Ran Dome

"Lizards humanoids evolved" will lead to fucked up pages on google like this one.

What Would Snoop Dog Do? Type in our blog, for rizzle!

Why does my coffee taste like bleach?

Well, the birthday thing up in DSM went rather well. It was interesting, and the comedians were rather funny. And the rest of the night was pretty good.
Going to bed at 10 am, and getting back up before 11. That wasn't so good. Oh well, I'm the only one to blame for my own lack of sleeping. Anyways, work this weekend just was not good at all.
Tim/Andy I'm sorry to hear that the apartment didn't work out. There's probably plenty more apartments out there for you two to check out. However, today is my only day off this week, so I think I'm out to go enjoy it.
Wes, how is Oregon treating you?

SearchV - search with pleasure

Checked out the apartment tonight and, after talking to Goathead, we've decided it's not quite what we're after. Although we probably will not find a nicer landlord. Morgan (and Wes), thanks for the info anyway. Was good to look into. I'll call her in the morning . . . she just told us to leave a message tomorrow if we decided not to take the place.

So I'll be in Albia a while longer, and maybe I'll find a decent job before I leave. I hope. . . . .

I just spilled milk all over myself.

Was in northern Iowa last night, in Kanawha. Northern Iowa is damn flat. And flooded. Both those things.

Random

Work is pretty cool. House is pretty nice. I think I'm gonna do alright out here...

P.S. Cookie Mongoloid [via boingboing] nuff said...

Behold I come like a chef in the night...

Sorry but... This is the best thing EVER!

..or mebbe not. Tonite there will be a luau. Im goin as a pirate, mebbe. There will be lots of food and stuff. Also, Im promised a private viewing of a samurai movie a bunch of the film students are making to be seen after the luau. By the way theyve been dressin the last few weeks it should be quite the badass viewing. Or, in retrospect, it will be like that recockulous vampire movie that we made in 9th grade.

I ....I told you about the bubbles....

Wow. Most of you went to this here Funny Bone for shits and giggles. Im playing this complicated game called FUGITIVE...well Ill try to play it.

Well anyways, since this time of the year is riddled with birthdays you all ought to have a birhtday party at the agertment in my honor. Booze, vidgo games, and anything else you can think of will do. Just take pictures and have a paper sack of me there. If youd like ill record a few clipits of me you can put in a tape recorder so if you need me to be all like-"Fucking MORMONS!" or "Oh shit cocks!" ill ablidge so you all can have a very wonderful Davemas.



...or some shit.

345AM Edit oh lord have mercy! Fugitive is a fun ass game. We had about 20 people playing with four cars of 3 people and 8 men on the run. Denver is a perfect city for this because there is a park in every damn neck of the woods! Plus like....there were only really 8 people from AIC there and the rest was like a reunion of a youth group so it all 21+ year old hotty christian girls. Twas much fun. Ill have to introduce you all to this game when I am back.

Oh by the way, Kelly was the closest on my birthday. Its JUNE 3rd! You fucks!

And now, a word from the president:

I agree. It does feel good to be a gangster.

Mish and I will be up tomorrow, along with Goraczkowski. Wickity chickity chow. So I know what the preliminary plans are, but anything after the FB? I'm guessing so, but thought I'd make sure.

Talked to Donna Beary tonight. Which was a lot easier than I had guessed it would be. Said the place would be ready for move-in June 1, and asked if we could look at it Sunday night or Monday. Woo.

Uh . . . that's all.

And everythings cool in the mind of a gangsta

Martin: I might swing by after work tonight and move my bike. If its blocked in..umm...I'll try to figure something out.

Ryan: If Tim and/or Amish or anyone else are going to be coming up tonight, lets have everyone meet at your place around nine-thirty. If Heather wants to go, we could go to fireside or something like that.

Tim: Come up, bring Amish. I texted you Donna's number...again. If you're still wanting to move up, give her a call.

Wes: Glad to hear you made it out. Did you drive or fly, or get beamed over by their advanced beaming technology?

Wait! This isn't a restaurant! It's......IT'S AN ABORTION CLINIC!

My roommate, Elliot, left for Tibet today. Well, he went home first then hes leavin on me birthday for Tibet. I tried to get him to get a pic of the Dhali Lama givin either a thumbs up or a middle finger but he didnt seem too sure of either, especially the latter. But oh well.

Rommy and Michelle are back in Albia. Hope you all get to suffer what I went thru! Hah hah..hah. It was sad. The last nite they were here they showed up when i was talking to a bunch of folks online who all had problems that needed Dave attention...and they were all of the female pesuasion. So rommy made me a lil sign that said:
Dave + Girls = Friendship Only!!!
OVER QUALIFIED
I am a sad individual.

I actually did a lot of homework yesterday. I despise all of you for being done w/ school and Im still here. But in truth, all I need to show employers is a portfolio and a video. As well, our school just decided to drop two classes from my course of study. One of which Im in at the moment. That means Ive LOST 2000 dollars cuz they wont accept those as electives or anything because theyre fasing those classes out next quarter. This seriously blows the shit cocks. So as Im filling out my schedule, Im noticing classes that are not realy needed and that might get dropped altogether...which are all in my 3rd quarter. Bah. Stupid school.

Anywho, its pizza time. At 10 am! Im so healthy!

Eugene!

Hmm. I have arrived. I'm damn sleepy. Its two hours earlier out here than it is here. I suppose I should change my time zone to make the time it says I posted this right. *shrug* perhaps later. If the times are wrong for three months it probably won't kill anybody. The place I'm staying seems pretty nice. Computer set up obviously, the high speed internet is definately a plus. Haven't really tried to acertain how high speed, but will probably abuse tommorow. Just realized that I should actually be able to use bit torrent (college blocks it), definately will make use of that. But now I'm tired, and so I'm gonna go to bed. My clock says 12am, but it feels like 2am. Gonna take a bit to adjust. First day of work tommorow. I'll post more elaborately on my travels and whats going on tommorow, now the sleep approaches...

For Tim

Hey, check this job out Timmah!

If you're interested and you want contact information, let me know.

I should never have let him out in the first place...

Apparently, a small comic studio pursued the possibility of doing a Red Dwarf comic. They'd already started the first issue (based on the pilot episode) when negotiations fell through. It turns out the inker is a member of IIDB and posted scans of the pencils, inks, and finished versions of the first couple of pages along with the prototype cover. Too bad that didn't work out, it looks like it would have been pretty damned cool.

Wonderful, wonderful links

Polybius, the CIA-created video game that warped the mind of children in the 80s.

Gargantuan remains.

Both these I picked up from the wonderful time wasting website, The Museum of Hoaxes (linked to the right somewhere)

The paucity of poonanny

I hated that song "where have all the cowboys gone". That was a dumb song. If that bitch wanted cowboys she could have driven to Amish's house and had her pick of rough, John Wayne type men. But she didn't want that. She just wanted some Calvin Klien model in a cowboy hat to fall all over her and save her from indians and shit. I'm not buying it!

Women think that men have unrealistic standards. How about the 'good looking guy with a personality'. Theres a fucking unrealistic standard. Or a straight man who dresses well. Seriously, cut the crap. You either get the good-looking guy who will sit around watching porno and ball-games later in life, or you can get the 'slightly-not-as-good-looking' guy, with whom you might be able to hold a conversation when hes fifty-three and the viagra just won't do it anymore.

Choose and be damned.

*sigh*

Tomorrow I'm turning 22. Its all downhill from here. There are no cool turning points anymore. Now, all I get to look forward to is a midlife crisis, a knee surgery, maybe a hip replacement or two and glocoma. I'm actually looking forward to the glocoma. I might be blind, but I'll be high as a kite on medical marijuana.

If anyone wants to go out tomorrow night, call me after nine. I'll be in Des Moines. If anyone wants to join us for dinner and the funnybone on Friday, give me a call sometime Friday. I think we'll probably be meeting somewhere around six-thirty or seven. I haven't decided where yet. We could meet at the Olive Garden if thats where Kelly wanted to eat. If it would be better to meet at Southridge, or some place where we can consolidate into two or three vehicles....thats fine. Holla' at cha' boy!

given notice

I am supposed to be starting my WDM job on June 6th, two scant weeks away.

Guess I'll be moving earlier than I thought.

More later.

Por que las personas estan estupidas?

All right. You know things are getting bad when you have to whip out the Spanish menu and speak Spanish for some guy to order a damned pizza in Albia, IOWA.
I think that its ridiculous. No one in that damned restaurant working tonight spoke Spanish, but yours truly. So, when I asked [in Spanish mind you] if the guy would slow his speaking down so I could catch his entire order, the bastardo sped up.
Why?
I was trying to make his life better and he had to be a prick about it.
Okay, this is a bad re-accounting of the events that took place, but it gets the point across. Sort of.
If you can't speak English, get out of my damned restaurant. It doesn't matter how many languages I speak. But by God, if you're in an English speaking country, please please speak English. Even if its poor English, make an effort you lazy illegal immigrant!

Happier note: Whats the plan for Friday? Its fast approaching

Booya . . ?

The Attic Apartment - Sofa King We Todd Ed

Had a job interview at Half Price Books in DM. Sounds like I can have the job if I want it, but due to a few things I'm questioning it. First, the pay is $7.00, which would get me by assuming the cheapo apartment thing actually happens, but is pretty lame still . . . since I just graduated with $15k debt. The atmosphere is pretty nice there, laid back, and there are a guaranteed 40 hours a week . . . but I (and my parents) hate to think that I spent four years in school to sell books alongside a squad of people who are on their way through school. Even the manager said something: after asking how long I could commit to working for the store, he asked me if I had looked around for better employment. I replied that I've been looking but that there's not much that utilizes my degree...to which he replied, "Well, I guess I don't have to ask about your ambition . . . a ha ha." And my parents encouraged me to just hang out for a while longer and search for something which will make me less likely to drown myself in a toilet...or at least wrap a bunch of weed up in my diploma and smoke it.

I'm posting this using the google toolbar's quick blogger thing. So far it seems pretty handy dandy, but the trruuuue test will be when I post. Yesterday I tried to post in a computer lab on the UNI campus and failed . . . but I think the site was down.

Well, Goathead just messaged me Donna's number, so I'm gonna call her.

Ive posted a lot these last few days but this came to my attention this morning. WE SHOULD TRY TO STOP THIS CUZ IT AFFECTS MOST OF US Bull shit. Another fucking Vietnam. Fucking hell...

andy immediate response recommended

Talked to aunt Donna, if you are wanting to step up the possible move in then call her soon. Offer to help her move the extra crap out of the apartment. She can show you the place even with the clutter. If you don't help it will take a bit longer to get it ready. I'm disappearing off the net again for a while so its up to you. Good luck

Hate to say I told you so

Apparently Rommy and Michelle will return Tuesday and face Rommingers parents-in-law for the first time as husband and wife....

ahem.

THIS SHIT SHOULD BE DOCUMENTED.

By the time the S.W.A.T team gets there it will be too late, the action will be mostly over. So someone should get their hands on a video camera, maybe some riot gear, and a case of dew. Get over to the Smith family treehouse, set up in a good location. Watch the carnage unfold. Later we'll get popcorn, gather round a tv at gerts, and watch it over and over and over....

Rommy and Michelle's High School Reunion

Oh shit cocks. Today started off with a bang. I woke up early to start on some homework and low-behold while in the shower someone is at the door. Elliot gets it and tells me I have "guests." I was fearing the mormons. Ugh. Fucking mormons. I dont know why I even tried to understand their religion. I was actually starting to kind of believe their stories cuz their stuff fits into the bible like during the 130+ years betweeen the old and new testement. Then i got to that stupid part about how they practiced baptism BEFORE christ, and the whole thing about them going to the new world and starting a second jeruselem. I was almost fooled. but the fact of what made me unbogus was reading the Introduction: ie how the book and the church was written. A guy, finds tablets, shows 11 people, and then starts a damn religion. Hmm...twelve who know the word...LIKE THE DECIPLES?! Bah. If I hadnt read the stupid introduction I would have eventually admitted the mormons have something. But its all damn true. All the shit i give them about starting a false story based on one guy's stupidity and whining on not wanting to do his dad's work is all fucking true. God I hate the Mormons even MORE for using the name of God to keep this stupid fallacy. Its pretty much a big floppy Phallicy to be more exact.

Luckily, my guests werent the Mormons. It was Rommy and Michelle. My first words were "Holy Shit Cocks!" only to get a wierd expression from both of em. Turns out theyve been busy going to the Grand Canyon and a bunch of caves and Yellowstone. Twas cool to see them again. They are hanging out all this weekend up here with me and with some family. It will be fun to hang out with them later tonite. For sure Ill get them to post on here to prove that Im not lying and that I really did say Shit Cocks.

Come and knock on my door! Dave's Apartment, fool!

Kevin said something about Dave Chapelle being in Des Moines like June 19th? We should try to go to that. Bein that Ill be back. Im comin back June 17th like RIGHT AFTER i get done w/ class. So that should straighten out the confusion if there was any.

Anyone ever watch Three's Company? Its a sitcom that is the pretelling of my sad, sad existence. A guy (John Ritter) has to pay the rent and bills while these two girls squat and abuse his self esteem and give him blue balls every damn hilarious scene after another.Thats never happened to me though....But I fear that Ill end up living with two evil females Ill never get anywhere with, get an assuption that Im gay, and have nosey old people who try to find out if there's a wild sexcapade going on. God I love TV!!!!

*click click BANG! thud bleed bleed bleed*

This was initially a comment on Tim's post, but it started to get long.

The spire/steeple design became really popular in the middle ages when all the cities were trying to build bigger and bigger cathedrals. The spire was sort of a 'pointing to heaven' thing, but it was also the best architectural means of increasing the overall height of the building without compromising the structural integrity. The minerets on Islamic mosques serve a similar purpose, fingers pointing to Allah.

Thats your lesson in religious architecture for today.

Awesome that you have an interview Tuesday. Coincidently, I have a second interview with the Register on Tuesday. I had my first last Tuesday, and I'm guessing this one is going to be for all the beans. If I get it, its going to mean a substantial pay cut, but it will be more 'English Major' related. Anyway, good luck to you. I'm sure you will rock them, hard and solid.

This weekend is my brother's graduation and his birthday, so I'm going to be with him during the day on Saturday. I told Molly I'd do something with her this weekend, but I'm not really sure of the details on that. What is everyone else doing this weekend?

Behold, a Tale of Why it is Best (Legally) to Drive, Rather than Walk

As can be guessed from the title, this post involves booze.

Small party at Grrt's tonight. Nothing big, few beers for everyone. We adjourned at 4:30. I declined the offer of a ride and walked to KG, where I talked to the usual crowd for about five minutes, then left.

As I walked the street past Michelle's church, I was thinking about when I used to go that church, etc. And for some drunken reason, was thinking about aesthetics . . . like, why do American humans find this particular shape (steeple, other churchy shapes) to be suited for temples? What about this shape implies spirituality? Or is at least suited to it?

After about twenty seconds, a police car turns the corner and stops next to me. Young cop gets out, rolls down the window.

"So, why are you hiding?"

I have already gone through all the initial cop-sighting emotions: pants-soiling fear, understanding, relaxation. So I tell him I'm not hiding, that I was just looking at the church. So he sighs, steps out of the car, pulls out a flashlight. He tells me that he drove by me on Main and I saw him and started walking into shadows. Which didn't happen, but . . . to him it did.

So he asks if he can pat me down, and since I love a good pat down from a man any day, I let him have his dirty way. I think he was a bit turned off by the used kleenex in my right pocket. He was pretty nice, though, and laid back during the whole thing. Let me pull things out, talked pretty normally. So I was pretty relaxed. Once he was satisfied I wasn't armed, he asked me to sit in the car.

He runs my ID, and while that's going on he quizzes me about booze. I tell him I had three or four starting at eleven (five hours before). He nods, tells me he thinks I'm sober, and when the license checks out asks if I have anywhere to be. I say no, so he asks if I want to do a field sobriety test. He says he's fresh from the academy and needs practice, but thinks it wouldn't hurt to do it anyway, and I'm thinking what the fuck, I'm good, so I say that it'll be interesting.

If you're familiar with this series of tests, feel free to skip this part, cause it's pretty uneventful. He moves this pen around while I follow it with my eyes, has me walk 9 steps forward and back, and then hold a foot out for thirty seconds with my hands at my sides (failed this one because I sneezed and had to touch my nose--that equals hand not at the side). Satisfied that I was not pants-peeingly drunk, he had me blow into the rubber phallis of the breathalizer, which revealed......

that I was safe to drive. But he was quick to point out that if he wanted to arrest me for public intox, he could. Because if you blow .0001, you can legally be arrested (at least, according to him). The decimel I made up, but he said that if you blow anything at all you're done. Then he pointed out that I would be legal to drive. So although he could have arrested me for walking, had I been driving I would have been fine. So fucked up. I just said that it was interesting, but really I was thinking a variety of phrases involving the fuck word. Then he mentions that if I hadn't been hiding, he wouldn't have stopped in the first place. Which made me think a completely different variety of phrases involving the fuck word. But over all, it was actually a pretty fun experience. It was interesting to do the field sobriety test without actually being drunk and falling on my face. And successfully blowing the boozalizer was good too.

Anyway, I didn't get arrested.

In other news, I have a job interview at the bookstore Tuesday. Andy, I will be at your birthday shindig next weekend. And what are your plans for this weekend? Trying to decide when to go to Cedar Falls.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm....that's it.

Now it is time to sing the DOOM song

Well, I have been contacted and I did get the job in WDM. I got a tour of the place from the guy that will be my immediate supervisor and it looks like a cake walk compared to what I am doing now, which involves circa 20 huge wastebaskets filled with paper weighing at around 150lbs apiece that needs to be lifted and dumped every night, plus a solid 3 hrs of sweeping cement flooring. The WDM office is wide walkways and a ton of cubicles. I don't even have to deal with the offices, and nobody will be around except my workers and security. It's all wide-open carpeted spaces. All that and they offered me a little over a 25% raise for it, so I'm feeling pretty fucking keen with the whole situation.

I'm still currently up in DM, I'll probably be up here until Sunday unless something big is happening elsewhere that I need to go to. The blog is probably the easiest way to contact me while I'm up here if that is the case, although my phone is indeed working again so feel free to make use of that if you desire speedy communication.

In other news, I was messing around with the new blogger and I noticed they have some really fucking sweet new blog templates in the template selection. The AtAp was actually one of the early, simple designs that got reworked extensively by me with some help from monki. While I find it to be pretty slick looking, some of the new professional ones really blow this mofo away. I don't think I'll just change this over, but I decided to make a personal blog-type thing to experiment with the designs and have a little forum to rant about some of the serious things that have been bothering me a little more freely. I'll link to my personal blog when I get around to making it, of course, although it'll definately have a warning for those of you who may decide they don't want to be my friends anymore in the event that I start convisciously eviscerating any of your sacred cows. Rest assured that you don't have to worry so much about me being a racist/bigot/homophobe at least.

I'll strike you funny...

I thought that I would write a longer post, as Dave thinks I'm not good enough for a short post, or something. (Only kidding Dave)
Anyways, tonight a few of us were sitting around a table at Applebee's, when we thought of clown names that never made it. Some were things like "Sleazy the Clown", "Boozy [or Tipsy] the Clown", etc. Fill in with your favorite -y word. Its pretty funny.
Anyways, the Funny Bone thing sounds grand, but how is the transportation thing going to work. If at all possible, I would like to hitch a ride to DSM. It would be much appreciated. As far as anything else, whatever's clever.
It feels weird to know that I'm done with IHCC, but at the same time very soothing. I'm slightly worried about UNI next year, only because of the easiness that IHCC has been for me. I'm sure it will be much harder.
I guess nothing is really new. I got a goldfish for graduation. What I am going to do with it, I have not a clue. We'll see how long it lives I guess. For something completely different, I recently purchased a pair of sais. They were a really good buy, ($18) usually they run about $40-ish. So, this summer I get to learn how to [properly] use those. Should be interesting.
Thats all I've got for now. Andy, any ideas on what you would like for your birthday?
Hopefully everything is going well for everyone else. Congrats on the job interview Tim. :)

MAY 27TH AND 28TH

Oh, you didn't know?!? Yo' ass betta call somebody!

For those uninformed mofo's still wandering around, my b-day is May 27th. Kelly's b-day is May 28th. Did I hear the wisperings of a party somewhere in there? Why yes, I believe I did!

I've got ten free tickets for the funny bone that I would like to use on the 28th for the 10:00 show. Prior to that, I was thinking maybe some dinner at either Bennegins or the Olive Garden or some other snazzy joint like that.

We can go about this two ways! 1: We dig a pit, throw everyone in, and the eight who leave alive can come with me and Kelly to the funny bone. 2: Anyone whos interested can post comments on this post. Actually, if there are more than ten of us wanting to go, we might be able to make arrangements for the extra folks. We could cross that bridge if we came to it.

Also, if anyone wants to hit the bizzos on the evening of the 27th, I'll be kickin' it at Paddy's or Mickey's or some other Irish-ish place.

Fish can't swim long in Everclear

Yay I graduated IHCC yesterday.
thats all I got for now.

It only takes about 20 minutes to paddle a canoe from Australia to China

Hey Timmah! I'm planning on calling Donna tonight after work and requesting a meeting either friday evening or saturday morning. Sound good, n'est pas? Also, I'm guessing the bookstore job you mentioned in your previous post was the thing at half-price books. If so, get yer butt up here cause the ad I saw said you need to apply mon-weds. Today, if I am not mistaken, is weds. So go apply! What else do you have to do?

I'll be home again this weekend, if anyone is going to be around. I'm supposed to do something with Molly at some point, but I'm sure there will be much time aside from that. I guess I also have to go to graduation...but that'll be short. It'll feel long, but I think it only last a couple hours. I hear tell that my lost Xbox controller is being held at the agertment. I wouldn't mind schooling him at halo if any of you would like to join.

So I had this really fucked up dream last night. I lived in northern Australia on the beach. I had my own little dock jutting out into the ocean and a canoe and a beach house and a wife, or girlfriend, or live-in fuckbuddy or something like that. Anyway, the ocean was pretty calm considering that it was the ocean. It looked more like a really big, calm lake. So in the dream I'm talking to my wife/girlfriend/fuckbuddy and she leaves. I'm not sure why she left, I probably said something dumb to her. So she leaves and I decide I'm going to walk to the end of my little dock and get in my little canoe and start paddling. I decide I'm going to paddle to China. I found out something very interesting about the distance between Northern Austrailia and Southern China: the map has been lieing, they aren't that far apart. Either that or I am a mad paddling master, cause it only took me like 20 mins dream time to paddle to China. And I'll tell you something else that I learned about China: The Chinese all speak english and look suspiciously like Americans. But they still don't like us. The Chinese were no fun, so I hopped back in my canoe and decided to paddle over to Russia. The reason I chose Russia was because that was the only other piece of land I could see from China. Russia was a lot different from China, they didn't speak English, and they all wore those funny furry caps. I got out of my canoe and walked up the stone steps to Moscow, which looked suspiciously like downtown Des Moines. The people in Moscow were really poor, and apparently I looked really rich because they kept saying things in Russian and pointing at me. I knew it was because they were poor and I was rich to them. I started to feel really uncomfortable and started to turn to leave when one of them walked up to me, looking very kind, and handed me a sheet of paper. I had a hard time reading it (cause I guess you use different sides of your brain to read and dream or something) but I tried really hard and I was able to make out enough of it to know what it meant. Once I realized what it meant I knew that it was very important and that I needed to remember whatever it was. And, of course, for all the vivid details of the dream I can't remember what the fuck the message was. Whatever it was, I decided that it would be best if I returned to Australia. So I went back down to my little canoe and started paddling back to Australia. I wasn't sure exactly where it was, but I started paddling southeast-ish. It started to get dark and I still couldn't see Australia. I could still see China and Russian though. They were lit up in the darkness. I also became aware of a dozen or so big battleships in the ocean with me. I started to become afraid, because I thought they would mistake me for a terrorist in my little canoe and blast me out of the water. Then I stopped paddling. It was really dark and I wasn't sure where Australia was. I decided that it might be better if the battlships just shot me. I was just sitting there in my canoe, with my head in my hands, waiting for death. Then I woke up.

Justice League Ponies.

I don't know what's more sad; the fact that there are people out there who spend so much of their lives doing things like this or the fact that I know and hang out with them.

Hobo King on: Terrorist Shit Cocks.

I had a nice long talk w/ my room mate, Elliot. The Non-Mormon hippy rich boy. We got on the discussion of Communism, Socialism, Capitalism, and Democratic Republics. Long story short, we know what they are but we dont know WHAT they are (explain that one someone....).

But my point is this: Does anyone KNOW why the events of Sept. 11th happened? Yes. The terrorists hated us. Yes, Islam hates America. But WHY? What is the reason for a bunch of crazy Sand Dancers to get in planes and crash them into towers? Nowhere in the main stream media can I find an exact finger that says they hate what we are doing/did/etc and an exact purpose behind their acts. An actual motivation for why they attacked America is what Im looking for. Id like to hear opinions on this. Any facts would be good too. The media never really said why they did this. It was just assumed that they hated America's freedoms and that was justification for their actions.

Thats about as sencible as a bunch of naked guys in a pile. Its like saying we kick Tim in the nuts...cuz he hates it. Not a good enough reason to kick Tim there, but we do it cuz 1) he gets pissed off 2) he swears 3) he flails...I could go on and on like a record. But could the terrorists have that same reasoning? "We sent many of you americans to death..so you could come and invade and destroy us, you infidels with your Olsen twins and Pepsi drinks and freedoms to elect offcials!" ... Yeah. That makes a lot of sence. Thinking independently sucks.

Sex?! That's crazy talk.

Ha! HA! HA HA HA!

Sorry, Ryan, but I gotta side with Head: that is just fucked up. The knowing, wise account of the bitter disappointments of scheduled sex with a stranger, I mean. Of course, I know all about it myself. Not really, but I do know about what happens when you're sitting around your dorm room bored and some girl starts talking to you and then sends you incredibly cute pictures of herself and then you find out she's 17 and wants you to go to Creston to . . . 'talk.'

Anyone know where Karl works?

New jobs that Tim is interested in: 1) full-time position w/benefits doing admin type stuff at a small bookstore in DM area. 2) part-time Albia correspondent position with Oscumwa Courier (not likely to pan out. NEEED FULL-TIME! But would be nice to get into newspaper/publishing field). 3) . . . anything that doesn't involve hot man on man action.

Gizoat: Lemme know via comment or post or phone ringy once you talk to the apartment master. Then we will venture together into the wilderness of Des Moines, slay beasts until we've gathered enough gil for rent, and have ourselves a new base of operations. Don't forget to ask if there's a secret sub-basement accessible through elevator-hidden-in-a-sarcophagus. Cause that shit is necessary.

Earth Guys are Easy

Speaking of people sounding sexy over the phone. I get very confused over here. I will get a call, some questions will be asked, and then she says, "I will stopped by later on today.". When she arrives and says, "I was the one that you spoke to on the phone.". I almost said "No, that couldn't have been you, the person sounded sweet and clean." But hey I guess that's what makes phone sex popular. Now I don't even want to think what those phone sex people look like now. (shudder)

No offense Ryan, but does the above statement make any sense to anyone else? I spent a solid five minutes reading and rereading this, trying in vain to figure out what the hell it means. Finally, I decided that Ryan has been taking hallucinogenic drugs and is being followed by imaginary strippers from outer space. Its like the movie "Earth Girls are Easy", only switch the genders of the characters.

...and all I could think was, "damn this secretary has a sexy voice"

Waking up after 3hrs of fitful sleeping to the phone is odd, and it's even odder when it's someone you've never talked to before, and are somewhat nervous about the call in the first place.

I have an interview at the West Des Moines Corporate Office at 2pm Wednesday, it seems.

It was a confusing conversation. I don't know if it was the phone or the lack of sleep or some combination of the two, but it seemed like I could barely hear her and there was much, "er could you repeat that?"-ing. I am to be blamed for the confusion, apparently, she just seemed somewhat bemused and had no troubles understanding me. She kept asking what would be a good day and time for me and I kept waffling between wanting to do it as late (in both the day of the week, and time of the day senses) as possible and not wanting to sound like I wanted to do it as late as possible. I probably wasn't entirely coherent at first, but this is just some secretary that deals with scheduling apparently and not one of the people that will be interviewing me.

So after I got off the phone with WDM I called my superviser and left him a voicemail to contact me ASAP. I'm going to ask if I can take a vacation day Tuesday so I can go up to DM that night and not have to get up on little sleep and drive the whole way on Wednesday morning/afternoon. Also, I don't know where the hell the office is other than "in West Des Moines" somewhere. Martin, shawk, one of you guys know/want to help me out with this if possible? I'm shit with directions, in case none of you know. I'd managed to get lost in Albia well up until right before I moved out at 19. WDM would kill me, or at the very least make me very very late. (hooray for first impressions)

Meh, I'm going to ask my superviser if I can't just have tonight off too, there's no way I'm going to be in good shape to work tonight in the first place... I might just head up after I finally wake up tonight if I can manage to get both days off, if that's ok with you two.

More information as it happens, or more specifically as the information keeps fucking up my ability to achieve REM.

Warning: Contents Under Pressure. Contains No Important Information

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck-ety, Fuck.

With that being said, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you fine people about my new job, and how much it sucks.
I am a gas station clerk now. I took a job that Dave had and that made him the way he is. Just in case you’re wondering, I have lost my fucking mind.
I did discover something about myself and a bigger mindset on life from my 3 weeks being employed at this forsaken death hole of complete mind numbing insanity.
I have found that ominous power makes you do stupid shit, just to make yourself laugh. In the 3 weeks I have worked there, I have discovered that I am quite possibly the most intelligent being in the vacumless space surrounding the gas station that I call my workplace. Granted 99% of the customers are truck drivers and farmers, but you would think that some human of some intelligence would venture in occasionally. This is not the case, however.
Think about how it would feel if the world were run by dogs, and your the only human. You can communicate, but its on a much LOWER level. That's kinda what its like talking to these fucking morons. I imagine if there was a God, and he/she was around us, this would be how he/she would feel. I find myself so completely bored most of the time, I do random stupid shit to entertain myself.

Examples

- In the cooler (place where we stock the pop/drinkage) randomly put the wrong kind of drink in a spot other then where it goes in hopes of some dumb fuck grabbing it, and buying without looking at it.

- Not wash my hands after using the bathroom, and then making pizza's for fucks./don’t eat the pizza I make, just so you guys know./

- Responding to dumb questions with even dumber answers. At night, they ask "Are you open?" with me standing behind the register, looking at them through the open doors with a big bright neon sign hanging in the window proclaiming OPEN and I respond "Nope. Sorry."

- Screw up pizza/sub orders on purpose. Then blame your co-workers for the mistake.

- Wait till the customer starts walking toward the door to turn on the gas pumps.

- I.D. a 90 year old person, but not the 16 year old behind them.

These are just a few things I do to amuse my god-like self at this hell hole.

I dont think I am gonna make it at this job. I will prolly be fired or quit in a sort time.
Or maybe this IS how the 'real world' is, in which case, I'll just put the barrel in my mouth now and save time. I just needed to rant about this for a bit.


On a much lighter note, I wish I was fucking dead now.

Thats all I got.

Blah.


(over look any fuck ups in grammar or spelling. Its 12:30am and I am really tired.)

Porkchop Sandwich! Holy Fuck! Get the fuck out of here!

Bleh. Last nite, I saw the independent movie, Super Size Me! I think this movie has tramatized me. The premise of the movie is to show that McDonald's food is NOT healthy (duh) and to show how the US is full of fatties. Yeah. It had a lot of Peter and Pam Porker on it. Apparently if the trend doesnt change as it is right now, like 1 in 4 americans will be obese/fucking fat by 2010. Thats terrible. So the main guy in it decides to eat McDonalds food for 30 days straight. He has it for brekky, lunch, and dindin (Australian lingo, mates) and to only have products from McD's--no vitamins or medication. Its really a good movie cuz it shows how america is lazy and full of fat people and how we are obsessed with convenience. For example: there are more people served meals thru McDonalds in the world (46mil+) then there are people in Spain. Thats an evil empire there, gentlemen. If you all get a chance to see it you should. It will scare you away from even THINKING bout havin a McSnack. The tramatizing effect is that I think Ill give up pop and binging on that crap when I have money and use it in leau of more important things: tattoos, shoes, and booze.

Who wants a body massage?

Funny....

Most of them are pretty "wtf" but some of them (3, 5, 6, 7, 15, 17, 20, 22, and 24) are really really fucking hilarious. I seriously lost it Davo/fatchicksinpartyhats style on number 6.

staring down the barrel of a .45

Trying to save the Titanic by bailing buckets of water. Thats what its like. Its like when you're little, building sandcastles. The water comes in and tears down a wall, so you try and build it up again. Then, while you're building that wall back up, the water comes for another wall. You can't keep up, the walls are coming down. Its like being a government official in Rome around 420.

Or like in Age of Empires, when you set the difficulty to hard. By the time you have your town built and are barely nudging your society into the middle ages, the computer is building cannons and blasting your sorry medieval ass back to the stone age.

In other news: I think I'm going to come to Albia tonight. Where is everyone gonna be? I'm planning on making an appearance at the Swing Show and possibly any post-swing action that happens to be going on. I'm guessing Molly and a few of the girls will be around, so maybe Four Corners later tonight? Any takers?

Gods.. its a one sided relationship there, hunny.

Hah! Suckers! Im going to see Troy! No...not the honkey. The movie, Troy!

It was badass. Ajax, Odysseus, Achilles, Anaeus ALL PLAYED AWESOMELEY! Oh god. Helen of Sparta/Troy--FUCKING DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!! Not had such a DAMN session since the MSI concert and all those gothy lesbians (DAMN!) No wonder a whole nation went to war. It was a good damn movie! It was great! Its so good..you all have to go see it!

Tim, your brain humping will likely not cause problems, if thats what you're worried about. I can accept your lifestyle choice, even if I don't agree with it. Just as long as I don't see any brain fucking on the couch.

I really don't care what you do. If you want to live with me in the Aunt's place for a while that would be awesome, but I didn't really expect it to be a very lasting arrangement. If nothing else, you could just stay with me till you got a job and could afford your own place.

Jason came home from Iowa City last night. Hes got to go back Monday, but he'll be here for the weekend. I don't think all of you know him, he's my cousin. He goes to Iowa so hes not around a lot but we have a lot of fun when hes here. Last night we went out to a bar in Ankeny and played pool for a while. Then..yeah...other stuff happend...I won't relate the whole night since Government spies may be reading this.

So tonight? Any chance we could be getting visitors from down south? I have to work tomorrow, but that shouldn't stop us from having a good time tonight! Someone give me a call.

<fando> oh shit, stop the planet and let me off

I feel kind of bad about yesterday, I was supposed to go to my dad's 30 year of service party thing at 3M but I ended up staying up Tuesday night, going to work to check on my job in the morning, and being too damn tired to drive that afternoon. Since my phone doesn't work, I wasn't able to even call anyone to let them know I couldn't make it.

The morning was kind of weird. I was supposed to talk to my superviser and make sure my application was sent through the Hy-Vee Net since I was never prompted about it after I clicked 'submit.' Unfortunately, my superviser was nowhere to be found. I ended up talking to my superviser's superviser and he called up to the WDM office to talk to the guy that would be my superviser if I transferred up there. That guy wasn't around either, so super2 just left a voicemail basically extolling my virtues and claiming that they'd hate to lose me around here and blahblahblah.

Which was nice, but didn't solve my problem at all.

I was told my super might be over by the Freezer warehouse so I took off in that direction, but decided to just get one of the guys to call for him over the radio. That worked, turned out that the guys up in WDM didn't get my transfer application through the 'net, so was supposed to go to Human Resources and print/fill out the app again so they could fax it. Then he said that he told the superviser up there that I was a great worker and a fine leader and they'd hate to lose me around here.

..............ok.

So, off to Human Resources I go. There's one lady in there in particular, a nice older woman, who just loves me for some reason. Oh yeah, it's the hair. She loves my hair. ...and tells me so, every time I go in there. She's real nice though, and I'd rather have that than snide remarks in any case. So, printed off the application and filled it out for her to fax to WDM. She called up and talked to the HR department in WDM to make sure the fax went through, then started telling the secretary up there how much they'd hate to lose me around here. (or my ponytail, at least)

....................................

It almost made me start to feel wrong for badmouthing all the fucks at work all the time on here, although admittedly these are all people I do not see very often, unlike the racist and homophobic ones that I actually have to work alongside every day. I decided I'd better get the fuck out of there before someone else decides they need to call up to WDM and tell them how great I am. It was starting to freak me out.

I decided to take a couple of paid vacation days, so Wednesday was spent sleeping after those adventures and I've just gotten up today. I think I'm going to go to Albia tonight, at least to talk to my dad. Tomorrow I might come down to DM and stay for a while. I'll bring up some stuff maybe, too. From the sounds of things, I have a pretty good chance at that WDM job (2 glowing reviews from my supers? got the exp? shee-it. but then again, who knows. there were over 100 views of that app on the 'net) The only bad thing is my phone not working, so for all I know they've been trying to get ahold of me already. I should have given them the number of the house up in DM so I could at least have messages relayed to me or something... Oh well.

I don't like the job for one pure, simple reason: responsibility. I'd be in charge of 3 people. I would be a night superviser, basically. I don't like that too much. Other than that though, it's the job I have now (even the same hours), except with perks. Perks like, "being in WDM" and "being in an office building instead of a warehouse" and most importantly "having a much higher pay rate." My superviser asked how much start-pay would be in a job like that. He wrote it down, and showed it to me. My eyes just about bugged out of my head. I'd be making $3 goddamn more an hour. At minimum. Plus my 2 1/2 years of service here transfers over so I'd start out with like 3weeks of vacation time and all those other perk-things rolling over into it.

In other news about me, #infidelchat has started it's own Quote Database. Kind of like Bash.org, but just containing stuff submitted from #infidelchat. It's fairly entertaining, although most of them are in-jokes that none of you would get. I show up on the list a lot for some reason, probably having something to do with my sitting in there for 2 years almost every night and being a witty bastard... It's being coded from scratch by Defiant Heretic, so it's just a one-page list with the ability to view quotes individually for right now. Still quite amusing... To me, at least.

And that's when they found . . . her sock!

Wee diggity. Thanks for pursuing that info, Mr. Beary. Will be most helpful.

I'm starting to think I might be better living alone. Not because of anything to do with Mr. Head, or anyone. Just personal stuff. But am not yet certain. Either way, am still interested in the basement apartment.

For anyone who didn't hear: last night Nick was in town. His father died a few days ago and so now he's at the funeral, but last night he, Kevin, Amish and I hung around the basement and . . . as soon as I figure out the best way to relate the events, I will. I can, though, promise everyone a new Nick story to at least match and possibly to rival all of the past. Dave will love it especially, I think.

The damnable connection at home is keeping me mostly offline. I could probably communicate faster through carrier pigeon.

hrrm

Greetings

OK to answer Andy and Tim's inquiries. The apartment is still available, do to my not bugging her and you not bugging her (ala me not giving out the phone number) she thought interest had passed. That and Ryan already acquiring a place. Anyhow, I'll get her number to you goofs so you can call her on Monday. She wants to use some time on weekend to do some more straightening up.

On Monday I'll be running off to St.Paul. So this week I'll be unavailable for any sort of wierdness. Amish, you do know that hair pulling is a technique of several secret police forces for interogation. Hmm the consequences for chickening out on either side sounds interesting. I think Amish could scare em out, little forgetting the shower, some costume leasions or something. I couldn't be paid enough for that stunt. Just be sure they don't have any aftershave on hand afterwards.

Oh Karl, that conversation the other day in your car. Went to talk to subject the other day. New favorite phrase came out of it, "Hey Morgan, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend." Hah. Six foot, cue-ball, tattooed, bodybuilder type. Which strangely enough matches the new team lead that got hired at work. Though the bf was smarter. The team lead gave me first impression of eh, what puts it succinctly, oh Dumbass.

New target (forgive possible irony)is someone at work... err nah, sleep deprived about to reveal things about the man behind the curtain. Puppeteer is stapling the thing shut. Ok, rambled enough going away....

Amish gets WAXED!

Okay, today was my last day of actual class, so Megan called me, so we could go eat lunch in O-town.
So, over chips and salsa, Amish came up in conversation. Not knowing how or why, the subject of waxing Amish came up. Probably about how damned hard it would be, or why anyone would want to do it.
Megan and I got the bright idea that maybe if we wore jeans, he would let us wax his chest. Dialing his cell phone quickly for an answer, we asked, and that hairy man agreed! However, should we back out of the waxing, he gets to have his way with us (which will be just Megan, as I will be quickly re-locating myself somewhere else, for safety reasons) There's no backing out now, and we're all completely serious.
That man is letting us WAX his chest. With a little help from Tim (and possibly Gote-if interested) for writing stipulations (he can't back out after one strip of hair is done-what's the fun in that?) etc, it should be an interesting event.
For all those looking to make quick cash, there will probably be ticket sales and concessions, as this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! (And probably should not be happening in the first place)
It should be a movie: Amish gets WAXED!
Stay tuned for details. This event shall be taking place soooooon! I'll post with further information.

Ive never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!

Well...today I was spared time and allowed to stay at AIC. As well, I was approached by Vincent, kickass fellow, who was wondering if I still wanted to make FOES or not. He showed a lot of interest in the project. Turns out him and this other guy, Jason, want to make a cell shaded 3d project but they had no clue what to do it on. So they asked me if they could use my ideas...mostly FOES. They both heard me rant about Oz vs Wonderland, as well as thumbing thru my sketchpad and sitting thru my speech on FOES. Jason, as it is, is a phenom when it comes to 3d animating and rendering....but not coloring and such. So this brings me to the question: Should I? I mean, Id keep FOES as is...like keep it real and shit. I saw Jason's and Vincent's work 3d wize...quite spectacular. I figure i get others opinions before I unleash the holy hell of Novo's and mine's brainchild. Any imput would be good and the 3 of us could start basically whenever we could get together--not too hard. This is called Networking--fullfilling our needs and forgetting about others. Dont worry, Novo. I wont fuck you over....too much.

LINKS!

Wierd, blogger is all wonky now. I can see how its supposed to be less confusing to new people. Point click post. But its sure as hell is odd and confusing to me having become familiar with the old shiat. Anyway, managed to stumble through finals for the two highest level computer science courses today. So now I just have a history final tommorow and I'm done. So need to study a bit more, and probably work a bit to increase income, but other than that I can mostly relax soon. For those less in the know I'm heading out to Oregon on May 24 or so. If you want to see me before August try to find me between the 18th and 23rd or so. I should be around mostly though I may try to go to Des Moines for a day or two to visit people. Bil and Morgan, we should meet and make some plans for the game and iron things out and whatnot. Also, Bil I can tell you about hosting stuff at some point and get you started. Everybody else, try to find me at some point please... I'll let you know what my phone # and address are in Oregon when I find out. Right, the links.

Goat balancing. via bluesnews

Man bit to death by aroused horse. via diepunyhumans

Grizzly Raslin Suits! via boingboing

Cheat Commando gi joe spoofish thing. via bluesnews

Story Time. Most of the Hugo (big scifi award) nominated short works are online for your viewing pleasure. via boingboing

P.S. Whats up with the, publish may take a few minutes shit. Used to be almost instant...


EDIT - oh shit I found more. Ug, I'm tired must sleep soon...

Ghostbusters on eBay via bluesnews

New ZELDA game trailer. via boingboing

Don't think twice, its alright

Morgan AND Wes' aunt had the basement thing happening but I don't know the status on that and I'm not sure if either of them do either. If someone could get in touch with her, or get me a means of getting in touch with her, that would be super-dee-duper.

Man, life is crazy. Not quite two weeks ago I was posting about joining the army and all that crazy shit. Now I'm trying to find jobs in Boston. Yeah, its pretty well settled: I have lost my fucking mind. but I'm still up for living with Tim while I'm still in Des Moines. I could be here for a while yet. And I could be in Tibet next month! Who knows?!?

Sounds like exciting times back in ol' Albia. Amish subjecting you to horrible comedy..hanging out at Gerts...hanging out at Kum and Go. Makes me wonder why I ever moved up here!

Booya, Grandma!

Well, for all you Van Helsing haters out there (and don't worry, I'm not endorsing it--I haven't even seen it yet), Amish has delivered something even more horrible. Last night he subjected us to Fatal Instinct, a spoof movie of Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction. As you probably guessed, it was absolutely God-awful. I'll admit that I told him to go ahead and bring it, and I even laughed a couple times, but most of the stuff was even worse than your standard Leslie Nielson Amish movie.

I'm posting because this is the best way to get hold of the Head, short of calling, and the phone's dead again and I'm out of town. Wondering, Mr. Head, if you're still interested in the dos man apartment or if I should be hunting down singlers. Either way is cool with me. If I'm alone at least I can do even sicker things than usual.

We fear change....

I hate T1 lines. Especially in this dorm. We have 3 computers hooked up to one internet line. Not a problem if people like my roommate Tom didnt DOWNLOAD MOVIES ALL THE DAMN TIME. It took me an hour to put up picture and make a shitty page update. I dont have a problem with him downloading the Tick or Freakazoid or Invader Zim episodes, but hes downloading Van Helsing and The Return of the King...simutaneously. So my bandwidth is SLOW ASS FUCKING PAINFUL. I tried to get a song from my other roommate Elliot and what usually takes 3 seconds has taken 10 minutes. Ugh. I dont hate Tom,nor do I have a problem. Hes about 39billion times better then the Hampster Howlitzer Joseph. I just hate people who inconsiderately download movies...especially Van Helsing. Does everyone hate it? Im sure Amish would like it. I prolly will too. I just won't ENJOY it. Fucking Hollywood...

Overweight women in celebration headgear!

Yesterday, the Mormans came over ...again. More or less I want to know my enemy so I listen to what they have to say anymore. They even drew out their idea of the path of salvation. Yeah...it was interesting. Their idea of "cleansing fire" is a leader in their church, ordained by the true church of Christ mind you, grabs their heads and shakes proclaiming "Hampster Rocket! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" ...wait no. Something about how a, not the, Holy Spirt resides in them. Last time I checked there was a holy trilogy: Daddy, kiddo, and ghosty. Not ghosties. Their definiton of baptism is messed up too. They flat out asked me if I wanted to be baptised for the Church of Christ, which I declined. I explained to em what ive gathered baptism means and what it does and they tried to tell me that I had gotten it wrong cuz Pastor Harris ("Burn those fucking catholics to the ground and piss on their ashes for Jesus" Harris) wasnt given any power like their people were. Yeah. Im goin to try to get rid of them next week cuz I tried to give them a chance and in the nicest way theyre telling me Im wrong and my faith isnt grounded on a book like theirs was. Riiiiiiiiight. Melted down tablets, killing of ones brother, and wives is the right way to go.

Bah. Also, remember the anime girl? Yeah. Shes Jaime's surrogate twin. Seriously. She beat the shit out of me yesterday cuz I was sick of her diva bullshit. Then TODAY, she drags me on a walk to get my advice about dating. You know the problems Ive been having with women. I got some serious ass psychotic women who beat the piss out of me and treat me like their brothers problems.

Otherwize... I got nothing.

It's a trap!

I'm goofy and sleep deprived, so this is really really funny to me.

Gonna be in Albia today. Gotta see my dad sometime. In the evening... WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

"...and then I ram my ova-depositer down your throat and lay my eggs in your chest. But I'm not an alien!"

I have some things for monki. First of all:

I have been sitting on this 99% done for months, but today I finally decided to buckle down and finish it and upload it:

Geemus.com title pic - (it's just stylized text, but I really like the double-e thing)

Also, an interesting link to a website about game design. It mostly deals with 2D fighters and some online strategy games, but it's some very interesting reading about game design and gameplay. (I particularly like the articles on Playing to Win)

The rest is just me rambling. Feel free to skip it, I'm just venting a little bit about stuff:

So I just woke up a couple of hours ago, which is sort of not-good. I was planning on getting up early and doing things but it didn't end up working out that way. I foolishly stayed up until about 6AM, then decided I'd better get some sleep if I'm to accomplish anything at all today. I got woken up at 11 by some guys that thought they were supposed to put some caulking around my bathtub. This, being the first I'd heard of it, sort of threw me off. Having just over 4hrs of sleep and answering the door in just a robe didn't help. Interestingly, Karl and I know one of the guys that showed up (it was Kenny - the Chariton Kenny, not Albia Kenny) so I talked to him for a little bit. Then I went back to bed.

Whilst in bed, I was very busy ducking responsibilities. I still haven't talked to my landlord about my moving yet, so I was going to get up nice and early and take care of that today. Oh well, he probably wasn't there anyways (<-- sour grapes!) I was also going to talk to my boss today. A job was posted yesterday: West Des Moines corporate office, level 3 pay (more than I'm making now) for basically what I'm doing now + some extra responsibilities. I can live with that. Need to get ahold of my boss before Wednesday, though. Monday, monday. Really, I will do all these things on Monday. Really.

I have to say, moving just looks better and better every day. Mostly, I'll be really happy to get the hell out of this small-town redneck racist/sexist/misgynist/homophobic bullshit. At work yesterday a lot of conversation revolved around "those faggots" and I nearly ground my teeth down to nubs. I don't mind people having a frank discussion about the pros and cons of different sexualities, but outright bigoted and homophobic "jokes" really get my goat. Probably has something to do with all them queers at II that I'm friends with.

Interestingly, the "conversation" started because of an interesting news item: apparently one of the Wachowski brothers is set on becoming a Wachowski sister. This obviously horribly offends my coworkers personally, even though they've never and probably will never meet the guy... Er, girl... and it has nothing to do with them.

Whilst it's entirely possible that I'll end up working with another group of misogynistic homophobes and bigots in WDM, I would imagine that a little bit of multiculturalism goes a long way, which is why I feel larger towns generally = smarter and more liberal people. P'raps I need to just cut out the middleman and move directly to Sydney, though. I have high hopes for DM. Setting myself up for disappointment, maybe, but high hopes indeed.

links...

Get fired...
Tim might well shit himself, again...

Why dont you feed him some of that crap you made for Thanksgiving?

Wow. Everyone I know went to see Van Helsing tonite. EXCEPT ME. Now Im readin reviews online...and they all said its an overhyped movie. I can see what happened when they came up with that movie:

MAN 1: Hey! I have a badass idea! Lets throw cool monsters together in a movie!
MAN 2: Yeah! And have Dr. Van Helsing fight em with cool ass stuff!
MAN 1: Lets throw money at it! It willl be good!
MAN 2: Yes! Heavy on the computer shit! Bullet time stuff!
MAN 1: And lets write the script with crayons!
MAN 2: No! Let my 8 yr old retarded child write it! Hes so fucking stupid!
MAN 1: Yeah! Throw money at it!

I hope it was a good movie. And not some fucking shit a retarded 8 year old wrote while he was bashing his forehead into the wall. I fucking HATE Hollywood. They ruin good movies. Lets hope they didnt ruin it.

BUT I HAVE YET TO SEE IT! I WILL JUDGE IT ONLY THEN!

Speak and Math sample. Needs work, but here is the basics...

demo

Call call call. Calls from the public. Calls calls calls calls *Thud*

Ok folks. Im sending out a request. If you all have a digital camera and action figures this one is for you: Make em do poses, take pictures, send em to me. I dont care what they are: Sentinels, Jigglypuffs, Transexualformers, mummies, whatever. I want to do something rather silly for my website, which I havent updated in god knows how long (ok, 2 weeks,but still my public awaits). Dont worry, Phallical Shark and the Trigun Cat will be doing shit, too. I just want some other folks toys. IF you could, make a lil story out of the pictures. Like, relate one picture to the other and so on. Trust me, I wont destroy your reputation....much.

Also, I had a dream I died and went to Purgatory. The thing was that "Upstairs" gave me a pass to come back to life but I had to do stuff in Purg and Hell to get my paperwork thru. IT was messed up. Purgatory looked a lot like the Cedar Falls WalMart. The first level of Hell was a bunch of box cars stacked in a warehouse and I had to hose them down cuz apparently lost souls stayed in the cars for about 10 years until they transversed to another part of Hell. It was messed up. I also met Churon (hes the guy in Greek mythology who ferrys you across the River of Styx into the Underworld) but he was this 60 yr old southern trumpet player. He looked like someone in the south whod be like " Oh I GarOnTee yous neva had no gumbo that gon' beat yo ass!" Which is what he said. Anywho...fucked up dream.

Tim (part 2)

Today I faced a great dilemma. Is it better, having been the most recent poster, to just amend my last post? Or to begin a new one. Obviously, that decision is now behind me.

I just completed the last test of my college career (assuming I passed it). It was one of those tests where you get put about six inches from someone who has apparently never been informed of the usage of kleenex, toilet paper, napkins, handkerchiefs, etc, and so spend the entirety of the test gargling snot with their nose. I know that people like that are sick, can't help it, etc, but if they would bring a damn tissue or just excuse themselves for a second it would be great. Instead I get to try to concentrate on Chinese culture for forty minutes while the kid next to me sounds like he's eternally draining the bottom of a milkshake with a fervor and suction that would put any good vacuum cleaner to shame.

Oooh ho ho ho.

Anyone ever cleaned an oven? Like really, really cleaned it? It is horrible. I spent about 45 minutes today scrubbing oven racks that looked as if they'd been through two or three nuclear detonations.

The really interesting part of today, though, is what's been going on in my head. Five times this afternoon I've been hit with really vivid memories/flashbacks that only last a split second, but I get a visual image and very short but intense memory. It's been triggered by different things, but each time I think there's the idea of a party or something that I can't otherwise memory. I can't tell if they're memories of a dream or some party at which I was too drunk to remember or what.

If the posts over the next few days become incoherent, everyone will know that my mind snapped.

An important post relevant to nothing

Well, I just think that I may have bs'd my way to a decent grade on my fiction writing final. Funny story about that. I thought that it was actually Monday, as it was scheduled for Monday on both the original syllabus and the revised syllabus he had given us a few days earlier.
So, I skipped my first class (Bible as Lit) and studied my ass off for a few hours. Then I walked into class to find out that he had moved the final to Wednesday (today) So, I was rather pleased about that one.
Also, I recently watched Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigalo. And, have realized how novel the phrase ass punching is.
Just say ass punching out loud, and tell me that you don't chuckle!
All right...That's a poor excuse for a post, and I'm done now.

random...

Cool costumes. I thought Morgan in particularly might enjoy... via boingboing
Badger variation somebody did. Amusing. via bluesnews

I suffer from Chronic Dumbass Syndrome

Fuck. Does everyone remember where they were four years ago? There was the once every 4 millenia event of all the planets lining up for an hour. Novo, Shawk, Martin, and Karl were doing big kid things. Well...not really big kid things for Karl, cuz hes about the same age as the rest of us...minus Kelly, who was still legally considered a kid too....but ANYWAYS, five years ago was also Prom. Yes....prom. Tim went with Big Butt, Andy went with Big Slut, Ryan went with Something-Durogative-Ending-With-Ut, Kevin and (insert name), Wes and BoneBright, and Nick with the barely legal teen. Oh. And I went with Dances In Straight Jacket with Indian Ghosts. What the fuck was I thinking? I think I dont think. Its chronic, too, not thinging. Hell, Im up at 430 writing a god forsaken blog post...yet I went to prom with a 1/64th native american girl who prank called people and faked orgasms. I need to fucking think sometimes. Hard corely. Like tonite--I found a trail of quarters so I instinctively bought a Moutain Dew. Stupid me not thinking didnt THINK to check the time of past Midnite. D'oh. My point is Im fucking stupid and you all should beat some sence into me when I come back to Iowa. Poste Haste!

Oh... And Fuck McDonalds. They got rid of their $1 sammiches here in Denver. "I am loving it" perfectly annograms into "Ailing Vomit." Ail your vomit with my foot in your rectums, Jew Slayers.

cornfused

i"ve discovered that if you hold down "shift" for eight seconds you turn on weird keyboard settings> wondered if anyone had quick advice on how to fix that>

nothings fair in love and war

I'm totally bummed out right now. A few weeks ago I saw Sarah McLachlan on Connan O'Brian. I think it was probably the first time I had ever actually seen her and of course I instantly fell in love. Anyway...I think it was Sarah McLachlan, I'm not really sure anymore. I remember seeing a cute, elfish brunette, holding a guitar that was nearly as big as she was. So, I decided to peruse some fan sites and I'm almost immediately affronted with images very unlike the cute girl I remember seeing. Sarah McLachlan is like 36 years old and she looks it!

Now I'm really hoping that it was some other artist that I saw on Conan and I was just confused. If it was I will hunt her down, kill...er...woo her, and marry her. yes....

In other news: War is bad. I read today that we are sending 47,000 more troops to Iraq. These are supposedly going to be 'replacement' troops, but I'm sceptical. Ever day we're hearing about more of our guys getting killed and new fighting sparking up in some city our reporters can't properly pronounce.

Perhaps I should be a journalist over there afterall, but freelance. That would be really cool.

sigh...

Well, I was sitting here wondering what exactly ebay meant by May 4th. There was contention between 12am midnight (and central vs. eastern time), or perhaps even 8am as the start of the business day. Well, I'm not sure which it was but the results are up and I didn't make the cut. I can't say I exactly had high hopes, but I had hoped... I don't think I'm going to vote on those that did make it, not sure I would be subjective as I feel sort of spiteful. Its not the other contestants fault, so I won't take it out on them. At least not directly, the bastards...

Its dissappointing to get turned down again, I can't help but feel that is a sign of things to come when I try to wrangle capital. My hopes were never particularly high here, but I thought I might get lucky somewhere. Turns out I'm not happyhappyjoyjoy enough for ebay and the college's CDO (Career Developement Office) has decided that my career is not worth developing. In that case though, I do dislike them. They told me, this is what we want last year. So I did it and got shit on, and they said, oh well you needed to do this too. So this year I did that too, and got more suggestions and did those too. And promptly the shit flowed forth. Fucking pricks. And I don't like that it makes me spiteful against the people that did get cash. One was explaining to me what they were doing (going to Africa to develop computer models that they will base insurance costs on, its evidently complicated due to high aids incedence), and I couldn't help but think well, what the fuck is so special about that(followed in that case by, oh yeah, thats great, deciding how much not particularly wealthy people should be made to scrounge up in order to afford a decent burial). FUCK. The last thing I need is to be more cinical.

Also still no news from GarageGames about when I'm supposed to come out. It seems almost like they could care less if I come or not. Maybe that is the case, but I hope not...

Looks like of the four classes I signed up for I'm getting dropped out of two already. I don't mind being dropped out of Philosophy of the Mind, as I thought I would probably drop it anyway. I am dissapointed about getting kicked from Craft of Fiction though. I was looking forward to that.

Right well, lets see. Good news...

Devins grandfather has recovered and went home this morning. So thats pretty awesome, it wasn't looking to good for a bit.

Big trash day in Grinnell is evidently soon, and a friend saw an old electronic keyboard and grabbed it and gave it to me. Its missing like 8 black keys, but otherwise works fine. I've promptly begun to begin trying to rewire it. Which is fun. I've figured out how to make it do drum pad/drum machine type stuff, and earlier I found a place where I can wire a switch to get permanent sustain. I'll continue to prod it. The Speak & Math and Speak & Spell have basic loop switches wired up (thats all so far) that manage to be pretty damn cool too.

I managed to write a 6 page paper today in about 2.25 hours (one of my last assignments). I had already done the research and typed up quotes to copy/paste in, which sped it up tremendously. Still kinda proud of my self for nailing it so quickly. If any of you folks feels like doing some proof reading about Renaissance vs. Reformation (the paper might be interesting in that its kinda anarchist), especially you English major types, let me know...

I saw a cool computer animated short today. If you have a couple minutes, its kinda amusing. Oscar nominated or something I think... Rockfish via bluesnews

The bookstore here has a bunch of books for 1/2 off. As a means of procrastination I browsed through them and came up with a couple interesting ones. Both about writing (I had thought they might help prepare for the Fiction class I'm no longer in). One is about the process of writing novels, and is written by the guy who wrote First Blood (which became the Rambo movie). I guess he teaches college English too. Anyway it has served as interesting reading. If any of you other would be writer-types would like to get your paws on it, its certainly up for grabs when I'm done with it. The other book is supposed to be for teachers and is about how allowing students to write about violent stuff and or sexual stuff can be a good way for them to vent problems. So you should encourage them to be creative and vent, rather than suppressing them as some seem apt to do. That one is also up for grabs eventually... I have other good books too if people wanna borrow. I do it loan shark style though, broken bones and whatnot. Andy still deserves a beating like Henry David...
Thereuo (sic, don't feel like finding...) for his rather questionable treatment of one of my preacher trades.

Aikido practice was pretty nice yesterday. Though I'm rather sore today. A big part of Aikido is knowing how to fall properly, so normally you get low to the ground and do a roll to absorb impact. Well not this time, we practiced high falls, which is to say you try to figure out how to absorb shock when falling more or less straight on your back from 2-3 feet in the air. It seems that even if done properly its apt to sting a bit, and doing for the first time my attempts were some what less than proper and resulting in somewhat more than a slight sting. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing (have to start somewhere), I'm just sore now. I am glad that I had a chance to be exposed to it though, gives me another technique to work on...

Otherwise, almost done with non-studying for finals work. Finals are next week, and I should be free after two weeks from today (May17 is graduation and Devin's birthday) until I go out to Oregon(which is still up in the air)...

Matrix Online, the MMORPG is open for beta testing signups. I did, out of curiousity. Can't help but wish I would have caught the worlds of warcraft beta, really curious about that one... You can sign up too... via bluesnews

Office Space based anti-porn Strange. Oddly humorous...

Well thats probably my longest post ever. Don't know that I've ever really had to scroll around in the editor to see it (that might not be saying much usually, but my moniter is rather large, which makes the edit box HUGE). And though I might be able to think of other stuff to mention I think I'll just leave it at that for now...

P.S. Congrats if you actually made it this far without skipping stuff. Its commendable, theres a lot of unimportant shit in there...

SENIOR PIBB! Dondu domo huii-huii! E coi yo! MEESTER PEE-BAY!!!

It would take 307 cans of Mr. Pibb to kill me.

Wow. Everyone's goin to live in Des Moines now. I should drop out of school, get a job at Kum&Go and live in Des Moines as well. Just to conform to you all!!!








....pig fuckers.

Leaving Cedar Fallsvegas

Been a while since I posted, but not much has been happening up here recently. At least, not much that is anything more than mind numbing. Lots of preparing for finals . . . well, that's not exactly true. Lots of pretending to prepare for finals. Today I took a two hour essay test . . . which wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't had to spend all of yesterday getting ready. There were 14 possible questions, of which the prof would pick two . . . and we were to have an hour's worth of outlines, quotes, etc for each one just in case it was chosen.

But enough beyatching. Barring death, kidnapping, alien abduction, or discovery of interdimensional portal, I will be out of Cedar Falls either Saturday night or Sunday evening. And then let the mad summer festivities begin, which will include looking for a job and place of residence in DM.

Wes, good luck with the future frugality. How much time, if any, will be between the end of your semester and your trip to Oregon?

As to everyone else . . . screw off!


Just kidding. Interesting to hear that Bil's looking at DM as potential residence, since I should be there. Interesting how a sizable group of us are accumulating in that area. First we take Des Moines, then the world.

And to Ryan: if I'm not here, I'll try to be at the poker thing Saturday. Might still be in this town though.

Just a Pirate searching for booty!

Well, this has been kind of a crazy weekend. Crazy like a one-legged cow in a cheese factory!

I think you'll probably all be happy to know that I've pretty much decided against the Army thing. Fuck the Army, I didn't like them in the first place. Looking back, I have no clue what in the sam hell I was thinking about. Could you see me actually taking orders from some douchebag in a silly hat?!?! Not goan happin!!!

In liu of military service, I've decided to crank the job search into high gear. I think I've found jobs for me AND Tim. I hope...I'm not really sure. Thus far I've electronically applied for three jobs and I think I'm going to make some personal visits on Thrusday.

So I've had a lot of stuff on my mind lately. I don't know if maybe I missed something while I was preoccupied, but what drama is Dave talking about? Did something happen down in Albialand that I missed?

Anyway. The Dread Pirate Dicks and I need somewhares to hide our booty once he moves down. I hate to pester Shawk, as I know hes not exactly pleased with me lately, but if there is any update....yah. Sorry bout that Morgan. Btw. Didn't mean to upset you. Just trying to be goofy :)

Kicking your ass is my business. And my store is open for business...of kicking your ass. Yeah. Im cool.

Ugh. You all will be done with school within 2 weeks. Those attending I mean. Iwont be done for another damn month.

Which reminds me. Im like Napoleon when he was exiled to that island off of Italy. I have only little tidbits of news from my dying empire back in my native land. Apparently there is drama going on in France that I have no clue about the whole deal. My only hope of changing these things is to send letters back via messenger boys....but they get intercepted and imprisoned for helping me start a revolution. Although that happens, they become incredibly rich and badass underdog heroes and get the girl, get a kid, and kill their friend who betrayed them years ago.

Meaning? Blah. I cant fix problems w/ drama back home. Makes me sad :(

Stuff!

Iraq??? I dunno if you guys heard about the torture and beatings against Iraqi prisoners of war. But this talks about it a bit and puts it in interesting perspective. Andy especially might take note.

Pinball Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator. I thought Tim might enjoy...

DEA presenter = dumbass.

Monkeys and Johnny Cash, match made in heaven?

r

This damn computer lab machine is beeping more than r2 having sex with 3p0, so I gotta be fast...was just wondering if there's any news on the potential DM-area apt. the Head and I were looking at. Haven't seen him online lately.

Cambodia. Wooha.

"It was a drive-by ass ramming!"

Tonite I participated in 16 man Halo again. But instead of being in one area, we had 4 XBOXs spewn across 3 floors via the school network. I switched and went to another room from my usual Haloans. We played from about 11 my time till about 4. The only reason we quit was because the last match became Capture the Flag on SideWinder. Sidewinder, for you all who dont know, is a fucking huge ass level. Its bigger than Scrote's colon. The biggest problem with the last match was the other team got all the sniper rifles and all the ammo and all the armor and the vehicles so getting across the level took 5 minutes and then getting killed made those 5 minutes in vain. It got to the point of angry fustration in our room. So we accidentally started shooting each other in our room. Then we started shooting our teammates when we spawned. Then it just got ridiculously ludicrus. The best part of our self destruction was when we had 3 Ghosts and a warthog crammed into the flag base and "somehow" it became a demo derby of death. There were bodies everywhere! It ended up us having over 200 deaths each, most from betrayals. Our teammates in the other room quit out and came in, being all fucking anal and bitchy. "If you want to play fag ass games like that, fuck you! We want to play serious!" "Youre lil faggity team killing is fucking immature" "Grow up, you ass fuckers! Play serious" and several other fucking pig raping statements like that. ITS A FUCKING GAME!!! They werent too far away from beatin our asses. Seriously, playing violent games and having to win seriously makes people violent and full of testosterone filled rage... Whatever. The main agressor Jay looks like Tommy from Power Rangers, so Im sure hes had his share of ass penetration. So if any of you get anal about losing at a game, remember this little piece of Dave advice: "Fuck off. Its a game."

Wes: Sorry about all that. Send our reguards and hopes.
Andy: Army baaaaaaaaaad. Mediocre jobs gooooood! No turning back from it!
Tim: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!?!??!? We miss you! Im carrying your child!!!

Military... Icky...

First, something happy...
Another guy playing mario theme, this time on piano.
an addition to the guitar one that I'm fairly certain I posted earlier, and which is I think better. Which isn't to say this one isn't good.

Well, Devins Grandfather has fallen rather ill and is in the hospital here in Grinnell. She has been spending a lot of time out there, and is really stressed. Consequently, I am really stressed. So if you haven't caught up to me or wandered why I haven't said too much that certainly has something to do with it.

Have some homework still looming over my head before I can be done for the year. I hate that, but at the same time I find myself very strongly anti-work and have been having a hard time just focusing in and getting shit done. Ah well, as the time gets less I'll manage something. Tommorow I'll work. Its nothing too major, just a six page paper. But in a way that is major (as its a sizable portion of my grade) so maybe my inability to get anything done comes simply from my dismisiveness of it. Will have to reassess. Anyway...

For this summer, in case you were wondering... I think I mostly told you peoples that I'm going out to Oregon to work for GarageGames. I should be doing game developement finally. I'm excited, but they haven't really gotten back to me about when they want me to come out. Not to mention that it is unpaid, and I'm not exactly rich right now. So I find myself worrying about money for maybe the first time ever. Which is arguably a good thing, as Morgan at least can probably attest I've been somewhat less than frugal in many ways. Its not that I don't want to be frugal, I do. I find it to be an admirable lifestyle(well as long as its within reason, there is certainly a too much), I just have issues doing it myself. It seems to stem from the problematic mix of my amusement with a wide variety of random things and my somewhat impulsive buying habits. So I guess I need to focus in, or maybe just carry less money/credit utensils.

Then, military. Ug Andy, thats pretty iffy. I can understand the line of thought, but I would be highly hesitant. I personally worry about reinstatement of the draft, let alone voluntary enrollment. Then again though I'm sort of leaning towards pacifist, conciencious objector, and anarchist. The strength of my leanings varies a lot, but I'm pretty damn sure I don't wanna be involved in killing people. And I know journalists don't really kill people directly, but I can't help but feel like you'll be pressed to put a positive spin on people killing(and liking many other badish things). I don't think I would be comfortable with that. If you are, then more power to you and I wish you the best luck. I just would have to say that it warrants some careful consideration, after all the experience you earn might not be worth insomnia from images that still haunt you.

Now thats what I call a rant...