SERVICE ENGINE SOON

Tim is a fucking deutche. I told him id be at UNI around 330 or 4. so i get here at 4 and hes not here and YET he has the audacity to put a post up askin when Im coming. So now im using his computer to download Magic Mule Shows. Wgats going on this weekend? Ill be a round.

Ducatis and Harleys and Kawasakis, oh my!

I want a motorcycle.

This one.

bloop.

Hey, anyone know when the Dread Pirate Wells is planning on sailing into my town? I have no idea...

ack

I reinstalled my computer last night. So I'm working on taking it from fresh and clean to shiny and usable. Among the casualties was my trillian. And I don't remember my password, and it doesn't seem to have any desire to tell me. So if you guys could add your contact names in the comments, or email them to me that would be good.

ACK.

Also I have a grant application that could mean the difference between me getting $2400 and $0 that is due today. It seems that I am presently somewhat less than done with said piece of information thing ack ack...

Due at 5pm, why the pain oh!

edit: I got the grant thing finished and handed in. WOO! Also I think I got most of the usernames I was lacking from tim, so all is wellish.

P.S. Pin-Pin Odd, yet amusing...

Those things ate my wife! They just tore her apart! And you think we'll be safe in here?

Damn. I had a whole post typed in and the net went down. Here it is again:

Marie has signed into msn. Odd. Haven't talked to her in ... two years? Got a letter last year.

So in my tech writing class I got lotto'd into this group project where we have to write a manual for an existing product. Our tentative product is Russian mail-order brides. I swear it was not my idea. So far everything I've found online is either a porn site or a dating service, so if anyone has any legit or semi-legit info, please post!

By the way, Wes was right... "Clubbed to Death 2" (Rob Dougan [music used in The Matrix, foo]) is a fineass piece of music.

I realized that I was alone, with fifty or sixty of those things just - standing there, staring at me!

I just wanted to say that you people can all go to hell for ruining Dave's and my streak of zombie-quote related titles.

new: Everyone should check out this link, which I scavenged from Die Puny Humans. It's the sort of . . . photo log of a woman who rides a motorcycle through the ghost town of Chernobyl. The photos are the best part--imagine a decent-sized city completely abandoned, with vehicles, buildings, posters, and everything else left behind. Hell, it even sort of fits in with the zombie theme.

The unfortunate truth about ghouls, vis-a-vis Hellsing.

I got a taste of the anime called Hellsing the other night. It seemed kinda cool, but just not really what I look for in vampiric entertainment. Bil told me about an Irish priest who shows up later in the series, and I feel that it may be worth sitting through the first part just to see that.

The movie Hellsing looks pretty kickass, though. I saw the previews when I went to Dawn of the Dead. It appears to have the four basic components to create a kickass vampire flick.
1) Dark, mysterious hero-type. Has a very gritty demeanor and an insatiable thirst for undead asswhippin.

2) State-of-the-art weaponry. Cool tools designed to make their un-lives as short as possible.

3) A variety of baddies, whose number is many. Many with talons and lots of drool. Some with wings. All bear sharp teeth.

4) Supa-sexy female support. Don't chuckle you know this is a must! Hot bod encased in leather, need we elaborate? (I have a feeling Amish would be nodding his head)

Put it all in the context of a decent story and you've got one spicy vampire gumbo.

I know some of you will post comments in weak attempts to add or detract to this list. So I will preemptively say, "Fuck You, this list is fucking all-inclusive you fucking posers!!!"



ps Mel, I like your story :)

An intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants...

There's this guy in my town. Well, there are many, but I'm speaking of one in particular. He stands on the most busy street corner in town nearly every day. He's tall. Bdecently built. Blonde. Older..probably in his mid-fourties. He's always in black. Always.
He accessorizes this all-black with a large wooden cross, a big black Blible, a silver Rolex and Blues Brothers- style sunglesses.
Every time I drive by (along with several others. It's a pretty busy place) his message is simple. He points to the Bible. Then to the big silver Rolex on his wrist.

Take it as you will.

Today, I saw, moving to accompany this Nicholas D. Wolfwood-esque individual, a man with a massive cross. Huge. Probably 8 feet tall and made of good, heavy timbres.
This didn't bother me. Not at all. What did bother me, though, were the leather gloves the man wore to prevent from getting splinters in his hands as he dragged the cross across town.
There was one other thing that vexed me thus. The big, massive, rough-cut and clearly symbolic cross...
It had wheels on the bottom.

Now, I'm not trying to make a religious statement with all this. No. Such is beyond my abilities. But it did strike me as a sign of our times.
Not the big heavy wooden cross, but the wheels and leather gloves.
I heard a song once. It was abou the Second Coming of Christ. It stuck out as I saw the man wheel across the highway..
When yo come back again
could you bring me something from the fridge.
Heard a rumour that the end is near,
But I just got comfortable here.

I dunno.

Take it as you will.

Another brief rant, then I'll be silent.
I was flipping through a friend's live journal. He was commenting on hunting wolves from a plane in Alaska, babies on spikes, and homosexual marriage...anything that really struck him as something to talk about.
On the homosexual issue, he got alot of comments. Alot of his friends decided not to be his friend anymore because the lad opened his stupid mouth.
What bugs me, though, is that people set something so intimately personal such as their sex lives in front of the world and expect that no one is going to comment.

What kind of freaking spoiled, "Mommy says I'm special" five-year-old raised in a fucking bubble attitude is that?
It bugs me. The issue bugs me, and the attitudes of the people handelling the issue bug me.

I'm done, now.

Kill the brain and you kill the ghoul.

I dreamt last night that Fadoir was coming. After that it's sort of blurry, but I know that eventually we were stockpiling emergency vehicles. In order to prepare for the coming of Fadoir? It seems likely. This could well be a sign from the heavens.

Froooooom the heavennnnnns! *leaps off a ladder and drops the elbow onto your solar plexus*

Did you know that the word 'zombie' is never used in NotLD? (sounds fun to say..NOTLD! NOTLD!) Amazon.com has a good quote/trivia page for the movie.

EVERY DEAD BODY THAT IS NOT EXTERMINATED GETS UP AND KILLS; THE PEOPLE IT KILLS GET UP AND KILL...

Ugh. My step grandfather died tonite. Not cool. So there'll be my third funeral Ill have to attend, the other 2 were for a bro & sis that werent as fortunate.

So..... My much complained about project of trees? Yeah. It looks like fucking ass. I cant even finish it. Ill try to in the morning...but why? Ill get the same generic grade from the teacher and pass thru the class with a C and just waste a few grand until I get into the animation stuff I want to get into. Ugh. I saw Tank Girl today and though i was dissapointed in the movie, I liked the comic art transitions. Then I had to watch the Gorillaz videos to cure my need for animation. *sigh* I want to just do what I need to and get this shit done with. And make some damn cartoons. Not draw god damnable trees for a week.

Yes, and Ill be leaving for Albia as soon as I can get out of my class. Ill explain to the teacher my situation and see if I can be rushed through my final and all my work. Bloop.

Let the dead rise up to consume the flesh of the living!

You know what would be a really excellent thing to do to someone? Especially someone who uses a computer a lot at night? Get them good and drunk (high would work too), and then change their keyboard setup to dvorak arrangement without telling them. I want to see what would happen. I don't think that'll be happening here unless I do it to myself, unfortunately.

Andy, I agree with Dave . . . you should post on here whatever funky stuff is going on. I mean, the worst that'll happen is that we'll ridicule you, ostracize you, and eventually jump you in a dark alley, tie you down and let sex-starved hobos have their way with you, and then give you an enema of angry fire ants. And yeah, it sounds like most of us are in ... less than normal situations. Wells prolly the most at the moment (too bad about the grandparents).

Andy, I forgot to say...you can still pretend that a biker gang is still riding around with you. Just pretend they're all avid smokers.

In my playwriting class we do a lot of readings aloud, and everyone always asks me to read the stage directions or say things like, "Mr. Anderson..." I finally got to read a real part today, and I think I freaked everyone out. It involved a lot of swearing and yelling, it was great fun. I want to be an actor just so I can freak out on stage. That would be great.

Anyone seen Invader Zim? I'm supposed to watch a bunch of it tomorrow. Wondering what to expect.

Thats a good little smoker

I don't feel comfortable posting lately. Everything I want to talk about is shit that shouldn't be posted in any public domain where anyones eyes may see it.

No, I haven't been freebasing heroin (although it does sound like a promising enterprise right now)

I have, unfortunately, started smoking again. Its a real bitch.

I think my least favorite part of it all is how my car smells. I recently bought this kickass air-freshener from target. Its one of those jar-shaped deals that are apparently supposed to simulate smelly burning candles. This particular candle smells like leather and it was a damn good smell. It was like having a car full of bikers riding around with me.

The smoke has pretty much taken care of that though. Now it smells like I have a doused campfire in the backseat of my car.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear everyones lives are nice and messed up. It would truely be a shame to see any of us drift into a life of normalcy.

BARBEQUE!

So heres the deal. The dorms here had a barbeque. Couple of problems with it.
1) They didnt expect all 400 residents to show up
2) They had no barbeque sauce
3) They falsely advertised lobster. Didnt happen
4) They had it late at nite. I missed South Park

SO yeah. I waited 45 minutes in line and got a burger that was still mooing. Twas bad. But I got a free Mountain Dew. BOTTLE. Yeah, bitch! Bomb diggity. So yeah. All yall can suck a duck.

I informed people of the NOLD (nite of livin dead) public domain thing and our network showed NOLD files go from 3 to 37. Thanx Wes for that info. Im off to do somehting cool...like cure cancer.

Oh. APparently my G-parents (the evil & only living ones) have cancer. Like bad colon cancer. So ill have it when im 70ish. And i got barked at cuz the last i heard they were ok. But no. Today I got barked at cuz i dont ask about em. Theyre not part of my life! THey werent there for my graduations, they were only there to be hateful and bark at me for being evil! No letters! NOTHING! JUST PROBLEMS! Thanx gparents! Ill get cancer now! WOOPDEFUCIING DOO I love heredity cancers!!!!!!!!!!! Im out

Plastidious!

Booya.

Well, I am back in full un-drunk glory, and things here at UNI are...well, decent. I was talking with someone today about hereditary diseases, bad stuff like that, and was wondering...if anyone feels like telling me, i'd be interested in knowing how people would choose to die if it were a matter left to choice. Of course there are no pleasant choices, but some are moreso than others. By the way, the Monty Python/ chased to death by topless women idea is not a choice...as much as I'd like it to be.

I have to work a bit this weekend, so I wont' be back in Albia for the McDonough show. Sorry, Ryan. I know it probably seems as if I'm ditching you every time you mention you'll be available...but I'm not. It's just htat I was home all last weekend, and now there are things I have to do up here Fri/Sat.

My workplace, the North American Review, got the standard Poetry.com crap letter asking us for a poem so they could tell us how great we are and try to sell us a 70 dollar book. So my boss had us all gather around the ol' computer and type a couple lines each of godawful poetry to send in. [By the way, poetry.com is goofy and you'll have to enter in the poet's name on the title page. So here's what to enter in: last name: Sermeianto; first: Holden] Title credit goes to Alyssa at work, who was wearing a sticker with 'fastidious' on it, and lines one and four are my own. A Mexican guy and I collaborated on the poet's name. The rest is random creation of the people at work. This is what I do for six bucks an hour.

ZOMBIES!

I was amused to find that the copyright has lapsed on Night of the Living dead. I must thank boingboing for my new knowledge. That means it is now a free download, and you can finally have your dirty little way with it...

GET IT NOW!

Maybe we should try to edit it or something... Might be fun. I don't have any idea what I'm doing with video, but I could learn...

P.S. I went to the store earlier. And you may or may not care, but Mt. Dew has the live wire (orange flavor) variant "back for summer 2004". Bastards. I like the stuff, better than old dew even. They should leave it out all the time, not just this summer shit...

Dumb girls with dumber boyfriends.

Met a kickass girl named Sera (correct spelling) today. Shes into video games. Shes in the Animation dept. Shes hated my former hampster launching dorm squatter. Whats the problem, besides me not having the testicles to ask her out? Shes dating one of the Tower's Assholes. Enter Brian. He skates. Hes better than everyone. Hes in Web Design...i think. My roommate Dmitri hates him with a passion. And somehow they are together?!

I think girls date guys that are assholes to them for the reason being that they wont change them when they break up. They will be assholes reguardless of their company. This Brian guy is especially one of the cases.

Ugh. My point is dont date till your older and the people you go after are as desperate as you are. And if you are dating right now guys...you better not be assholes. Ryan is the only exception cuz ryan couldnt be an asshole. Blabbering vagina maybe. But not asshole.



EDIT 1224 MST
Eragh. I was helping Dmitri with a stack of clipout magazine pics he was using for a project and I saw a picture of orcas. Aaaw how cute, I thought, until I TURNED IT OVER TO REVEAL A PICTURE OF A GIANT BLUE WHALE staring head on at the camera. SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. It took about 5 minutes to calm my panicy ass down. I HATE SEA CREATURES OF GIANT PROPORTION! Ask tim and kevin about it. Its like tim with spiders, except its Dave and whales. eragh!

now:

Edit.

Don't mess with Texas.

End of Computer Applications

Had the last damn day of that stupid class. Wow. Quarter is over. Everyone seemed to love my proposition for Foes. This one damn hot girl in the class, Racheal, was all into it. It was badass.

SO now I have to draw trees. Fuck. Ing. God. Damn. It.

The ice cream truck sells ice cream? That fucking amazing!

Wow. I have about 80% of my projects i set out to work on this weekend done. Thats fucking amazing. All I really need to finish up now is a big fucking picture of a forest. I plan on working 4 hours a nite starting monday until thursday, which ill work on it all fucking day. Then ill work on it for 3 hours friday and then turn it in. Badass, no?

Anyways, yall prolly know im coming home on saturday. Thatll be fun, no? As soon as i get my tax return back im gettin my oil changed and gettin bil back his money that i had to borrow last time i came down. Ill be down for over a week this time. YAY! And when i get back theres a desk job opening and possibly a job at a Seven Eleven, where girls stay up all nite 24 hours a day...and i can get a discount.
Lets play a real quick game of Where's the Bitch.

Wheres the bitch?...
...
...
...
. . .
.....oh its RYAN!

Yeah Ryan! Youd better come down and hang out when Im back...and bring yer harem of Des Moines folk too.

I'm sorta goin insane here.

Here are a couple amusing things I found on bash.org:

Q: How many Dragon Ball Z fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but it takes three episodes.

Also, for anyone who knows the damn milkshake song, new lyrics:

my pokemon bring all those nerds to the yard and there like, do you wanna trade cards, damn right, lets trade some cards, ill trade you, but not my charizard

(+Clarke): i was hanging out with some friends last night, and this guy was saying how lesbian porn doesn't turn him on becuase his sister is gay
(@h0ns`b0ll0x): Not too big into lesbian porn myself.
(+Clarke): and he'd be like "oh cool, those chicks are going down on each other......and my sister's friend is sleeping over... OH GOD"

and a little longer:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

bleh

Drunkard goal listing (via boingboing.net)

Just trying to do some coding for to make the money. It is somewhat less than the most entertaining thing ever...

So it goes...

HAMBONE!

For those of you familiar with the Temple of Badassocity (my room up here at school)...well, it's completely different. Yesterday I spent two hours doing things that should not be done with a wrench, screwdriver, the frame of my lofted bed, and two leather belts. Much swearing later, my room is completely different. I got a l little freaked out about how much I sounded like my dad when he's pissed off and working on a car or something...mumbling obscenities.

Dave, if I had a son who lived with you, I would drag him as far away as possible as well, and then cleanse his brain of every memory. And fill it with NEW, shinier memories, like of Bozo the clown in lingerie rapelling down the side of a water tower. Or something like that.

I woke up at 7:30 this morning, which is something that doesn't happen. I'm a little freaked out. I feel too ... laid back now that I'm all awake and it's only 9 am. Weird.

I'll come back when I have something wackier to say.

You bite your waitress now?

Okay, I just had to write about this.
True story, happened approximately 6 hours ago.
I'm at work tonight, and a group of 6 people came in, and as much as I hate to say it, they didn't look like the greatest people in the world. Anyways, it was 2 middle-aged couples and 2 kids about 7/8 years old. The 2 guys ordered a bucket of beer, and they polished that up pretty quick. They seemed a little off-key when they came in, but I just brushed that off. (dropping in things like 'hey darlin' , 'hey sweetheart' 'yer purdy' so on and so forth ) So, I fill up another drink for them, and bring them a fresh bucket of beer. (#2 now) And the guy BITES me on the arm! He actually bites me! Then, he asks me if he can take the actual bucket (he calls it a lunch pail) home, and if he can't, he's going to take me home instead....*Shudder* It was horrible. And they sat there and harassed me for almost an hour and a half after the biting.
True story. As much as I hate to admit it...Welcome to my world


Edit:
2 things I failed to mention:
#1) The biting guy left me $10, or someone at that table left me $10. I don't know if it was out of pity, or because he bit me...I don't care to know.
#2) About 10 minutes after I was bitten by zombie-man, the phone rings. I answer it, do the stupid pizza speal, and the guy gives me his number, etc. Comes up with an actual name, address. So, when I ask what he would like, he says "Ya can suck on my pecker" puses, then hangs up the phone. Was last night a full moon? *bangs head on desk* These are the nights that I wish I just didn't have a job.

Purated Donkey Shit with Baby Parts

That about expresses my mood. Joseph, the Hampers Howlitzer (thats a type of cannon, fool), bought us groceries yesterday. He did this cuz the fucking rodent rocketer moved out cuz his dad doesnt want his fucking botched blowjob boy around alcohol. God? Please fucking damn those Mormons. Please?! All the drama we had with him is based on the fact he is mormon. I didnt let it get to me, the mormon part. I talk big but its all a show....sort of. it didnt make me judge him at first. For example, turns out his parents didnt want him to hang out with other kids for the fear he might be influenced badly. Long story short his parents are the fucking mormon stereotypes i hated and never dreamed of existing. They also didnt like the fact he was sharing a room with 3 other guys, all a year+. and that Elliot, the brains of our flat believes in evolution and that apes have souls. Fucking hell. So his parents transferred him to a single room. It fucking is retarded to shelter your children. Anyways, he bought $50 in groceries to pay us back with all the food and messes he made ( he puked everywhere st. patty's day and we had to clean it up....the fuck). But instead of giving us the money to go get what we needed....he goes and buys a shit load of tostinos pizza, 5 lbs of beef, and Ramen Noodles. This is abominable. I lived off this stuff before and its terrible. Its as real of a diet as Hot Pockets. Its not a diet--its purated donkey shit.

Oh and that "Border Hopper" I was talking about? I had a real converstation with Jose. Hes pretty cool. He played Magic and politics and keeping things truthful. So i retract my hateful remarks I made. At least hes not a fucking Mormon.

Descending the rungs on the ladder of sanity (or insanity)

This may be the most unhappy I've ever been on a Friday that I can remember.

Disclaimer: This bulk of this post will be a diatribe of self-pity. Ye be warned

This is also one of the longest Friday's I've had in a while.

It's mostly my fault. Last night I rented a movie that I've wanted to watch for a really long time called "The Seventh Seal". It was an alright movie. A little strange and longer than I had expected, but good.
The problem was that it got me thinking about a lot of stuff. Stuff that I've been thinking about a lot lately anyway, but had managed to avoid any serious contemplation until last night.
So I couldn't sleep.
I wanted to get my mind on something else so I started reading this book that Heather's friend Kasey lent me called Jesus' Son. So, 80 pages and an hour or so later I had decided two things. 1) The book was really good, albiet a little strange. 2) I was not going to be getting much sleep.
That was around one. I stopped reading at one-thirty to attempt sleep. Didn't work. I just lay on my back staring at the ceiling for probably another half-hour.
At that point I had reached no new conclusions, however, the severity of the lack of sleep situation had been upped slightly.
I think I finally nodded off around three-thirty and I had to be up at seven.
Seven rolled around and I decided I didn't really NEED to be up at seven. Eight would be enough time.
So I'm really only kind of tired, but work seems to exaggerate how badly I feel in any way. If I have any aches or pains...they are ten times as bad while I'm at work. If I'm tired...it turns into a desperate need for sleep. If I'm hungry....fucking starved. Horny...yeah, you get the idea.....

I guess thats not even really all that bad. When I take a second to step back from my life and take a look it really isn't all that bad.
However, lack of really horrible problems in ones life does not make up for a lack of a meaningful purpose for ones life.

*sigh*Anyway....

I'll be coming home this weekend for at least a day. Timeslots to see me are filling up quickly so book an appointment now to ensure your place.

And Bil, if you thought that was funny....check this out.

Sheee-it. I half want to just go to bed and not leave it for the whole weekend.

But, since most of you are around so I suppose I can mope around at some point in the future. Gots to see my friends Any plans for tonight and Saturday? I need to be in Albia Saturday at 5 to have dinner with my Dad and Grandma, but after that I'm free. Today is open (depending on what time I get up, of course... I haven't been to sleep yet.) If nothing else, I'll plan on going to Des Moines to see Morgan and Martin. If anyone else wants to do anything... Comment, post, or leave me an IM before I get up and leave. Assuming Trillian doesn't crash, as long as my ID is online on MSN/AIM I'm still home. Once that goes away, if nobody has contacted me, consider me on the road to DM.

Also: "It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand."

It's... probably wrong to find that amusing, isn't it?

I got nothing...

Sounds like something Ryan would do...
Real Master Sword (via bluesnews)

Of interest...
Open source novel (via boingboing)

Only 364 days till round 2!

Well, I hope all had a great St. Patrick's day. I haven't posted for a while, so I though while you were all sleeping, it was prime time to do so. My St. Patty's wasn't bad, I spent it in about 3 different towns, so it was interesting enough. The guys in my taekwondo class, as well as my instructor and the other 2 girls in there and I went and ate lunch together, then went to the instructor's house to celebrate the holiday appropriately. So, I showed up to ficton writing quite relaxed. It made the class more tolerable and more entertaining. Yeha! Well, it's off to work I go (blah) and I'm sure I'll see most of you again tonight. So, I'm off to hopefully make some decent wages for this day. Au revoir.

How was the DSM-ing St. Patricks?

Fuck this holiday

Saint Patrick. The biggest fucking liar of the saints. Scared all the snakes from the island. What bullshit. Snakes couldnt survive in that part of the world! And people taint beer with green coloring to celebrate this one trick pony. Fuck that. Did he cure AIDS? No. Hes not a saint.

I need to grow balls, folks. I was brought up an idea to have a St. Patty's party like a month ago. Ok i thought it was just one of those ideas that are talked about and never really get thru. FUCK NO. Lynn, anime girl as ive referred her to, somehow suckered me into payin 20 dollars that i owed her towards corned beef, cabbage, and booze. BOOZE runs have occured the last 3 nites and only to a bithcy and whiney girl " Thats not what i wanted! I said irish dark ale and you bought irish regulaur ale!" or "This is scottish whiskey not irish whiskey!" and "My boyfriend, your old boss, is coming over so youll have to leave cuz he hates you...even though its your own apartment." Im fucking sick of this! This wasnt supposed to happen! I dont even want to drink tonite! Wow! I lived seven damn months witha controlling woman who hindered my life and im GOD DAMNED not going to let it happen again! But its too late for tonite. Everyone is here, shes bitching about food she didnt tell anyone how to make, and im just posting my arguements instead of saying them.

Hence, fuck that St. Patrick. Why didnt he just slay a dragon like other saints did? No no no. Hes got to give the irish a reason to get shit faced and take advantage of 21 yr olds for a bunch of rich bitchy 19 yr olds... Good grief.

EDIT AT 11:54 pm South Park tonite made me cream my brithces. If you missed it shame on you all for being drunk!!!! Orange flavored vodka + Mountain Dew = Mountain Booze. Badass Mountain Booze.

Corned Beef and Cabbage to all and to all a good night.

Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A good mate and an honest one.
A cold beer—and another one!

Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My the road rise to meet your feet. y'all.

St. Patrick's Eve

The night is upon us gentlemen. Soon St. Patrick will load his beat up '87 pinto with millions of bottles of Guinness. His leprechauns will pull the pinto all around the world and deliver the bottles to Irish boys and girls. Then, tomorrow morning, as the sun rises, they will all rush down to tear open their gifts and drink the intoxicating liquid inside!

It's a beautiful holiday, and I would like nothing better than to share it with a few good friends. So this is my official call to you all. I sound the horn of St. Patrick calling all my friends to Des Moines for drunken shananagins.

I will be working tomorrow from 8:30 to 5, which is a special gift given to me by my employers. This means I will have plenty of evening time available.

So come on up to the big city lads! Faith and begorra it'll be a good time!

My Best At-The-Urinal Idea EVER!!!

I was in the bathroom at school today when Inspirato hit me-- What if Oz and Wonderland went to war? Thered be a war because Wonderland wants Oz's technology while Oz wants minerals and resources from under Wonderland. It would be fucking awesome. Oz is more like late 1800s Americana while Wonderland is Victorian England. I think its badass. Dorothy and Alice are agents working for their corresponding countries but team up to stop the war. And I want to work Narnia in here too. Like a super wierd twist that Narnia started this war to claim more land for the White Witch. I think this idea is badass. The Winged Monkeys would be giant gorillas, thered be an infantry battle with TinMen robots and thousands of gun toting card soldiers. And the Cheshire Cat and Toto would constantly bicker and fight. Oh and Scarecrow would be a zombie. And the White Rabbit is on a hoverbike, and the Caterpillar is a dragon or some crazy shit. I think it would be badass to have the Jaberwockie destroy the shit out of Emerald City and have the Munchkins attack in robotic walkers and giant subterranian weapons they built. And Wonderland's most elite fighting force is the Chess Pieces. Oh and the Lion is a double agent for Narnia. Cuz hes the brother of the Lion or something. Its totally badass. Of course, Dorothy and Alice would be badass hot chikas (not gothy or any one of my fetishes of course). But I am seriously thinking of this as a badass series or something. Any other ideas? Im open to creative input.

And to think I thought about a badass battle of Oz and Wonderland and Narnia at a frickin' urinal.

Not just zed but Lord Zed

Well, I almost just drank a boxelder bug. Mother beetch was trying to go swimming in my Dew.

For all you non-Albians, here's the rundown of what's been going on:

Sunday: Dr. Mario, a few beers, Gang of Four

Monday: Wes, Amish and I drove to Osky in search of Newcastle. We failed to find it anywhere, and would have continued the quest to Grinnell had the weather not suddenly bitchslapped us all. Much snow in Albia...when I left Grrt's at 2 am my car had an afro of snow, and the roads hadn't been touched. It was like driving cross country.

Tuesday: Woke up at noon to Kevin's call. Went to El Hutto for lunch (sadly). Tummy is angry.

I am struggling to understand my powers of Dr. Mario. Why have I been given this gift? What do the gods expect in return? How am I to understand that maxim that Spider Man has taught us: "with great power comes great responsibility"? Will I ever again be defeated?

Der Fledermauswagen rides again!

OK, no. My car is neither German nor the Batmobile.

It's the stinking piece of offal a bird shat out when it was hit by a Chevette.
Well, okay. It's a Baretta GTZ. Or GT Zed as my Canajian co-worker calls it. The prick.

Anywho, when I got it, it was busted. Front motor mount all broken, stripped bolt-thingies, bad gaskets etc...
And, given that it's a Baretta (Italian for "Dirty Dirty Whore") GTZ, it thinks it's special. So of course everything was $100+. Because it's rare. And special.

I'm gonna start buying normal cars from now on.

Anyone wanna buy a car?

Lynk.

Jesus vs. The Sharks

A story on one of the blogs I read often discusses the writer's observations on his daughter's faith. He provides some fun stories about how cute her naivety can be.

My favorite of these was a story she made up called Jesus and the fishermen. It was basically about how Jesus and some fishermen were out trolling around the Sea of Galilee and they ran across some sharks. Jesus, apparently, told the fishermen not to be afraid and then whipped out an ozi and blasted the sharks to gehenna.

Aren't kids awesome?

Get a clue. Get a panda.

1) Toho is making one massive Godzilla film to showcase the last G-Film and then retiring it for TEN years...again. Wes showed me this story a while ago but it was on CNN today. Mainly cuz puttin people in giant monster suits and having them fighting on a miniature set is outdated...and that horrible blowjob of a US Godzilla film. Much sadness

2) I have completed descriptions and character bios for most of the FOES stuff. All I have to do now is storyboard a fight scene.

3) Im returning to Albia on March 27th and leaving April 4th (or 5th depending on me schedule) Something to do? I hope so. The schools screwed us over for a joint spring break and me daddy cant pay for me to go see Nicks wedding..but we shall see... we shall see indeed.

4) Tim? I fucked your mom. OOOOOOOOOOOH!

5) Just saw a Primus video with flying elephants and hunters and bald people. Wes, if you havent seen it yet, its FUCKED up.

6) And Ive posted 2 times today. I feel like Ryan....except for that whole raging homosexual part.

7) Get used to sentence fragments, folks.

This will all make sense in the future.

Bitch!

(this is not meant as a continuation of the "Ya fuckin..." begun in an earlier post)

Damn this computer!

I got caught up playing a drunekn game of 1000 kards and i didnt hear the obnoxious beeping of trillian...why? MY FUCKING COMPUTER UNPLUGGED THE SOUND CORD! It seriously pisses me off cuz a bunch of folks tried to message me during the game. Plus one of my roommates and his girlfriend went to their bedding. SO WHAT does a bunch of drunks do? THey get a fucking night vision camera...and try to get some film of it. Ok it just happened. Not a good site.


ANYWHO, IM sorry to all that I didnt get a message to cuz of a slow reflex time. Hope yall had fun. We have a huge batch of new 1000 kards so Ill bring those when i come down. How did drunken Doctor Mario go? Hope well.

AND tis bed time. My what a lovely tea party.

But what did he do with the dentures?

Attention Albians, Charitonians, Lovilians, (former) Melrosians: I am heading toward your part of the state, and once I am through there will be nothing left! Prepare the women for love and the cattle for mutilation!

UPDATE: My prematurely geriatric ass is taking forever to get out of town. Will be in around 7:30 or 8

PUT IT TO A VOTE!

Alright! I will make the claim that The Offspring's album Ixnay On The Hombre is the single greatest album ever to be released and reviewed my Andrew Judge! I would like to know which albums y'all feel to be the greatest! Which albums just fricking melt your damn faces off!!!

Muddle puddle noodle poodle tweedle beetle bottle paddle battle.

Posting from the new digs, y'all.
And dropping an open invite to any who might want to swing by.

RUSSIAN LESBIAN TEENS does not bring up TaTU on Google.

I also agree with Andy. One post every 12 hours. A certain blabbering vagina apparently doesnt know about editing his posts. But this place really has become my apartment. And Im glad its still referred to as Dave's Old Place and not the "aGertment" like I feared. And I dont make racist remarks. Ive never said anything racially offensive. Good god. I hate mormons. Mormons arent a race. Theyre a religous cult. And you can agree with that, Andy. What Im saying is that It really will take 15 pancakes to cover Massachusettes.

Its nice to have Ryan on the blogthough. . . minus the 12 posts he does a day. It truely is. Good i mean. Its good. Or something. Im on a break from drawing stuff. I hate being poor too. I had a lot of money at one time, now i have none. An dim kind of feeling bad about quitting my job. But what to do now? I have to call 7-Eleven about a job interview. Itll be badass I suppose. But Im poor at the moment and need caffeine.

We were watching I Love the 80s or whatever and Boy George the painted fuckwheat was on it. So Joseph, having brains equal to mayonaise and woodchips, was like "OOOH ITS DAVEO! HUH HUH HUH!" Every. FUCKING. TIME. BOY GEORGE. CAME. ON. I Finally threatened to bash "his fucking hampster loving face into the wall until the bleeding stopped". He stopped. I hate idiots. Especially Joseph.

Oh and a really quick question: Whats the difference between dumbasses and smartasses?

Someone end this madness!

I would be in favor of some kind of restriction on the number of daily posts any of us may make. I'm really glad you folks are giving me plenty of reading material to while away the hum-drum of work, but its getting out of hand. I found myself spending hours just trying to desipher the code that Ryan's posts are apparently printed in. Then I got to play the exciting game "How many racist remarks will Dave make in THIS post".

It does add to the 'feel' of our group though. This blog is steadily transforming itself into a written version of a night at Dave's place. Generally there would be a few of us who could maintain some sort of sanity, while the rest...well. Just read a few posts and you get the idea.

In argument of my title's plea, I feel that this is a good thing for us all. I, for one, having been recently exiled from Mother Albia, feel like I'm coming home when I visit the blog. All its missing is Amish's simple puns and grrt's 'simple charms'. And the occasional impulse to toss sister amish out a window.

The porn king rides again! No, that doesn't mean ME....

Well, after a week's critical review, I must say: the addition of Ryan to this blog has upped the wackiness almost immeasurably. I don't know how exactly, but it's just . . . a lot wackier.

Mel too. Less wackiness somehow. Maybe a more subdued variety.

I slept for two hours last night. TWO, BITCHES! I got up at 6:45, crawled over Dave's mom (OOOOOOH! Ya fuckin.....[look for continuation in later post]), and drove with my roommates to see one of them off to Europa. So now we're gonna make dirty love to various barnyard animals in his bed. When he gets back his sheets will be infested with fleas and stained with the genetic material of innumerable species!

Packets. Packets. Packets bite my ass.

Ugh. School. Terrible. I have a big ass packet to do by tomorrow. Worked on 1/2 of the packet yesterday. Its all drawing noses and ears and mouths. Its totally bogus shit. I mean its drawing practice yes, but last week no one did the homework (HINT HINT TEACHER! NO ONE DID IT! MUST BE A PROBLEM!) but no. Hes now vindictive and saying anyone who doesnt finish the packets in full WILL FAIL THE CLASS which is ok. Some dumbass mexican kid in my class is all like "He dont even fucking look at our work, man. I do good work! He just call it crap, man." the fuckin border hopper. This kid sucks at drawing. He tries to argue that what he draws is what he sees. Hes a lot better airbrusher than he is a drawer. And theres this other kid who shows up late to class. The kid is imaginatieve i suppose but he cant draw to save his ass. Hes like that kid in Art I who can barely draw but is only in there to pass. Hes very anal about criticizing. Hes not going to last a lot longer here.

Must go and work on shit now. I might eat some broken glass later to keep up my diet of PAINFUL EXPERIENCES.

my plans: shattered like glass

Well, there goes that idea. My supervisor came in today and asked if I could possibly work instead of take my vacation time on SPD week. One of my coworkers inhaled toxic fumes and is all woozy and basically useless, and another one hurt his hip and is off taking physical therapy for two weeks. So, yeah. It's pretty much me and a useless old bastard that sneaks away to take naps in the downstairs offices trying to do the work of 5 people.

This weekend I'm planning on having dinner and spending time with my Grandma, so there shall be no Fallin' Cedars either. That'll probably be my whole Saturday evening.

So I was looking at domains today, and none of the various permutations of my nick are free as a .com. I can't get novowels.com or novo.com or even nvwls.com. Oddly, novowels.com was registered with a British nickreg company on my birthday in '97. I can't remember where I was or what I was doing on my birthday in '97, so it's entirely possible that I registered it while drunk or something and totally forgot about it. I get conflicting reports from various whois sites about when the registration goes up for grabs again, but the later dates are all next year so I might as well just wait for then. Or, I could just go with .org or .net instead of using a .com I guess.

Not that I need a website anyways. A big money-hole, those things! (I used to be 1/3 of the staff of an X-MEN vs STREET FIGHTER website. Fun, but a lot of work after it got semi-popular) I was thinking: we could easily get, atticapartment.com. First of all, I could make a MacHall-esque comic loosely based on us just for practice on sketching, inking, coloring, plotting, and whatnot... That and this blog and our personal sites could be hosted there. Any interest in that? We wouldn't have the ads at the top there and your sites wouldn't have those geocities ads and popups anymore. Maybe a real Message Board too, so we could properly talk about and debate shit. The only real problem (aside from paying for bandwith and shit) is that I don't know if I really want to deal with all the shit that comes with admining a website like that. Er... and shit. I'd be willing to foot most of the bill for us, although if it gets too popular I might be in a little bit 'o financial trouble.

Best quote of last weekend comes from me: Kenny called Friday night and practically begged me and Martin to be in town before 9 on Saturday so he didn't have to go see The Passion with Denise. So, we did. Played Crystal Chronicles and watched some anime. As we were leaving, he thanked us again for coming down.

Me: "No problem Ken. Hey, you know you've got good friends when they'll save you from Jesus."

. . .

Well, heh, I thought it was funny.

DEEP THROAT (and not the porn style either...)

ANNONOMOUS IS TIM DICKS.

funny ads

BABIES EVERYWHERE! definately the funniest of the bunch.
never ending bottle of beer
nintendo

And it felt great to be a Liar.

Have you all heard of the master bootlegging plan of the Mormons? Its called Cleanflicks. They take out all the objectional parts of movies and re-release them and sell/rent them and try to pass them off as the actual movies. And where to do the profits go? After the cost of making the bootlegs and the distribution, all the money goes right back into the hands of The Mormon Church and BYU (Briggim Young University.) This is cockamini bullshit. Thats what the Union of Hollywood Directors said. So a LXG of directors, including Steven Spielburg and George Lucas and Eric Cameron, are throwing a lawsuit against Cleanflix, BYU, and the Mormon Church for bootlegging, copyright infringement, and Interpol is onto them too. Their defence lawyers said that they did nothing wrong with taking out obscene words or scenes, such as gun play, explosions, blood, and sex scenes. This is more horse cock. For example, Aladdin had the kissing scenes taken out. Theres also a 49 min version of Saving Private Ryan, and all the alien scenes and references were taken out of Star Wars and the Force references were replaced with God reference "BELIVE IN THE LORD, LUKE!". Im not making this up. Look it up on google. Its true. So this proves the Mormons are propoganda machines with hampster rockets.

Pythagorean theorem: ..............................24 words.
Lords prayer:.....................................66 words.
Archimedes Principle: ...........................67 words.
10 Commandments: .................................179 words.
Gettysburg address: ..............................286 words.
Declaration of Independence:....................1,300 words.

US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: .......
26,911 words. "

Forget Norway. Kenya!

So shoot me, I lied. My weak-minded self has moved to a quaint little burgh near Grand Junction, CO.

Slave to the System

I've bragged up my new job to most of you. I talked about how nice the paycheck will be and how little work I actually have to do. Also, I think I mentioned that I was able to post on the blog while at work.

Now, I think I'd like to fess up about the shortcomings of my job.

First: Banking is about the furthest thing in the world from where my interests and passions lay. Sometimes, after spending hours talking to people about interest rates and credit, I just want to smash the phone with a fucking nine-iron.

Second: I'm all for foreign peoples coming to America. America was built on people from other countries coming here in search for opportunity. However, when those people want to do things like, I dunno, apply for a loan. They sure as shit better be able to speak and understand ENGLISH!

Lastly, and this one really pisses me off: I am not a fucking telemarketer. I'm not going to call someone who no longer needs a loan and attempt to convince them that they do need a fucking loan! "Yes, sir, I understand that your Mother loaned you the money, but won't you need to pay her back?"
Not only that, but they send me people who only wanted overdraft protection for their checking! They don't want a loan!
And I'm ashamed to admit that I have sold such people on these loans.
And I'm probably going to hell for it.

I should have listened to Thoreau when he said "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."

Skroo it! Skroo 'em all! I ain't going!!

One sunset I'm gonna turn my back on, yo.
So. All numerals, locations, and rules as it were, are still in effect.
Customary tip of the hat. *tip of the hat*
One day I need to teach y'all how to play Silent Football... It's much more fun than German poker.

If I was cute and Asian, would guys dig me?

I happened upon something disturbing last night. I was listening to 3 Doors Down. Well, one piece by said band, anyways. "If I Could Be Like That." But I was only halfway listening. That is, until the main line/chorus thing came up. Sounded much like "Fuck me like that."
Think I been hangin' with y'all too long...

Everybody DANCE!

Well, it's off to work I go! Joyous!!!
I spend more time at that place collectively through the week than I do either in class or at home. It's kind of frustrating that the highest calling in my life right now is "Sir, do you want some more Pepsi?" Or "Pan, hand-tossed, thin, or stuffed?"
It would be another thing if I actually had classes that I was being challanged in, or that I enjoyed. But, as far as my count goes, I like 1 out of the 4 classes I'm in. And the last time I checked, 25% was failure. Oh well. I'm done with that college in May.
Well...its time to go get ready to serve some pizzas to the fine citizens of Albia. (Hopefully there is a fine tip in it for me)
So, to all have a good day.
Andy- you still have a paycheck @ the Hut, and I believe it is of decent proportions.
Tim- good luck finding the right horrible disease.
Mel/Ryan-Welcome to the blog
Dave- *headshake* to your translated song

Free snorkel with every visit!!

Let's see if I can do this right...


LINK!!!



It makes me happy.
I don't know why.

Beware. It loops.

Never Wear your Best Pants When you go to Fight for Freedom

I've been writing a play for a class. A main part of the play is fortune cookies. And so, in my research, I came upon this, the weirdest fortune I've encountered in my life to this point:

"Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom."

The fuck?

The title of my play is:

"Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom

or

Help! I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!"

Hungry for more fucked up fortune cookies? Click here.

What do Gandalf the Grey, The Pale Rider, and Vampire Hunter D all have in common?

I've always admired those characters in those various books/anime/comics/movies/etc...
You know, the ones who just meander into town one day, stir things up in one way or another, then just disappear. I used to admire 'em...yeah. But now that I've ridden off into a few sunsets...
I don't think I admire them anymore.
The point of all this? Heh. None.
Save that I'm moving. Again. For the 17th time in my scant 21 years.
Addy and numerals available to those who asque.
The reason? Heh. Reason's got nothin' to do with it.
Actually, no, I got a job offer in some far-away ville. Hopefully it works to my advantage, aye? Aye.

Anywho, there's a sunset near, and it's call seduces me with more ease than a sirene draws a sea-weary sailor to her embrace...

Batches of Autopatience Spirit (MSI transfucklated)

I love translation tools. If you translate things from english to german then to french and back again into english, it comes out terribly cargled. You can try this too at Babel Fish. Im in the mac lab and it messes up the blog status so heres the link to try it-- http://babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/tr--.

Now, lets see if you can guess this song!

That me has be refused good ultra sex whole it is me refused that good ultra sex I entirety... me has tested, just that Superfaggot to use to me Gecken received, as y' all to give can slightly mutha fucka, to say him could not thus although no you me of have nailed I left him hard, if they do not give mutha fuckin ' Shit. In which I somebody could have been, instead of falling flat after my, asses, digs I maintaining, bumse me later and sings it after the melody faggot faggot faggot ohhh digs me maintaining and bumsen me later and it The best ultra whole sex, me best ultra sex I entirety to me was refused.....i could a star have been him outside moods me refused is, if me as my Mamma resounds just that I couldve balanced the point with the place right to be different faggot, as I played to me this Shit. I'm blowin ' suckas with side the hopin am ' right ', ' me with each one now knows any manner in the hell receives put, me the food indeed to the bottom can. So dig with me now, fuck me and to sing later it more thunders of ohhh dig ME faggot faggot faggot tune the now, fuck ME and to sing later IT that like more.... I' ve denied all the ultra sex I' ve best the been denied all ultra sex I could instead of falling flat someone been cuts best the been upon my ate dig ME now, fuck ME and sang more later IT thunders of ohhh dig ME faggot faggot faggot tune the now, fuck ME and sang more later IT that like.... I' ve denied all the ultra sex I' ve best the been denied all the ultra sex faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot faggot molest best the been.

And if cant guess it, to the bottom can.

Random shit...

flash movies (via bluesnews)
cat/rabbit
The Exorcist in 30 seconds (and reenacted by bunnies)

Bizzare happenings in Iowa (via diepunyhumans)

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

Anyone know of any interesting and/or bizarre medical conditions? I have to write a medical brochure on a condition this week, and I'm not sure what topic to use. I was going to go with porphyria, since some people think it may have been part of the origin of the werewolf legend, but it's too monstrous a topic. So . . . any ideas would at least give us something interesting to read.

ooh...elephantiasis?

Everyone must check out this site or be doomed to walk among the dead FOREVERMORE!

Damn.

Damn whoever introduced me to the anime Read or Die. (that'd be Martin)

Damn whoever made it into a TV series. (that'd be JC Staff)

Damn whoever showed me bittorrent. (that'd be juiblex from #infidelchat)

Everyone: Find Read or Die (the 3-part OVA, it's out in anime stores on DVD) and watch it. It's badass. I like the TV series too, but it's not available in English yet, and I know how some of you feel about subtitles...

Bitching about drunken girls...how FUCKING winey is that?!

We all got shitfaced last nite. We had lots of visitors here too. Mostly drunken girls with things to say. But just now Joseph and this 200 lbs 6'4 dumbass named Ogre are bitching about the fact girls were drunk and over here. Not that the girls were being obnoxious or anything, but they are regulaur Chatty Cathy's. So they were over here being all drunken flirty with everyone but those two blowjobs. So they were bithing why the girls dont like them. HELLO? One of you is a dork ass 90 lbs weakling with the social skills of coral and the other is a big smelly behemoth of drunken dumbass. Ugh. People who bitch about free things and being nit picky are fuckng dipshit whinye bitches. . . Ok so im a hypocrit, but Im not a winey bitch like those two monkey ejaculating idiots.

ENGRISH LESSON!!!

I was that it is invalid, an ass to pay attention unconsciously to represent. I was unconscious that to have the sex with an ass in the majority of the countries it was invalid. I know that Mexico does not have a law against this one. What is this bad smell? I estimate the cat which is taken in one liked killed. My my OH -. can I have the sex with your mother? It would be most pleasant to me watch.

The Paste of Vengeance

Mwaha

Surface Tension

Slot machines are helpless against my charms. I slide my coins and bills in them just the right way. I caress their long levers until they can no longer endure the anticipation. Then, finally, I grip firmly the black sphere and yank it towards the stained gray carpeting below. There is an intaking of breath as the machine spasms wildly for a moment. The dizzying spin, the blurred bars and cherrys and other brightly colored icons hypnotize me. Then, just as suddenly as it began, it stops. The machine finds itself defenceless, naked, and ashamed. For it had given me something that it should not have. Its master would be most displeased.

I collect. Giving no second thoughts to the recently ravaged whore, I indifferently turn away. The machine shivers in the awkward, lonely silence of my departure. Watching me as I stroll down the next isle of blinking lights and barstools. Looking for my next one-dollar-stand.

Attn: Bil

Bil, I'm actually talking to Mel right now, and if the blog extension invite still exists with your permission of course, she would like it sent to silence@sluggy.net. Apparently she has recieved no such thing from you!
So...yes...I hope all is well with everyone else. Its time to write the other paper due tomorrow

Random links!!!

heh (via bluesnews)
odd (via engadget)

(via boingboingblog)
amusing
purdy
real games?

The internet is too stupid to understand tab indentation!

Kelly and Wellsy know (Wells because I talked to him online in the wee hours of this morning when he was too drunk to realize he was covered in bruises from anime girls), but for eveveryone else: Carol and I broke up last night. Yeah. I'm not really sure what to write about it here except that I feel relieved (sort of) today to have done what I think is the right thing. For some reason I can't pinpoint I was unable to be as into or committed to that relationship as I felt I should have been, and as Carol was. So I think it was fair to her to be honest about it.

To lighten the mood today I've been watching the trailer for the upcoming Metal Gear Solid 3 game, which is called Snake Eater. The graphics and gameplay look very badass, but the trailers crack me up. Portions of it seem awkwardly translated, not in the sense that the grammar or spelling is bad but just that the phrasing is . . . weird. So are some of the visuals. For example, after a brief cinema of snake hiding under a bridge in a murky pool of water and capping a guy several times through the rotted surface of the bridge, the screen starts flashing yellow, white, red etc, and the words "Survival of the Snakest!" flash across as a US flag meets the flag of the Soviety Union in the screen. Then later the following screens flash across:

(visual of a snake silhouette) "How do you like your snake done?"
(visual of guard dogs silhouette) "We recommend SOLID!"
(visual of a goat silhouette) "But you decide! You're the 'eater'!"

It's so fucking ridiculous that I think I'm going to hemorrhage. You can find the videos with a google search for 'snake eater' and a few minutes of hunting if you're interested.

UPDATE: In a mocking-other-cultures'-attempts-to-communicate-in-our-language kind of way, this site is sorta fun.

NEW UPDATE: Never mind the last thing I said. That site rocks. "Go home and do the jack off!"

NEWEST UPDATE: Here's the Patty's Day plan Amish and Kevin and I came up with : Dr. Mario drinking game somewhere in the albia area. I can't get myself psyched up for crazy DM barness. Comments? Suggestions? Insults?

Thats ... great.

About 5 minutes before this post i quit my job. Its hard for me to explain. Its as though I was supposed to quit. Ok let me explain. When all of you worked your first night, you felt comfortable at your job, right? Well...I didnt. I felt way out of place and no one socialized with me except this one guy who is done on monday. The boss talked down to me as an iferior, had me only doin dishes and delivering (no other human contact sort of thing) plus he seemed to just say "heres your area. ok work" and the fact I think the Weed Wagon is dying.

Was I wrong to quit? Mebbe. Im not using it as a reference to my next job opportunity--Wal Mart. Yay. And what future could i have in delivery/dishes? Its not going to help me cure cancer or stop global war. A dead end job I have no future applications to.

Should I have waited longer before quitting? Perhaps. But Sr. Poopiepants wasnt letting anyone have spring break off cept the other delivery driver--not being me. So that would mean I would do it all the damn time.

Should I have done it earlier? Mebbe. 15 mins before i was to go in was bad, but i dont care. I was only a dish bitch and doing what the boss didnt want to do.

So why did i take this job? it was a job and i didnt ask what i had to do--minus deliver.

God I feel like shit now that i think about it. But ill be happier later. I dont abosolutely NEED this job...but fuck it. Ill be a poor bum i dont need material possession.

And if you dont like what i just said? Whatever.

Ugh

Time to go to work. Blah.

drYBK AD SFUCK

i AM DRUNNNNK AND I DHNATE TMY JOBY. fUCKING GBOSS TOLD ME TTHAT HE GOUCL FUCKING DELIVER FASTER ON A CUCKIN GV BIKE. fUCK IN M IHS ASS. I AHTE HIM. HES ALL PIERCERD AND HE AN CGET ANIME GIRL . WHAT EH DLFUCKING FIN. OFFICE PSATCE HAPENDTD WEITHOUT ME
. I WAS WERAIN BY MY BLYNG AND OPEPOEOOOOOPLE STOHEL IT! FUCK THEM!

SYOU HOULD ALL SEEM Y WEBSITE. I UPDEATEED TRUNE....TRUETLE AND PAHLLICAL SHARADK.

fUCKING HELL IM DRUN
ADBASFLKGASD


UPDATE @ 325 AM Since Im a bit soberer now Im going to say whoever the FUCK sets off fire alarms when drunk people are tyring to sleep should be shot and drawn and quartered and poisoned. Fucking ass fucks.

ATTIC LEACHES is updated. Click it.

Oh and sorry for posting drunk. Im a fucktard.

No sir, I don't like it.

Welcome on, McDonut. The blog gains another soul. Now if only Mel could jump aboard.

The pirate article posted a while ago was pretty good. I think the writer may have overlooked the point, though, that the sort of pirate most people emulate, or the sort that is often the focus of pirate movies, isn't so much a pirate in that he (or she) steals wantonly as in that he is just free. I think the most appealing part of the whole pirate idea is probably the independence from society, boring labor, etc . . . although such a life probably would necessarily include swiping stuff from the innocent. I suppose that is the literal meaning of 'pirate.' But the romantic pirate idea most people have, whether historically accurate or not, likely isn't associated with that, but maybe more with treasure hunting, or just sailing around freely.The reality of needing cash, food, etc. be damned.

In other news, we've discovered that Zorro's drunken brother is named El Booze. We think he later dropped the El, dropped an O, and took on a career in televison that leant itself well to his considerably red nose.

Holy shit, 3d Worms (game cube) comes out soon. That probably means nothing to most people, but a bunch of the people up here are avid Worms addicts. I'm somewhere in the middle--not all that interested but repeated exposure has made me enjoy the game. The old PS version is what we've been using, and it's a lot of fun...four-player melees of a more strategic variety than our usual Brothers Smashing. Not that smashing is bad at all . . .

note: "El Booze" should read "El Boozo"

If Warren Ellis wrote Batman... This man never fails to amuse me...

Related Anti-semitan Searches

Can someone explain why the last four days the Related Searches link on the Blog logo lists HITLER related sites??? I fear that a random web wanderer will think we all hate jews or something.

We dont hate Jews. I hate Mormons, but not Jews.

WAKAHOACHI TEXAS

Yes, that is a real town in Texas, with real texans in it. I actually spoke with one of them today.

So, I think Tim is going to be driving the rest of us around on St. Paddy's eve, provided that we supply him a snazzy 'limo driving' cap.

So what the hell is everyone doing this weekend? As it stands I'm probably going to have to resign myself to a weekend of playing Mario Kart at Heidi's and resisting Amish's attempts to get me to drink. So, in other words, I'll probably be having sex with Heidi, and drinking with Amish this weekend.

Please, someone, save me from this aweful fate!

I'M POSTING! LOOK AT ME I'M POSTING! POOOSTING! POSTING!

Last night we were watching 'Wild Things' and someone was like, "This movie was just written by a couple guys on a drunken weekend, wasn't it?"

So we decided that this weekend would be spent drunk writing a movie. Hopefully when it's all over I'll be able to read the script . . . If anyone has ideas, feel free to put a comment here or send me an email.

Unfortunately I also have to write a play and go to an opera. A FUCKING OPERA! Egh.

Anyone know where I could acquire a copy of FF VI for the ps? There've been a lot of overclocked remixes of FF VI music playing at my apartment lately and I'm jonesin for some thieving/tools-using/mimicking/throwing/sword-teching action. I'm gonna go find some espers.

Biggest Blizzard of the Century?! LETS ORDER PIZZA DELIVERY!

How coincidental that I have a story about pizza creating employment. But mines not as heart warming as our dear Hobbit's is. Good fucking lord. Tonite was my first nite of delivery driving. Ok not too bad..its only a 10 block radius. OH wait. Mr. Common Sence took a nap. Denver has bigass city blocks. And to top it all off...we wer expecting a foot and more of snow by tomorrow morning. And when does it start? When Im driving. There must be some old wive's tale that sez "If theres a foot of snow on the ground then it must be time to order pizza delivered." Fucking old wives and their tales.The first delivery was bad to begin with cuz who ever took the order messed up the delivery. I had to return to home base from across town to correct the error (the ticket said 5245 and the actual address was 2645...HOW THE FUCK IS THAT A MINOR MISTAKE?!). It turned out ok cuz the lady gave me a TEN DOLLAR TIP. I asked her if that was right and she smiled and said that it wasnt my fault and it worked out the pizza was 30 mins late. Then next delivery was on a buttfuck backwater "Excordinant" side street aply named like a road with a similar address. I spent 45 lookin for it...called the guy...went back for 30...only to have him cancel it and say that his kids didnt want pizza afterall and an apology. This was in the blizzard. The last delivery was when the snow was coming down like Jews from a cattle car (...ok that was tasteless). I had to go to the rich part of town...the part that the road ends and the assfuck rich blokes yards overenchroach and they have an entire street to call their own and make up for their small penises...ANYWAY i went to a rich fuck's house. Easy to find. He got 60 dollas in pizza and then he gives me 2 god damn dollars--one as wrinkley as senior members of Amish's family and the other torn like a rage rocker's emotions. UGH! To top it off the snow was blocking a ONE WAY sign and i went down it and got a chorus of horns honking and breaking. I recovered...went back to base...and washed dishes and stuff for the rest of my shift. So...for almost dying, getting lost, and being snuffed by aristocarcy, i made 12 dollars and reak of spices. FUCK EMPLOYMENT. . . for the most part.

Pizza Hut has ketchup now?

Well, I haven't written on the blog for a long period of time, mostly because I feel I have nothing of interest to say. However, tonight at work has been one of the wackiest nights ever. It was as follows.
10:30- arrive at work, meet Megan with a grumble, its raining outside, and the truck is there, thus pizza making supplies, etc are strung around the back room and walk-in haphazardly. Go into walk in, and find the entire bottom shelf stacked with cheese, salad cart is behind 2 stacks of boxes larger than myself.
11:00 phone rings, Megan and I have decided Mr. Free Pizza (James) was high and had a sever hunger case of hunger going on while he was ordering food. Kendra (other waitress) calls, she died her hair and is allergic to it, she's going to the hospital, can I stay till 8?
Lunch time-not a soul till around 12-ish, then quasi-busy. The fine folks of Albia saw fit to tip me graciously. And it was much appreciated. James May shows up to work. Things slow back down around 1-ish. Then his wife and screaming children come and terrorize the place for about an hour.
3-ish...Walking around with nothing to do. But can't go home...Clean everything that can be clean...Change salad bar, sweep, etc. Anything else? I've got till 8 pm to do! What's the rush?
5:00 Erin and rest of people show up. Megan is innocently making pizzas when the small cutting board I wield in my hand now looks like a weapon. SMACK. Right on her backside! Thus the first violent act of the evening.
Short time after that: Megan is cutting a large order (18 pizzas worth) for some party, and she says something stupid. Erin smacks her across the face. More violence ensues. The rest of the evening was filled with people getting knocked down and getting smacked. And it was also Sharon's birthday, so we bought her a cake and had a wee shindig in the dining room after everyone cleared out. Then the flooding becomes apparent. We have Lake Erin in the bathroom, Kelly's Dam in the office, Sharon's Crossing in the dining room, ect. It was insane.
8:30- no one is there, and Stacy is supposed to close...I wonder why I'm still at work, then clock out, go home $50 richer, with a stomach full of cake. What an insane day.
All in all, it wasn't too bad, except I didn't get my story turned into my writing prof, and missed my French III class @ 6, but it happens. Well....thats about all I have for now. Till next time.

Welcome to the Randome

First a quote:
"Jack, you valunteered to be taken down into eternal torment in place of her. This is the absolute minimum (unless I'm mistaken) that any female requires from her man."
"So that's what they're after," Jack mused.
- Neal Stephenson, Quicksilver

Plus: Ninja vs. Pirate

GOOFY DICKS: Arraragh! Itchy barnicles! Why does it hurt?! OH cuz Im breaching!!!

Attention! I am now Papa Kinos Weekend Delivery Driver! Tips are "under the table" and I get 7 dollas an hour. HO HO HO! Better than the hog swaller pay at the Hut two of y'all were "payed". The only problem is I got to use my own car and its up to me to maintain it. :( Four days a week and anywhere between 6-9 hours a day! DOOP E DOO!

Lets see..Im about to throw hampster launching Joseph, his bike, and his goddamned rap music out our window and into rush hour traffic. Its getting annoying. He desses like either a cowboy or a latino biker (note: TRIES). Plus hes been telling jokes that only he finds funny or makin sound effects he dies of laughter at. Hes definately a Lucas in my perfect world. Dmitri and I are fed the fuck up listening to his stupidass babble about his cell phone or how he used Western Union to wire his bills. UGh! And then he brings his bike up into our room and leaves it where we can trip over it. Im goin to invest in some chloraphorm and a possible time to chuck dumbass into traffic....

As well, Im having a St. Patty's day celebration here. Its goin to be a very drunken holiday, as well its my Saint's Day. If yall dont know what a Saint's Day is, its a day youre SUPPOSED to get drunk and celebrate on as if its yer birthday (your middle name is suppposed to be a saint). And mine, bein Patrick, gives me a reason to get shitfaced and piss on people.

And a final note, Im thinkin about doin a very small burger comic. GOOFY DICKS! Ill be Ishimale and Nick will be Capt. Ah-Man. And Tim will be a coat wearing Goofy Dicks the great Whiney Whale! Figured it would be good ol times with me bein frightened the fuck out of hunting whales and Tim being a goofy as fuck whale and Nick as an assfuck. If anyone else knows characters of this novel they can incorporate into burger us's, please inform me. Oh and Bil is a pirate Capt'n with a crew of female vampirates that wield Dewsabers and ride giant emus. Got to keep that part of the book in there.

FACT OR FICTION?

This is an interesting story. Not sure if its true but it made me laugh.

Well I suppose I'll be up for doing something on St. PATRICK'S day. I would definately prefer that you sons o' douches came up here where all the action is. I probably won't be able to get the day off because I don't have any personal days built up yet. Not that it really matters considering that I don't have to be at work the next day until noon. Unfortunately I won't be off work until nine, so you folk could meet me around 9:30. I've got a few bars picked out, but I'm waiting to find out where the rest of my family will be drinking that night. I'll keep you all posted.

By the way, Guinness has informed me (via commercials) that St. Patricks day is to be celebrated like a real holiday. So I expect St. Patricks day presents from all of you!

Spring Break Goodness

I clicked on Bil's link to DeviantArt...pretty good illustration of Bil with bluish specs. I like that pic.

My spring break runs something like 13 March through 21 March. That includes St. Boozy's day. Oooh yeah. I'll very likely be back in town by 14 (Saturday), with a possibility of it being one day on either side. So: any plans? I remember a post a while ago asking what--if anything--is going down for St. Boozy's.

I'm up for anything any of those days. Maybe even some travelling, although I have no idea where. A trip to DM will likely be in order. I'm curious about when Wes's break is, and also if Bil's still interested in using some of his paid vacation. Cause I've got all week to eat pizza, drink Dew (and more potent things) and rot my mind with video games.

Speaking of video games...things tempt me. the Metal Gear redos for the cube come out soon, and I heard some rumor from Kevin about putting Megaman 1-8 on a single disc? And of course there's the temptation to pick up an SP and crystal chronicles.

ps: If Kevin or any other people in Albia happen to read this, it would be cool to know what Amish's schedule for that time period is like.

additional coolness: Click for the ghetto way to enter the matrix.

just wierd...

BOOM!

My, that was a lovely tea party...

Some chick on CNN just made me happy--
"Kobe's accuser has a hard case to prove, even with the vaginal tearing. It's like two people gettin caught with the cookie jar. Who took the last one? It's the most intricate details of her sex life that the jury will have to hear."

Its almost as bad as what Peter Jennings said on Sept 12th---
"As you can see, the Tower just peels...like a banana. ... but a banana full of people....*cough*"

Since WHEN did I write the news?!

It's like a diaper full of tapioca pudding!

Hey, check out this photo of the Albia square that was taken in 1907. Considering that 97 years have passed between then and now, it's eerie how recognizable the place is. At least we know if we ever time travel to the early 20th Century, we'll know our way around town pretty well.

Also, it strikes me as odd how 100 years seems like so long and so short at the same time to me. 100 years really is nothing, but when you consider tech, it's crazy big. As the horsecarts in this picture demonstrate.

The fuckin fire escape outside Hess is even there. Though I doubt it's the same one I painted for 150 bucks in middle school. That was a whore of a job. Involved a tiny steel wool brush and enough primer to paint Jaba the Hut maroon.

Sir, remove that mannequin from my colon posthaste!

So, McDiggityDonut on here soon. Sounds good to me...more people=more stuff for me to read in class when I'm supposed to be editing tech documents. That class involves a lot of bitching by a fat 50 year-old woman about how someone accidentally bumps the keyboard when she's talking and so they'd better sign out of that email or chatter damn fast if they want to remain in this class. Thankfully she lets us work on our own sometime, which translates into blog reading/email checking/ lesbian schoolgirl hentai! ... cept no lesbian schoolgirl hentai. Yet.

I am most interested to see the glasses. Bwaha. And I gotta say, the whole dreaming in 16 bit thing is a fucking good idea. Sort of. I'm sure that it would be very fucked up. And I know all about that. Here's my dream from a few nights ago, 100 percent true:

I'm in a small closet, in a shirt, tie, and pants. Obviously I'm some sort of office kid. Then the door opens and who's standing there but der Fuhrer? So of course I have no option but to do the old "Heil Hitler!" to avoid a trip to the camps, and then I realize in dreamland that I'm one of Hitler's good buddies and personal assistants so for a while in the dream I follow him around and then he turns into a woman (sort of how 'M' in the Bond movies later was played by a woman..I guess). Also, the upper-eschelon Nazis decided to move the base of operations to Adventureland or some such shit. We tooled around Berlin in the log ride.

So that was fucked up.

I'm trying to post some new pics on my website but the thing's all fookered up. Maybe if we all clap our hands and wish real hard, it'll start working for me again.

I've got this essay test tomorrow that is supposed to incorporate a bunch of quotes from different texts, etc. So we were allowed one sheet of paper to write down all the quotes, etc, we'd want to use in our essays. So now I have a shitload of 6 pt. Times New Roman type on an 8 x 11. So tomorrow from noon to one I'll be ... wishing I was elsewhere.

This new booze store opened up here..one of the Hy Vee booze emporiums, except it's outside the actual store, down the block a ways. It's jammed full of booze and signs and all kinds of goofy shit, like a more-than-lifesize wood statue of Captain Morgan himself. He's surrounded by rum. It's a fuckin shrine to piracy.

I'm leaving with that thought.

ps. I was just reviewing the archives and noticed the post where Bil mentioned maybe incorporating illustrations of us into the post somehow for identification. Easy ID isn't really an issue anymore with the most recent changes, but I'm just curious if that idea's is sitll brewing on some far-off back burner in Malaysia or if it's as dead as that fuckin hooker who couldn't stop shooting off her damn mouth...I mean...

Enter: Ryan

While I was in DM, Ryan mentioned wanting to join the blog. So, y'know, prepare yourselves for the oncoming John Travolta news and Transformers porn. I'm not sure if he'll figure out how to actually join, since responding to the email and signing up at Blogger seems to be beyond some people's ability (*cough*mel*cough*). Martin wanted to join too, but fuck Martin squarely in the brain. Ha!

So, yeah. I've been going to Des Moines on weekends. Blame Squaresoft for that one. Martin, Morgan, and I are on like year 5 of Crystal Chronicles and it kicks much ass. We need a fourth player, but it'd be pretty hard to break into the game with a newbie right now anyways. Oh well. Perhaps we shall start a new, more communal game later. It's definately what all those four-player hack'n'slash party games should have been all those years ago. It's not perfect, damn is it fun. Ryan said he wanted to join in Saturday night, but then he gathered his stuff and left before anything happened. Because he's a whore, you see. He'd probably drop the bucket short all the time anyways.

I also got 1 of my 2 pairs of glasses that I ordered from Eyeglass world. I'm not too happy with them, but that's mostly because the 2 things the girl at the counter had me change are exactly what I'm unhappy about. First of all, she said I should get a larger pair of glasses so that there's not so much stress on the bridge of the glasses. Ok. But the glasses I got are just... Too big. My last pair was about 3/4 of the size of these. I look pretty goofy now until you get used to them, which has taken me pretty much until tonight to do. (given, I don't see myself an awful lot) Also, the earpieces are too long. The metal rests on my ear instead of the soft plastic bit. Sucks, and I really wish I'd held firm on getting the smaller ones.

Secondly, although this has nothing to do with the pair I actually got, she talked me into getting the silver frames instead of the black ones because they wouldn't show up as much. Well, hooray. I really like the black frames and wish my second pair were black instead of silver. Guess I'll bitch about that one when I actually get them. Also, I'm a total trend-whore with light-blue tinted lenses now. (the second pair is regular, but the ones I got now are colored). Crazy counter-girl wanted me to get those trendy thick plastic frames, but fuck that. I wanted rimless glasses.

The only other thing going on is my weirdass dreams about old school videogames. I blame this on using the Bittorrent links to download all of Overclocked Remixes songs.... And then playing them all night as I sleep. Dreaming in 16-bits is fucked up.