My Next Project

I am attempting to make portraits of all my characters. Something like this, only more in order. Too bad I have a giant repertoire of characters.

When I say all my characters, I mean all. I'm pulling characters out from waaaay back in the day. Rico Perez and PHIL days, if some of you remember those names.

Fuck that. Let's all put our money together to get 1.25 million dollars and then live on this!

So, I've been thinking about buying an island and living the rest of my days out there because people have been annoying the hell out of me. Just now while thinking about this again and realizing I will never have enough money to buy an island, the Beatles' Yellow Submarine came on. Thus, I'm thinking it would be much cheaper to buy a submarine. There's room for 45, who's with me? Never mind, this one is much better. Torpedo!

If you're wondering about our cat: she becomes more kickass with every day

Dave, it can't be that bad! Unless you shot someone. I was going to write, nothing's ever really over unless you shoot someone, and sometimes not even then, but then I thought, what if you did shoot someone.

Did you?

I parked on the street last night in a 2-hour (daytime) slot and got there with but two minutes to spare this morning. Not one but two! dorky bicycle pseudocops leaned on their rides on the sidewalk looking repeatedly at their watches as I approached and then rode off looking embarrassed as I keyed in and started the engine. They were too silly-looking to mess with, but as I walked up I considered saying these things:

"Not today, chiefy."

"I'll get you next time, Gadget!"

"Until we meet again."

Oh, they're such bastards! I appreciate parking enforcement of some kind in a congested area, but if it's so open that they can idle around cars that are approaching a time limit, maybe the parking isn't really an issue at that moment.

Guess Who Messed Up A Good Friendship?

I did. And sorry just won't cut it...

Pissy McCrabpiss

No news from Nickelodeon involving my cartoon. I'm guessing that I did NOT get accepted. I was rather pissy earlier today involving this topic and well...piss moan and complain later I'm going to deal with it.

I also did a freelance drawing and was expecting to be paid for it earlier this week. Four days later, the client will not pay me. Apparently, telling me the picture was perfect Friday and promising me payment by Tuesday actually means that it was not approved and it was completely not what she was looking for. This news was also received this morning, beginning my pissiness.

I got recommended to someone in Portland Oregon, who is going to contact me next week about a possible illustration and logo design job. Portland is not Seattle, but it's definitely not Albia.

I also found $20 today, which unbitched my attitude.



And so on.

What to do with kitty when she's been bad

You could always make a kitty burrito if you feel like Mexican. Just watch it with the hot sauce.
Or just make some kitty California rolls. Dibs on the end piece.

Cat wrestling

During the Glorious Week of My Return there was some talk (ample during moments of the wedding reception) of online ODSTing. As some of you know, I had to pass on the video gaming last night due to a faulty internet connection. We suspected that something was wrong with the wires in the building, which was the problem before, but do you know what the real problem was? It was that my cat ate the internet.

So now I have bought a little plant for the cat to chew on, and have also sprayed catsbane on the modem cables. While looking for other ideas, though, I found this gem of pet ownerly wisdom:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhPsiECCAOGwuL53F0_UZIDK7BR.;_ylv=3?qid=20090923100818AAeqnUC

A Graphic Illustration of Kevin's Wedding

For those who were unable to attend, this is what it looked like.

Look what you missed...

Another week of activities, and I am exhausted and melancholy. Graaagh!

What Happens Next?

I got a professional massage. Then, we looked at a professional Anime store.

Soon, I will see professional Moroccans doing a professional dance. Then, my professional ass is getting on a red-eye and flying to a less-than-professional Des Moines, to where someone needs to be professional and pick my ass up. Professionally. At 9:37 am.

Professional.

Today's Post is brought to you by Alcohol.

I went and saw the Troll. Also, saw Lenin. Did not see Bruce Lee or Hendrix. I did see the statues from Say Anything. Also, ate some Indian food. It is like an orgasm in your mouth with optional cuddling afterwards.

Later, went to see a comedy show. First guy sucked, second guy was black so he was funny, the headliner was amazing. He made a reference to Scrooge McDuck.

I just gave some sort of speal about weak minded assfucks. I am drunk.

Ejaculating Like a Sprinkler

I went wandering around downtown Seattle yesterday afternoon. I got lost in Chinatown and I realize that every alley smells the same: ungodly. The Space Needle was equally a donkey show that every tour group decided to see the exact hour I wanted to, which led to the soonest opening to see the 520 at the least two hours away. I settled for the Science Fiction Museum next door, which fulfilled my nerdiness.

In the evening, I went to see Reel Big Fish and Suburban Legend. It was god-tier awesome. Although, stupid me decided to get into the front end of the "mosh" pit. That lasted two songs, in which time I was head butted by a rude boy and got a handful of man flab from the sumo I was pushed into. Otherwise, it was a damn good show.

As for tonight, plans are made for an Anything But Clothes Party. Stay tuned to this broadcast for further announcements.

Check out this headline from our adopted city

Victim Hacked Nine Times with Hatchet

"She had been bugging me all day, I blacked out and when I woke up I had the ax in my hand and she was hurt," Williams told a deputy, according to a report.

This is excerpted from an email I wrote to Goathead, but is no less true for it!

Last night I dreamt a horrible dream that Amish and I went shopping together for a wedding present at Pamida. We then drove Kevin and Nick into the countryside and I think married them in a field--but at that point things started slipping a little fuzzy.

Seatlle, Day 1

I made it to Seattle. So far, the shareable highlight was telling this kid (Pass) that jacking off onto a school bus cannot be justified or explained without Chris Hanson.

WM 2000

I've been looking through the copy of WM2000 my brother found...the last title defense on record is 7/22/03...It's been 6 years since we played this games. Here is a list of the champions

Apartment 3...kevy
Butter.....Britt
Iriquois...KP
Moon Pie....K & B
Boosin' itup....Goathead
WORK SUX....DaveROX
Butter.....Kevin
Libido......KP

PS. I have updated the hell out of the roster......and Regis Philbin is waiting for you all.

On inadvertantly nearly killing oneself:

It's been an odd summer. Yes it has.

For the past few weeks a small detail has been missing in my life. Not rational thought. That's always in short supply in my anxiety-ridden head. No, the missing element has been: Water! I haven't had any water in the past few weeks. I had replaced it with coffee and espresso and blissfully didn't notice. I probably would have gone on not noticing if I hadn't suddenly been struck with a killer headache and high fever last Tuesday.

After some over the phone diagnosis with a friendly nurse, I spent the earliest hours of Wednesday shivering in an ER bed being poked again and again in an attempt to pierce veins so shriveled from dehydration that I'm pretty sure my blood was largely stationary. I now have little marks around my arms and neck where they kept trying. They managed to hit a couple of veins, but they had a tendency to immediately collapse (furthering my theory that my blood had dried up). They finally managed to tap into one vein in my neck and I went from half-alive to mostly alive after two liters of fluid dripped their way directly into my blood stream. I went home at four in the morning tired but feeling a bit better. I was still running a light fever but fell asleep not worried too much about it.

Till the next morning, when the shivering the night before had returned. The fever turned into a roller coaster from there on until probably Sunday when it finally dipped back to normal for awhile. Headaches continued, and my ability to do anything other than lay on the couch and drink liquid was nil.

All in all, it's been a ride and I think some of my convalescence was helped by Kara making a surprise trip up when I was suppose to drive down.

Halloween Teaser? Maybe

Or I could just buy the damn toys.

WHAT

Who wants an Amish Shirt?!

We are printing these tomorrow. Hopefully.

I also successfully broke a knuckle this afternoon against a door out of frustration. This puts a big damper on Phallical Shark's cartoon. We will see what happens.

Test yourself!

Math Quiz I Made up for the Class I'm Subbing Today

1) 10.043 + 133.10

 

 

 

2) 33.13 – 30

 

 

 

3) 5.3 x 7.2

 

 

 

4) 50 divided by 12.5

 

 

5) convert .75 to a percentage

 

 

 

6) convert 253% to a decimal

 

 

 

7) Dave wants to buy a case of frozen burritos that is usually $35.00. However, due to a Labor Day sale, the case is 20% off. What is the new price of the case of frozen burritos?

Absurd Theater

This just played out three stories down:

DRUNK MAN ON STREET: That's a nice truck

OLDER MAN: This your truck?

DRUNK MAN ON STREET: You've got a Nissan?

OLDER MAN: Is this your Nissan?

DRUNK MAN ON STREET: Hi.

CAUTIOUS WOMAN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET: ...Hi.

OLDER MAN: (something I couldn't hear)

DRUNK MAN ON STREET: I've got a Nissan truck too. Got it a few years back. Older model, from a gentleman...a--

ME: *Is that someone I work with?*

Why I eyes ya

Well, I've resurrected my computer and a cinder block of a man from the communications company resurrected our network connection all in the same 24-hour period. To celebrate, I wasted a half hour bounding through the internet, and found this.

Behold the Donkey Show

For my next trick, I'll make this bar stool disappear.