Tuesday, May 31, 2005
"It belongs in a museum!" ---"So do you. Kill him."
After watching all three Indiana Jones movies this weekend, I really wish that I had Professor Jones teaching here at AiC. It wouldnt just be badass to take Archeology 101, but think about Indiana Jones for a minute. Im pretty damn sure he wouldnt be able to stay an entire school term without going on some sort of hair brained adventure to retrieve the sword of Siegfried or Noah's ship. I dont even have to mention how many times "Nazi involvement" would be part of said outings. And hell, itd be an easy class cuz all youd have to do is paint "I Love U" on yer eyelids. As well, Dr. Jones would NEVER be there to grade or take attendance or anything. A well worthy BS class if I must say so.

EDIT: Has anyone heard of this? Its a mod for Halo on the computer but with Zelda 64 graphics. Wicked as hell.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Critical 20! You are dead...
If you all are sick of the mundane world of online gaming and want a new, fun, and addicting sort of tabletop game then I have the answer you may be seeking. Its called Heroscape. If any of you are familiar with Spuds Emporium and wandering around aimlessly as Ryan/Nick would haggle with Spuddus Maximus, you prolly saw Warhammer figurines and the like. Heroscape plays sort of like FF Tactics and Warhammer, but not quite. Think of it as dumbed down for teenagers but fun for anyone. I was sceptical at first, fearing it was another version of Risk (I hate Risk now due to LotR Edition that lasts up to 4 hours) but I ended up owning the 2 people who own the game when I played. Its even better when you have 2 full sets because the board, which is totally customizable, becomes huge and the character choices are large & in charge. I recommend you toil away at the aformentiontioned website and see if it tickles your fancy. No, not that fancy. Pervert...

Oh. June 18th. Why cant thee get here sooner?!
Friday, May 27, 2005
You're the man now, Nintendog
Some interesting stuff coming from E3:

The Nintendo Revolution will be wireless and online. Backwards compatible with the Gamecube and even has 'cube controller ports. Online service (comparable to Xbox Live! apparently) will be completely free, and they're including all NES, SNES, and N64 games for download online. Dunno if that will be free, probably not, but Nintendo is in talks with 3rd party developers to get their old school games up for download as well. Even if you have to pay a small fee for each game: Fucking wow. You could play every Mario game (except for handhelds?) in a row or something. Infuckingsane.

Revolution's first title announced: Super Smash Bros: Revolution. Oh hell yeah. Supposed to be online, too.

Mario Kart DS is slated to come out sometime soon as well. Supposedly has all the tracks from Super Mario Kart, Mario Kart 64, Double Dash, and even the Advance version. Every track. More characters, and using the DS wifi, you'll be able to play it online.

These things are good.

Unfortunately, that's pretty much all I've got going for me.

Work really sucks, but I've got a 3 day weekend for Memorial Day. That means one day of pure sleep, methinks..

There's a Renaissance Festival this weekend apparently. Morgan and I are planning to go on Saturday, I think. Anyone that wants to join us is welcome to. Can't promise Morgan won't cut you for touching him though.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Here's Your Travelling Update
Kevin's unwilling to go to Denver. But he says he also probably can't take any days off for the trip. And he works Friday nights. Meaning we leave Saturday and come back Sunday. Or Monday, maybe?

But he might get a new job, where he'd be able to take a day off.

Anyway, maybe we could do a trip with Kevin at some point where we don't go far, and a seperate trip for people who can take a couple days off.

Either way, saving a longer journey for mid-July works better for me. Nothing really draws me to St. Louis, but Ozarks is decent, and Chicago has a badass museum with a walk-in pharaonic tomb replica. So maybe that doesn't appeal to anyone else. Well, F yourselves! In the F hole!

And maybe a Saturday night/Sunday night/come back Monday thing isn't that terrible? That would be Kevin compatible:

Here's the rundown on what I can compile at this point:

Denver: Dave wants us to come. Kevin says nay.

Ozarks: Ryan's not really interested. I'm sort of fence riding here.

Chicago: This has a museum. A...booze museum. And all the guards are women in booze-labelled lingerie. Really I'm not sure if there's much there for me either.

We're going to New York. It's decided.

Update: After noticing that Goathead suggested Minneapolis--I sort of like that idea, and Ryan says "it would be interesting."

--

So the most important things at this point are:

1) Is a 25 June date good for everyone but me? Because it's not really bad for me--i'd just like a bit more time for money saving.

2) Will Kevin's schedule work? The leave Sat, come back Mon thing?
Um...
So anyway. I am not dead. In other news I have a bachelors degree. I will be in Lovilia for the forseeable future. Thanks for getting ahold of me and the congradulations and whatnot. Bastards.

Right, well you guys should like try to include me in your things. Cause Lovilia is far, from everything, and lonely. Amish isn't even around to hang out with any more. It is all sad making and the like. If that wasn't enough, I'm writing the post on DIALUP. Yeah, thats right. For a few more days anyway the internet usage is rather akin to pain.

So anyway, I'm out in to this damnable "real world" thing now. It feels similar, but more shitty. Theres all kinds of arbitrary crap that I need to do, but people are a lot worse about letting me know what they are. BLAH! I say. Anyway, if any of you kiddies find yourselves in the vicinity feel free to make contact. I haven't even seen Star Wars yet, thats how out of touch I am...

Now I'm going to try to amuse myself for a bit before the sleeping occurs...
I am still alive...
Well, I haven't posted for quite some time, so I thought I would give you all and update on what's going on in my little world.
I aced all my finals for 2nd semester, and got A's in all my classes. Yay me.
Moved all back home, etc, and that's going all right, but as you all know no one is in Albia, and there's nothing to do either, so it kind of works out...
Scored a job with Indian Hills and their Upward Bound program and I am teaching 2 French classes and getting paid almost $2,000 for only working 4 days a week, for 6 weeks. I think that is going to be interesting, but it's money, and that's always a good thing.
So, I'm still alive and doing well.
Dave, when you come back here, are you going to pick up the computer? Just let me know so I can have it all ready for ya. (I'll reformat the hard drive and get all my crap off there, so its just like a new computer)
That's all I have for now.
Hope all is well with everyone else. May you all have fun Friday night celebrating with the birthday stuff...
Let's Fuckin Travel!
About the trip:

Now that I consider it, the 25th seems pretty soon. Here's why:

1) There's this policy at my job (which hasn't yet been enforced on me personally) that a month notice is required for days off. This was a bitchy law put into place because a woman had to take the afternoon off after her son broke his arm.

2) Probably it will be hard to get confirmations from everyone on short notice.

3) We haven't chosen a destination yet.

I'll call Kevin tomorrow and ask him about the 25th. I'm a bit afraid that we'll get confirmation from everyone on a date and then at the last minute someone will drop out. I'm guessing Amish is available for any time, as long as there's advance notification.

By the way, how's the weekend after this for the Wes thing?

If Kev can't make it for the 25th, will sometime in July work? Ryan, what's your input?
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
weekend
Right, for you Des Moines locals there be happenings this weekend at the Iowa State Fair Grounds of the not-so-modern variety. It be Ren Faire time! Now I would have completely missed about knowing this if a friend at work hadn't pointed out the Iowa Life section of the DM Register. Anyhow www.festint.com has details and apparently the HYVee on Southside has discount tickets. Faire runs from Saturday to Monday. I will likely be going Saturday as I'll be bloody working the other days. And just a word to the wise, if Andy and Ryan go, do not jump me as I do carry at least one to two additional sharp things at Faires and they don't always get peace-bonded if you catch my meaning. Right, hazzah and I'm off to get ready for work again.
When it's time to party, we will party hard
I have to give a shout out to Kevy pants for letting me upload a bunch of his CDs to my computer. He has quite the collection of good music and I've been enjoying it this week.

After reading Dave's post I started thinking: Maybe we should figure out what we're going to do as our Fab 4 trip this summer. Since it sounded like no one wanted to commit to more than one or two days off of work, I was going to suggest something in a nearby city. Maybe we could go to St. Louis or Minneapolis or Omaha? Basically just drive there, goof around, get trashed, go back to the hotel, call escourt services....that sort of thing. An attraction other than drinking in another city would be nice. Maybe if we could just pick a weekend and then find out what's going on in those cities on that weekend? I would like to suggest the 25th and 26th of June, but we could do it the following weekend (2nd and 3rd of July).

So everyone start scouring the internet for events taking place in a city near us on those weekends. For instance, if the Swedish bikini team is going to be in St. Louis on the 25th...that would be awesome. We could watch Amish's head explode.
Cuz Gansta Ass Tiggas Dont Play
So theres a few things goin on wid me:
I) Car needs to be either flushed clean, filters replaced, computer recalibrated for altitude, coolant replaced, or fuel pump/system replaced. Yay. Thats in the order of cost.
II) If item 1 doesnt remedy my car by when I return, I will have to get Weedwagon v. 3.01. Not my order, but my mere's.
III) I ate a handful of honeybees.
IV) Ive begun to work out. Alone. And mostly on my upper body. Id rather look like Johnny Bravo then like Newt Gingrich.
V) Any plans for the end of June/4th of july? I return to Denver on the 5th or 6th. Whichever I choose.

Also: Follies would be good to start organizing a few ideas.
monki: When I come back, you me and novo should sit down and discuss Zombies.

I also am bartering my friend TC (who went to E3) for a plush Dragon Warrior slime. Its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo precious.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Post-convention blues.
Um..Sorry I didn't stop by this weekend, Dave. I had a car-full (okay two out of the four of us who went)of grumpy-ass people who wanted to do everything their way. And I, of course, am too fucking nice to say "no, dammit, we're gonna do what I fucking wanna do for once."

But...yeah. Sorry. I was hoping you'd drop in....

Just got home from the thing.
Everything's too bloody normal...
Friday, May 20, 2005
Booming and Hucking and Jamming, oh my
Anyone want tickets to Tony Hawk’s Boom Boom Huck Jam? It's July 14th at the Wells Fargo Arena. I don't even know what a Boom Boom Huck Jam is. But if Tony Hawk is involved, its gotta be something cool, doesn't it? Anyway, I can get you five dollars off the normal ticket price if you want to go.

Isn't that a sweet deal? You will probably get to see Tony Hawk, you'll get to find out what a Boom Boom Huck Jam is, and you'll get all that booming and hucking for the low low price of $5-less-than-the-normal-ticket-price!! I spoil you, you know that?

Well, May 19th has come and gone, so I can talk about non-Star Wars-related stuff. The problem is, I've still been thinking about Star Wars like 24/7 so I'm not sure what else to post about. So check out the Star Wars version of The Last Supper.

I know it sounds like blasphemy, but I think I like the Clone Wars cartoons better than the (prequel) movies. An insane postulation, I know, but I really loved those cartoons. The movies are great, especially the most recent installment, but there was just something about the cartoon. Maybe it was how the cartoons had happy endings and lots of action. The movie only had the latter. I don't know, but for whatever reason, I really liked the cartoons.

That's really what got me all hyped-up about Ep. III in the first place. The first edition of Clone Wars came out on DVD, Ryan bought it, I watched it...and it was good. Soooo good. Then, not long after, Cartoon network aired the second edition....and it was also good. Soooo good.

I really wish Lucas would see the true potential in that. I mean, there's three years of Clone Wars story to tell. We can fit that into two seasons of Clone Wars cartoons, can't we? I say we start a petition! WHO'S WITH ME????

*crickets chirping*

Damnit John, cut that out!
It's good to be the Bling.
Tis truely the summer now: 80 degree weather, my car vapor locking, and Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles. And with FFCC comes the Garret songs that came along with it. How can you forget lyrics like "Big fat tits. Big fat tits," or "*thump thump* Big tits *thump thump* big tits." Just truely brilliant. Unlike those days, people here SHARE items and goods. Not horde or steal, like certain beetches.

Which reminds me: five years ago, a gaggle of us graduated today. Freaky deaky. That would mean to Kevin & I today is the 1825th day of the rest of our lives. Someone should call him & inform him of that.

Its going to be 90 today. Hot dog.

MAU: You should visit tonite. AD&D! Free to play!! But if you need to call... 303 824 6053. That is if you havent gotten this message or arent around to get it.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
I about soiled my armor.
Star Wars. Wow. That sucked. Where was the silly antics of Jar Jar Binks? The whole first trilogy was about Jar Jar,and they have to ruin this story arch with a badass movie.

I cried. And pissed myself. But unlike Ryan, not at the same time.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
WARNING!!!
THIS IS A WARNING TO ALL THE GEEKS IN THE GREATER DES MOINES AREA

If you plan to attend the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode III at the Ankeny Theatre: KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT!!!

Occasional cheering and gasps of amazement will be acceptable. However, any attempts to make running commentary, discuss important plot points, or flaunt your knowledge of Star Wars in any verbal form will be met with a severe (and creative) ass whipping.

For instance: If you were to say, "Oh my gosh, Yoda just totally got zapped with force lightning! I can't believe it." You will be shot with a tazer.

Or, if you feel the need to let us know that "this is the part where Mace Windu warns Obi-Wan that Palpatine can't be trusted." You will be beaten with a mag light and maced in the eyes.

Punishments will be inventive, painful, and often fatal.

You have been warned.

ps If you happen to be those little bastards that sat behind us during X-Men 2 and I see you anywhere near Ankeny tomorrow night; I'm going to hang you from a bridge, by your balls, using fishing twine.

You fucks.
Monday, May 16, 2005
What should we do with this nice house in West Des Moines, Mr. Christopher? Burn it. BURN IT TO THE GROUND!!!
Here's some more Herodotus. This is your Classics education. Today's story is about Otanes, who came back to his home country only to have it ransacked by the dirty Persians. Actually, the natives had it coming. But anyway, after Otanes was one of the only survivors left in the land:

"Otanes contracted some disease of the genital organs and that, in conjunction with a dream he had, induced him to repopulate the place."

Anonymous source at my apartment right now satirizing Herodotus's style of history: "And she had four gigantic breasts, each more gigantic than the last."

I made some rocket fuel coffee. Double dose! Delicious and disgusting at the same time.

Heard a radio commercial about the health benefits of breastfeeding your child. It was seventy's music and an Isaac Hayes-voiced man. I swear I heard this: "Hey, I'm just talkin bout breast feedin!"

And when's the Land of the Dead theater date? We really should do the zombie marathon.
This is about seven shades of retarded right here....
Well. On my way to get some chicken strips, I had a flash of stupidity. You all have cameras of the digital persuasion. I can easily get one. So Im goin to ask again for you all to help with a project of mine. Not for classes, sillies. Just take pictures of the nerd roundups Wednesday nite at the midnight showings. then send em to me (the red cow in spanish at hot mail dot com) and Ill belittle the damn nerds on attic leaches. I heart Sarahs to death but theres enough Jesus adventures on there to offend the entire bible belt. And if theyre late...'s ok.

I also can clearly state and make it a matter of public record I will be comin back to Iowa on JUNE 18th.
OpusFest
Dave.
Opus.
This weekend.
4-points.

Friends and I have reserved a room, so worry not of accomodating us.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
As if I wasn't freaking excited already, then I read this....
My dick feels like it's on fire. It isn't really on fire. I threw a glass of water down my pants just to be sure. So, I only have two other options: 1) I caught a rare disease that makes your dick feel enblazed, 2) Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is debuting in three days.

I'm hoping it's option deux.

This is a good review of the aformentioned movie.

Ryan has the squirting Jabba toy and I just thought of a great use for it. I could fill it with water and squirt my assistant with it whenever I felt she needed squirted. That would amuse the piss out of me.
*** You got a mace! ***
Holy fuck. Episode III is debuting on Wednesday!

Ryan has tangible tickets for you all...right?
Shorn.
Got my hair cut the other day.
Kind of a big deal...to me, anyways.
My hair, until recently, reached nearly down to me bum.
Had 14 inches removed.
Donated it to cancer-riddled hairless children.

Yep.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Lord Vader commands you to eat at Burger King!
Go to Target.com and play the Star Wars games they have. There's a Battle Name Confabulator (or something like that) and a scene maker. Or don't go to target.com. Be lame. See if I care!

There's a Burger King commercial featuring Darth Vader facing off with "The King." That plastic-looking king statue with the creepy grin. Vader does his breathing thing and the King breathes really heavy in his typically creepy manner. I'm really freaked out by that King. I was really hoping the commercial would end with Vader whipping out his saber and cutting that goofy grin clean off the Kings face. But alas, that senario only lives in my twisted imagination.
m f s
The last couple of days have really been trying of patience. First I was thoroughly enjoying myself listening to the rain and such yesterday and then go to retire to my room in the early hours of morning only to step into a two inch puddle that resembled the entry to my room. Cleaned part of it up then and some more after sleeping for a while. That sucked a fair bit.

Then not forty minutes ago I here to loud splatty raps at the front window. I first thought something that had been drug out of the flooded closet downstairs had fallen over but no, someone had thought to generously apply velocity to eggs and leave them across the front of our domicile. This seems to me to be a directed attack. Shits been happening to Martin's pickup and to some extent some things have been dumped on Bil's car. Those being along the street I chalked that up to possible random acts of drive by stupid. But stopping to chuck eggs at this house and not some other along the block makes me wonder. I'm not happy with the idea of someone targeting us, even less for not having seen any of these people and not knowing for what slight they are reacting too. All I know is I'm tired of being in cold water, first on the floor and then from trying to hose some of the scrambled villainy from the facade. And I'm feeling mean, I want to find the culprits and assist the Darwinian selection process. But now I'm going to bed, I'm weary with the speculations and suspicion that events like these evoke.

Have a better one-
Friday, May 13, 2005
Goan make me a lightsaber...you betcha
Now, I know that no one who reads this blog smokes pot and that we are all law-abiding people, but I wanted to link to a couple of things I found interesting/funny.

This article/rant/conspiracy theory contains a few bits of total bullshit and quite a lot of stuff that is strictly opinion, but some of the facts that it lists (if true) are pretty impressive.

I had also seen this site, christians for cannabis, a while back and thought about linking to it, but I guess I got distracted. I probably got the munchies after looking at the site. Either that or I went to church.

Could you imagine going to church and, instead of passing around the collection plate, they pass around a bong? Then the priest/preacher starts talking about Jesus like he was some old, lovable cartoon character. "Yeah, man, that Jesus dude was cool!" Communion time would get hectic because eveyone would have the munchies and one wafer just wouldn't be enough.

I wonder. If someone said that part of their belief system and worship service was smoking marijuana, could they get away with doing it, legally? That would be a popular church. They could call it: First Church of that Far Out Jesus Dude. I think there would have to be evening services every night. Wouldn't that be aweso....errr....totally wrong and not good for the moral stability of the country? Yeah, I mean, what kind of sick sumbitch would try to form a church full of potheads?

I found out via Lightsaber World, and a few other sources, that most of the lightsaber props used in the movies were made from the handles of old flash guns. These were the flash guns that old cameras from the 30's and 40's had attached to them. This page gives a good overview if you're interested.

The types of flash guns used to make the original lightsaber props are really hard to get for a reasonable price. I've seen them going for like $275 on eBay. Some of the other, similar flash guns are not quite as popular and are a lot cheaper. I've won three of them on eBay so far and only paid about....well....we won't get into that. But the point is: Soon my apartment will become a lightsaber-manufacturing sweatshop!

Hey, I needed a constructive hobby, this is as good as any.

If anyone is interested in helping out, this will probably be an evening project. I might work on it a few hours a week, nothing serious. I would really appreciate the help/company/reassurance that I'm not the only person in Des Moines that has gone totally batshit.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
One reason I could plausably be better then Andy
This is a conversation Andy didnt answer.

[20:24] DaveO: neener neener neener!
[20:24] DaveO: i am holding my Episdoe 3 tickets
[20:24] DaveO: HOLDING THEM IN MY HANDS!
[20:24] DaveO: you are crying
[20:24] DaveO: because you dont have tangible tickets
[20:24] DaveO: that you cant hold
[20:24] DaveO: i do!
[20:24] DaveO: I am ...dare i?
[20:24] DaveO: i am making a butterfly out of the tickets!
[20:24] DaveO: oh my pretty Episode 3 tickets butterfly
[20:24] DaveO: she is my friend
[20:25] DaveO: this butterfly made of tickets
[20:25] DaveO: oh how much fun we are having
[20:25] DaveO: and you cant
[20:25] DaveO: cuz you dont have tangible episode 3 tickets!
[20:25] DaveO: ( i typed hah until trillian bleeped and couldnt type anymore )
[20:25] DaveO: hear that?!
[20:25] DaveO: its life
[20:25] DaveO: laughing at you!!!
[20:25] DaveO: ha
[20:25] DaveO: HA
[20:25] DaveO: HAHAH!
[20:25] DaveO: it laughs and discriminates against you cuz you dont have episdoe 3 tickets
[20:26] DaveO: like i do!
[20:26] DaveO: you suck.

Bammo. I have my Episdoe III tickets. In my hands if you didnt pick that up.

Oh, the new MSI cd is soooooooooo sweetass fucking badass. Ass.
More Ancient Vulgarities
From Herodotus' Histories, Book II (on how to usurp the throne):

"Apries, who, hearing of the danger which threatened him, sent Patarbemis, a distinguished member of his court, with orders to bring Amasis alive into his presence. Amasis, however, in answer to Patarbemis' summons, rose in his saddle (he was on horseback at the time), broke wind, and told him to take that back to his master."
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Good links I have for you
Star Wars fan films

Those idiots already got their tickets and they're STILL waiting in line.

At least I'm not so obsessed that I would quit my job and stand/sit/sleep in line for two months waiting for EP III. That would be a sure sign I had no life.

Right now I'm finishing off the first Mountain Dew I've drank in at least a month. I'm not sure exactly how long it's been. I don't know how we drank so many of these things that summer when we hung out at Bill's apartment all the time. That place had empty Dew cans stewn all over the place. We could have melted them down and reformed them into twenty green baseball bats, I'm sure of it.

Now I can barely finish a full can. It's just too sweet. My body can't handle all this sugar anymore. We're probably lucky we didn't all develop diabeties after that summer.

I remember those words on the cans. Has anyone seen anything online about them?


UPDATE: Ohhhh buddy! I was so super pumped when I found this! A small mystery in my life has been solved: What phrase did those damn Star Wars cans make?
Oh yeah Padme...just like that....

Your Star Wars Masturbation Method Is:

Performing the Jedi Hand Trick

Get your own Star Wars Masturbation Method
Your mystery date is......a one-armed pervert!
There are a lot of joggers in Ankeny. A lot of damn joggers. On any given day I see at least eight. Also, days do not pass without multiple offurrences of every emergency vehicle in town firing up and driving right through my face. They're damn everywhere.

Tomorrow Lieutenant Girlfriend is returning and instead of barring I will be cavorting around the moonlit countryside. So if anyone wants to do anything, tonight's the night! Anyone want to come over/up/whatever direction I am from you? Let me know, beetches. Ryan, are you online today?

I'll be out of town the weekend of the 28th.

Woke up this morning at five am, covered in rain water that had infiltrated my window screens. Curses.

Wauson called the other night and we talked for about two hours until my battery gave out.
It will be easy. Easy like cake. A piece of cake. A piece of crum cake! That easy!
Why why WHY??!?!?

My Facebook. This is crack for college kids. And that is the story of my life. Sum'bitch.

Oh. Heres a nifty lil thing too(if it just shows a drawn map switch to satellite) Its what I experience coming home and going back! Take it, I dont drive thru Omaha but go across the bridges located circa 20 miles south...but close enough. This is as exciting as it is! Try it! Move the map along and follow the line. Trust me: itll get boring. Just like it does in real life!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Syooot. Burnsssss. Burns's Ssyoooooot...
Anyone have any idea what Hirstium's Syndrome is? Google has failed me. Which I think really means that the person who asked me to research this failed me.

Here's a passage I just read that reminded me a little of Goathead. Why? Maybe the groin grabbing.

Quoted from Herodotus: (after some dudes decide to leave their home country)

"The king, on hearing the news, gave chase and overtook them; and the story goes that when he besought them to return and used every argument to dissuade them from abandoning their wives and children and the gods of their country, one of their number pointed, in reply, to his private parts and said that wherever those were, there would be no lack of wives and children."

Woooooooooooooooooooooooha. Everyone should be really really glad they didn't live in Ancient Greece--or the ancient world, for that matter. The really important things, like groin groping, survived, while everything else got culled out. We're probably all better off without having to bid for our wives in auctions.
Monday, May 09, 2005
You sicken me with your lies!
You all ought to be ashamed of yourself. In your hype of "full time jobs" and "college payments" and "Episode 3 Pre-ejack", youve forgotten about Mindless Self Indulgence playing in Des Moines on the 17th. Fools. Youve also neglected to tell monki of any plans. You ought to be embarassed of that part--emphasis on bare assed. YOU SHOULD ALL GO! I know Ryan's in the hankering to look cool around Heather, so hopefully hes goin unless hes UnFonough again. :S Im very, VERY dissapointed. Make a plan? Its not like Wes and I live in wierd negaverses where no messages can get through to us. Fuckers.

I had this idea for a Foes episode. Pharaoh gets one of them fat/old people scooters and calls it his "Moveable Throne" and for an entire episode he goes around in one of them and it just complicates the perfect plan. I can just see him hitting a staircase over and over again and screaming "Enhances mobility my Egyptian ass!!!"

Ive been having this bad habit of calling Des Moines Denver and Denver Des Moines Im dumb. Really dumb. Didnt you get my press release? I sent you all press releases on how dumb I am. Then again, I ate most of the press releases I made. Damn, I am dumb....
Cockbruises
Carlson: OHH, wow it's shiny!

Beckett: Umm...isn't that a covey gren....OH SHIT DON'T TOUCH THAT

Carlson: Here, you can have it. (Throws plasma grenade on Beckett.)

Beckett: OH GOD, it burns!!!

*Over to Quincy and Alejandro*

Quincy: What are those two doing? Jerking each other off?

Alejandro: No sir, Carlson seems to be trying to kill Beckett.

Quincy: It doesn't look like he's been very successful.

Alejandro: No, so far he's only managed to give him a few third degree burns and a couple of cockbruises.

Quincy: Cockbruises?

Alejandro: Yes. Cockbruises. Don't you ever get bruises on your cock?

Quincy: I must be hanging out with the wrong women.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SPIELBERG WEEPS AT STAR WARS SCREENING

Spielberg says, "I saw it about a week ago, and it's absolutely amazing.
"It's the best of the last three episodes. It's the best way you could possibly imagine for George to finish it off, it has a tremendous ending and it's very dark. You'll cry at the end, it's wonderful."
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Things that will confuse everyone who wasn't with us last night!
John: Here's a bit of the roughrough script:

BECKETT: He can't really go any lower, sir—

QUINCEY: Then I'm creating a new rank for your skilless noob ass.

BECKETT: ...noob ass?...

QUINCEY: You're demoted to the rank of Underling.

DONNER: Underling?

QUINCEY: Yes…and . . . (thinks) Your new name is Asshat. Underling Asshat.

BECKETT: Sir, I'm not sure you have the authority—

QUINCEY PRODUCES A PISTOL.

QUINCEY: What's that, Sergeant?

BECKETT: …Nothing, Sir. WALKS TOWARD JEEP, TURNS TO DONNER. Well, let's see what we can salvage from the jeep, Underling Asshat.

The rest i emailed to you at your pd account. kinda short for now.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Call upon Yoda
I don't know how these ebay sellers got these incredibly awesome Yoda statues, but I sure would like to. The last one went for about $1000. (I guess one of them says that they got it from a Pepsi distributor.)

Do you want to shit your pants? No? Then don't go to this website. (Takes a long-ass time to load.)

The Star Wars soundtrack has been totally unable to break the horrible, mind-numbing effects of legal documents. I need something stronger. Like one of those new giant Jolt cans. You know, the one's that open like a firecracker and then a tangy fog slowly rises out of the opening. It's like you just opened a container filled with alien eggs, and tiny facehugger is about to come blasting out of the fog and attach itself to your right eye, searching desperately for a cavity in which to plant its larve. But then the fog clears, and you see that it is indeed Jolt. And you drink it, and it is good. And then you wonder why your arm won't stop shaking.
BEHOLD MY COMPUTER SETUP AND TREMBLE
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

I'll be adding to this/editing this (or maybe just reposting this, who knows) later.

For now: TREMBLE!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Skeleton Power!!!
I just took my midterm for typography. Im pretty sure I failed it. But instead of just leaving questions blank...I got creative. Much like Tim did, I just wrote random words down that could be true, but have absolutely nothing to do with typoraphy. For example: Bauhaus are large type of birds that were hunted to extinction by greedy typographers in the late 1700s. Yeah. Crash and burn. I think that I love typography enough to take it a second time.

Anal beads! *runs away very, very fast*
Not if anything I have to say about it.
From now until May 19th I will post only if what I have to say somehow relates to Star Wars.

And hell, might as well start it off with a bang.

Last night I bought the "Sith" soundtrack and I must recommend it. I liked Menace's soundtrack, I thought that Clone War's soundtrack was pretty good and I would put this one on the top of the list. It doesn't have any tracks that really jump out at me, but the tempo and intensity of it make it a really great listen.

I bought the soundtrack, in part, as a sort of placation to the consumerist little kid in me that wants to buy every Jedi figure on the rack. I was caught last night, by two attractive young ladies, intensely studying some of the larger, more statuesque figures of Obi-Wan and Anakin in lightsaber-duel poses. At that point I had to force myself to walk away from the toy department. One rational, adult voice in my head saying, "You're almost 23 years old, you do not need to buy any action figures." Another saying, "But they're SOOO FUCKING COOOL!" Oddly enough, the other voice sounded a little like Ryan.

So the big news for me this week came from Kevin Smith's blog. I caught about twenty seconds of an interview he was doing while I walked past one of the TVs at the gym. The only information I got out of it was that he had seen the new Star Wars, had really enjoyed it and had posted a review on his personal blog. That was all I needed to know.

I didn't read his entire review because it has quite a few spoilers, but one paragraph was enough to convince me that this movie is not going to be at all dissipointing. "Revenge of the Sith” is, quite simply, fucking awesome. This is the “Star Wars” prequel the haters have been bitching for since “Menace” came out, and if they don’t cop to that when they finally see it, they’re lying. As dark as “Empire” was, this movie goes a thousand times darker..."

And this is coming from someone who, I thought, was pretty vocal about his dislike for the first two prequel movies.

He goes on to say "Ian McDiarmid and Ewan McGregor steal the show, but Hayden Christensen silences any naysayers who wrote him off as too whiney in “Clones”. This is the flick that feels closest to Episodes 4, 5, and 6, because - for the first time since “Return of the Jedi” - there is a clear villain."

And finishes nicely with "Look, this is a movie I was genetically predisposed to love. I remember being eight years old, and reading in “Starlog” that Darth Vader became the half-man/half-machine he was following a duel with Ben Kenobi that climaxed with Vader falling into molten lava. Now, twenty six years later, I finally got to see that long-promised battled - and it lived up to any expectation I still held. I was sad to see the flick end, but happy to know it’s not the end of the “Star Wars” universe entirely (I’ve read stuff about a TV show…). “Sith” doesn’t happen; “Sith” rules."

I still don't want to get my hopes too high, but damn...I'm excited.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Dude, when Kirk tells you to go into the bathroom and look at the Captain's Log....don't.
Got a job! Woot.
And...surprise-surprise...it doesn't involve delving into a great, deep hole in the earth where Dwarves of yore banged on shit with hammers and other manly impliments of rocky destruction.

No. It involves driving rich asses from the local regional airport to Telluride (abbreviated form of "Too hell you ride"...either that or an obscure mineral. Like tellurite, only not. Kinda like manganese. Sounds a bit like mongoose...but it's not. Um...right.)

Yeh. Anywho, I get 27% of whatever I drive. Locally, that tends to cuk, as we only charge, like, 6 bucks to get a person from point a to point b here in Montrose. But...it's $120 a pop to get to Telluride. Nigh-on 30% of that is quite the tastey number. Not to mention all the hot, rich, T-ride hunks putting their very lives in my hands. Heh. Get kind of a kick from that.

Roomies were watching Mary Shelly's Frankenstein the other night. Sat my ass down to watch a bit of it, myself and...Holy Shit. That was John Cleese. John Administrator of the Ministry of Silly Walks Eric the Half-a-Bee Dead Parrot Sit On My Face and Tell Me that You Love Me Hail Hilter Albatross Machine that Goes Bing Leg Bitten Sort of Off We've Got Alot of Books here I'ts a Bookshop Go Away or I'll Taunt You a Second Time Cleese.
Not to mention Ian Holm, Robert DeNiro, Aidan Quinn and a few others worth mentioning.
Good movie.
John Cleese.
End Transmission.

All dark and mysterious and serious and stuff.
Just a reminder
May is Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. Have you hugged an Asian Pacific American latley?

Also, go here and watch the new Star Wars music video. Warned have you been, a new pair of pants you may need.
*** You got a yoyo! ***
Startropics...what a screwed up game. You save the world...using a yoyo and ray guns.

So yeah. Midterm week for me. This means I got projects to work on. As well, it means Ill wait till the night before to even start a project, stay up all damn night, then turn it in and somehow manage a 75% or higher. Does it mean Im that damn good? No. It means I know how to pull things out of my hind quarters and make them Fabrige' Eggs. Apparently now I only owe the school about $193. Thats a relief. But for how long....?

Episode III. Whoooot! I hear Darth Maul returns in a flying hover part for his lower body and Jengo Fett comes back as a wierd party game where you remove wooden blocks from a tower then kill Jedi accordingly. I need to stop inhaling marker fumes.

Ryan: Transformers Energon burns my eyes and hurts my face. How can you say it was redeemable?! They just needed a pit crew of 12-14 yr olds and some sort of bleep-bloop robot to round off the sodomy package.