin betwixt Court Ave and the Royal Mile last week, so maybe we could make that the next one. Just a suggestion, not a demand.

Make with the comments.

Evil?

To be evil? or not to be evil? Please check one. XOXOXOX

Hells yeah!

Die you stupid cetatious lifeform!

Have you watched 300?

Just for acknowledgement...

King Xerxes from 300 is Rodrigo Santoro, a Brazilian actor!




I´m not that proud because he looks really gay.
Still cool, though.

Go Spartanos!

Dave

I'm currently working out the kinks on a trip to Denver, Colorado, more details at a later date

Digging You Like I Dug That Hole in the Basement...for You

Pretty much I am archiving this because of 103 comemnts, there were 55 I have deemed "worthy" drawings.

The winner of our contest, Nick, posted about 40 or so times. Of those times, Nick used Jesus twice, Zombies thrice, Brazilin waxing quatro times, mentioned someone named Bill three times (maybe it's the pilot from Starfox 64?), mentioned an arcane "blopper reel" which I am assuming is a typo of a Whopper Value Meal, and had not one not two but THIRTEEN ideas inspired by previous themes. For that, Nick, you win some softcore goth porn:

FAILED TO UPLOAD IMAGE

Son of a bitch! As for the rest of you: SHAME ON YOU. Kevin came in fourth, Bil and I tied for second. Tim and Sarah get a consultation prize of a couple hits of my Enter Key:







If you have anymore ideas on what I can do: I will take a few more. Enjoy the archive!!! Otherwize, approval on all these? Too bad. I is doing em all.


How about a drawing of all the bloggers that woudl be kinda cool
Kevin

That would be cool. But I also like the man in the car suit chasing Oswald. Or how about Abe Lincoln strapped into an operating table, trying desperately to escape, while Little Red Riding hood sharpens a set of scalpels?
Tim

How about cyborg George Washington fighting off a demonic Genghis Khan and his army of zombie Mongolians?
William

Oooh, how about us bloggers as zombies. That could be amusing. Poignant too!
William

Master chief riding on amish's back hold a fishing pole with steak dangling in front of him.
Kevin

Super Fancy Mother Fucking Cheese.
Has to have monicole and tophat like Mr. Peanut.
Nick

Whales in a prison shower scean droping the soap around some sharks.
Nick

Half of everyone you know as Cyborgs fighting the other half as Zombies.
Nick

Candlejack grabbing a whole bunch of kids and draggi
William


The bloggers playing poker. STRIP POKER. With Milla Jovovich. Milla Jovovich is winnning.
William

Every typo that Nick has ever made on the blog coming for him in the night, piranha style.
William


Government beemen chasing bear costumed man.
DaveO

Dogs vs cats. Dogs have jetpacks, cats are on motorcycles.
William

A man with the cane. He has a monocle. He stares straight ahead with cold, dead eyes.
William

Jesus trying on Mohammed's bomb turban.
William
--And Buddah's taking a camphone pic of it!
DaveO
...and sending it to Shiva!
William

A flying waffle...being served children.
DaveO

A chicken in a restaurant, his menu reads 'fetus - over easy, sunny side up, scrambled'
William

Gravatar 300 ft. taco destroying downtown Dallas, while a squadron of cats in F16s come in for the rescue.
DaveO

Mothra over Tokyo, giant bug zapper being set up.
William

Smurfs enslaved by Fraggles, forced to work in their mines.
William

All the bloggers AS SMURFS! Holy shit!
William

A preacher in a church full of dead horses.
DaveO


Sheep hiding behind a stone wall with scissors, unsuspecting man ambling up the path.
William

Albert Einstein bitchslapping Steven Hawkins...
DaveO

Gravatar Gonzo converting to Scientology.
William

Someone with a Wii remote shoved up their nose. On the screen, he has missed a volley.
William

The Count being staked by Van Helsing Elmo.
DaveO

KETCHUP - EVERYWHERE.
William

Emo kid cutting his wrist and a rainbow is shooting out.
DaveO


Three little girls at the pool. A bear watches from the bushes.
William

An empty parking lot. HOLY SHIT!!!
DaveO

Flies hovering over a bottle of vinegar, a jar of honey nearby is ignored.
William

A really. Long. Cat.
DaveO

Several bad peppers in a bowl. One has a sombrero. Another has a leather jacket. Another one has a mohawk. One looks gay.
DaveO
An anthropomorphic car, riding a man like a horse.
William

Mosquitos in scuba gear, underwater. They are pointing excitedly at a lamprey.
William

Gravatar What's going on?
Kevin

Gravatar Amish dancing with Tom Cruise...ala rain main
or
Amish Dancing with Dustin Hoffman
or
Amish, watching saved by the bell, crying because Kelly picked Zack over Slater
Kevin


Amish and tim mutual masturbation....oh no wait that was what I walked in on last Saturday night
Kevin


The Last Supper. Jesus takes the last of the appetizer, Judas is scowling at him; suddenly it all becomes clear.
William

Three words: Southern Baptist Rave.
William

Richard Dawkins thumb wrestling with CS Lewis.
William



Martin Luther stapling 99 pictures of his ex girlfriend onto a Sorority House door.
DaveO

Nick being suspended over a pit of boars by Brizilin wax strips while Francisco, in a wheelchair, cackles madly.
DaveO

Gravatar Jesus visiting the native americans. He has toilet paper on his sandel.
Nick

Unibomber chases a squirrel through the woods because it stole his letter.
Nick


The posters as the cast of futurama
Kevin

The bloggers as the cast of lord of the rings
Kevin

You get flaming dag shit and like it.
Nick

Check out these cats that look like Hitler.